i published a preview for a new short story called 'painkillers'! check it out please <3

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!description of panic attack

【playing..】

BTS (방탄소년단) - Wings
First Love

❚❚►_____________________________ 3:09

Jeongguk was still immersed in a deep world of vivid dreams, laying peacefully asleep in his own bed when he suddenly felt a soft velvet feeling brush over his lips.

It felt somehow real and unreal at the same time, moving his lips in the same fashion as the dreamy ones attached to his own, eyes remaining closed as his mind was still in a dreamlike state.

He felt a soft hand which somehow magically appeared at his hip slide up to cup his chin, pulling him a tiny bit closer, touch too real to be a dream even if it was a vivid one.

Slowly fluttering open his eyes he was met with Taehyung's closed ones, lips still attached and moving in a slow inviting rhythm, working almost like caffeine for him and waking him up in an instant.

Making his eyes fall close again, he returned the kisses in the same speed as the older one, hand that was stuck in between their bodies pulled out to rest at the other's puffy cheek.

Taehyung's stinging scent of vanilla started to enter his nostrils, filling him with giddiness running around in his gut as he felt him shift to position himself on top of him.

To Jeongguk it was a sweet cloudly blur of kisses, butterflies, vanilla and affection all mixed together in an almost sickeningly sweet blend that made him feel like this could go on for eternity.

But slowly his oxygen was running low, making him have to pull away with a sigh, eyes remaining closed for the moment. "What are you doing?" He whispered, wanting to somehow know Taehyung's reasoning behind kissing him awake so softly.

Eyes now slowly opening as he felt the other's hand that rested at his chin manuver itself to his waist, being met with the beautiful chocolate eyes he had more than a liking for hovering right above him.

"Returning the favor, you woke me up with your sweet lips so i'm doing the same, beautiful." Voice raspy and deep but sweet and soundful and the same time, Taehyung placing a squeeze to where he moved his hand before.

He felt his heart flutter, making him quickly pull up his hands to hide his blushy face from the other, giggles escaping the both of them.

It was still embarrassing to him how quickly his cheeks steaked a peachy tone with any compliment leaving Taehyung's lips so smoothly.
He should have probably gotten used to it by now but the older one still managed to always bring out a shy side in him.

His hands were quickly pulled aside from covering his face, being met by a smiley Taehyung, eyes turned into little cresent moons with a sugar sweet boxy smile decorating his lips.

"You are cute." Gguk couldn't help but blurt out his direct thoughts, loving smile also making it's way onto his own face, pupils turning into little hearts hearing the other's melodic chuckle as he moved to lay infront of him again, bed dipping down noticeably.

"I never thought i'd hear that. I prefer hot but coming from you i appreciate any compliment." He felt Taehyung pull him closer by his waist, proximity immediately getting smaller and smaller, lips brushing against eachother yet again.

But before they got pulled back into their bubble of affection they were quickly interrupted by a resounding meow from the bedroom door, Jeongguk turning around to see Coconut scratching the door frame with her little paws, obviously wanting breakfast.

After his intense panic attack two day prior they had come over to his own place that same afternoon, Gguk craving the comfort of his own home and Coconut's presence around him, not that Taehyung's apartment wasn't comfortable to him, it was more like he was craving a sense of home and security that was only present in his own.

All they did yesterday was cuddle, switching from the couch to his bed as the hours got later, Coconut snuggling between the two occasionally, making Gguk truly calm down, recollect his thoughts.

He smiled at his small princess, immediate comfort washing over him as he heard her small jumpy steps coming closer to the bed, another soft meow ringing through his ears.

"I'll give her food real quick." He whispered softly, the absense of Taehyung's lips making him more sleepy than he was before, removing the older's arm which had slung around his abdomen and standing up slightly dizzy.

After catching himself for a second, waiting for the white speks dotting his vision to dissapear, he walked over to the kitchen, Coconut following him attentively.

Opening the cabinet and scooping her a little bit more food than usual pouring it into her baby pink bowl, watching her head dissapear into it right away, hearing the little crunching sounds of her teeth going through the pebbled food.

Gguk felt his mouth dry up, weird fuzzy feeling on his throat from dehydration, turning around to open the frigde and take a bottle of his favorite banana milk.

But before he could even begin to open the cap and take a big gulp he was startled by arms slinging around his waist and something heavy resting on his shoulder all of the sudden, letting out a gasp and body contracting together in shock, banana milk still tightly gripped by his right hand.

"Oh my god you scared me." His head turned to meet Taehyung's sleepy eyes, slight giggle escaping the older one. "Never expected you to be so clingy." He added jokingly, free hand opening his drink and feeling it pour down his throat, refreshing fruity taste washing over his tongue.

He felt the vibration of Taehyung's laugh on his back and shoulder, his arms still trapping him by the waist. "I'm young and in love, what do you want me to do?"

Heart not stopping to flutter at the constant fire of compliments attacking him with no mercy, ears turning a cherry red as he felt a soft peck being placed on the tip of his right one.

