I try to be nice.
I try to smile.
I try to be your friend.

I'm trying very hard to be pleasant around you, but you are not trying back. You are not showing me that you care. You are showing me that you don't care that I exist. You are showing me that you could care less if I continued. You could care less if I died. I could no longer exist and you wouldn't care. You'd continue your life as is and not shed one, single tear over me.

You are one of those...I see. You are one of those people who think that the world revolves around themselves. Everything is about you. Everyone loves you. You are the center of attention.

Well..sorry to break it to you. But the world does not revolve around you, it revolves around the Sun not you. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everything is about you. Sometimes it can be about other people. Not just you. If you can't get that...there's a problem that needs fixed.

Just know that you can only push a person so far. You have to know that someone nice is only nice for so long. Sometimes they break, or maybe they do constantly, just privately. Without your knowledge of it. Maybe they feel pain inside, but put on a fake smile that shows on the outside that they are fine. But really, they're dying on the inside. I am one of those.

You have pushed me to the line and honestly I'm done. I've had enough and you don't know that because I've just sat here and took it the entire time. I've told everyone that 'I'm fine' when really...I wanna die. I wanna go away. I know that nobody wants me here. I know that every single one of these people I used to call 'friends' are just people who are just like the others. They don't care. They don't...really.

I realize that I'm different. I realize that I don't matter. I realize that if I were gone...people would be happier. I realize that you just use me to get more power. You use me as a subject to your kingdom you've created. According to you, you're a queen and everyone should bow to you. Just know that love is not a victory march. If you have love and affection..it doesn't mean you've won.

Because all I've ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew me. All I've learned is that it will fade away.  There is always an underdog in every war. Every battle has an underdog...and I plan to be that underdog. You can't rule over me anymore. You aren't a queen, you are a human being, an equal.

I have to remind myself of that because you've pushed far beyond my breaking point. I'm slowly crumbling into what will no longer remain. I'm falling down a dark hole where when I land, I'll never come back up. Ever.

Because of you...I'll never come back from that dark place. Because of you...I'll never feel anything again...only pain.