"Mm . . . not there."

"Yes, here."

"No, d-don't—"

"I have to, otherwise it won't feel better."

"Wait wait wait, Rokim, your fingers—"

"My fingers are where they're supposed to be."

"But, ah—it hurts!"

"Bear with it for a while!"

"Rokim!" I groaned, jerking away from him. "My god, do you not know how to give a massage?"

He rolled his eyes. "You're such a baby."

I scowled and rubbed my shoulders. "Your hands are literally half the size of me. You don't need to press so hard." 

"If I don't, then the knots won't come out."

"Ugh." I moved away from him, putting my hands in the air defensively. "I literally just wanted to get rid of my tension. It hasn't even been five minutes since we won the fricking ecomp, Kimmy. Remember that? Remember when we won?"

He grinned and mussed my hair, a move which I couldn't manage to evade. "I remember." His grin broadened, and my eyes went wide as he wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, lifting me clean off the ground.

"Rokim! Put me down!" I half-laughed as he spun me. I caught Prof and Adrian's whirling faces as they emerged from the Evaluation Room, Rian and Lisa in tow.

Rokim set me back on my feet, still grinning from ear to ear. He slung an arm around my shoulder, and I couldn't keep a laugh from bubbling out of me. His smile was infectious. Prof and Adrian surveyed the two of us amusedly as Lisa skipped over and enveloped me in a hug.

"You guys did so good!" she squealed, turning to face Rian too. I looked up at him distractedly, drugged on my own happiness, only to see him scowling darkly. I sucked in breath.

Devil.

Lisa frowned when she saw his face. "Come on, lighten up, Rian!" she teased, nudging his side. "You just made history! Celebrate!" Her eyes lit up with mischief. "Celebrate the look on Vanessa's smug face!"

He simply crossed his arms, taking no note of her words. My eyes immediately went to his forefinger, which began to tap on his bicep. "It was less my doing and more Hanna's, really." His words were kind, but his voice was ice.

"But still," Adrian interjected, his eyes fixed on Rian's tapping just like mine were. He looked worried. "Didn't you guys say one of those judges threatened to give you a zero?" He frowned and exchanged glances with Prof, who also furrowed his brow in confusion. "How'd you get him to back off?"

I frowned too, glancing at Rian perplexedly. "You were talking to him earlier, weren't you?" I asked, ignoring the way his eyes roved over Rokim's arm on my shoulders. "What did you say?"

He slid a hand in his pocket, withdrawing something dark. I realized it was what he'd had in his hand while speaking to Waddles up on the panel: his phone.

We all watched as he scrolled through a few screens and finally stopped to press a button. I nearly jolted as I heard Waddles' nasally voice pour out of the speaker. "I'm glad to see you're as disrespectful as ever, Ms. Jordan. That way, it will seem much less surprising when I give you a score of zero during your evaluation."

Rian pressed the button again to stop it, glancing over all our stunned faces dispassionately. "When I saw him coming, I figured he had nothing good to say. So I recorded him," he divulged, shrugging. "I said if he was anything but impartial I'd release his threat and get him kicked off the board."

He tucked his phone back into his pocket. Slowly, our shock wore off and large smiles spread over everyone's faces. Prof thumped him on the back, grinning. "Brilliant. Just brilliant."

"How the heck did we ever survive without you?" Lisa asked in wonder. Everyone nodded along, and the tips of Rian's ears went pink.

"It was nothing, really," he said, rubbing the back of his head. 

Rokim nudged me, nodding at Rian meaningfully. I scowled, but he nudged me again, more forcefully this time. "It . . . wasn't nothing," I forced out finally, shooting one last glare at Rokim. "It was helpful. Thank you."

Rian glanced up at me, an indecipherable glimmer in his eyes. "You're welcome."

Rokim looked between the two of us rapidly, before rolling his eyes. "For goodness' sake," he muttered, and held out his hand for Lisa. "Prof, Lis and I are gonna head out," he said, eyeing me. "Make sure you come home early so we can order celebration pizza."

I broke my gaze from Rian's and smiled at him instead. "Jake and Amy?"

"Definitely."

"Anyways," Prof announced, after watching them go, "I have to go clear up the terms of our funding with the other Evaluators. You two go home and relax. I'll see you in class on Monday," he finished, smiling warmly.

As he was turning away, Rian caught his attention again. "Actually, sir," he interjected impassively, "I won't be there."

A trail of ice slid down my spine. I'd nearly forgotten. Prof, however, frowned confusedly. "What do you mean?"

Rian's face was completely expressionless. "I'm no longer needed in your class. There's no reason for me to come."

Prof raised his eyebrows. "Of course you're needed, Rian. I thought today would have made that perfectly clear."

For just a moment, Rian cut his eyes to mine. I stared back blankly, unwilling to give in. His gaze flicked back to Prof.

"The ecomp is over," he replied flatly. "A replacement AC has been lined up. My attendance isn't required."

Adrian furrowed his brow, somehow looking even more concerned than Prof. "Rian, are you sure that's a good idea?"

A muscle in Rian's jaw flexed as he turned to answer. "It's better that I'm not there."