Taehyung saying he's in love with him made him feel like he truely deserved affection and lovingness, wanting to express the same to him but just like how he couldn't quite utter the word boyfriend yet, he couldn't completely word out his affection for the other just yet.

"Do you wanna watch netflix or something until we have to get ready?" He was pulled out his thoughts immediately, feeling a slight release around his middrift.

They had planned to go on the double date with Yoongi and his boyfriend this evening, the other messaging Gguk the details just yesterday, suggesting the next day to meet up at a more upscale restaurant for dinner, the younger gladly agreeing.

Jeongguk turned his head back to him again, loving the idea of just not having to do much but be close to the other and not having to concentrate on anything important for a couple hours.

So that's what they did majority of the noon and early afternoon, watching their regular cycle of cringy netflix original movies, facetiming with Nayoo for two hours, playing with Coconut and -- making out for a good fifteen minutes before having to pull apart, needing to shower and get ready to be on time.
They really couldn't let off eachother for longer than necessary but as a fresh couple it wasn't really surprising for either of them.

Jeongguk stood in his bedroom, strapping his belt through the buckle and fastening it making his black ripped jeans fit tighter around his hip, tugging his black dress shirt into them.

Turning around to see Taehyung fix his hair infront of the full size mirror, unintentionally licking his lips at the sight of him in a completely matching outfit to his own, only the belt buckle differing in color, his own silver and the latter's golden.

"Staring?" He heard the older one chuckle deeply, eyes moving up from his belt to Tae's chocolate brown orbs that stared him up and down intensely, sending him into multiple flashbacks of their earlier encounters.

"U-uh-" Words not escaping as the older's deep intense stare stayed glued to his body, stepping closer to him, mood differing in just seconds from the past two days, air thickening in just seconds.

Heat rushed through his body as he came even closer, hand placing on his lower back pulling the two close, Jeongguk's hands automatically resting at the other's chest, eyes not being able to have contact with him, instead wandering to the clock in the corner, noticing the time already running out before they had to leave.

"W-we gotta go, Tae." Words stuttering out with a slight disbeliefing chuckle.

"Well be ready for tonight then, baby." He felt the others airy voice fan at his ear, blood rushing south to his crotch just by a simple sentence as he felt a slight slap on his butt, immediately knowing that he wasn't joking.

And with that the two just pulled apart, Taehyung acting like nothing happened, air around him completely calm and collected, Jeongguk still blushing and feeling the atmosphere hotter around him than usual but feeling quickly slipping in the back of his mind with the rising excitement of meeting Yoongi's boyfriend.

He was more than beyond happy that the other found someone he was truly comfortable with and shared his interests down to every single detail and he seemed like a genuinely nice person -- from what Yoongi told him at least.

Arriving at the restaurant after a short walk,  Jeongguk gulped knowing that the bill would be high with just ordering the least expensive things on the menu, outside looking way above any of their budgets,

Gguk softly deteached his hand from Taehyung's, pulling his phone out of his pocket unlocking it, noticing that they were a tiny bit late, figuring the other two were probably inside already.

He grabbed the older's hands again, head turning to smile at him before walking inside, feeling butterflies race through him as his boxy smile shined back at him, his different eyelids more apparent when he did so.

The scent of freshly prepared food immediately swirled through his nose upon entering, dimly lit chandeliers scattered throughout the restaurant, tables shining in a beautiful stark white and silver wear shimmering beautifully with the reflecting light.

Both their eyes searched around for Yoongi's familiar mint colored hair, spotting it in a very back corner, seeing his sweet smile shining at the person sitting across from him, only the back of their head covered in a layer of brown hair visible for the two.

Somehow Jeongguk felt a pit of nervousness in his stomach, sensing a weird atmosphere but trying his best to push it aside, blame it on still being slightly aroused from earlier as they made their way to the table, Yoongi already waving at them and ready to get up.

"Jeongguk! Taehyung!" Yoongi's voice bouncy and happy but somehow Jeongguk feeling like he was underwater, not hearing him clearly, vision focused on the back of the other person's head, awfully familiar to him -- but not in a good way. "Let me introduce you to my boyfriend!"

He felt like he was out being transported out of his body, watching the person turn around, features way too engraved into his brain to forget, brown chestnut colored hair instead of the platinum blonde he got accustomed with, features slightly more developed with a stronger, manlier appearance.

Everything inside him was telling that this was a bad dream, a  nightmare he was going to wake up from every second with tear soaked face but all he just needs to so is snuggle into Taehyung's chest and fall back asleep -- right?

This wasn't reality, this was just a sick twisted product of his imagination -- right?

"This is Namjoon!" He heard Yoongi say in the back of his head, stomach twisting feeling throw up force it's way upwards but swallowing down trying not to break down -- this can't be real, it can't be.

"Jeongguk! Long time, no see!" He saw him stand up, feeling a hand being placed at his shoulder, making him contract together instantly in shock, touch too real, not being able to move one bit as he felt his head get lost in an endless spin.

