I tried to convince myself it wasn't too early for a drink but I failed miserably as I stared at the clock which read fifteen past twelve, just after noon, thinking how many hours I had left to drink my way into oblivion.

I should have known you'd never call. You said you'd been tied up with work, that you'd been busy all week and I shouldn't have bought your poor excuse since you didn't bother to elaborate on the busyness of your week other than the fact that you had a deadline to meet when I decided to surprise you at your office.

The silence was killing me, Bradley. Why couldn't you just sense that and text me? I had held in my urge all week to text you but I told myself that this time I would not initiate the first step. You would. I knew you would. You promised.

I thought I knew you would. I always thought the best about you but you keep disappointing me, Bradley. Sometimes I wished you'd stop it, whatever you were doing to me. You weren't aware of your exact effect on me but it was wearing me thin, breaking down my walls and wrecking me like that ball Miley Cyrus came riding on in her music video that went viral.

I giggled, thinking of how I could relate to the video—to the pain stabbing lyrics.

I will always want you. I can't a live a lie, running for my life. I will always want you.

I threw my head back, all humour dissipating into the sombre air that was quick to replace the atmosphere in my living room. I placed my wine glass on the coaster on my coffee table before I looked back up at the ceiling and closed my eyes.

I remembered the feel of your touch. I remembered how your long fingers danced on my skin, your motions slow and deliberate, your touch a seductive bliss. I remembered how you cupped my elbows and drew me closer. I remembered the feel of your stubble against my cheek, the feel of your nose momentarily brushing mine.

I remembered those lips.

Suddenly I was filled with a certain buzz.

Fuck waiting around. You were an arse, you weren't going to send me a message. But this was not the end. I could still fix this. I could still have you, whatever you had to offer was okay for me.

I fumbled with my phone and opened our messages. I intended to send a message saying 'I love you' but autocorrect turned love to live and I had pressed sent before I could even read over the text. The mistake make me pause. It wasn't false.

I did live you. You were all I wanted to breathe, Bradley. But you were deadly to my health and wellbeing.

Perhaps you were my kryptonite.

Too drunk to drive, I caught a cab and made my way to your house. The drive whizzed past my eyes. I could always hold my drink but I'd had a couple more glasses than I intended to drink and with the fresh rush of adrenaline pumping within me I wanted to face you again.

I wanted to see you. I wanted to touch you. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted all of you.

My fingers pressed the bell repeatedly before my fist knocked down on your door, my voice carrying down into your home, "Bradley... Sweetheart, open the door."

When no reply came my way, I raised my voice. "Oi Bradley! It's Curry. Babe, seriously."

I waited for a whole minute this time. Perhaps you were in the middle of something and were on your way to the door. But when the minute ticked into two, my patience was long gone.

"Open the fucking door!"

Maybe it was the alcohol in my system—no, it was most definitely the alcohol speaking. If I were in my right mind I would not have come here, I would not have demanded you to open up the door in this manner. Or so I told myself.

Just as my fist was about to descend upon the door in another round of pounding, the door swung open and your face peeped out at me.

"Kareena?" you voiced, your eyebrows drawn together as confusion masked your features. I tried to ignore how adorable you looked even then but I could not.

Smiling, I leant in closer, swaying slightly as I said breezily, "Hi Brad! We should hang out."

Your furrowed eyebrows shot up at once. I did not see then how my words surprised you. It is only now as I recollect the events, of how much of an effect you had and still do have over my head, that I realised if I hadn't been drunk I would never had shown up on your doorstep.

I would never have made the bold moves I was so very afraid to take with you.

"Now?" you asked, your voice holding an incredulous tone to it. Your hair was tied up into a bun with an elastic band and my fingers itched to free those silky strands of hair and run my fingers through them. I'd had the urge countless of times before—paired with some lip action—but not as immensely as I felt it standing in front of you there and then.

It was all the alcohol. And my deep dark desires. But most definitely it was the alcohol playing its part.

I knew I wasn't that drunk but I told myself I was. There was no other reason I'd put myself so openly out there for you. 

"Yeah," I nodded frantically, my energy increasing exponentially. "Do you not want to hang out with me?"

If I had been in the right state of mind I would not have laid myself bare in front of you but I was neither entirely sober nor prideful. I was desperate for your attention and if this was the only way to get it then so be it.

Perhaps you sensed how upset I was thinking that you did not enjoy my company for you smiled and rolled back onto the balls of your bare feet as you said, "Of course I want to... Now's just not a good time."

The smile was forced. Drunk or sober, I knew your smiles like the back of my hand and you'd never given me smiles like those before that night we decided to lay with each other.

I rolled my eyes, taking my hands and pushing them against your chest. You stumbled a couple of steps backwards, your eyes holding a fierce questioning gaze. I let myself in, sidestepping your body which gently brushed against mine as I slipped into the house.

I took in my surroundings, a familiar warmth unfurling around my chest. Memories began to filter though my mind like a fast tracked movie back to a time when things been us were never this awkward and...estranged.

I felt your hand at the small of my back and suddenly every single cell within me screamed with a newfound clarity. I was wide awake and completely in awares of your body which must have been close to mine. Even through the layer of my shirt and coat, I could feel your touch. It was as if the minimal contact seeped through all those materials, dug deep into my skin and vibrated through my very bones.

"Curry," you said, your voice holding a tentative edge to it which told me clearly that you were still unsure how to handle what we had become, whatever it is that we had become. But I pushed that little worry to the dark and deep recesses of my mind. The fact that you were watching your actions and words around me didn't matter when you were standing just inches behind me, with your hand placed at the small of my back.

Better yet, you sounded concerned for me.

Concerned. For me.

Perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea to be drunk.

"Are you all right?" you asked, your deep voice making an unexplainable thrill to pass through me. I had convinced myself that you needed convincing and with all the alcohol in my system the locks on my restraints had come undone and I was here to do my bidding.

I was here to claim you.

《 ▪ ▪ ▪ 》  

a/n: well... 

the next couple of chapters are going to be exciting to write, i know that for sure. i've already started on chapter nine and *spoiler* this gif should sum up my feelings for what happens in the next couple of chapters: 

don't forget to drop your thoughts! i'm open to feedback as well. on another note, nano is going well. it looks like i'll be finished with writing Fingertips by the end of nano, fingers crossed. wish me luck! all forms of motivation (comments count too, people!) will be highly appreciated. 

until next time, xo.