March 1978

The Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry

               Thea Potter sat by the fireplace reading. It was an ungodly hour, she knew it. But she didn't have anything else to do with herself. She had no one. 

She heard the portrait hole open. She only looked up, too weary to protect herself should they be malicious. She pulled her sheer blue robe closer to her body, her white slip not doing much to keep her warm as the door let in a draft. 

From the glow of the fire, she could make out the red hair. Lily Evans.

"Thea," Lily breathed out. She had obviously been running. 

"What," Thea snapped as she looked down at her book. 

"We need you," Lily said, looking down at the girl.

"No you don't," Thea replied back, trying to find her slippers so she could go upstairs.

"Yes, we do," Lily insisted. 

"You won't win at this with me," Thea replied.

"My boyfriend's James Potter, I think I can take you," Lily said, crossing her arms.

"My brother's James Potter, I'd advise you not to," Thea replied bitterly. 

Lily had forgotten. For so long had she separated them in her mind that she had forgotten that they were siblings. 

"It's with Sirius," Lily confessed.

"So," Thea replied back.

"So, he needs you," Lily said.

"How many times do I have to tell you," Thea yelled. 

"Obviously more because as far as I'm concerned, we do need you and you need us," Lily yelled back.

"Really? Really? You need me? I never would have thought Lily. Not after you left me for my fucking brother at my lowest point. I was there for you during your whole Severus mess and when your sister was being an asshole. Through all of it. And once, I need help and you leave me for my brother," Thea yelled. She then laughed bitterly and shook her head, "but I should've expected it. Everyone does."

"Not everyone," Lily whispered back. She was scared, Thea never got angry like this.

"Not everyone? Wow, Lily Evans! Master of observation, everyone!" Thea yelled sarcastically to no one but the red head, "I have no one right now Lily. I'm alone. Everyone has left. And you want to know the worst part? I let them. I told my brother that everything would be fine with taking care of my parents, but it actually destroyed me. I had to watch my parents die, Lily. Do you know what that's like?"

Lily shook her head and looked down in shame.

"And you got with my brother, good for you. I've been wanting that to happen for a while. I'm happy for you, truly. But the one thing I'm not happy about is that you fucking lied," Thea continued.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked incredulously.

"Yeah, you fucking lied Lily," Thea said, her eyes challenging Lily's. 

"I lied?" Lily yelled.

"You pretend like you're this perfect person, but we all know that you're just as bad as the rest of us. And most of it is true! You have perfect grades, you're nice, you always help needy first years. But you're a fucking hypocrite. I heard you scolding Sirius the other day in the corridor for cutting things off with me, but you did the exact same thing. But you know what? It's actually worse with you because at least Sirius doesn't try and pretend that everything's ok and that he didn't hurt me." Thea continued with narrowed eyes. 

Just then, Remus burst through the portrait hole.

"He locked the door," he said to the two girls.

"Merlin," Lily said, "look, we need to sort this out later--"

"Are you fucking joking?" Thea asked.

"Sirius is about to kill himself," Lily confessed.

"Are you -- you chose to tell me this now?" Thea yelled. Lily nodded guiltily, "where?"

"Astronomy Tower," Remus responded. 

Thea dropped everything and sprinted out of the common room. She ran down the path that she knew would take her the quickest. She slid across the cool stone of the castle. The moon lit her path. 

With every step, her mind raced with the possibilities of what would happen. If she was too late. 

She eventually reached the Astronomy Tower to find her brother and Peter standing by the door, yelling at it.

"What's going on?" Thea asked as she ran up to them.

"Thank Merlin, you're here. It's asked us a riddle," James explained.

"Surely Lily could figure it out," Thea said bitterly. Peter shook his head. Thea turned to the door, "well?"

"What is my biggest regret?" the armor covering the door asked somberly. Thea thought for a moment.

"Regulus," she responded quickly. The armor moved and the door swung open, "someone get Professor McGonagall," she yelled over her shoulder. 

She vaulted up the stairs. As she neared the top, she caught sight of Sirius. He was still up there.

She was terrified. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing. Never had she ever been in a situation like this, but she knew that she had to get him away from that edge. 

"Sirius," she called out once she reached the top. He whipped his head around from the seated position on the edge of the tower. 

"Is that really you? The great Thea Potter," Sirius said bitterly, "it's my fault you know." 

"I- I'd prefer not to talk about that right now," she said. Sirius nodded solemnly. 

"You look beautiful," he said hoarsely. He took in her appearance. She was lit up by the moon -- looking almost angelic. 

"I- I need you," she said.

"No you don't," Sirius replied, "all I do is hurt you. All I am is a burden."

"Please," she whispered. 

"No," Sirius said firmly. He swung one of his legs off from the ledge, so it dangled in the air, his shoe dropped. Thea stopped walking, petrified. 

