(December 14, 2020, Reading, Pennsylvania)

Kate could sense the tension in her body as she gradually awakened from an unsettled night of sleep. Glancing at her alarm clock, which showed five-thirty a.m., she sat up carefully to avoid waking Stephen on the left side of their bed. She rubbed her eyes and let out a tired sigh.

She longs to sleep the day away to avoid the agony of recalling the darkest day of her existence. Even after 13 years, December 14th hits her like a train each time she awakens. She believes this is a form of punishment from God, one that she believes she rightfully deserves.

Without waking Stephen, she silently exited their bed, took her robe from the closet door, and put it on. Next, she slipped into her slippers, careful to avoid making any sound on the hardwood floors that could disturb anyone at this hour. Trying to be as quiet and swift as possible, she gently opened the door, trying to minimize the noise from its creak, and began going downstairs.

As she passed the living room and entered the dining area, she stopped when she noticed the table. It shattered her heart and filled her eyes with tears to see only six chairs surrounding the table instead of seven. This was another reminder of someone who ought to be there but is not. 

She quickly made her way to the kitchen. At nearly six in the morning, she was already feeling sentimental; she knew she needed to take her medication if she hoped to navigate the day with any semblance of sanity

She quickly grabbed a water bottle and her Lexapro from the medicine cabinet. Afterward, she took her pack of cigarettes and headed to the back porch, lighting one before sitting down.

Gazing up at the moon in the evening sky, Kate took a drag from her cigarette while reclining in her chair, recalling every moment of the day—from waking up to prepare the kids for their visit with Santa to realizing Claire was missing in the mall. The day had begun on a high note for her; it was the best she had felt since the emergency cesarean for Michael and Mason. She genuinely believed that the dark thoughts and heavy feelings she had been experiencing for three months were finally beginning to fade, but as the day continued, she discovered how wrong she was. Poor Claire ended up bearing the consequences.

"Where are you, Claire?" she asked softly, almost as if expecting an answer.

The uncertainty of it all is what is the most unbearable part of it all. She could very well be gone, and I don't even have a body to put to rest. Even if she is alive, what kind of trauma was she put through? It's my fault. If I hadn't been so weak emotionally and picking on her leading up to December, then I would have paid better attention, and none of this would have happened.

Like an old scar that flares up again, they receive a letter from the FBI at the start of December each year indicating that they are once more reviewing the case as part of their annual procedure, which she considers complete nonsense. Given the time that has passed, she is aware that they likely take a cursory look and quickly move on without any real, meaningful investigation. She suspects they have already formed a conclusion about what occurred.

"What in god's name are you doing out here? It's freezing."

Kate looked away from the moon toward the back door and saw Stephen walking out in his robe with his arms wrapped around himself.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you; I just needed some air and a cigarette." She said as she put her cigarette out in the ashtray on the small stand they had outside.

Stephen sat on the chair next to her and immediately grabbed her hand. "How are you feeling."

Kate paused momentarily, reflecting on her feelings, but there were so many that she couldn't identify one specifically.

"I don't know, but my mind keeps replaying everything we did when we woke up that day and wondering what little things I could have done differently. What really bothers me is that when we got out of line, I should've taken the babies instead. Claire would have stayed near if it was you."

"Kate, you don't know-"

She cut him off. "I know for a fact she would have. She adored you, and you were the better parent of the two of us at the time. Plus, you were much more aware than I ever was; she wouldn't have left your sight."

Raising a hand, she had to wipe her eyes, which were threatening to spill tears from her glossy and water-filled eyes. She had to take a shaky, deep breath to keep herself from breaking down.

She heard Stephen move his chair closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"In hindsight, there were many things we could have done differently, but how could we have predicted what would ultimately happen? Even if everything leading up to the kidnapping had been perfect, and we weren't arguing as much, there's no way to know if it could have been avoided."

Kate raised her eyebrows, knowing he was wrong. She knew just the tiniest difference would have led to a different outcome, but she did not say anything because it would only upset her even more.

Thankfully, Stephen didn't say anything else, already sensing she did not want to talk about it anymore. Instead, he gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze before retaking and kissing her hand.

