!description of panic attack and mentions of abuse ahead

warning: this chapter is rated 16+

【playing..】

ITZY (있지) - IT'z ICY
CHERRY

❚❚►_____________________________ 3:10

Jeongguk fluttered his eyes open, slight ray of sunshine smiling through the silky white curtains covering the windows.

He noticed his body feeling sore as he stretched his legs, feeling subtle puffs of air fanning his exposed neck and arm wrapped around his middrift, recalling the events from yesterday's evening, a blush streaking on his face as images of sweat dripping down faces, doe eyes, messy hair and clashing of bodies came to his mind.

Slowly turning his aching self around, he was face to face with a sleeping Taehyung, hair sticking in all directions, lips and eyes looking slightly puffy, tip of his nose shimmery with the intruding light, Gguk's heart fluttering immensely at the sight.

He slowly inched closer, admiring all the little details about the older he had learned to love. His two different eyelids, the moles on his nose and right below his kissable pink lips and face shaped by angels personally.

It was all playing a beautiful harmony of perfection in his ears whenever he layed his eyes on him because in his mind Taehyung visually is the definition of ethereal and beauty out of this dimension.

Somehow his body was moving on it's own like it knew what to do and what it wanted, pulling his right hand from below the soft blanket covering the two and carefully laying a feather light touch on the older one's smooth cheek, still inching closer eventually closing the distance in a sweet peck.

Butterflies rose to his stomach as their lips touched, Taehyung's lips soft like a silk pillow, not making Jeongguk ever wanting to pull away.

A slight squeal errupted from his throat as he pulled back with no result, a squeeze placed at his waist and Taehyung moving with him in a dance of kisses right away.

Lips moving against eachother sweetly, blanket still covering their half clothed bodies before Gguk felt a tug pulling him up to sit upright in Taehyung's lap, slightly making his head twirl.

He felt the latter's hands sneak around his waist loosely, hands dangling on his back while his own managed to slide around Taehyung's neck, revisiting their habit of playing with his hair, twirling and twisting it on his fingers.

Their kisses exchanged in a steady rhythm not too fast nor too slow, just right for the both of them and still managing to speak louder than words ever could.

Jeongguk slowly pulled away, blinking his eyes open feeling the older one chase after him for a second, his eyes on the other hand still closed and bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"So you were awake?" He smoothed his hand over the back of Taehyung's head, voice small and strained only coming out as a whisper but curiosity laced throughout.
How else could he immediately have kissed back with not even a second passing?

The older carefully opened his one eye, Gguk trying to to get drowned immediately by his chocolate brown sparkly orbs but knowing that that battle had been lost quite a while ago.

"Nope but how could i stay asleep when you decide to kiss me awake, baby." Taehyung mumbled with a deep raspy tone, sleepiness apparent as he fluttered his eyes close again, snuggling right into Jeongguk's neck and not wasting a seconds to place soft kisses onto it.

His heart pumped faster with the ticklish sensation left by the tiny pecks on his neck and collarbone, just now noticing how nicely Taehyung's shirt fitted himself, slightly draping off of one shoulder nevertheless as it was one or two sizes too large.

Just as soon as the older started he stopped, the younger one feeling a pout tugging on his lips as he pulled away, sheepish grin on Taehyung's face, eyes swirling with something he couldn't quite decode with his still tired mind.

Taehyung moved closer to his ear, breath fanning on it just like it did on his neck this morning but somehow in a completely different atmosphere.

"Round two now?" The older one's morning voice rasped into his ear, feeling his hands moving south giving his butt a gentle squeeze, trying to immediately control any sounds from escaping by biting the inside of his cheek.

They didn't manage to go for one the night before as Jeongguk just felt way too tired to even move, Taehyung lovingly pulling him in the shower, quickly washing off their sweat covered bodies before he pulled the softest shirt he owned over his head.

Waiting for Taehyung to finish up cleaning himself, he drifted into dreamland on the couch by himself only recalling a gentle touch lifting his head and placing a pillow under it before getting embraced by the familiar warmness of the other's body and a blanket drapped over the two.

He couldn't help but nod yes at the request as Taehyung pulled his face back to face him again, breath and heart speeding up to an unhealthy pace.

A cloud of lust and loving air swirled around them as they closed their distance yet again, lips grinding against eachother in a faster pace than before as the want for eachother didn't seem to die down.

Jeongguk began to feel something poking underneath him, almost automatically starting to move his hips back and forth, switiching to circles in the process.

Quite whimpers and strained moans started escaping his throat no matter how hard he tried to contain himself and have some mercy on his vocal cords but soon -- they were the only sounds echoing through the apartment, most of them getting swallowed by Taehyung's lips still pressing onto the youngers own.

The big hands kneeding at Gguk's bottom encouraged him to circle his hips in a faster fashion, almost starting to bounce up and down as if he was riding the older, air and huffs escaping them getting more heated, more erotic.

After just a minute of pure pleasure rushing through their veins, Taehyung was the one to pull away now, foreheads resting against eachother as they both tried catching their breath from the seemingly endless kisses with neither of them even trying to push air into their lungs.

