【playing..】

BTS (방탄소년단) - BTS World OST
Heartbeat

❚❚►_____________________________ 4:39

Jeongguk paced around back and forth in his bedroom, Coconut energetically following him around, eyes glued to the clock above his side table.

A nervous pit had been forming in his stomach since yesterday.

Taehyung was going to come over in exactly 5 minutes and they were planning to talk everything out -- everything.

Right as he made his way out from work and to the pizza place with Yoongi, his thoughts continued to pile up constantly and uncontrollably, not really being able to focus on having an actual conversation with his next door neighbour.

Yoongi really tried his absolute best to calm him down through out the evening, his compliments and advice getting completely clouded by worries and nervousness for the younger.

And when his phone lit up in the middle of their meal with a loud ding, Gguk couldn't help but quickly check if it was Taehyung who texted him.

The two awkwardly messaged back and forth for a couple minutes, coming to the agreement that Taehyung would come over the next day at 4pm to talk everything out which only made Gguk completely lose his appetite, nauseousness spreading thoughout his throat.

Yoongi and him headed home right after paying, which the mint haired insisted to take by himself, Gguk not even getting a chance to get his wallet out on the table.

On their way up the staircase Jeongguk apologised a million times for his inattentiveness the whole time but the older one just answering with a sweet smile, understanding Jeongguk's struggle, hugging before parting their ways into their own apartments and -- the younger would lie if he would say he didn't feel a little bit of something spark in his chest.

He sighed, watching the clock's hands make their ways to the twelve and four mark faster than he thought, the ticking somehow louder than he ever noticed it to be.

His thoughts were a mess, knowing what he wanted and needed to tell the older but not really able to organize all of that as everything was just a big, messy pile of emotions and memories that made his head spin.

But before he could even attempt to calm himself again and sort out his thoughts, he noticed the clock showing exactly 4pm, heart rate not being able to decrease anymore as he made his way to the door just to be ready to open it right away.

He noticed Coconut still following him around, hearing a sweet meow and purr sounding from her direction, crouching down to pet her.

With the touch of her fur, he felt an instant rush of calmness race to his heart and mind. He can't even begin to describe how grateful he was for his sweet little angel. She somehow always knows when he feels like anxiety and dark thoughts are eating him up and swallowing him whole, jumping in his lap immediately, snuggling with him, playing with his hoodie strings -- she knew him better than anyone did.

Smiling sweetly at her as she snuggled her face against his palm, her purring getting louder and Gguk's heart more calm but knowing that that would only last for a couple of seconds.

And as if he called it, the sound of the doorbell completely startled him and interrupted his moment of sweet peace, heart dropping, nervousness and nausea setting in again as he stood back up and pressed the button right beside the door, opening the entrance door and his own for Taehyung.

The pace of his breathing rapidly increased as he heard the sound of footsteps echoing around the hallway, closing his eyes as they came up higher and higher, trying his best to not throw up on the spot.

Words of encouragement repeating themselves in his head, he could face the older alone -- he did it just yesterday, he has to do it, wanting answers and explanations for everything that has happened the past few weeks.

Blinking his eyes open, he took one last deep breath before he dared to stick his head out of his apartment door, immediately feeling his heart pound and hurt in the same beat, seeing Taehyung come up the stairs rather weakly.

Appearance not changed much from the day before, black hair almost reaching his eyes, grey t-shirt and black sweatpants, still heavy bags under his eyes and feet only really dragging across the ground.

The older looked up, locking eyes, Jeongguk's cheeks instantly reddening from embarrassment and awkwardness, stomach also turning upside down.

"Hi." The older's dark, deep voice echoed in the hallway just like his heavy footsteps did, eyes still glued to the younger's, Gguk swallowing down a lump on his throat.

"Hi-" Jeongguk managed to somehow choke out, cheeks still colored a sweet peach. "Come in." He signaled with his hand, Taehyung nodding with a straight face and pushing past, standing in the hallway awkwardly as Gguk closed the door behind him.