"Why don't we head back inside? No offense, sweetheart, you look like you need some sleep with those bags under your eyes."

Kate let out a small snort of laughter but then pushed herself up from her seat, her grip firm on his hand as they slowly returned inside the house.

She was genuinely surprised she was able to get at least three solid hours of uninterrupted sleep before the nightmares started to come back. Since she had the next couple of days off work, she had every intention of staying in bed all day and at least trying to distract her mind with some reading. It was Monday, so the kids were in virtual learning, and Stephen was still job searching, so there was not much she could do today.

Revisiting Jane Eyre filled Kate with a wave of nostalgia. Following her high school graduation, she enrolled in college to study English Literature, initially aiming to become a freelance writer. Later, she opted to pursue a career in teaching. Her first position was as a middle school educator, with aspirations to eventually teach at the high school level.

Reading offered her a much-needed distraction, but her thoughts wandered back to Claire. She recalled the first time she held her after birth and the last painful memory of Claire's expression when she had called her a pest.

Thankfully, the knock on her door brought her back into the present.

She hurriedly wiped away her tears, stifling a slight cough to keep her voice steady, determined not to let it tremble.

"Come in."

The door opened to show her son Nate on the other side.

"Mom, Dad is taking us to McDonald's to pick up some lunch during our hour break. Do you want anything?"

"Just some Nuggets with Barbecue sauce and a Large Caramel Frappé."

Each year, on the anniversary of Claire's disappearance, Kate feels the need to eat McDonald's Nuggets. It was their final lunch before heading to the mall to see Santa. She is unsure why, but it offers her a slight sense of comfort.

"Are you doing ok, Mom?" Nate said, looking at her with concern as his brows furrowed.

Kate had to smile a bit at Nate's concern. Of all her children, he was her most sensitive, always having a knack for picking up on other people's emotions. She remembered how one of his elementary school teachers said a new kid had started school and was sitting alone at Lunch, and Nate, without being prompted, got up and went to sit with him because it made him sad to see that the boy had no friends.

"I'm as fine as I can be, but I'll be okay. Just go get some food before your next class starts."

Nate's skepticism was palpable; it was clear he didn't entirely believe her. She felt an overwhelming need to protect her children from the heaviness of her guilt. It simply wasn't fair to them, especially during those harrowing months following Claire's disappearance, when she spiraled into an emotional abyss. Her children had to endure the chaos of her despair, a burden no child should bear. Thankfully, Michael and Mason were just infants, blissfully unaware of the turmoil surrounding them. She found solace in the thought that they wouldn't carry any memories of that dark time.

"Alright, we'll be back shortly," he said reassuringly. I'll bring your food to your room so you won't have to go downstairs." With that, he turned around and gently closed the door behind him.

She quickly returned to her book, but hardly five minutes after Nate departed, another knock came at her door, this time with more persistent banging.

"Michael and Mason," she said, her eyes still glued to the pages of her book. She assumed they had just decided to stay home and play their Fortnite game while everyone else went to pick up Lunch.

"Unless you've broken something, you better sort it out between yourselves without running to tattle."

Despite that, the knocking persisted, making Kate feel anxious. Usually, one of the boys would yell over the other, arguing about what the other had done. Gradually, she emerged from her bed and tiptoed to the door. Placing her hand on the handle, she swung the door open, and who she found waiting on the other side shocked her, but in a good way.

"Alice!"

Immediately, the two of them embraced in a tight hug, as it had been quite a while since they had seen each other.

"When on earth did you return? I assumed you wouldn't be back until after Christmas," Kate inquired enthusiastically. She scanned her from head to toe and observed that she was still wearing her United Airlines uniform.

Alice beamed as she strolled over to Kate's bed and collapsed onto the right side.

"I got in about an hour ago and decided before I headed over to Dad's, I thought, why not visit my favorite big sister and her family? Stephen let me in on his way out with the kids and told me you were up here."

Quickly, she joined her sister on the bed. "Last time we saw each other on Thanksgiving, you said your flights would keep you away from home until after Christmas."

"I worked something out with my boss," Alice said, shrugging, but she could see the glint of mischievousness in her eyes.