"Ride my thigh." He suddenly murmured out as he have the younger a slight push onto his right leg, sending a shiver down Jeongguk's spine, his sleepy brain not being able to process what was even happening and how it was happening so fast.

And with that just like Taehyung said, he started to rut back and forth on his thigh, gasping as he threw his head back at the overhwelmingly pleasurable sensation.

"Good job, baby. Such a good job." The other kept whispering in his ear, not letting the opportunity to softly nibble on it slide while using his hands to grip on the younger one's bottom to help push himself around.

"Hyung-" Jeongguk breathlessly uttered, head thrown back in a moan, hands now clawing themselves on Taehyung's fabric covered back but sure to leave a scratch or two nontheless.

Gguk couldn't control his movements as slowly but surely his high, his heaven and hell was building up, throwing his head into the crook of his hyung's neck, softly whining his name.

But their loving lusting cloud faded quickly as the piercing ring of Jeongguk's phone managed to break through it, the two pulling away rather unwillingly.

Gguk's head shot up and turned to look behind him to his phone sitting on the coffee table vibrating violently along with the obnoxious melody, movements stopping as a loud groan echoed through the living room, still sitting on Taehyung's leg.

He turned back to the other giving him a quick forgiving peck. "I'll take it real quick." Taehyung's face morphing into a cute smile giving his butt one more loving squeeze before nodding.

Gguk jumped off his lap, hand going to quickly snatch his phone, not even bothering to look at the caller ID at this point -- just thumb pressing the green accept button and holding it to his ear.

"Hello?" He rasped into the microphone, voice coming out more strained and annoyed than he had intended to.

"Hi, Jeongguk. Did i wake you up? I thought twelve would be okay to call you-" Gguk instanly recognizing the voice as Yoongi's, an immediate smile dragging across his lips upon hearing one of his best friends -- apart from Nayoo of course, she was always going to remain superior.

The two had actually gotten much closer in the span of a month.
Both coming to the silent agreement to put whatever spark they had aside and solely focus on a platonic bond which surprisingly worked just perfectly.

"No, no. Don't worry, Yoongi. It's okay i needed to wake up anyways." He lied for obvious reasons, turning to see Taehyung looking up at him, phone in his hand, throwing a flirty wink at him.

"Well if you say it's okay, then i choose to believe you." The older chuckled, Jeongguk laughing along with him. "Anyways i wanted to ask if you and Taehyung are busy tomorrow?"

"I don't think we are. Why?" He asked with curiosity since Yoongi also asked for Taehyung's availability.
The two didnt know eachother that well yet, only met two or three times from running into eachother infront of Jeongguk's apartment.

"Well my boyfriend is coming and i would love for you to meet him! We could go on a little double date." He  could literally hear the smile and heart eyes coming from the older's voice through the speaker.

Yoongi had been dating around for quite a bit now but never having anything worth mentioning until his recent encounter.

All Jeongguk knew it that he met him through his work as a producer, that he is taller than Yoongi and quote 'a beautiful human being inside and out'.
So getting to know him in person seemed like a huge step they would take in their relationship since Yoongi didn't want to introduce him until there was anything official going on, never even mentioning his name once, so that he was willing to do so now made Jeongguk smile eye to eye.

"Of course!! I would love to meet him and a double date seems fun, Taehyung is down for sure." He looked over the aforementioned, voice enthusiastic eventhough the strained undertone wouldn't fade away, Taehyung looking up from his phone yet again upon hearing his name, nodding with a sweet smile.

"Great! I'll text you the details and stuff. By the way i'm not dumb, go back to getting that d." And with that a chuckle rang through the speakers before the older hung up at an instant, Gguk's eye widening and cheeks streakily blushing from the comment before putting his phone down.
He was sure he played it off well but -- not well enough it looks like.

"So a double date? With who?" He turned around, seeing Taehyung put his phone down on the coffee table, standing up.

"Yoongi invited us to meet his boyfriend. Like have a little double date." Jeongguk watched the other come closer, trying his best to hide the little blush on his cheeks.

Taehyung put his hands on his shoulders softly before turning him around and sneaking his hands around his waist, embracing him from behind, head going to rest on his shoulder.

Gguk felt that intense warmth flood his body immediately, leaning into his touch by putting his smaller hands on top of his and rolling his head to the side.

"Wanna go there like- official?" He felt the older one whisper against his neck, placing little pecks along the way.

Jeongguk didn't quite understand what Taehyung meant with that -- or his brain just didn't want to comprehend and put it together. "What do you mean-"

"Well i didnt wanna ask this now but better now than never-" He felt Taehyung take a deep breath, hands gripping at his waist turning him back around again. "Do you wanna make this official? Want to be my boyfriend and want me to be yours?" Gguk watched Taehyung's lashes flutter up and down, eyes shimmering beautifully with the little sunlight making it's way into the room.

Jeongguk felt his stomach turning but -- not in the way he thought and hoped it would in this situation.

