【playing..】

Day6 (데이식스) - Sunrise
아 왜 I Wait

❚❚ ►_____________________________ 3:38

Jeongguk dragged himself up the staircase of his apartment complex, shadows painted under his eyes which fell close every few seconds, face swollen and head spinning.

He somehow managed to go through the day, catching himself right before students came trickling in and going through with two dance courses back to back without shedding a single tear.

But he wasn't able to hide that something was wrong, fake smiley facade crumbling fast, not making his usual encouragements and happy compliments.

Both classes were more quiet than he was used to, not chatting or laughing as they probably noticed their instructors state of mind.

His heart ached the whole way, knowing thst Taehyung probably got himself someone else -- well not someone else, just more like someone.
Taehyung and him weren't labeled anything in the first place, he wouldn't even know what he would have called the other.
Nothing really would have felt quite right.

Sighing, he arrived at his apartment door not having any strength left to get his keys out just leaning against the old, pear colored wall next to it with a loud thump before sinking down.

He didn't ever came to think that this would ever happen to him again, not that someone could almost hurt him more than Namjoon did, not that he would ever have actual feelings for Taehyung.

It's funny to think of it, how he detested him for months on end and how quickly everything can just do a 360 spin and suddenly you see the world shaded in a different light with a new filter over your very own lenses -- see someone in a completely different angle and colors.

He let his head hang low, dropping it towards his chest, eyes fluttering close once in a while as he took a deep sighing breath, knowing that he somehow would have to move on.

Maybe drop competitions completely if it's for not working with Taehyung for a while which just the thought of that making his heart hurt and passion crack like a mirror shattering on a concrete floor.

But putting his sanity and mental health before his passion and love was something he had to learn early in life, like an automatic defense that was engraved into his brain to protect him from getting hurt more and more, getting cut deeper and deeper.

Spiralling into his thoughts made him sick to his stomach.
He knows where it leads for him, thinking about how he isn't enough for anyone and isn't worth a single thing.

Before he could fall deeper, the sound of a door creaking open shot him out of his thoughts, not having any energy to lift his head.

"Everything okay, Jeongguk? I heard a thud and decided to check." He heard a soothing deep voice voice bounce through the hallway, almost echoing, knowing it belongs to his neighbour.

Jeongguk forced himself to slowly lift his head, not wanting to be rude, looking up at the others worried eyes, minty colored hair almost covering them, noticing a new little tattoo, shaped like a tear placed besides the right one.

Yoongi has been his next door neighbour ever since Jeongguk moved into the crowded apartment complex but only occasionally spotting eachother on their way up and down the stairs or when doing laundry in the basement.

Gguk was always pretty afraid to talk to the older one, hair black at the time, tattoos scattered across his arms and hands, in all black and chained clothing, appearing cold and uninterested in a bond of any sort.

But once Jeongguk got Coconut, the older one seemed to be more talkative and open because they actually had a conversation starter and common topic to talk about as Yoongi has a little calico cat called Nori, japanese for seaweed.

They've only known eachother closer for a couple weeks but somehow already got along amazingly, Gguk even asking Yoongi to watch Coconut for him occasionally when his work load got overwhemlingly much.

Jeongguk wouldnt say they are best friends but he would call it new good friends.
They dont know their whole biography about eachother but a decent amount and have some things in common, two of them being their love for cats and gaming.

"Y-yeah i'm okay, Yoongi. No worries." Gguk tried to put on that familiar mask again, knowing how it usually works just fine, no further questions asked just a simple nod in return and going on with life.

The mint haired tilted his head to the side, eyes obviously not believing of Gguk's words, arms crossing over his chest as he leaned his body on the door frame. "Well, sitting on the floor infront of your own apartment doesn't seem that fine to me."

Jeongguk sighed, head dropping again, trying his absolute hardest to hold back the last tears he withheld from escaping as he couldn't make his vocal cords work again afraid that it'll come out as a wavery string of words.

"Come on, i see something is up. Let's get you Coconut and you can come to me." He saw the shadow of a stretched out hand mirroring on the floor right beside him.

Without another word, Gguk's hand stretched out automatically taking a grip on the older one's, helping him up, standing slightly wobbly and vision blurred from being dehydrated.

He got out his keys, opening and entering his apartment only to pick up Coconut from her favorite spot, the kitten being very very busy playing with one of his shoes in -- particular the shoelace.

And before he knew he it he found himself in Yoongi's living room, sitting on his couch legs crossed and Coconut placed in between comfortably.

"Here." Yoongi swiftly placed a glass of water on the wooden coffee table infront of him, picking his little Nori up from the ground before sitting down with him on his lap as well. "Drink something."

Jeongguk felt his heart swell at the simple but meaningful gesture, leaning forward to grab the glass before attaching it to his mouth and tilting it back, the cold water running across his tongue and throat, a refreshing feeling washing over him.

"So .. what's wrong? I mean you don't have to tell me because we don't know eachother that well but- i guess i'm just worried for you." He heard in the back of his head as he was still gulping down the entire glass before setting it back in the table.

"That's sweet of you, Yoongi. I-I just don't know how or where to start." He sighed, leaning into the sofa again, back hitting the soft pillows scattered around it, hands softly caressing Coconut's head.