"I- um- ok. Ok. This is- I'll make a deal with you," Thea said, trying anything to get him to come up from the ledge. 

Sirius turned to face her, indicating his interest was piqued.

"A midnight snack. Like we used to at m- our house," Thea offered, "hot cocoa or cookies or whatever you'd like."

"It's not going to change my mind," Sirius said firmly. 

He was lying. He didn't actually want to die. He just wanted the pain that had a deathly hold on his chest to stop. 

"O-ok. Then we'll get a last meal together," Thea stumbled.

Sirius thought for a moment. He hadn't eaten in three days. He then slowly gripped onto the railing and hoisted himself up and over. The minute his feet touched the tower, Thea rushed over and hugged him.

She held him tight, knowing that he might slip through her fingers after all. She then grabbed his hand and dragged him down the stairs. 

They were met with the faces of Lily, James, Peter, Remus and Professor McGonagall.

"Mr. Black, could you come with me to my office?" McGonagall asked. 

Thea felt him withdraw. That was not good. She needed him to be fully present. 

"Professor, could we perhaps go to the Great Hall. I'm quite hungry," Thea asked with pleading eyes. McGonagall nodded slowly.

"Very well, you must bring him to my office immediately after. I will let Mr. Filch know that you are all permitted after hours," she said as she walked away. 

Sirius tried to take his hand out of her grip, Thea wasn't letting him. He eventually stopped fighting and followed her to the Great Hall. The others followed. 

"I'm not crazy," Sirius eventually said.

"I know," Thea replied.

"Do you remember when we went to Hogsmeade together, the first time?" Sirius asked. Thea nodded.

"I remember you held my hand all the way through," she replied.

"Well that was because I didn't want us to get separated," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Thea looked down at their hands and smiled.

"I remember you showing me everything at Zonko's," Thea said. 

"Yeah! They'd just come out with a new line of dungbeetles!" Sirius said with some enthusiasm.

Thea laughed a little, remembering the day.

"You look tired," Sirius remarked. The bags under her eyes were prominent and she hadn't put on a glamour charm. 

"You do too," she replied softly. She squeezed his hand in reassurance, "so, you want to die by suicide?" 

"Can we not talk about this now?" Sirius asked.

"We have to talk about it though," Thea said.

"We do," James added in.

Sirius looked at the siblings. He nodded slightly. Thea looked between the boys and tried to distract herself. 

She saw a butterfly floating by. What a wonderful sight of innocence. The best of the world, floating about carelessly in the moonlight. 

The boys watched her as they walked together.

"You know, this isn't the first time she'd done this. But I don't think she knows about the previous time," Sirius eventually said.

"What?" James asked. 

"The summer. She came to get me while I was in my room. I'd just gotten a letter from my brother. It said he hated me, but I knew he didn't. I was about to, but she walked in telling me that it was dinner time. She saw that I had been crying and walked downstairs with me. It was the day you found you were head boy. And your parents they said 'one of our sons' and I knew I belonged with you guys," Sirius confessed.

"I- you know I have a plan as well," James admitted. 

Sirius looked at him like he was crazy, "what?" he asked.

"Yeah. I do. I'm almost positive Thea does as well. I think that each one us has at least thought about it," James said, "unfortunately, it's normal. But we don't talk about it, that's all. But I guess not talking about it is what leads to this."

"Oh," was all Sirius could say.

James slung an arm around Sirius shoulder and pulled him in close. Once they reached the Great Hall, they found food already waiting for them at the Hufflepuff table. 

They all gathered around and ate and laughed. 

Sirius and Thea were inseparable the whole night. She eventually took him to McGonagall's. She waited until the meeting was over and walked him back to his common room. 

"I guess this is where we part ways for tonight," she said as she stared at the door. 

"I guess it is," Sirius said as he stared at her. 

She pulled him in for a tight hug.

"I'm proud of you," she said, "you're quite possibly the bravest person I know."

They pulled away.

"I'll see you in the morning?" he asked.

"Definitely," she replied.

The portrait hole swung open to reveal James standing in the doorway, waiting for Sirius. 

"I hope you two aren't snogging behind my back," he joked. They both went red and shook their heads. "Not that I would mind."

James looked at Thea while he said it. Her lips parted and then she smiled softly. She looked up at Sirius.

"We've got time," Sirius replied as he met her eyes. Her heart fluttered. 

Sirius Black went to bed that night and woke up the next morning to find his family waiting for him to go to breakfast. 

Breakfast tasted amazing.

hello!

Death by suicide is real. Please PLEASE reach out to a trusted adult if you or anyone you know feels or shows signs of wanting to die by suicide. 

samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255

It's available 24hrs. All calls are free and confidential. Languages: English & Spanish. 

suicidepreventionlifeline.org

teenline.org

befrienders.org

OUTSIDE OF THE US: iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/