"Says who?"

A hint of bitterness crept into his tone. "Says me. And anyone else with half a brain."

"But—"

"Let it go, Adrian."

I frowned. They were on a first-name basis now? How exactly did they know each other so well?

Before I could ask, Rian dragged a hand through his hair. "Just . . . it was a pleasure working with you all," he said, and I caught a flash of the same self-loathing I'd seen the day before. 

A small voice nagged at me, telling me something was off, but I didn't have time to address it as Rian turned away and left us all hanging.

Prof blinked in surprise. "That was unexpected."

Adrian sighed and patted his husband on the arm. "Yeah, but he's been having a rough go of it lately. Maybe cut him some slack."

Prof glanced at him and nodded. "Whatever you say, Adrian," he acquiesced, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "You're the doctor. I'll see you at home."

My eyes darted between the two of them perplexedly as Prof nodded goodbye to me and walked back into the Evaluation Room. After watching him go, Adrian turned to me and noticed my confusion. 

"What?" he asked amusedly.

We began walking towards the exit. "You're a doctor?" I blurted, blindsided.

Adrian laughed as we left the building and headed to his BMW. "You didn't know?" he asked teasingly. "Did you think I was just a househusband, or something?"

I rolled my eyes but smiled as we got in the car. "No," I said petulantly, before pausing in slight embarrassment. "Maybe."

"A househusband, Hanna? Really?"

"What?" I said defensively. "You're always hanging around our class, and I never see you work!"

He laughed again, shaking his head as he pulled out of the lot. "Well, I have my own clinic. My hours are pretty flexible." 

I nodded in understanding. The road was quiet, and I settled into my seat. But the silence didn't last for long. We passed by a Baskin-Robbins and Adrian let out a little gasp.

"Do you want ice cream?" he asked excitedly, already making a U-turn.

I grinned. "I like the way you think."

♛

10 minutes and a very spirited drive later, Adrian and I arrived at my apartment. I slammed open my door, trying not to let any of the stuff in my hands topple over.

"We bear gifts!" I shouted, entering my living room with Adrian in tow.

Lisa and Rokim got to their feet, grinning happily when they saw what said gifts were. "Ice cream!" Lisa gushed, grabbing the tray from me. I watched amusedly as she and Rokim bickered over who got to have the salted caramel.

"The caramel is mine!" Rokim growled, tugging it away from her. 

Lisa wordlessly picked up a nearby fork. I monitored with silent glee as she poked him in the abdomen threateningly. Their dispute was over pretty quickly after that.

Rokim settled onto the couch with his cookies n' cream, stuffing his face. Lisa went to go put the fork back in its drawer. "This is your fault, Han," he said through a mouthful of oreo. "You taught Lis your evil, fork-wielding ways."

I flopped down next to him, flicking on the TV and snuggling in with my Reese's peanut butter ice cream. "Everyone should know how to weaponize a fork, Kimmy," I said matter-of-factly. "It's just good sense."

"It really is," Adrian chimed in, perched in a nearby armchair. "Ask any one of my patients."

Rokim snorted. "You're a psychiatrist, Adrian. That's not the most reliable advice."

I frowned as they both laughed. "Wait. You're a psychiatrist?" I asked confusedly. I'd thought he was a medical doctor, maybe a family physician. But a psychiatrist?

They both looked over at me, realization dawning on their faces. Rokim shifted with sudden discomfort. 

"Uh, yeah," he said, scratching the back of his head. "Remember when you had that nightmare here?" he asked gently. I nodded, glancing at Adrian perplexedly. "He was the psychiatrist I was gonna recommend to you."

I nodded again, more slowly this time. I wasn't exactly a fan of Adrian's line of work, after all. "I see."

Adrian paused, his ice cream momentarily forgotten. "You're welcome to come by and chat anytime, Hanna," he offered warmly.

I laughed a little awkwardly. "No, that's fine. I . . . don't really like therapy."

He raised an eyebrow. "I've heard that one before." He returned his attention to his pistachio almond. "Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."

I smiled and thanked him, but something in his words nagged at me. I thought back to all the times I'd seen him and Rian exchange weird glances, how Adrian always seemed to be hovering around nearby. I thought of the worry in his face whenever he saw Rian's fingers begin to tap. It was the same worry I'd begun to feel recently—the worry that something was wrong.

"Wait," I said abruptly, the very possibility hitting me like a truck. "Have you—are you treating Rian, too?"

My question hung in the air. Adrian bit his lip, swirling his spoon through his ice cream distractedly. Rokim looked all kinds of uncomfortable. Finally, Adrian gave in to my determined stare. "Well, yes. Technically."

"Technically?"

He sighed. "Technically, because his sessions aren't on the books. He doesn't—he prefers it that way."

I frowned, setting down my cup. I couldn't keep my curiosity at bay. "Why?"

Adrian dug his fingers into his fine blond hair. "Hanna, I really shouldn't be telling you this," he admitted, looking at me worriedly. "Privacy is important. Especially to Rian."

"Well, if your sessions aren't officially recorded then that means they're legal baloney," I retorted. "Patient-doctor confidentiality doesn't apply here."

