As I made my way towards class, I was stopped by my History Professor, Miss Lizzie.

'Salome, I have a favor to ask of you', she said and I smiled with a nod signaling that I was alright with whatever it was.

'There's a lecture happening today at 3 and the student who was supposed to compere came down with something and I really need help', she said desperately. I seriously hated it when Professors had to beg for help from their students, it was like they weren't powerful anymore or was that something wired into our brains?

'I'm okay with it as long as I get notes', I said and she immediately handed me a file.

Okay.

'Just come to the auditorium half an hour before it starts', she said with a grateful smile that it almost looked cute.

'I'll be there', I reassured and then watched as she ran off.

Compering wasn't new to me, in fact, my rise to fame in high school started from it along with some other unwanted attention; let's not go there.

My phone pinged and I was suprised to find a text from Ayush. Why on earth would he be texting me when it's like 12 am in India? He's probably drunk or something.

Ayush was my classmate in college and for some unknown reason he did not like me. When I say unknown, I really mean unknown because Donny who was friends with him had once told me that he said, 'I just don't like Salome. There's no reason, I just don't like her'.

'You think you know so much about Karthy. You make up all these fucking quotes as if you were that close. Stop making shit up, bitch' - AYUSH

My heart pounded at the text and before I knew it my head was spinning.

I quickly sat myself down on the steps and read it again. Why would he suddenly text me something like this? I had blocked him on all my social media accounts except on chat; unless someone had forwarded my excerpts which I sometimes posted as stories.

Ayush and Karthick were best friends back in college, it was impossible to separate them that if one was missing, you only need to look for the other. I never really liked Ayush, he was unpredictable and childish at times that it was pointless talking to him, so I steered clear of him. I always knew that he filled Karthick's head with rubbish about me but my best friend never listened and that often pissed Ayush off.

My friendship with Karthick was not loud and public, it was quiet and private. I never did anything dramatic with him other than a few fights and then whenever we both needed each other, because of that a lot of people in class never knew how much he meant to me or I to him. And one of those people were Ayush and I guess some dramatic person had sent him a screenshot.

My hands trembled.

I wanted to scream because I hated this feeling. I wanted to text him back to explain myself but people like Ayush never cared about what the other person had to say. In their tiny minds, they were always right. 

Before I became friends with Karthick, people used to say that everything I did was fake and that I was just making things up for my own benefit. This was how they tried to bring me and Karthick apart at the start but it never worked because he knew the real me.

Right now, that affirmation was not working.

Right now, all that I could hear were those rumors which tormented me.

'You're romanticizing something that never existed'

'You're making it up'

'Ayush knew you were fake'

No...no... no... NO!!!

 I held my head in my hands trying to silence the voices but they were only getting louder.

I had to fight this. I had a job to do in half an hour but the tears built up in my throat wanted me to scream.

'Omi?', asked a voice and I looked up to find Nadia standing over me with a concerned look.

'Are you okay? Were you crying?', she asked stunned and it was then that I realized that my cheeks were already wet.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT!

It was happening and I had to get out of here. Nadia had never seen me in this state before and so I was scared to show her my vulnerable side so I did what I was best at doing; I ran.

I couldn't think or breathe properly. All I knew was that I needed a safe place to cry and let it out.

'I'm not making this up!'

'I did care for him!', I yelled back in my head at the voices as I tried to find a room.

My eyes fell on the terrace garden and I quickly ran into the green environment and collapsed beneath a potted palm tree.

I brought my legs up to my chest so that my arms were wrapped around my entire body.

'I'm not lying...I'm not making it up!', I cried into my knees and I could feel my entire body shake in fear.

I looked up and an image of Karthick appeared before me. This was something that I had taught my mind to do. Whenever I was at my lowest and needed him, I'd conjure up a memory of him that I could actually see him in front of me, telling me what I needed to hear.

'Omi, don't listen to him. You have texts from me saying that I care about you and that you're my best of the best. What more do you need?', he asked.

A cry finally escaped my lips and I gasped out the rest of the tears, making small shrieks each time I came up for air.

'Omi, please. You can do this', he begged and I watched as his eyebrows furrowed helplessly.

Karthick hated seeing girls cry, especially the ones he cared about.

'Omi?', called another voice and I looked up to find Nadia standing before me, out of breath.

The second I saw her worried face, all my walls came tumbling down because I couldn't hold them up anymore. Ayush had hit me where it hurt and all I wanted to do right now was to scream and cry.

'Shhh, it's okay', she said as she crouched beside me and took me in her arms but all I could do was cry out and try not to shake.

'Let it out, Omi', she said gently and I clung to my friend as if my life depended on it. I no longer cared if she was seeing my demons, I needed help.

About 10 minutes later I had calmed down and I could already feel myself start to feel sleepy. It was the only habit I had kept from my childhood; sleeping right after crying.

'Are you better now?', she asked pulling back to look at me but I looked at the ground embarrassed at my meltdown.

'I'm okay now', I replied quietly.

