No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep. All I could hear was Sumithra's voice echoing the words, 'Gilbert Blythe'.

Apparently, Gilbert Blythe was Salome's fictional man crush who she had set her future husband ideals on. I wouldn't blame her choice though. Blythe was indeed an honorable man who stood faithfully by Anne, waiting patiently with every passing year, hoping that she would turn to him.

But unlike me, Blythe knew who he wanted to be. He was set to be a doctor and marry Anne since he was in school and he worked his way through all of his hardships and finally settled down in his house dreams with the woman he worshiped.

Getting restless from the amount of turning and kicking, I finally sat up in bed and let out a sigh. Gilbert and Anne's house of dreams was no mansion but they were still happy. Salome and I both shared a troubled past, did this mean we could still be happy?

'Do you think that her family would accept you? A boy who threw away his future because he didn't feel like taking responsibility'

My fists clenched at the duvet as Dad's words came charging in causing a low growl to escape from my throat. I hated how his words had this effect on me even though I knew none of it was true. He never said anything encouraging to me or even sympathetic, they always felt like steel cold words which pierced my self-confidence like a two-edged sword. Each time we met, it was like the sword was digging itself deep inside and now the handle was just a few inches away from touching my chest.

I never threw anything away. He was the one who gave up on me when all I ever did was fight just so I could stand on my feet.

As if on cue, the pushed back memory made its way up and I had no choice but to become a prisoner to it;

It was the day I had come back from the hospital after the accident. My entire body still ached but because I was on pain medication, I felt like I was floating and the thoughts in my head were set to lose without a harness.

Dad walked into my room and all he said was, 'You will not be seen anywhere near that girl again. You will continue to work at the office and I have a meeting set up with your manager so you can do some damage control-'

'- Is it so futile to you?', I cut in.

'Excuse me?'

'Your son just got into an accident. He learns that the girl he loves is being held against her will because of him. He lost the one thing in the world that made sense to him and you want him to just forget it and move on?', I asked not caring that I was crying in front of him.

'Addressing yourself in the third person won't make me see things any differently', was the cold response.

At that exact moment, I felt something snap inside of me. I felt like someone had broken the lock to a cage full of unfelt rage and sadness and that there was no longer any fear holding it back. All my life I had been taught to respect my parents and never once raise my voice at them, that I should keep them on a pedestal where they should only be observed at and not touched but today, none of those rules seemed to exist anymore.

'Then what will it take?', I asked with a small laugh that for a second I thought I had gone mad. My heart felt like it was drowning but my head found the situation to be the most amusing thing it had ever witnessed.

'What did you say?', he asked stunned at my reply.

'I ASKED WHAT WILL IT FUCKING TAKE FOR YOU TO SEE ME?!'

The voice that had screamed was not only mine but the voices of all of my past emotions making it feel like I was suddenly possessed by the different versions of myself.

'Why can't you just be a normal father?! Why can't you for once just tell me that it's okay?! Why do you have to keep making me feel like I'm worthless as if your words don't already do that for you?! WHY AM I BEING MADE TO DO THINGS I NEVER WANTED TO DO?!', I screamed and fell to my knees as I shuddered with tears.

With my head bowed to the floor, I cried out in pain gasping for breath from the rush.

'Young master!', exclaimed Austin's voice causing me to look up and I found him at the door looking as if he were in pain too. He made his way towards me but Dad put his arm out preventing him from taking another step.

I couldn't even make a sound. I was too shocked at what I was seeing. He wouldn't even allow anyone to help me.

'WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!', I cried out again but he was still unmoved.

'Master Pharaoh, please-'

'He has the same disease as his mother. I can't deal with another ruined person'

The second the words came from his mouth, I felt like someone had cut the strings to whatever was desperately holding me up, causing me to sit back on my haunches. I could no longer hear the familiar sounds of the compound, only this ringing sound which was getting louder with every passing second.

My chest felt like someone was crushing it, causing my lungs to malfunction as well.

'I can't stand people who don't know how to control their emotions, especially when it's a man; Pathetic'

I don't know where it came from, but I felt a fearsome wildness possess me, causing me to shoot up from the ground and before I knew it, I held my father by his collar.

'Ethan!', exclaimed Austin as he tried to pry me off of him but I naturally stronger than him and with this untamed anger, I was dangerous.

'You're the reason for it. You ruined Mum and now me. If anyone deserves to be miserable, its you! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RUINED US!', I roared pushing him against the wall.

Hearing the commotion, his bodyguard came in and ripped me off of him.

I expected him to look stunned but other than his torn collar and the disheveled suit he didn't even look shaken, instead, all he did was look at Austin and said,

'Take him back to the hospital and this time admit him in the psych ward'

He didn't even pause to look at me and all I could do was stand there shaking as I felt my whole world slip from my hands. I felt completely insignificant. No amount of tears, or screaming would ever help me escape. It felt like I was stuck in a glass box surrounded by people who could clearly see I was in pain but they ignored my dull screams and pretended not to see the blood-stained walls from all of my failed attempts at shattering the cage.

I didn't know what to do anymore, so I sat down on the edge of my bed desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened.

'Young master', said Austin as he put his hand on my shoulder. It felt like a balm on a wound causing a few more tears to make their way down.

'I- I- don't know what to do', I gasped shuddering with each word.

'It's going to be okay', he said knowing that it was a lie and that he had no choice but to take me to the hospital.

'Please don't let me go! PLEASE DON'T! AUSTIN I SWEAR I'M NOT CRAZY! I'M NOT! I'M REALLY NOT CRAZY!', I begged and clung to his jacket burying my face into his chest unable to imagine what was coming, 'Please believe me', I whimpered.

Austin couldn't do anything except gently pat my back for dull comfort but I knew he was crying as well because I had felt a tear fall on my head.

I spent over two months at the hospital. I never once had a breakdown over there or after I was discharged.

It also turned out that I didn't have my Mum's 'disease' as he put it. In the doctor's words, 'You were behaving like any normal human who's been through trauma for years without receiving proper care. You're not crazy, Ethan. Don't let anyone tell you that ever again'

The doctor was right. I wasn't crazy, I just had a father who didn't want to take responsibility for his own son. Ironic how he's pointing fingers at me for not wanting to take responsibility for the company.

It had been quite some time since I had remembered that day, that my throat felt dry as if it remembered how sore it felt. I got up to pour myself a glass of water and as I drank, I wondered if I should tell Salome about this.

What if this information diluted her image of me as her Gilbert Blythe? Would she take me along with my dark past? But she already has enough darkness of her own, should I be adding more?

The glass was put down with a loud thud bringing me out of the cyclone of endless self-doubt.

Why was it so hard for me to still accept the fact that none of it was my fault? Why can't I convince myself that I ran away for the sake of my sanity instead of going into a guilt trip every time?

Maybe the initial reason for my comeback was Salome but once I got a taste of the life I had left, I could already feel it calling me back. Did this mean I was ready to take back what was mine? Deep inside I knew that I was no longer the scared boy who believed everything his father told him or blindly obeyed every single rule set before him.

Maybe I was doing this for myself as well.