It was like an intense flashback, Taehyung disappearing right infront of his reality, all of the sudden taking him right back to high school, standing behind the building in the late hours-- Namjoon hugging him from behind, the ring of the question he asked resounding in his head making it hurt and turn.

'Do you want to be my boyfriend?' playing like a record in his head, remembering his ecstatic reaction jumping up and down in a yes, kissing afterwards. Everything making him sick and nauseous.

He couldn't part his lips feeling as if he was going to throw up if he did, everything around him intensely cloudly, feeling as if he was about to clasp together and faint not even noticing the tears streaming down his face.

He felt like in an endless spiral of trying to stay awake but head dizzy and disoriented, water clouding his vision, ears not hearing a sound beside an unpleasant buzz as his body felt numb.

The pain of hard slaps being delivered to his face suddenly strong, the pain of heart break resurfacing, the pain of being himself rising to the top of his mind -- everything opening up again.

He just felt nauseous out of his mind, sure he was going to cough everything up, like the weak disgrace he is. He wasn't worth a single thing -- no happiness, no love.
People who fall out of the ordinary didnt deserve such things.

But suddenly he felt his vision clear up, the noises he was hearing turning into coherent sentences by the pleasant tone of what he made out to be Taehyung's voice.

He opened his eyes which he didn't know he closed in the first place, finding himself on the floor inbetween the older's legs, leaning onto his chest as he heard sweet nothings being whispered into his ear.

"Baby, baby, i'm here." He heard weakily, feeling Taehyung's hands resurface around his abdomen, clutching his own. "Everything's okay. I'm here."

The words make Gguk's head finally halt in it's endless dizziness, feeling like he was inside his own body again and having control of it.

"I'm sorry-" He sobbed out as it was the first thing that came to his mind, snuggling more into the other's comforting embrace.

"No, no. Don't be sorry." Taehyung whispered back, tone worried as he hugged the younger even tighter.

"I-i want to- to say yes- but i-" He started but not being able to finish in one go, sobs interrupting his words. "-bad- bad m- memories." Gguk blabbered through the tears, trying his best to somehow explain himself not wanting to lose a person he has such a deep and in depth liking for.

"Bad memories? Is it- Is it about what happened to you?" He hadn't told the other about his past a lot, brushing it away and wanting to avoid it -- exactly what he just experienced.

Jeongguk opened his mouth but his own vocal vords mot trusting him to talk, only more sobs escaping as no words made their way out.

"You don't have to talk about it, baby. It's fine." He felt a sweet kiss placed to his forehead, heart reacting immediately with a booming speed, even through the cloudiness that still surrounded him in the distance.

"But do you have this - often?" Taehyung's voice laced with concern and certain softness as he made sure to smooth his hands over Jeongguk's own, obviously not wanting to stress him.

"Y-yeah, but not-" Gguk stuttered as he slowly but surely formed his sentences again, wanting to explain somehow. "-this bad." He swallowed dryly admitting his struggles openly for the first time -- ever, pretty much.

"Do you think you should maybe console help?" The words pierced through Gguk's head like a speer, it's not like he never thought about getting help for his issues it's just he felt like he couldn't -- it would make him appear more weak and beat to the ground than he already was.

"I-i- i dont know about that-" He turned his head to look into Taehyung's eyes, deep worry shimmering through them as he continued to smooth his hands over the younger one's.

"You don't have to do so now but it doesn't make you weak or abnormal to go to a therapist. Many people do it, there's just some things that are impossible to deal with on one's own." His words meaningful just as his eyes which told Jeongguk even more.
It was one of the first times in life he actually felt understood, encouraged to do something about his past issues.

"And if you want i could come with you, sit there and hold your hand the whole time. Or i could wait outside for you if you don't want me to hear-" Jeongguk pressed his lips to Taehyung's interrupting his words as he felt like his actions talked more than he could ever tell the older.

Gguk's hand slid up to cup the other's cheek, deepening their kiss as they moved against eachother.

He pulled away, hand still remaining sitting at the older's cheek, opening his mouth to speak, throat hurting from still using his almost gone voice anyway. "y-yes i-i wanna be your-" He closed his eyes taking a deep breath. The word 'boyfriend', not being able to leave his mouth, making his mouth dry up. "yours. I-I wanna be yours."

He saw a smile spread over Taehyung's lip, a chuckle escaping. "Then i'm yours too, -- Jeon."

Their words sealed with a sweet kiss and endless hugs, the two not leaving eachother's presence and embraces for what felt like a wonderful eternity.

°***°

hello :)! thoughts? wishes? worries?

I just wanna thank everyone for voting on the yoongi ships!!
i officially closed the poll and after counting it, ignoring the people who commented mulitple times as i said i would, the winner is;

Sope!!!!

Yoonmin coming in close second with a difference of 15 votes, sorry for those who wanted another ship but i do what the majority asks for and i ask you to please accept that :)

but mind Hoseok is the one Yoongi IS GOING TO END UP WITH! interpret that however ya choose to lel;))))

also there might be a surprise coming next update and it doesnt involve finesse :^)

heres the picture of the day btw

have a nice day everyone!