"Do I even really want to know?"

"Don't worry, it's not like it's going to last long; I guess you could say we came to an understanding. Also, it helps that I got myself fixed all those years ago."

Kate just raised her eyes. Their coming to an understanding could only mean her boss was just as much a free spirit as she was.

If she is being careful, then it's none of my business.

"So where did you even come from this time?" she asked, changing the subject; the less she knew, the better.

"Paris." She said so nonchalantly.

Kate had to sit up in bed in shock. "Paris! That's over a 10-hour flight. How on earth are you still even awake right now?"

"Believe me, you travel as much as I do; you get used to it. Like I said, I wanted to see how you were doing."

In an instant, Alice's lightheartedness and playful spark vanished, giving way to an unexpected seriousness as she sat up and sat against the headboard.

"How are you doing Kate?"

"I'm doing as fine as I can be, Alice; the Lexapro helps numb the pain to an extent while keeping me functional for the children. It's  August and December that get to me, the month she was born and the month she was taken."

"That is completely understandable. Are you still in that support group online you were telling me about over the past summer?"

Kate shakes her head; she does not want to repeat that experience. While many were supportive when she shared her story, some made judgmental comments.

"No, it was too much, and when I did share my story, some of those comments were downright cruel. I expected some criticism, just like the media did when everything was happening, but it got nasty, so I removed myself from the group. The only person I can talk to is Stephen; he knows exactly what I am going through."

"What about Dad? I understand he hasn't experienced what you're going through; he's still a parent. I believe that, in some way, he can empathize," Alice inquired.

"It's not entirely the same, though," she said, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Yes, he's a parent, but he has no real understanding of the relentless uncertainty that hangs over me like a dark cloud or what it feels like to bear the burdens I've carried all this time. You and Carol aren't mothers, so you can't exactly know what I'm feeling."

Her sister let out a dry, humorless laugh, her eyes reflecting a mix of empathy and concern. 

"You're absolutely right, but I chose it to be that way. Given everything you've been through, I'd rather not burden myself with that kind of worry. It's a much deeper pain than losing a parent or a sibling, and honestly, I find myself far too emotional to handle it all. Remember how I was when mom passed."

"But you eventually grew out of that, thank god. Mom would have ripped you a new one if she knew what you did," Kate said with a small laugh, imagining her reaction.

"She would have; it was already difficult dealing with Dad's tough love, but Mom would've tracked me down at every party she suspected I might attend."

Both chuckled softly as they settled into a comfortable silence. Kate felt a bittersweet weight in her chest. The emptiness and sorrow that had settled over her like a heavy fog that morning still lingered, but she felt at least a bit better, especially remembering her mom.

Stephen and the children returned shortly after, with Alice persuading her to come downstairs and have lunch instead of moping in her room. Only Naomi chose to remain downstairs with them, while Michael and Mason went upstairs to continue their Fortnite game before their break ended, and Nate preferred to video chat with some friends.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you actually explored the iconic Arc de Triomphe and wandered through the beautiful Luxembourg Gardens," Naomi said, her eyes wide with astonishment as Alice proudly shared vibrant photographs from her phone.

"I only had two days until our next flight; you would be amazed at how much exploring I could do. That is the worst part of my job; you can visit all the beautiful sights, but there is not enough time to admire them."

Naomi's face lit up as she admired the photos. "I would love to explore not just France but Spain too—Barcelona, in particular."

"Maybe after graduation, I can take you there."

Kate interrupted. Considering her feelings about the matter, she couldn't stand it when she shared things like that with the kids.

"Alice! International traveling can be dangerous; not all the laws are the same here, and who knows who will try to take advantage of a foreigner coming in for the first time."

Naomi looked at her with annoyance. "Oh, come on, Mom? I'll be close to 19 by the time graduation comes around."

"She's right, dear," Stephen interjected.

"I mean, by that time, she'll be an adult. Remember how we used to embark on countless adventures before we settled down?" His words hung in the air, a gentle plea aimed at diffusing the tension threatening to flare into another argument. He cast a sideways glance at both, hoping to steer the conversation to stay calm.

