Warning: self harm. Ahead.
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:Hoongjae,thats my name:

Wooyoung pov:

Its been years since I have done it and I dont know what I want anymore. What I wish anymore. Why am I this broken? I dont know anything. I am a fucking weakling!, everything the voices told me that I am, I am. And I hate it. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my everything.

Tears start rolling down my cheeks like a river. I roll my shirt sleeve and place the shinning blade on my left blade.

Cut!

For being weird.

Cut!

For being useless.

Cut!

For being hopeless.

Cut!

For being an idiot.

I stop and looks at the red blood dropping on the blood and move to my right wrist.

Cut!

For being stupid.

Cut!

For being a burden.

Cut!

For being alive.

Cut!

For being you!.

I stop again. And looks at my both wrists which are now full with red same as the floor and sink. I look at myself in mirror and place my hands on sink and lean closer to it. To my reflection.

"Idiot...fucking idiot...stupid.. useless. Hopeless. Burden." Tears are still falling down my face. I look away not wanting to see myself any more. I hate myself.

I close my eyes and a sob left my red swollen lips with other sobs following its suit. I fall on ground which was already covered with my dark red blood. My wrist are hurting but did I care?.

I sit there crying to myself until I hear my room's door knocks. Making me put a hand on my mouth to muffle my pathetic sobs.

"Hoongjae..? Baby you ok?" It was jimin hyung. Oh no. I look around me to find the pool of blood and my wrists.

Another knock. "Hoongjae.? Answer me baby?" He try to open the door but ofc its lock. "Hoongjae! Open the door baby! I want to come in!" He tried again. I immediately felt scared. What if he sees me like this again. Jiminie hyung will be disappointed on me. I promise them I will never do anything like this.

I stand up shakly. My wrists are still bleeding.

"Hoongjae!?" He yell outside.

"I..." I clear my throat to make it less hoarse but nothing happens.

"I am coming hyung!" I looks around again and wash my bleeding wrists under cold water. To say it dosent hurt more is wrong. Cause it hurts like hell right now.

"Hoongjae?.. you ok na?" I can feel worry in hyung's voice.

"Y-yes hyung! Coming!" I take off my shirt and change into a black one with shorts as my clothes were drained in blood, my blood. I roll down the sleves and runs to door with my shaky legs not before closing my bathroom's door and immediately was engulfed by a warm embrace of jimin hyung.I wince as my wrists hurt but make it as less as possible so hyung didnt notice it and close my eyes and let myself have it.

"Hoongjae..baby whats wrong? Did something happen in college today? Is anyone bullying you? Whats wrong baby? W-" I cut him off by nuzzling my nose in his neck more.

"Hyung..." my wrists are still hurting badly but did I care? I am glad that he cant see the blood as I am wearing a black shirt now and has my arms upwards along his back so the blood wont fall on ground.

"Hoong baby..?"  I hum in response still not letting go of the hug.

"Do you want me to sleep with you tonight..?" Hyung ask. I want him to stay but I cant as I still have to take care of the blood on bathroom's floor and my bleeding wrists. So I shakes my head in no. And let go not meeting hyung's eyes. Hyung just nods and pats my head with a smile.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" I nods in response.

"Good. Now have some sleep. I am staying tonight here and yh! tae is here as well. Ok?" I nods again.

"Have a good sleep..rest well.." I nods again. And close my close not believing my voice anymore.

Once closed I take a deep breath and walks to bathroom to clean the blood and then clean my wrists and bandge them. I sigh and change my black shirt as well as it is again stained by blood and went to bed but ofc..didnt went to sleep even tho I am mentally tired.

Jimin pov:

I went downstairs to see tae sitting on couch while eating his chips. He looks up at me. I sigh and sit next to him.

"Whats wrong? Why was he crying? Is he ok? You want me to talk to him?" I look up at him and smile. Hes really soo caring idk how could someone like me end up with someone like him.

"Idk..tae.." I place my head on his shoulder as he starts stroking my hairs making me calm immediately. He run his hand which is in my hairs to my back and move stop doing stroking. I can feel his relax muscles tense. I look at him to see he is looking at his hand frowned and then at me and show me his hand which is red... wait..thats blood? But..where-

And then it hit me and my eyes widen.

"Oh..God.." I place one hand on my open mouth and looks at ground trying fo connect the dots.. the blood. Its not mine..its..its..of hoongjae (wooyoung).. his wincing and tense muscles, his tear stained face, red eyes, shaky legs, not saying a word, his crying, his heartbroken sobs...

"Jimin..." tae voice make me snap out of my trace. And I look up at him.

"T-this blood-" "Its of hoongjae.." I cut him off.

"Huh? Of hoongjae?"

"Yes tae..he-he cut himself..he hurt himself again.." you guys must be thinking how I could feel all this because first of all I live with that kid for 12 years. I know him, and second hes like a little brother to me, and third I am in a mafia for fuck sakes and forth why I tell you more?. Anyways. Tae only takes a deep breath and run his hand which was stained with blood before but its clean now, through his hairs. I guess while I was in my thoughts he has wash his hand.