"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. Rian, he . . ." Adrian trailed off, setting his cup down next to mine. He seemed to resign himself to having to tell me a few things. "He doesn't like to use his money. That's why our appointments are kept private, so he doesn't have to pay for them."

I furrowed my brow. "What? He's not cheap, and he has plenty of money to spare. Why would he want to—"

"Because it was left for him by his parents."

Parents.

My breath rushed out of my lungs. The room seemed to sway, and I had to grip the sides of the couch to keep my bearings. Rian's parents. His parents left him the money.

My fault.

"So that's where his cash comes from!" Rokim exclaimed, completely oblivious to the suddenly oppressive atmosphere. "I always wondered, since he doesn't work at the class restaurant with us and doesn't seem to have a job. Do you think—"

"Rokim!" Lisa's voice interrupted his spiel, emerging from the kitchen. "There's a spider on you."

He yelped and shot off the couch, twirling around in a sort of horrified dance. "Where? Where? Get it off get it off get it off!"

Lisa beckoned for him to come forward and he rushed to her in terror. She immediately raised a hand and whacked him upside the head. 

"Ow!" he said, rubbing the spot where she'd hit him. 

She smiled sweetly in response. "Got it. Now why don't we leave Hanna and Adrian alone so they can chat in peace?"

Rokim scowled as he realized what she'd done, still rubbing his head. "Fine," he muttered. "You could have just said that instead of making up the spider thing. Spiders are worse than forks."

"Don't be cute, Roke. I'm trying to be mad."

They kept bickering as he followed her into an adjacent room. Soon all was silent, and I was left to recover from Adrian's sudden name-drop.

"I get why he doesn't like using his inheritance, then," I said shakily. Adrian gave me a sympathetic glance. "Blood money isn't very appealing."

"Sweetheart, it's not for the reason you think."

"Of course it is!" I exclaimed bitterly, burying my face in my hands. I'd thought I pushed my guilt down far enough and smothered it with enough anger to ignore it, but one mention of Rian's family and it reared its ugly head again. "Why would you want to use the money of your dead parents?"

I felt something settle on the couch next to me and looked up. Adrian had moved from his chair and now wrapped an arm around my shoulders. 

"Hanna," he said, his bright green gaze uncharacteristically serious. "You know it wasn't your fault, don't you?"

I let my face drop miserably back into my hands. "That's what everyone keeps telling me," I mumbled.

"That's what I keep telling Rian, too," he added gently. My head rocketed back up to look at him with shocked eyes.

"What?"

Adrian sighed and patted my back. "He thinks the accident was his fault, Hanna."

I scrambled away from him, turning to look him directly in the face. My heart was beating wildly, and my mind was whirling. "Why—what? That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't—he doesn't . . ."

I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was so utterly dumbfounded by the revelation Adrian had just handed me that I was speechless. And I was never speechless.

Adrian took my silence as an opportunity to continue. "I can't tell you everything, Hanna," he began. "At least not right now. Just know that he's not as cold as you think."

All those times I'd seen Adrian around while Rian was agitated, was aloof, was finger-tapping like a crazy person . . . was he trying to comfort him? Had he been plagued by the same guilt I had for this entire time? For three years?

"Oh my god," I murmured. "No. It wasn't his fault, Adrian. How could he think it was his fault? He didn't deserve—and I've been so angry at him . . ."

Apology not accepted. 

He'd said that. But he'd also said . . .

Because you have nothing to apologize for. 

I was an idiot.

"Right now he's suffering," Adrian admitted. "A lot. So before I tell you anything, you need to help him."

I looked up at Adrian in morose wonder. "How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

He smiled lopsidedly. "Do what you do best. Be yourself."

"Wha—"

"Your earnest, relentless self," he interjected. "Break him out of his shell. Spend as much time with him as possible. Before he leaves, that is."

I froze, my insides feeling like they were coated with ice. "Leaves?" I echoed weakly.

You'll never have to see me again.

Adrian nodded, a concerned glint entering his eyes. "I don't know where he plans to go, but he mentioned that he'd be gone by the end of next week at the latest."

I tugged my hands through my hair, letting it tumble around my shoulders haphazardly. I'd told him to leave. I'd said it to his face. But now that it was really happening, I couldn't fathom a reality where I never saw Rian again. 

Selfish, I chastised myself. Stupid. He was leaving, just as I left him for France. This was karma of the highest order. I didn't even understand why I was so bent on keeping him here, but I knew in a second that if he left, he wouldn't be coming back. And I definitely wouldn't be able to handle that. 

I jolted slightly as Lisa's words from earlier rang in my ears. My face contorted into an embarrassed scowl.

You like him.

"Ugh," I groaned finally. "Freaking Lisa always has to be freaking right."

Adrian blinked in surprise. But before he could question me about it, I was already up and heading for the door.

I grabbed my peacoat off the hook and swung it around my shoulders. "What are you doing?" Adrian asked, bewildered. 

"I'm being my stupid earnest and relentless self," I grumbled, swinging the door open. I was going to fix the mess I had created. "I may not be back for a few days. Tell Rokim to put my ice cream in the fridge."