【playing..】

Winner (위너) - 2014 S/S
공어해 empty

❚❚ ►_____________________________ 3:40↺

Jeongguk felt beaten down, left alone, played with like some dumb toy a kid never wanted and abandoned when no one was looking.

The beat of 7 rings by Ariana Grande rung through his room, subconsious tears falling down his cheeks as he was swaying his body to the beat, light dimmed into a dark purple color.

He moved his hips from side to side allowing himself to sway in a more traditionally feminine way, heart stinging at memories coming to his mind.

He never allowed himself to move in such ways that were meant for woman, that's what he was always told at home.

You are a man so you behave manly, take charge in your actions and provide for the family, consisting of your wife and more than one child. That's how he was raised.

Little did he know at the time as he was being taught that way of living by his father and mother that he would never be in that position. That he wouldn't even be remarkably interested in girls around him.

Yes, in middle school he forced himself to like girls, trying his best to fit into this world, into his enviroment of a small town outside of Busan somehow, knowing that if he dared to voice his preferences he would become the outcast, the failure to his family.

But then when he turned seventeen, he met this attractive boy, heart etmitting a constant sting at the memory of him in his mind. He couldn't help but feel instantly in love with him eventhough he was just admiring him from afar, feeling butterflies course through his veins everytime he saw him pass by in the hallways and heard his name.

He was tall, hair bleached ash blonde, clothes fitting him perfectly and the most kissable dimples in the universe -- name is Namjoon.

It was like he jumped right out of Jeongguk's dreams into reality, to save him from this evil world that seemed to play against him and tear him apart, trying to be the son his family wanted but he never was.

Jeongguk sank down next to his bed, face wet from tears continuing to bathe himself in the nostalgia of when the universe was being good to him.

When it was letting him get to know and date Namjoon secretly without any complications, scoring perfect A's, graduating with ease and immediately getting into his father's company, planing to continue his legacy.

But life had to come crashing down like it always does, doesn't it? Get him off his high horse to leave him at the ground and no opportunity to come back up, that's just how life works, how the world is spinning.

He repressed the memory so deeply in his mind that he can't even remember how exactly his father caught him red handed but he somehow found out and from there, there was no way leading back to normal.

He can still remember the pain from the slap his father threw to his cheek clearly, mother standing behind him watching, holding a bag of Jeongguk's clothes, throwing it after him once they shoved him outside the house, leaving him on his own with nothing but a couple pieces of clothing, his phone and wallet, only containing a couple bucks.

So he took off to Namjoon, who gave him nothing back, not opening the door for him or answering any of his calls or messages, leaving heart crushed into pieces.

With nothing left to lose and a couple ticketless train rides, Jeongguk found himself in the capital, somehow running into the gracious arms of his best friend.

Nayoo provided him a place to be, comfort and most important a friendship in which he unapolgetically could be himself -- personality, hobbies, sexuality.

He had always loved dancing but was never able to pursue it since in his family's mind, it was nothing more than an occasional hobby, not a career choice.

But when Nayoo came home with the news one day that the dance studio next door was recruiting new trainers, it was like a whole other world opened itself infront of them, both getting a position, going to competitions and pursing both their dream career.

Everything went somewhat smoothly again for once. Yes, Jeongguk still felt like he was lacking and would never be as good as the other trainers or felt like he could ever fully be himself but -- he felt content, something that went downhill again.

Life always had to have a boy come and ruin his happiness.

Gguk sobbed, song after song playing on his phone that were meant for empowerment but he was feeling the opposite of it at this point.

He felt numb, unwanted and most prevalent -- he felt played again.

He didn't want to admit it but he knew he was feeling something for Taehyung. The boy got him pretty much mesmerised which is exactly what he warned himself of.

Taehyung remained a master manipulator in his mind, always being able to get his and his way only but somehow in the span of the last few weeks, days, he found himself intrigued by him.

The constant push and pull had him intoxicated and longing for more, the more being what happened just hours ago.

He hadn't kissed someone in a while, the last being Namjoon, the feeling of someone else's lips attached to his felt like a dance of butterflies right through his gut like he never felt before -- not even with Namjoon who he was so sure he loved at the time.

But Taehyung just had to ruin his moment of happiness, had to lead him on.

"Not gay and out of tension my ass." Gguk sobbed into the sleeve of his favorite hoodie, not really giving a damn about it being ruined at this point, recalling what Taehyung said to him.

But really what did he expect from him? That Taehyung was going to be interested in him too? He let himself into this vulnerable situation, really allowing Taehyung to play with his feelings like a dog does with it's toys.

He almost felt like he deserved it for eating his words. He told himself that Taehyung is no good, an asshole and that he hates him but did he listen to his own advice? No, he didn't.

His thoughts were almost getting independent with blaming himself for getting hurt until he felt Coconut's soft fur feeling up to him, placing herself right onto his lap.

Gguk smiled, feeling like his heart was beating again, knowing Coconut could sense when he was feeling sad, placing his hand on her back and petting her softly.

"You would never leave me, Coco, would you?" He sighed, smile on his lips, face still wet with tears, hearing the quiet sound of purrs from his little princess, followed by a meow.

It made him feel at peace, knowing he had at least something to keep him calm and alive at all times, happy that he adopted Coconut spontaneously when getting this apartment with his first salary.

He felt his foggy mind finally clear up, being able to grasp a thought of reality again.

His mind was still spinning round from all the tears he shed over a stupid asshole, that wouldn't deserve him in the first place and you know what?

He was going to get revenge for that, done with being hurt, manipulated and played with. He was going to give Taehyung a taste of his own medicine.

He was going to find a way to finesse himself into his feelings and crush his soul, his heart.

°***°

hii everyone uwu i hope this provides a small insight into Gguks past and why he acted the way he did 👉🏻👈🏻

And for those who didnt see yet i passed all my grad exams <3 thank you for the good lucks and also for the congrats from some of you!!
i dont deserve yall, thank you so so much!

also thanks to onelasttae for helping me with the song and congrats for reaching 9k followers babe ly! <3

lastly guess what i'm jk's manager PEASANTS
who did yall get :,)

have a nice day everyone!!