My mind had calmed down enough to allow me to make the decision to go back to class. It was more like a lot of self-convincing and sometimes I'd have to concentrate really hard to replace all the bad vibes with good ones; to be honest, it made me feel like a witch who could control the energies around her and THAT was cool.

It's simple things like this that help me get through a day when I'm mentally tired. Some people might say ignoring one's feelings is a naive thing to do but unless you know what it feels like to have toxicity in your brain sponsored by your own thoughts for like almost 90% of your day, you need to look through those rose colored glasses from time to time, otherwise, you'll lose yourself in the storm within.

However, my glasses lost their tint when I realized Ethan wasn't in class and in the bottom of my heart I felt like something was wrong. It was this unshakable gut feeling which becomes a nuisance when you're stressed because you don't know if it's just another negative voice trying to launch your anxiety to the moon.

'Good vibes, Omi...Good vibes', I muttered under my breath and began to write 'Oblivate' on my wrist. It was my favorite spell from Harry Potter because I wanted nothing more but to forget what was going on inside my head instead of remembering each traumatic moment since birth.

I'd been writing on my wrist ever since my problems started and it always calmed me down. I don't know why but having something inked to my skin gave me the illusion that the meaning of the word was seeping into my body and doing its definition.

I guess you might think I should simply tattoo the word , right? I could but then my arm would end up becoming a dictionary. It was more like this 'word of the day' board and today all I wanted was to forget.

'What happened to you?', asked Nadia in-between the lecture and I looked up from my doodle text.

'I wasn't well', I said choosing my words carefully. Nadia might have seen me have a breakdown but that didn't mean I was ready to tell her my entire story.

'Does it have anything to do with what happened the other day?', she asked softly and I felt my insides tighten as my body temperature went up.

'A bit'

'You don't have to talk about it unless you want to. I'm just worried and I-' '-It's fine Nadia', I cut in feeling guilty about her awkwardness, 'I'm not really in the mood to rant right now. I'm just trying to hold myself together and be grateful to be in the moment. It helps me feel like I'm in control'.

Nadia replied with a smile and gave my hand a supportive squeeze.

'Please don't consider me a stranger if you ever need help, Omi', she said and it almost sounded like a plea.

'If I'm ever not okay enough for someone to worry about me and if I actually need help, I will call on you', I promised and her face lit up like a firework.

This was an expression that I noticed on very few of my friends. It was like they were glad to be a part of my monster-infested world and this confused me. Why would you willingly put yourself in the dark when you know nothing but the light? Why would you risk your sanity over it?

Donny used to tell me how she could never understand this darkness.

'I can't imagine questioning my every move as you do, Omi. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have thunderous confidence like you but at the same time have a crippling fear attacking it. How do you do it? I mean how do you keep yourself sane?'

Well, the answer to that would be learning to put yourself in someone else's point of view and then look at the problem. Once you see how little it actually is, you can differentiate the real voice which is your confidence and the fake one which is your anxiety.

I don't know how other people do it, but this is what I've been doing for a long time. And I won't lie, sometimes it does get frustrating because you know that it's not a big deal but by that time your mind has already made it into the size of Atlas' burden.

When I think about it now, Sumi, Karthick and Zaid were the only people in college who weren't afraid of my haunted mind. Sumi would dive right in and pull me out, Karthick would wait outside my walls until I sent a distress signal and Zaid's calming words of advice would part the darkness and bring back my common sense.

'Salome!', called a voice as I stood in the hallway after class.

'Aravind?', I asked confused because even though he was Ethan's friend, this was the first time he was talking to me.

'I just wanted to ask how you were', he said and I internally cringed but I guess I did a bad job of hiding it because he chuckled.

'Don't worry, I don't tell people what Ethan confides in me but when I heard, I just wanted to check up on you', he said.

'Confide?', I asked confused at his choice of words.

' Well, I guess I can tell you this. Ethan barely tells anyone what's going on with him and it ends up eating him from the inside so when we became friends I made him promise to tell me whatever it was that bothered him', he said.

Ethan kept things to himself and acted like a pressure-filled bottle too? I guess we did have something in common.

'Yeah, come to think of it, I've noticed how he often speaks out of context. So I guess I wasn't being an idiot and actually confused', I mused and he laughed.

'But to answer your question, yeah I'm alright', I added.

'That's good to know. Listen, if you need anything, don't be shy to ask. Any friend of Ethan is a friend of mine because that bastard is the pickiest human being alive', he said and I couldn't help but internally gloat at the new fact.

'Where is he though?', I asked and noticed him shift his weight onto the other leg as if he was nervous.

'He said he wasn't feeling well',

'Oh. Is it serious?', I asked a bit worried yet skeptical.

'Nah. I guess it's a bad case of sinusitis or something', he replied and I sighed knowing that it was pointless to ask because Aravind was clearly protecting his friend.

'One more thing, how badly did he punch Noah? he asked.

'Punch? It was more like he hit a six with his helmet', I said stupefied that he didn't know.

'Helmet?! He hit Noah with a helmet?', he asked with confusion more than shock.

'Yeah it was pretty much like a scene out of a movie, I said and shuddered as I remembered.

'Well that twat deserved it- Did you see his bike?', he asked.

'It was black. I never knew he had a bike', was all I could say because that night was still a daze to me.

'Yeah, me neither', said Aravind and by the look on his face, I realized that he didn't mean to say it out loud.

'I have to go. Stay safe, okay?', he said suddenly and let me in a whirlwind of obscurity.