"Maybe you're not pregnant?" Abby said, turning the steering wheel to make a left turn.

"Yeah...maybe." My voice didn't even sound like mine, it was small and weak.

I've only cried a few times in my life: when my grandmother died when I was fourteen, when I got my first period (because I thought I was dying), and when my goldfish died when I was nine.

But the tears were streaming heavily down my cheeks right now, and I could tell it was worrying Abby.

"You're probably not pregnant." She assures me, slowing down at a stop light.

I rested my head on my knees, my feet pulled up onto the seat so I could cradle myself.

I'm only nineteen years old. I'm a freshman in college. I barely make enough money at my dead-fucking-end job to provide dinner for myself. How in the hell could I provide for a baby?

"Dylan, everything is going to be okay." I felt Abby's hand rub the middle of my back soothingly.

Her words were an empty encouragement. I wanted to believe them, but I couldn't. All the signs pointed to pregnant; unexplained nausea, missed period, fatigue. I would be surprised if I wasn't pregnant.

We pulled the car into a parking space in front of our local Walgreens and we both climbed out. It felt like every step I took, my heart started to beat faster. The closer I got to figuring out the truth, the stronger my stomach churned.

The automatic doors opened when we stepped on the sensors and a shiver went through my spine when the air conditioning hit me.

We walked around the aisles until we saw the sign hanging above us:

FEMININE HYGIENE

Abby walked in front of me into the aisle and we stopped at the pads/tampons section. Sure enough, pregnancy tests were sitting right next to them. And next to those, condoms.

Fucking hilarious.

"I don't know which one to get." I whisper to Abby, who had grabbed a box of Tampax tampons.

Her eyes scanned the racks up and down and her eyes widened.

"Damn, why are they so expensive? Twenty dollars for a pregnancy test?"

"Shh!" I shush her loud voice, my cheeks filling with heat. "I don't need the whole fucking store knowing I'm buying a test."

"Sorry." She pushed her lips together, as if trying to conceal the sound.

She squatted down on the floor and grabbed a pink and blue rectangular box that read Clearblue Digital Pregnancy Test on the front.

"Might as well go all out to get a clear result." She whispered when she stood back up.

I nod wordlessly, my throat suddenly drier than the desert. My hand vibrated vigorously as I took the box from her. She sensed the anxiety on my hand and rubbed my shoulder comfortingly.

We walked over to the register, where there was luckily no line and we placed out stuff on the counter. The lady, who looked like she was in her mid fifties with her graying hair and wrinkles forming around her lips, looked up at us with furrowed eyebrows.

"Are you paying separately?" She asks us, her eyes bouncing from me to Abby, then back to me.

"Yes, please." Abby answers for me and reaches into her back pocket for her wallet.

The lady rings up the tampons and Abby pays for them without a problem. After she hands Abby her bag, she rings up the pregnancy test, all while stealing glances at me.

As I put my debit card in the machine she speaks:

"How old are you?" I look up at her suddenly, shocked by the question.

I glance at Abby, who looked obviously annoyed that she asked that.

"Uh, nine-teen?"

Her eyebrows raise and she shakes her head, whispering to herself. Embarrassment washes over me and I suddenly wish I could crawl into a hole and die.

"You have something to say?" Abby speaks up, making the lady's eyes widen.

The lady shakes her head and hands me the bag. "Have a nice day."

I force a smile as I take it from her and we walk through the automatic doors.

"What a bitch." Abby whispered to me, interlocking our arms as we walk to the car.

I try to laugh at her attempt to make me feel better, but I couldn't. Not truly. I felt like shit, inside and out. I was sick to my stomach and drowning in embarrassment.

~ ~ ~

"I think I'm going to throw up again." I stated, taking a deep breath in an attempt to lower my body temperature.

"Dylan, everything is going to be fine." Abby tried to comfort me, but it didn't help.

I was pacing around my dorm, holding the unopened box in my hand. My heart was beating faster than I ever remember it beating before. My stomach churned and I could feel the bile rising in my throat.

"Oh God-" I sat down on my bed and throw my face in my hands, my eyes stinging with tears. "-oh my God."

I felt the bed sink next to me and a warm arm wrap around my shoulders. It was supposed to be a supportive gesture, but all it did was make me want to throw up even more.

We sat like that for a few seconds. I knew Abby didn't know how to comfort me, she was never that good with crying ...or feelings. When she came out, she wrote it on a piece of paper and drew a penis on one side and a vagina on the other.

"Are you ready?" She whispered in my ear, and I hesitantly nodded.

I look up from the secluded darkness in my hands and wipe my tears, knowing full well that my mascara was smeared all over my face. Abby rubs my back as I gather the energy to stand up.

"I'll wait here for you." Abby tells me and I nod, gripping the box tighter in my hand.

When I exit my dorm room, I suddenly became aware of what I was holding in my hand for everyone to see. I heard another dorm open it's door and I quickly stuck the box in my jeans, wrapping my cardigan around my body so no one could notice the bulge on the leg.

The communal bathroom was busy when I opened the door, girls running around in towels or half naked. It was loud with gossip, news about who did who and what party is everyone going to tonight hovering in the air. I noticed there was a stall open at the very end of the room, so I pushed past some girls putting on lotion and ran inside.

I sat on the toilet, pull the box out of my jeans, and hold it between my hands. I stared at it, trying to decide if I actually wanted to know the answer to the question bouncing around my head. Maybe if I just let it go, nothing will happen and my life can go back to normal. But I knew better than that,

I rip the box open from the side and pull out the two blue and white sticks. On the middle of each one there was a blank screen where I assumed the results would appear. The blue end was a cap, where, underneath had a thin, white, rectangular strip.

I place the box and extra pregnancy test on the ground and pull down my pants.

When I finish peeing on both tests, I placed the caps on the end and shoved them back into the box. Then, I shoved the box back into my pants and wrap my cardigan around myself.

I make it back to my dorm, my heart beating from the jog I had just took in the hall and the anxiety running through my veins. Abby was sitting on her bed, her phone in her hand as she scrolled through Instagram. She looked up at me expectantly.

"Well?" She asked, locking her phone.

"I have to wait two minutes for the results." I tell her as I pull the box out from my pants.

I pull the tests out and throw the box away before I take a seat next to Abby on her bed. I take my phone out of my pocket and set a timer for two minutes.

"You know everything is going to be fine, right?" I noticed Abby turned her head towards me through my peripherals, but I stare at my bed across from me.

"How?" I hadn't even realized I asked the question, my voice sounded shaky and far away.

"Well, if your pregnant, I'll help you. You know? I'll watch the little rugrat while you're at school, and I'll feed and bathe it when you're doing homework. And you know Owen would never let you go without money."

I smile slightly at her words. "I hate taking money from Owen, you know that. I couldn't let him do that."

"Please, like that'll stop him." I could hear the smile in her voice as she laid her head on my shoulder. "We love you, Dylan. You and all your dumb decisions."

I laugh, genuinely. Abby had always been good at making me laugh when I'm sad.

The moment was ruined by the loud ringing coming from my phone, telling me that the two minutes are over. It was time to check the tests.

Abby and I looked at each other, and I could tell she was just as nervous as I was.

"You look, I can't do it." I handed her the two tests and she nods, taking them in her right hand.

"Three..." We grasp our hands together, "Two..." I dig my nails into the back of her hand, "One..." I inhale a sharp breath.

Abby flips the tests over and in big fat stupid digital letters, the word PREGNANT punched me in the gut. It was at that moment that I ran for the little trashcan next to my bed, and threw up.