"Dont worry babe..I will talk to him yesterday.. you know na..he never hide anything from me and kookie. I will ask kookie as well to ask him. Dont worry will, find why he cut himself again." He pulls me in his warm embrace. Thats what I love about tae the most. He is always soo thoughtful and understanding. And he always solve my problems.

Always have the solution, hes soo smart, beautiful, intelligent, cool, strong, fearless. I really admired him for him. He always makes my day better.

"Why not you go to bed huh? I'll wait for jongho..mhm..? Sounds good?" He ask me and I just nods. Hes right. And after a peck on lips and I walks to mine and tae room in this house and lay on bed. I sigh and look outside the window at the moon.

Poor thing, my poor hoong, how much did he had more to suffer. Hes a kid himself afterall. I still remember that night.

Flashback:

14 year old me was running towards our head quaters which is in forest. Weather was very bad when I heard small cries and another one which is trying to shh the other. I walk closer to those voices and found two little toddlers, one was maybe around 4 years while other was looking 5 years old. I slowly walks to them. The one who is trying to quiet the other looks at me. His small eyes widen and he hug the little one.

"S-sir! I-i a-am s-sorry...p-please-" he turn to the younger one whose crying I assume his lil brother with how great care and protectiveness he is holding him with.

"Shh..baby..jongho...hyung is here..Emmo will be here as well." He told his younger brother jongho this. I smile and sits on my knees in front of them. The older one looks at me and engulf his brother in his tight hug.

"Shh..its ok..I will not gonna hurt you..but..can you tell me what are you doing here in middle of the night and also in this type of weather? Where are your parents? What are your names?" I ask him but I guess hes terrified of me right now so he just keep quite while looking at me with his big doe eyes.

I sigh and call jin hyung. Hes good with children maybe he can help.

You might think that why a gang member will be this soft on children well the truth is I was left by my parents as well but I was older than them and can understand whats going on but they? They are toddlers right now! For fuck sakes!.

And I am not heartless. Anyways, jin hyung pick up the phone and I told him to come and after few mins he reach the destination where we are and his eyes widen when he realised why I had called for him. The weather was very bad and its very cold by the time passes. But the older one was very stubborn, I told him to come with me but he didnt bluge, still holding his brother in his thight embrace.

Anyways, jinnie hyung runs to them and somehow we manage to get them back at head quaters with the younger one in my arms while the older one in jinnie hyung arms. When we reach everyone ask us about them and we told them what happen. Those boys have yet to tell their names. Its not like we didnt ask them., we tell them ours but they still didnt say it. I know the youngers name is jongho as I heard the older one say it but I didnt know older one names yet.

Time skip~~~ three days.

Its been three days, the younger has already become a part of our family, hes Such a lifeful baby but the older one has yet to say a word. He has been quiet for three days and haven't said anything from three days ago. I dont know what is this but when ever I look at him, I feel some kind of connection, an older brother feeling, that older brother feeling in which you have to save your fragile younger one.

We all tired to talk to him even his brother but he didnt say anything. If I havent heard him before we might assume that hes mute.

On the night of third day when everyone was sleeping.I was going to check up on brothers before I go to sleep when I heard little sniffing sound.  I open the door only to find the older one which I didnt know the name yet is sitting on window frame and is sniffing while looking outside. I must agree hes soo much beautiful, ethereal, pretty for his own age. He is a like a little angel and in this moon light hes looking much more unreachable. How can someone be this cruel and left such a beaitiful boy in the woods alone. Its not like jongho's not beautiful. Hez pretty as well but this one..hes..hes on another level pretty.

"Hey.." I say. He turned around with wide eyes and stand immediately while still looking at me emotionless.

His pink nose and cheeks bright under the moon night., glassy eyes looks more beautiful and the pout on his pink lips..My God he such a beautiful baby.. hey stop- I am saying this with no bad intentions OK! I am appreciating his beauty. Anyways... I walk to him and kneel on his eye level with one hand stroking his hairs while other rub his arm calmy.

"Whats wrong, baby?" I ask him politely with a small smile. He sniff and points outside. I frowned and looks outside and then back at him.

"Whats wrong?" I ask again. He looks at me and grab my hand and take me to the window amd points at the moon.

"Emmo said that moon uncle always keep an eye on us. Is this true...hyung?" I felt my heart skip a beat. Hes soo pure. My frowned replaced by a soft and warm face and I kneel on his level again and ruffle his hairs. His calling me hyung finally made me feel like protecting him, like his 'real' hyung.

"Its true.. moon uncle always took care of us..huh?" I said to him and he smile warmly and hug me. His hug shocked me but I somehow recover it and return his hug back.

"Hyung..?" "Mhm..?"

"Thank you hyung.." we broke the hug and I ruffle his hairs again.

"Sure..anytime baby.." I kiss his head and stand.

"Now go to bed or else moon uncle will be angry right?" I ask him with a smile and he nods with a smile. Since I have met him its first time seeing him smile and OH MY GOD! I have to force myself to not pinch his cheeks and kiss his cheeks. Hes just soo cute, beautiful. Once hes in bed, I turn around to go outside when his voice stops me, making me turn and give him a questioning look.

"Hoongjae..." he bite his lips. "Thats my name.."

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Hello ppl! Hope you liking it. Se ya next time!

'Targetauthor!'

2304 words