He really didn't know how to explain or where to even begin.
Does he start with everything that rooted his problems that being his forced and brutally broken off relationship with Namjoon? Or does he jump all the way to the present with everything about Taehyung?

Stomach twisting at both scenarios, feeling an unwellness rising to his throat, Jeongguk's eyes wandering to glue to his lap, watching his hands going through Coconut's soft fur with an unconscious sigh escaping.

"It's okay. Start wherever you are comfortable." He felt a soft touch placed on his back as an encouragement, patting his shoulders carefully.

"Love problems." He chose not to specify, keeping it as vague as possible.
Coming out was still frowned upon a lot and forced Jeongguk to leave his old life so who knows how he would react to it?
Eyes stayed locked to his lap, Coconut snuggling herself into the space between his crossed legs.

"I know that too well. What exactly? Maybe an outside perspective helps." Yoongi took his hand off his back, resting his arms on his own legs, tone soft and comforting.

Jeongguk contemplated in his head for a second, not knowing if he was ready to really talk about anything right now. Everything felt so fresh, new -- it only happened a couple days ago after all.

He was also scared of being judged. What if he was making this a bigger deal than it needed to be?

Gguk breathed in once again, lifting up his head and meeting Yoongi's deeply brown colored eyes looking back.

Something turning in his head as he looked at those trusting, telling eyes, somehow reminding him of the feeling of an older brother. Gguk weirdly felt like he could trust him in a way, suddenly feeling more comfortable and save as there was just this different aura around the mint haired.

"What if you thought someone actually might like you but then they tell you they only want you -- sexually. A-and so you pause with them for a bit and when you see them the next time they suddenly have someone else pick them up who calls them babe- i-i dont know what to think, all i know is that it hurts." Jeongguk felt his eyes water up for the millionth time in the past days, trying his best to just hold back, wondering how he even had any tears left in his system.

"Oh, Jeongguk please don't cry." He watched Yoongi's eyes soften even more, arms immediately going to embrace him tightly.

Gguk felt himself snuggle into his shoulder, arms clutching at his shirt, sobbing quietly into the fabric, already feeling sorry for the stains it would leave.

He felt vulnerable and weak again, crying infront of someone he doesn't even know to well, he vowed to himself not to do so but it was hard, getting harder, to hold himself together with all those thoughts dancing a devilish choreography on his mind.

The older one continued to smooth his hand over Gguks back as more tears ran down to his cheeks, still trying to contain himself -- 'don't be weak' repeating itself in his head.

"Well you guys didn't have a proper talk, did you?" Gguk detached himself from Yoongi as he started talking, looking at him with blurry vision, slowly moving his head up and down to nod guiltily.

"Maybe that's the first step then. Maybe both of you misinterpreted things, formulated feelings wrong. It's important to communicate in any sort of relationship." Yoongi's hand wandered to Gguk's shoulders gripping on them softly, continuing to keep eye contact.

The younger nodded again defeatedly, trying to keep his heart calm with the thought of talking to Taehyung about his -- well, feelings, properly. Yes, he wanted to avoid him for his own sanity but if he was honest with himself, also to avoid confrontation, something he just wasn't good at.

The little conversation they had that led to all of this just really wasn't enough in retrospect. I
t was a simple two sentence exchange for a topic you could write a novel about that didnt' really allow for either of them to explain their words in more depth.

So maybe it would be better to just talk it out, close that chapter of his life. It would help to move on, knowing he doesn't have a chance with Taehyung anyways, there was just no way their feeling would be mutual.

"You are right." Jeongguk admitted weakly, noticing Coconut jump out of his lap, paws moving quickly to snuggle onto Nori who left Yoongi's lap a while ago and  was deep asleep in his own cat bed.

"I think lil miss Coconut might like Nori, weird how they used to hiss at eachother but now are seeming to accept the other." Yoongi chuckled at their two cats, sleeping soundly next to eachother, Nori's paw draped over Coconut's soft fur.

Jeongguk's mouth also curved into a bitter smile as his mind instantly went to Taehyung and him, they really detested eachother the day they met eyes but somehow life really turned, didn't it?

He sighed again, knowing that he had to and actually wanted to talk to Taehyung, seeking one thing -- Closure.
Closure about what exactly Taehyung's feelings drew out to be, no matter good or bad.

And he was going to go through with it no matter how much his heart would ache at the sight of the older one, he would now admit he has a deep liking for.

°***°

Hi everybody :^) lets go yoongi is here my dudes what are your guys thoughts? wishes for the next chapter? anything else?

Today i really wanna use my authors notes to adress something that has been bothering me the past few days and mainly onelasttae as well.

Please, please stop mentioning other books in other peoples hard works.

Don't compare them, don't randomly relate them to the book and don't just talk about a completely different book in another books comments.

It's very discouraging and disrespectful to do so as it makes the author, speaking from a personal standpoint, feel like people actually don't care much for their book, their characters, their storyline.

Don't say "(insert book) vibes", "this reminds me of (insert book)". I know you probably dont mean any harm but please consider how it makes the author feel.

Thank you to those who understand :)

Sorry for the serious talk, heres Tae with a bunny hat;

have a nice day everyone!