I flip the book onto the next page, each word managed to capture my heart even more. It is like I am being absorbed into a different world filled with beautiful and enigmatic words. I am too indulged in it even the rushing pedestrians and the noisy vehicles do not bothered me. I jerk back into the reality when someone snatched my novel.

"Hey!" 

" I see, you still haven't changed. Still the biggest nerd ever."

I huff at that. "You still love me, Sayaka."

She let out a defeated sigh and pinches at my cheek, earning a scowl from me. "Unfortunately, you're right but I miss you more. Come here."

She wraps me in a tight embrace that I reply with the same warmth. We remain like that for a couple of seconds before tearing apart. It has been four years since high school ended. After four years in USA, I am finally official a graduates from Yale University. While I was there, I rarely flied back to Japan because of the cost even though I got scholarship. I only returned once a year and not even during the semester break because mostly I was occupied with volunteering  programmes and events in and outside of the university.  I make sure to collect as many experience as I could while I was in the overseas and now I am back for good. 

I just touched down Tokyo last week and before I will be busied with looking for jobs, I decided to spend a few days to catch up with my friends and today is Sayaka's day. She also had finished her study  and now working as a nurse at a pediatric ward just like she dreamed of as Sayaka really adores children. The gentleness and caring, she has all of them in her, opposite of me. Opposite attracts people said.

"So, how Ayumu and Sakura are doing?" I start after we got into a more quite place.

"They're fine I guess. Sakura like always is busy chasing her manga deadline, there is no helping that."

Who knows the doodles that she always drew for me in class to keep stay awake is now a life she is spending in. Her vivid and fantasize imagination are now paying her off well I guess. I totally have to drop at her apartment because one thing I know about being a mangaka is there, she will always have a deadline to be fulfilled. 

"Ayumu is quite stressed out nowadays though."

My forehead creased at that, "Boyfriend problem?"

She just shakes her head, "Turns out being a high school teacher is more troublesome than it seems. Between handling problematic students and keeping the students' grade above bar, she found no time for herself  anymore. Not to forget, the boys that tried to hit at her."

My face contorts between pity and terrified at that. "Damn. Luckily, I changed my mind during middle school."

"You should have seen her during the early months but now she  is better. We gave her the support she needed, same with Koushiro. Eventually, she got used to them."

I hum happily at that. "What about you?"

"I already told you that-"

"Not that," she cuts me off. "Then, what do you mean?"

"I am talking about you and Hitsugaya."

My face suddenly flushes at that. "There's nothing to talk about. We are still good friends. That's all."

"Who are you trying to lie to, Nureina Mizuho?"

"I'm not lying! It's the truth." Her eyebrow quirks at me. 

"What kind of boy flied over continents just to watch his girl friend's graduation?"

"He said he had always wanted to go to America!"

"Sure, sure." She just lazily nods at me. "Then, what about all the white roses he sent to you every year on your birthday. They were even the same numbers as your age! You really need to open your eyes, girl. The boy definitely loves you! He have always is since middle school and don't tell me you don't too. I know that look in your eyes whenever you saw him and hear his voice. What is stopping you?"

I hesitates because what she said, all of those, they are always there, back in my mind. No matter how I try to push off the feeling and deny all his actions are only friendly gestures, the thought never leaves me alone, so does my feeling for him. It never fades.

"Is this because of your religion?"

I come into a halt. 'Yes.'

By now, we are already at the city park. Our favourite place to hang out and have picnic. It is spring now. All the trees are now looking like pink fluffy cotton candies like it was raining with pink snow for day. It is breathtaking. 

I almost get mesmerized by it and forget what we were talking about before. Almost.

Slowly but sure I nod because that is the sole reason why 'us' cannot happen. "You know how it is. I will always choose Islam over everything else."

"I know and I really respect that," she sighs but I cannot sense disappointment there. I feel a little bit guilty towards her, Ayumu and Sakura because they have always ship us together, even now. They never give up on the idea of us together and in the back of my heart, I do too.

"So, when was the last time you heard from him?"

"Hhmm," I try to call back, "It was a few weeks back but it was not even a proper coversation. He seemed busy, so we kept it short."

"He didn't come to welcome you at the airport?"

"No. Just my family." I am sure my voice has some bitterness in it because she quickly says, "I'm sure he had something important to do."

"It's okay. Not like I mind it." Jealousy is not a good look on me.

"I see." There are not many people here today since it is weekday but still plenty that I am worried our spot get taken. 

"Hurry up!", I pull Syaka to walk faster alongside me. We are almost there, the center of the park where the oldest cherry blossom three is standing still. It is not even the biggest tree here but it is my favourite. The three of them ridicule me for that but they still sit there with me every year. I love it because despite being the oldest, it is still blooming every year and thinking that it is already hundred years there, watching all kinds of memories unfold them right in front of it. It has lived more than anyone else here.

We are half-jogging there when she suddenly says, "Hey, you don't have a heart attack or something, right?"

"No.Why do you ask?" I throw her a funny look for that.

"Great!"' she chirps brightly at me. I was about to question her when she shoves me out with such a force that I almost fall down flat on my face and kiss the ground. Luckily, I just stumble forward and that is when I see it. 

Hitsuya.

He is standing right under the tree. My beloved boy under my beloved tree except he is no longer a boy. He is taller now, his shoulder is broader, his hair is cut shorter and his face is more well-defined now, his jaw, his eyebrows and everything. He is more good looking now.

No. He is a man now. Beside, he has always been good looking as long as I can remember. But. he still has that boyish charm in him. The way his eyes glint with mischief and excitement every time he sees something he wanted and the way he scratches his cheek and run his fingers through his hair when he is nervous. All of them are there while he looks at me at this moment.