"We can go in the living room."He suggested to Taehyung, uncomfortable atmopshere spreading throughout the air surrounding them as they both wordlessly stepped into the living room, both sitting down on the couch almost synchronized.

Instant slience washed over the two, awkward tension pressing on Jeongguk's head, feeling a headache coming in from the sides of his skull and combing with his nauseousness -- he was sure going to go out with a migrane from this.

He swallowed dryly, opening his mouth to speak, somehow wanting to make this less uncomfortable for the both of them but no words leaving his throat, not knowing what to say or how to start.

Gguk closed his eyes, trying to remember all of Yoongi's and Nayoo's advice but blacking out on all of it, feeling like this almost was exactly the same as his exams in high school.

He didn't know what he was going to say but he just wanted to start with something, clearing his throat and opening his mouth again as he turned to the older one just a bit.
"Look, i-"

"I'm sorry." He was instantly interruped by  the first sentence that left the older's lips, noticing him staring at his own hands as he fiddled with them -- a much different sight from the confident, cocky Taehyung he has gotten used to in the past. He could almost even see himself in the older one. "i'm sorry for just, all of it. Everything. I don't even know where to begin to say sorry for specifics."

Gguk's eyes almost started to water, heart breaking into two with the older's tone of voice, quivering and weak as he looked up and into his eyes.

"I shouldn't have been such an asshole. I just coped with things like that and it wasn't right. You don't have to accept my apologies and-- i'm --" He watched Taehyung gulp down heavily, obviously hard for him to utter out the next few words. "happy for you and your boyfriend."

Gguk's heart stopped, completely taken aback, eyes widening like they never had before. "M-my what? I- don't have a boyfriend? i- i'm very much single-" He coughed out in shock, completely confused by that statement.

Taehyung's eyes swirled with confusion and embarrassment as well, keeping eye contact. "W-what? but- yesterday-" Voice coming out small and quiet.

Jeongguk tried to gather his thoughts together and like a light bulb turning on he knew who Taehyung meant -- Yoongi. He did notice the older one's weird reaction yesterday and didn't even bother to explain that they weren't going on a date but he didn't think it would led to Taehyung thinking -- that.

"Oh my god, that's not my boyfriend- it's my neighbour, Yoongi." Gguk explained himself, cheeks painted red in embarrassment. Yes, he did feel somewhat of a spark with Yoongi yesterday but -- he wasn't his boyfriend or anywhere close to that and he was sure the older wasn't even feeling something for him and neither did he even know himself if he could ever develop deeper feelings for the mint haired.

"Oh- i'm- i'm sorry for assuming i just-" Taehyung's eyes went down to his lap again, also visibly embarrassed for making such assumption, fingers now playing with his sweatpants, voice the softest Jeongguk has ever heard from him.

"n-no no it's fine. i mean- " Jeongguk stopped in the middle of his sentence, reflecting on his own assumptions for second, remembering that Jin guy who picked Taehyung up one day. Maybe -- just maybe he also misunderstood?

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He suddenly blurted out hurriedly, question kind of making himself uncomfortable when noticing Taehyung's also weirded out and surprised reaction.

"What? Wh-why would you think so?" Taehyung scooted a bit closer, continuing their eye contact, the atmosphere a lot more clear and not so dense and packed with awkward energy.

"I mean that guy that picked you up that day called you babe so i thought-" He explained, feeling stupid for that assumption already, heart beating fast with seeing Taehyung's deep glimmering eyes.

"Jin? No, no, no. Well, i- Jin was my first crush you can call it? We were never really together but we weren't just friends either. He actually helped me come to terms with my -- bisexuality." Taehyung breathed out, taking a few seconds to explain further, Jeongguk listening attentively but already feeling a slight relief at the denial of the boyfriend question.

"And- i- you know, i really liked him. But he just didn't feel the same- so i decided to cut him off for my own sake. And i was broken for a long time and dropped the whole bi thing all together. I just went around and-- only dated girls." He saw tears gather in the corner of Taehyung's eyes, shimmering slightly, heart aching even more as he has never seen the older so vulnerable and truely felt like he could relate to him.

