behind the eight ball

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My head felt so heavy as though I had fallen asleep for the longest time. Forcing my eyelids open, I saw a worried face of Grecia's right ahead of me as she cupped my face with her warm, slightly rough palms and exhaled, "Oh darling, you're finally awake."

The smell of the environment felt too sterile to be my own room and the bed was softer than the usual mattress that I would prefer. Eyeballing my surroundings, I came to my realisation that I was in a hospital and I asked weakly, "What happened to me?"

"How could you be so careless," Grecia complained softly. "Thankfully we got you to the hospital in time."

I didn't exactly understand all that Grecia was mumbling about, but I couldn't clarify with her as a doctor entered the ward and requested to check on me. It wasn't Mallory nor Jeremiah that attended to me so I asked politely, "Do you happen to know where Dr Bernthold is?"

"Dr Bernthold and Dr Landen are attending a conference in the States," the lady doctor replied politely, while pressing a stethoscope on my chest and reminded to breathe. She took some notes before removing the surgical mask she was wearing and introduced herself, "I'm new here, my name is Talia Chen and I'll be taking care of you in the absence of Dr Bernthold."

"Of course," I mumbled, feeling that I had heard about her somewhere and she look exceptionally familiar. Then, it suddenly struck me, "You're—"

"I know, Wren," Talia interjected before I could finish my claim. "I know exactly what you're thinking. But no, I'm not here for Jeremiah."

"Oh my gosh, Talia," I gasped. "I almost couldn't recognise you and you look amazing with short hair."

"Talk about yourself," Talia laughed. "I received a referral and I saw your name on it, except that the records finally got your gender right and I was flabbergasted."

"A referral?"

"I'm a gynae, sweetheart," Talia said. 

It took me a long pause before I managed to utter out the word, "G-Gynae?"

"I guess you really don't know then," Talia sighed, tucking her hands into the pockets of her white coat. "You're quite skinny and your tummy isn't showing that much but you're already three months into your pregnancy."

I was beyond words right now, I looked at myself and finally understood why I felt like I'd put on some weight over the months. I ate more than usual but assumed that being desk-bound by work was causing me to gain weight. I stretched to my side and grabbed my phone from the surface beside my bed. Tapping into my calendar, I finally saw the obvious sign of pregnancy — I had missed my period for three whole months. I looked at myself and looked towards Talia again, I asked, "Is it normal that I don't experience any other symptoms?"

"Your baby is alright now," Talia replied. "It's normal to not experience some common symptoms like morning sickness. All's good with you except that you're overworked and it nearly caused a miscarriage."

I haven't got the time to process all the brimming emotions right now. Staring at my phone for the longest time, I contemplated if I should be releasing the news to Aillard. Beside me, Talia seemed to notice my dilemma and suggested, "You should tell your partner about this, my dear."

Coughing out a small laugh, I assured, "Don't worry about me, I'm just thinking when would be a good time to spill the news."

"Thank goodness," Talia exhaled. "I just didn't want you to be caught in a challenging situation where you had to make a difficult choice on your own."

I knew what Talia meant and my heart sank a little. As a gynaecologist, I was sure that Talia knew that the new life that was brought to knowledge may not always be a blessing for the mother. Holding a hand over my lower abdomen, I felt an overwhelming surge of emotions that brimmed my chest. It was a mixture of joy, excitement, anxiety and fear, which I was pretty sure that it was part hormones, part something else that I couldn't make sense of yet.

Talia took a hand out of her pocket and placed it over my hand, saying, "It's normal to feel this way. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you, as your doctor and as a friend too."

"I think we have a lot to catch up on, right?" I smiled.

"Definitely," Talia chuckled. "I had been away for way too long to realise that everything had changed."

I paced around the balcony for the longest time when Grecia gave me a call, telling me that Wren had passed out at home. I had been too busy dealing with Aillard that I had somewhat neglected her to notice that she was feeling unwell. Restless as I could ever be, I waited impatiently for the next call from Grecia and it came with a noisy buzz in my palm. I quickly swiped to pick up the call and asked hastily, "How's she?"

A light chuckle sounded, "I'm okay."

All the tension that I held uptight was finally released, I never felt so relieved to hear her voice over the phone. However, the beeping sound from the heart-rate machine in the background still refuse to settle the worry in my heart as I checked, "What happened to you, angel?"

"I hadn't been resting well," Wren replied. "I went home yesterday with a high fever and Grecia took me to the hospital."

"Why are you overloaded with work?" I asked, slightly infuriated as I flipped my laptop open and demanded my secretary to send Wren's work schedule over. "I remembered having a big team of lawyers in the Illiades."

Wren quickly explained, "I had some personal cases to deal with."

Pausing for a moment, I sighed, "Anything that I should be helping you with?"

"Don't worry too much about it, I'm handling everything well," Wren assured, before continuing with an excited tone when she recalled something, "Oh right, guess who I saw in the hospital?"

I had almost forgotten that I brought along Jeremiah and Mallory with me when I left Zurich, so there were no attending doctors left for Wren. Running through all the names that I recalled from the hospital, I couldn't figure out which doctor would get her so thrilled. Unsure if I would be happy to hear a name, I still asked, "Who is it?"

"Oh my god," Wren gasped. "Do you remember Talia?"

That name sounded very familiar, so I checked, "Talia Chen?"

"Yes! She's my—" Wren chirped like an enthusiastic child, but paused abruptly when she was about to say something. Coughing a little, she carried on, "I mean, she's back at the hospital. I ran into her when I was taking a walk with Grecia outside my ward."

I was sharp enough to catch Wren's words before she tried to explain otherwise, but at the thought of Talia's return, I couldn't hold back a laugh, "I can't wait for Jeremiah to return to Zurich now."

"I heard that Jeremiah and Mallory went for a conference," Wren commented.

A little guilty of everything, I lied, "Yes, it was an annual conference that Mallory always attends. This year, she thought to let Jeremiah follow her as well."

"I see. How's everything on your side?"

"Good," I tried, the feeling of dread grew heavier with each day that she anticipated my return. I forced myself to speak as I assured her, "I'm almost done with everything here, and I'll be back by next week."

"Really?" Wren sounded surprised.

I smiled, "Yes, my little songbird."

Over the phone, it was a voice filled with loving happiness as she said, "I love you!"

And out of sheer desperation to express my truest feelings, I replied, "I love you too, my little songbird."

I stood outside Alek's room and unintentionally heard his conversation with Wren — the name of the woman he pleaded me to protect with the power placed in my hands. A feeling of unease and guilt nearly choked me at the thought of my half-brother and everything that he said to me in my ward.

Our existence is antithetic, we cannot exist at the same time and in the same space. Yet, even in my absence, I wish for her to live comfortably, safe and sheltered.

I knew exactly what he meant. It was simply the fact that, even though we're brothers, we cannot co-exist because someone didn't allow us to. No matter how many times I rip off Alek's death certificate upon sight, I can never change the fact that someone decided to 'kill' him just to bring me back to life.

I didn't have the right to pity myself when Mom didn't love me, because no one in the Illiades ever loved Alek. No one that I had ever known of except for that woman who he spoke tender love to. Yet, I'll be the one taking it away from him again.

Again. 

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