Out of nowhere, the doorbell chimed, breaking the flow of the discussion.

"I'll get it," Naomi said quickly, getting up and heading towards the front door.

Kate's eyes were irritated as she stared at her sister, her expression clearly showing her frustration. "I genuinely wish you would stop; I already worry enough about you and your trips; I don't want you getting Naomi involved.

"Kate, you know as well as I do that I would never let any harm come to her," Alice replied, her tone firm yet laced with concern.

The intensity in her eyes reflected her conviction. "I would never do anything that might put her safety in jeopardy. Holding onto your kids like delicate birds in a cage isn't the answer. At some point, you have to let them spread their wings and explore the world."

She could see Stephen rubbing his face with his hands out of the corner of her eyes. By now, she knew that meant that he had something he wanted to say to her that he knew would upset her.

She was about to respond when Naomi came running back into the kitchen, looking distressed.

"Mom, a man from the FBI is here asking for you and Dad."

(Trigger warning for Panic Attack)

At that moment, Kate felt an overwhelming wave of fear wash over her, causing both her heart and her soul to feel as if they were being crushed under the weight of anxiety. A cold tremor coursed through her body, and she could sense her chest's rapid rise and fall, each breath becoming heavier and more labored than the last. Her limbs trembled slightly as if they were struggling to keep her grounded amidst the turmoil within her.

The FBI wouldn't be here unless they discovered something significant. Did they find her body or the shell of a person who has endured immense horror over the past 13 years?

"Kate!" her sister called out, anxiety lacing her voice.

But Kate couldn't summon the strength to raise her gaze; her eyes remained fixed on the ground, heavy with an unshakable weight of despair. It felt like everything was blurring around her.

Suddenly, Stephen was kneeling before her, tilting her head up. "Kate, I need you to breathe in and out, okay? Do as I do, on the count of five, okay."

She did exactly as he did, but it still wasn't helping very much.

"Mom?"

Naomi's concerned voice pierced Kate's thoughts, compelling her to lift her gaze from the ground. She stared into her daughter's anxious eyes, shimmering with worry. This experience filled Kate with a deep sense of shame and frustration. Once again, her children had to see her like this—an emotional wreck, drowning in tears and unable to hold herself together.

She swallowed deeply and took another deep breath, trying to regain control as she took hold of her husband's hand. "It's ok, Naomi, I'll be fine."

Though she tried to convince herself more than Naomi, she knew the smile she was trying to show her daughter wasn't convincing.

"Let's go, Stephen," she said, glancing at her husband as she carefully rose from her chair, with him holding onto her to prevent her from losing her balance.

Stephen held onto her shoulders as he led her out of the kitchen and to the front door, where she recognized the FBI agent. The family interacted with him the most during the investigation.

"Mr. and Mrs. Myers, I'm not sure if you remember me, but I'm Agent Thrussell. I was and technically still am the lead investigator in your daughter Claire's abduction."

It unnerved her, seeing how expressionless he was. She knew that he had to stay neutral in his profession, but if it was good news he was bringing, wouldn't he at least be smiling?

"What can we do for you, Agent Thrussell," Stephen asked, holding onto Kate's shoulders tighter.

"If you don't mind, may I come in. There has been a major development in the case, and this is a conversation I feel we should have sitting down."

Kate buried her face into Stephen's shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks as a heart-wrenching sob wracked her body. The moment the agent said that the conversation needed to be had sitting down, she knew what he would say and wasn't ready to hear it.

Author's Note

Alright, here's our new chapter, and I hope you guys liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It's very poetic or ironic, or however you want to look at it, that 13 years to the day of Claire's abduction, Kate and Stephen are finding the truth.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I cannot say I have ever experienced a full-blown panic attack or at least aware I have been through one, so I apologize if this wasn't a perfect representation, but I hope what you read conveyed it well enough.

I updated the cast list; Kate's Sister Alice will be played by Natalie Portman, or at least how I imagined her to look. Her full name is Alice Murray, which would make Murray Kate's maiden name.

I'm very looking forward to the next few chapters I have planned. So far, I think they are going to be some of my favorites to write and hope you guys like them just as much.