I'm not sure what i'm feeling or why i'm feeling it, all i know is that it's driving me mad, tearing me up.

This feeling is about you, but not you in particular, it's the other girls you've loved, the ones who got you before i did, the ones who got opportunities i never will have now.

I feel like i'm just in a long line of girls waiting for you to leave. Find someone better.

You ask if i'm jealous of her, but that's not it, this isn't jealousy.
It's anxiety...

It's the anxious feeling that my boyfriend talks to a lot of other girls, two of them being exes.

It's the anxious feeling that girls come up to him and hug him and he hugs back.

It's the anxious feeling i'm not good enough for him, he's just scared to be single.

It's th anxious feeling i won't be with him forever.

It's the anxious feeling that he'll leave me. Forget me.

It's the anxious feeling that he flirts with everyone, but i've told myself 'is just his personality.

It's th anxiety of a first love.

I don't know if this is because i don't know what love feels like, or because i'm missing pieces that are needed for this kind of thing but i'm not jealous.

it's the night terrors at midnight where i go to grab you and you aren't ther, which makes them worse.
it's the daydreams and everytime i shut my eyes i see you it's someone else.

it's pain
down right aching pain
not jealousy
not self doubt
not nervousness

it's anxiety and pain

so i'm sorry
i'm trying to recover.