"What are you doing here?" I manage to croak after a moment . People have started to look at us now but I forget that they are even here. Sayaka included. There are only two of us here. This is our moment.

He gives me that smile of his that tugged at my heartstrings every single time without fail. He is holding a large sketch book in his hands where he finally flips it.

'Welcome home, Hikari.' He wrote and at the corner there is a doodle of smiley sun.

It barely looks like a sun and some people are giggling when they saw it but I know exactly what it is at the first sight.

"Hey, you doodled on my book!" I give him a hard glare. 

"Relax. It brings luck. Trust me," he says and he even dare to wink at me. I wave the matter off, not wanting to make it a big deal. "What is it by the way? A shuuriken?"

He gapes at me, "How dare you? It is a sun!"

"Well, it sure does not look like one," I chuckle at his scrunching face. "You can't draw to save your life!" I laugh more.

He glares at me, "You'll see."

I am right. He still sucks at it.

I fail to suppress my laugh anymore and from his look I know he remembers it too. He blushes a little bit at that. He flips it again.

'I miss you' are written there. My heart stops beating a while at that. I do not know what my face is making but he takes it as a sign to continue.

I feel like my breath is being suck out from me. Blood rushes off from my face, my fingers are cold and the only thing that keep me grounded there is the murmurs of people around me. Who knows that exact three words have such an impact for me.

'I love you.' He loves me. The boy I love for years, loves me back. Hitsuya loves me and only me, Nureina Mizuho, his Hikari.

My eyes start to sting as I can feel the tears threaten to burst out now because I know what will happen next. Us is never going to happen. I could never be with him and I should not even if that is the only thing I desired for now. My legs wobble at first but I force myself and start to run away.

I cannot do this. One more second there and one look at him, I will come running at him and do whatever it takes to be with him. I can't, so I run and run and never look back like my life depends because it does.

"Wait, Hikari! Please, wait." His voice is raw with feelings when he pleads. Such a desperation can be heard. Is it for me?

"Please, let me finish."  My feet are glued when I hear the tone he used. It is not fair to him. He plans this for me and I just ditched and ran away from him in front of many people. The least I could do is listen to him until the end even though I know I will regret this. I stay.

He thanks me with his eyes and then from behind him, he takes out another paper. 

Where did he get that paper anyway? This one is bigger. He flips it and I swear I can die now and not literally. I have never seen such beautiful words in my entire life like those. It is a spell because it granted my wish right away.

'Will you marry me?'

But it is not that words that stole my breath away. It is that one word right at the corner. 

'-Najmi'

"Hey, what Arabic name do you think suits me?" I look weirdly at him before he continues, "Nur is an Arabic word, right? That's cool. I just wonder what will mine be if I have one."

I pretend to think give it a deep thought when I exactly know what his should be. I spend quite a time to think of name that suits him in my free time. Embarrassing, I know.

"What about Najmi?"

He tries to pronounce it but fails miserably while I chuckle at him so he just gives up. "That sounds cool, what does it mean?"

I fumble upon my next words and blush slightly when I say, "It means star."

"Why star?" This is the tough part and my face becomes redder but I try to play it cool. If he notices it, he does not say anything. "Because star shines off light." I stop there, hoping he gets it, so there is no need for me to explain.

It takes a few seconds before it finally dawns to him, before his face flushed a little but then he gets that stupid grin back on his face. "So, what you are trying to say is that I shine your life?"

I throw my book at him but he easily dodges it. "You're impossible!"

He lets out a fit of laughter. "I know you love me for that. You just have to choose a name that is related with what I've chosen for you." My pulse races at that but I know that is just one of his joke. What he said is true though, I chose Najmi because it feels close to Hikari.

"That's good. I might have it if I become a Muslim one day."

My face falls at that but he does not notice it. 

'This is just another joke of his, Reina. A joke. Don't let yourself hope because in the end, you'll be the one getting hurt.'

I gasped so hard that I choke on my own sobs. The tears are free now, shamelessly flowing down my cheeks.  "Is this true?"

My voice is barely a whisper. I doubt he even heard it but when he answers, it suddenly feels like a dream and I do not want to wake up.

"Yeah. I'm a Muslim now."

He walks towards me and I feel like running away again because it feels too good to be true.

He stops a few feet before me. "I might be Najmi now but I am still Hitsuya. It will never changes the fact that I will always love you."

The park suddenly falls quiet, I can hear my own breathing and his. 

He extends his hand towards me and says, "Take my hand?"

Despite my teary eyes, I still manage to laugh at that. I see the grin tugging at his mouth and the teasing smile of him that I miss so much when I realized it now. 

It is one of my favourite moment in a movie called Let's Stay Together. We watched it in class during our senior year, four years ago. That part got me teared up, so he laughed at my face and said how ridiculous and cheesy that scene is and look where we are now. 

I wipe away my tears and smile so softly at him, the kind of smile that I kept for important people in my life and now, he is one of them.

"Take my whole life with you."

The End.

I FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!! After one year and a tons of write block and beating myself up to write, I finally did it :")

This chapter is so freaking cheesy (for me). I can't believe I wrote this. Great, now I'm embarrassed but whatever just glad it is now completed. I just want to say thank you to my readers who stay with me all this time. I really hope you pick and learn something from Reina's journey (even though my writing is so messed up but hey, the message is what important...right?) and not just giddy feeling from Reina and Hitsuya's moments.

I got inspired based on my own life though mine is surely not as dramatic as her but we learnt the same thing and just like her, thanks to Allah, I am in a better place now.

Never stops believing that whatever happens, Allah knows the best. All we need to do is give our best, trust Him and He will handles the rest :)

That's it. Thank you everyone!

Ruzaie xoxox