'Omi, I don't know what it is that just happened, but it's okay to break down sometimes. I won't ever judge you for that. Seeing you cry like this for the first time in almost 2 years is proof that you're one of the most resilient friends I have. You're not made of stone, it's okay', she said and I sniffed.

'Do you want me to get Ethan?', she asked.

'No', I replied quickly.

I did not want him to see me like this. I wasn't ready to tell him my entire story yet.

'Was this meltdown because of that friend of your's who passed away?', she asked and I nodded.

Nadia gave me one last hug before lifting me up from the ground.

'You're going to be fine', she said with an encouraging smile and I let out a deep sigh.

'Do you want me to call a cab for you?", she asked as we made our way back to class.

'No, I have to compere in a while', I said and immediately regretted agreeing to it but my mind countered it by saying that if it weren't for Ayush, I would have been fine.

'Are you sure?', she asked doubtfully.

'Positive', I replied and made a turn to the bathrooms.

With a quick splash of water, retouch of lipstick and adjustment of hair, I was back to normal. I had a face that never puffed up after crying, it only made it my face look more flushed and alive, so I guess that was a good thing. Years of crying in the bathroom and exiting as if nothing had happened, had trained me well.

'How did you-', started Nadia as I came out smiling at her.

'Practise', I replied wryly and she shook her head at me.

'So these crying sprees...', she started.

'I've been doing this since I was 15, Nadia. I can handle myself at times but sometimes like today, I just need someone. As long as I can cry it out, I'll be fine', I replied and she smiled in admiration at me.

To be honest, the real reason was that I had no other choice. I can either spend my day crying or face it and get it over with. I had always been the 'ripping the bandage off' kind of person. I never really liked to let people see me in that state either.

I wasn't afraid of the pain. I'm used to setting myself on fire with my emotions and emerging from the ashes like it was nothing but each step after in that new skin felt like knives digging into my body but who could ever understand that depth of pain or emotion?

I knew none of my current friends could, even though they did a wonderful job at holding me in one piece whenever I exploded. I think, Sumi was the only one who had ever seen me at my worst. She's seen me in my room screaming in a corner, curled up in a ball and I'd have no idea of what was going on outside my head.

And yet she was never frightened by my demons, instead, she'd calm them down with a hug. These years away from her had taught me how to deal with them on my own but the panic attacks were less intense now, mostly because I was out of the toxic environment of my old college.

Nadia decided to join me and so as I waited for her to get her bag, I felt my heart do a leap as Ethan's form appeared in the distance. I knew that if he saw my face, he'd immediately know something was wrong so I forced myself to think of the most happiest memory I had and it appeared in the form of a smile.

If Tinkerbell were nearby, I would be flying now.

'Hey', I said as he neared and then smiled at me.

'What are you up to?', he asked and Nadia appeared at the doorway. She looked bewildered to see my beaming face that it almost made me laugh.

'I have a thing to do at the lecture hall', I replied.

'You should come, Ethan', said Nadia and I mentally face palmed myself because my smile power was hitting low battery.

'What's going on there?', he asked.

'I don't know, Miss Lizzie asked me to fill in for her sick compere', I said hoping that he'd be uninterested.

'Oh, then it's a history lecture. I'm coming', he said with a smile.

At times like this, I wished Ethan was one of those guys who hated lectures; like Karthick who avoided them like the plague.

'Okay', I squeaked and the three of us made our way down to the hall.

The program started and I was pleased with how effortlessly I could compere. It truly did take me back to some good memories. It was just one of those things that you do and you feel like you're home.

The only problem was the damn collar mic which wouldn't work and as I stood there in a corner trying to solve what was wrong, Ethan came up offering to help.

'I think you've twisted the wire when you hooked it in', he said and I craned my neck to get a look but ended up sending a jolting pain up my back

'May I help adjust it?', he asked.

'Yeah sure'

'It involves raising your shirt up a bit', he said and I felt my cheeks heat up a bit but I trusted him.

The thing with me was that I didn't like it if people touched me without permission, especially men who felt like they could just grab a woman whenever they felt like and then shout their innocence in the name of friendly touch. As if.

The only person I had felt comfortable with was Karthick, mostly because he had no respect for anyone's personal space but also because he made me feel safe. The first time he had sat close to me was to apologize and make me feel safe in a place that screamed danger wherever I turned.

'It's not like you're going to strip me down me or something, just fix the damn thing', I said coming back to the present.

Ethan lifted up the end of my shirt just a bit to unhitch it from my pants. Strangely, I didn't feel awkward when he did so; I felt safe.  

'There. Good to go', he said and I blew into the mic. The sound was back to normal and I thanked him with a smile but before I could say anything a flash of light interrupted us.

'I'm just getting some photographs', said the person behind the lens and I felt my skin crawl when I realized that it was Noah.

'Fuck off', said Ethan who looked at Noah as if he were some annoying insect but I was more taken aback by his swearing.

'What?', he asked looking at me once Noah had left.

'You swore. I've never heard you swear', I said stunned.

'I save it for pleasant people like him', he replied with a sloped smile and I couldn't help but shake my head at his newfound cockiness. 

So, there was a devil hidden behind that angel face after all.