"N-Namj-" He somehow choked up, breathing getting heavier and heavier as tears pooled in his eyes, numbness spreading throughout him.

"Everything okay, baby?" He briefly heard the soothing melody of Taehyung's voice break through to him but not being able to answer, mouth dry and vocal cords tied.

"w-why?" Only being able to force itself out as it was the only question floating around through his mind, vision blurry with water as he looked in Namjoon's direction but not being able to look into his eyes, knowing he would vomit if he did so.

He wanted answers. Why his first love threw him away, why he abandoned him, if he really ever loved him like he did, if he even had meant something to him.

"Jeongguk, it's years later. I thought we would both be kind of over it by now." His words piercing through his heart like a bullet, tears now falling down his face, voices clashing from his sides trying to calm him down but only sounding like a mere blur like not connected signal, his senses only focused on Namjoon.

"did- did you k-know?" Jeongguk felt his teary voice raising in a mix of anger in disbelief, field of sight only seeing Namjoon's questioning face that made his heart break into two. "Did - did you fucking know!?"

"What?" He heard Namjoon's voice ring throughout his ears, making him more dizzy than before, wetness still running down his cheeks, soaking them completely as he felt too numb to move.

"T-that y-you would see me today?!" He choked on his own words, head cloudy in the same fashion as it was two days ago but the strong urge to deliver a strong slap to the others cheek shining through his messy thoughts -- just like he had to endure because of him.

"I mean, i assumed it could be you?" He heard Namjoon scoff, almost in a degrading fashion. "Can't we just let this topic aside now. It's been almost two years now, Jeongguk."

he couldnt believe what was coming out of the other's mouth, disgustingly nauseous feeling continuing to spread throughout him. "A-arent you-you even ONE fucking bit s-sorry? y-you just let me i-in the dark, i w-was alone!" Words forcing out, trying to make sense of the mess in his head.

"I had to cut you off okay? It was either that or i would have gone down with you. Wouldn't you have done the same? Everyone fucking would have." Harsh tone laced in the other's voice, hitting him like the exact heavy handed slap he wanted to deliver, head now feeling like it was being broken in half, pain intense like he never felt.

Gguk felt his field of sight shrink as a black storm seemed to invade it, heavy exhausted breaths leaving his lips as the pain radiating through out his skull became too much to withstand, feeling himself collapse any moment.

"F-fucking assh-hole." He managed to utter the only words that crossed his mind, hearing loud high pitched buzzing noise surrounding him as he felt himself clasp together to the cold hard floor.

Through his small remaining field of vision merely seeing blurs of people hovering above him. Teary vision, closing in darkness and radiating pain, making it hard to identify who exactly was trying to talk to him.

He has never hurted this bad in his entire life, getting told to his face that he isn't worth a single thing as Namjoon said everyone would have done that, everyone would had let him fall into a deep, dark hole of pain.

All reassurance he had built up crumbling with one sentence leaving a specific person's mouth, a person who abandoned him coldly in the darkest time of his life, a person who he loved once.

Jeongguk felt himself steady lose consiousness,  pitch black reality taking over but suddenly feeling the touch of soft big hands slide under the bend of his knees, stabilizing him with a grip on his shoulders as well, lifting him off the ground.

"I'm here baby, can you hear me?" He heard what he figured to be Taehyung's voice ring through his dark void of senses, not being able to respond, mouth glued shut, vocal cords not moving.

He slowly moved his head to rest at the olde'rs ones chest, tears continuing to built up, trying to open his eyes that he didn't even know he closed.

"Baby, everything is okay. I'm here." He heard the sweet soothing sound of his voice yet again, suddenly having the familiar scent of vanilla enter his nose.

He somehow felt save, secure being in Taehyung's arm, felt comforted and calm when hearing his voice.

Forcing his tired eyes open slowly, everything seeming too bright as his head was still turning and twisting, feeling the nauseousness slowly being broken down, face wet with tears, only seeing slight blotches of color throughout his vision.

He somehow opened his mouth, voice dry and teary, all he was able to think about was  how grateful he was for someone like Taehyung, not knowing what he would have done if he was all by himself, in what fit of anger and tears he would have fallen.

"i-i love y-you-" The only three words being able to escape his lips and that he was able to think about, vision getting slightly clearer, Taehyung's concered face appearing in his sight, seeing his eyes shimmery after the words left his mouth with a quiet voice.

"I love you too."

°***°

hi <3 thoughts? wishes? worries?

As i mentioned at the top already i just published the preview for a new short story i've been planning for a while! it would mean the word to me if you guys would add it to your library and give it a try when its starting ♡ ( it will be starting in ~2 weeks!)
It'll have 6 parts which i already planned out!!

also can we talk about the entirety of winter bear ): the most precious thing i've ever heard and Tae probably worked so so long and hard for it and he's a real winter bear, born in late december and being called baby bear like stop i'm sobbing

so so pretty ): like you guys 👉🏻👈🏻🥰

have a nice day everyone <3