It's two days before Christmas and I have never been this lonely or bored. For the first few days of break, I wile away time in the library reading. That wasn't so bad until it was the only thing I ever did. My homework was done a long time ago, so I don't have that as a distraction. I also saw the trio of Gryffindors quite a bit and we talked a little, but for the most part we didn't hang out outside of meals.

In addition, I hanged out with Adam off and on. I ended up chatting with him in the library a lot, learned about him and his life. However, he was quiet, and we usually ended our conversations by getting engrossed in our own book and accidentally ignoring the other person.

I saw very little of Severus Snape.

If he thinks he's helping, or "doing the right thing" by distancing himself from me, news flash, he's not. The pain of losing my mum is greater than I thought it could get. I've never spent Christmas without her; I've never even been away with friends or relatives for the holidays. It had always just been us- and then, in the blink of an eye, it wasn't. Suddenly it's just me.

Me, and cowardly, clueless, Severus Snape.

I need him. I've reached the point where I openly need him, and where is he? Not here. He told me he would be.

HE PROMISED.

I slam my book shut, more violently than I intend. I'm sitting on my bed in Ravenclaw Tower, curled up and reading. I stare down at the book, and then toss it on the end of the bed. I hadn't been comprehending the book anyways, I have no idea what that chapter is about, instead my thoughts have been spiraling out of control as I think about all of that.

Without thinking, I jump of the bed, leave the room, take the spiral staircase down to the common room, and leave.

My feet carry me in a direction unrealized by my mind; my subconscious is guiding me to the place I need to go.

It doesn't quite occur to me where I've gone until I'm standing in front of Snape's office door. I knew I would end up here before the break was over, but this soon? Before Christmas had even happened? Break wouldn't end until after the New Year. This was too soon, I have no idea what to say, what am I doing?

I knock on the door.

"Come in." His voice is loud and distinct. I can't turn back now. I push the door open and step inside. Snape's face is unreadable, but I know he doesn't want me here. He never really does anyways.

"What can I do for you?" he asks coldly. He looks angry and confused for a second, before returning to the usual cold glare. He's wishing he had rephrased that better.

"I- I, um." I'm speechless, desperately trying to organize my thoughts.

"If you have nothing to say, you are dismissed," Snape says.

"No. No," my voices grows stronger and words come to me.

"I know exactly what I want to say. I'm angry. I'm angry at you. You might not even know why. I agreed to not go home with you, that's fine. That was a good decision. But that doesn't mean you can forget about me or ignore me or- or, try to convince yourself that I don't actually exist. I'm angry because you broke your promise to me. You said you would help me. You told me that you would try to be there for me. I have seen nothing, NOTHING, except you avoiding me. Guess what, THAT'S NOT HELPING!"

(Maybe in retrospect, a small, skinny, eleven-year-old girl shouting, and almost crying, at a tall, terrifying man is borderline amusing. I even got to laugh about it when I got older. I was pathetic and I should have gotten detention on the spot. Of course, Snape stayed silent and shocked at my outburst, so I continued.)

"This is the worst few months of my life and you're an awfully big cause of that, you're mean, you're selfish, you're a coward! And I'm done, unless you want to make an effort at literally anything besides ignoring me! I'm finished, I'm out, I'll ignore you too, and you'll be 'Professor Snape' for the rest of our lives, Professor, and we'll both be miserable, HOW DOES THAT SOUND."

I stand tensely, a fuming ball of rage, in front of his desk. His eyes are locked on me, and through my temper, it takes me a full thirty seconds or so to realize that his expression has changed dramatically.

Severus Snape is staring at me with a mixture of guilt, regret, and pure sadness. His eyebrows are furrowed, his beady black eyes are sorrowful, and his head is cocked slightly to one side.

This was a new expression, a new emotion, one that I had never seen him wear. When he spoke, his deep voice matched his odd expression.

"Tell me what you want me to do to fix this, because I am at a loss," he says softly. "I avoid you because I'm scared, and I'm ashamed because I'm avoiding you, and that only makes me want to avoid you more. This is no easier for me than for you. Tell me what I can do."

This was new. This was progress. I hadn't counted on this. I have no idea what to tell him. It's a bit before I reply.

"Help me with my homework, sit by me at dinner so that we can talk. Take me to Hogsmeade for a few hours, I have spare money. Anything, Professor, anything. I think. . . I think we need to practice being around each other without arguing or teaching being in the way." My voice is calm and collected. His show of heart has settled me down significantly.

Snape nods slightly.

"I can. . . agree. . . to that. It's. . . more of a plan than we've had in the past."

"I agree," I say quietly. "I'm sorry, for yelling. For saying such rude things." That was hard to say to Snape. I practically have to force myself to.

"I deserve it," he says simply. "You'd best be thankful I'm not giving you detention, I am still your teacher. Now, go, I will see you at dinner."

I bowmy head and nod politely, and when I look back at him before turning out of theroom, there is the smallest hint of a smile playing at his lips.