"But- when we you know- had our fight -i guess- i just wanted comfort since i really felt guilty for saying the things i said so i called him again and well he decided to just show up and pick me up- and the babe thing, made me very uncomfortable since he used to call me that when we were a thing. I blocked him now, it was a dumb move." The tone in his voice defeated and defenseless, sniffing once to keep the tears from escaping.

"I'm- sorry. I relate to you i-in a way. I got kicked out from home for being- you know. It's- it's why i keep it a secret to most." Jeongguk also felt his eyes water as his vision got blurry, relating to Taehyung with shoving away his sexuality, the word 'gay' not even daring to leave his mouth. He doesn't want to open a floodgate of hurtful emotions and his deepest darkest thoughts right now.

"Oh well uhm, why me then- you said you dropped living out your bisexuality, didn't you? So why- me?" Gguk quickly redirected the topic back to the one at hand, really not wanting to spiral into his past experiences.

"Well, i guess i always thought you were, uhm, cute? But i honestly couldn't admit that to myself. So the solution i came up with is just annoy and make fun of you- It's so stupid. It's preteen boy logic. Annoy the person you like so they notice you?" The older one let out a small quiet chuckle at himself. "Anyways, i'm sorry -- Jeongguk."

Gguk's head perked up upon hearing his name leaving Taehyung's lips for the first time be can remember, only ever hearing a simple Jeon -- which he kind of missed if he was being completely honest.

"Jeongguk? I thought i'm Jeon, huh?" Gguk leaned forward, slightly closer to Taehyung with a smile streaked across his lips, nose scrunching from it.

"Whatever you prefer. Jeongguk, Jeon, Ggukie, Gguks-" Taehyung started to lean ever closer, dangerously close in Jeongguk's mind. "Beautiful, Sweetie, Baby. You choose."

His heart started picking up it's pace again, all nausea and head pain long forgotten, smile getting bigger as he felt butterflies dancing around in his gut. "The last three are interesting. You want to tell me something, Taehyung? Gguk joked around, comfortable air surrounding the two, really feeling closer than they were ever before.

"Hm, i dont know. All i know is that i really would like to kiss you right now but-" He felt the huffs of air from Taehyung's words close to his own lips, eye contact and smiles not ever breaking for even one second. "i'm not going to because i would like to start fresh with you again. I really like you, Jeon Jeongguk, and not only your body."

Gguk's heart fluttered instantly, their close proximity remaining the same as neither moved away from the other and he could tell Taehyung was serious with his words.

He could see the depth of them in his eyes which were painted with a light tinge of deep liking and Jeongguk wouldn't mind getting lost in the deep brown galaxy of his eyes everyday from now on.

"I really appreciate that, Taehyung. I- i would love to start new." Jeongguk sweetly took one of the older's hands in his own as he opened his mouth, really wanting to return the confession of liking eachother but -- he just couldn't quiet word it out yet.

He needed time to say something so meaningful again -- the last time he admitted his feelings verbally to someone was Namjoon. And he knew he still needed time to recover.

Instead of phrasing it he pulled him forward into a tight hug, head nuzzling in the dip of his neck and collar, almost instantly placing himself in the olders lap, arms wrapped around eachother and a cloud of sweet loving scent surrounding the two as they seemingly hugged and talked their way through the remaining late hours of the day.

Jeongguk never really thought it would turn to this. Yes, he was sure they would be able to talk everything out but never that Taehyung actually felt for him.

He did grow an understanding for Taehyung's actions from today, he doesn't think they were the right way to go about it but now he feels like he truely understands a lot more of his colors and different filters.

So much that he thought he could actually -- have something serious with him and he was ready and willing to try it out.

°***°

hey :^) thoughts? wishes? worries?

sorry i'm late .. again djwjdjw i swear next week i'll update on time ffs but i had a busy ass weekend with prepearing for going to see my workplace for the first time and going out with my friends

and omfg we were one hour away from where we live and we were stuck there for a good 2 hours wanting to just GO BACK HOME but all trains were late and it was already 11pm and omg it was a nightmare

i literally looked at this pic to not start crying skskek

have a nice day everyone ♡