her bright soul

her soul burned the brightest fire,
and her aura was a warm chaos of loving happiness.

(Aillard)

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Wren drove us downtown and I felt weird to be sitting in the passenger seat, but I enjoyed listening to her rambled on about some perfectly random stuff and I hadn't heard her speak this much in the past years. She mentioned nothing about her life, the topics she brought into their conversations were mostly light and lifting. Finally, Wren parked the car and killed the engine as she turned towards me and grinned like a child, "Are you ready?"

"Where are you taking me to, angel?" I breathed out a laugh, wondering all the mischief this girl hid under her sleeves. Deep in my heart, I was happy to see her smiling and laughing so freely without restraint. All the emotions that she used to hide in those pale blue orbs were in full display after being released from the shackles chained to her ankles. Wren was soaring high, carefree, and belonging to the bigger world beyond.

"We're going on a date like how normal people would," she said excitedly.

Normal people. How nice. My eyes shifted towards the car's window, spotting a couple immediately. The way they held hands and chuckled lovingly towards one another. The guy turned his partner around and helped her fix the loosening knot of her kimono. In return, she thanked him with a kiss on his cheek and tugged on his arm as they went in a general direction. My heart was staring so longingly towards their fading silhouette of the couple until I felt a hand on my forearm that jarred me out of my lost thoughts. Wren smiled, "Just one day, Aillard. Just forget who you are, and we'll just be a normal, mundane couple."

I nodded and got out of the car. Walking beside her, she quickly grabbed onto my arm and hugged it close to her. She led me towards the direction where the couple had gone a moment ago. We passed a torii — the traditional Japanese gate most found at the entrance towards a shinto shrine. Suddenly, the whole place transitioned from peacefully quiet to joyously festive. I turned towards Wren and asked, "How did you decide to attend a matsuri?"
(Translate: 'matsuri' means local festival)

"I've always wanted to visit one," Wren replied. "I happened to find this while you're in the shower."

"You could've told me beforehand, angel. I'll have a kimono made for you."

"There's always a next time," she giggled. 

The entire pathway was filled with a sea of colours from the varied shades of traditional dresses worn by the locals all around us. Above us, vivid paper lanterns hung overhead, colouring the night sky with their vibrancy. Festive music lifted the spirits and compelled everyone to move with its rhythm. Weaving through the crowd with Wren, my heart hasn't felt this free until this moment when I stood in the middle of so many people and blended seamlessly into their mundane lives. The people surrounding me didn't care about who I was, they didn't bother suffocating me with their formal politesse. Whenever someone accidentally hit my shoulder, they would just turn around, nod towards me with an apologetic look and mumble a casual 'sumimasen' before moving along in the direction they were heading to. In this sea of people, I felt small yet so belonging. I thought I was bound to feel lost, but Wren's firm hold against me was giving me the courage to feel as she grounded me within this unfamiliar chaos.
(Translate: excuse me.)

"Oh right, I haven't asked you what you want to eat!" Wren laughed. "I just pulled you along with me."

"Go wherever you want, angel," I smiled, genuinely happy. "I'll follow you."

"Hmm, choose for me: takoyaki or okonomiyaki?"
(Translate: octopus balls or savoury pancake.)

"Both?"

"Really?" Wren cheered and went on rambling, "If Naya's here with me, she would've scolded me for eating these funny stuffs." 

She went towards the food stalls to order a serving of each. Wren spoke their native language with almost perfect fluency that surprised the vendors. I waited as she chatted a little more with the vendors and the locals were telling her all the things she should do at a matsuri. I simply admired her, seeing how her pale blue eyes shine illuminatingly at ever fun idea that they were introducing to her. Eventually, she thanked them with a wide smile and a polite nod, pulling me with her as we enjoyed the food and the festive mood together. She checked, "Are you having fun?"

"I am," I assured. As long as it's with you.

We shared the food and she joined some of the local children as they went goldfish scooping. The delicate paper 'net' proved difficult for a first timer, but Wren was a determined soul and when she finally caught one, the old man tending the game placed a bag in front of her to have her drop her catch in. She only laughed and told him that she would not be able to keep the fish.

Turning around, she grabbed my arm and went for other games. Ring toss, balloon popping and senbonhiki. I simply admired her, looking at her but always feeling never enough. We had spent three years apart and when I finally got to be with her, I knew that we would soon part again. My heart was aching out of all the reasons again and her sudden grumble jarred me out of my thoughts. We were at the shateki stall and Wren frowned when she couldn't seem to hit the target of her heart's desire. Holding onto the toy rifle in her hand, I asked tenderly, "Which one?"

"I want that teddy bear," she grinned mischievously, pointing towards the pure white toy placed on the top of the rows of toys on display.

I exhaled a small laugh and ruffled her hair, saying, "You're so much like a child."

"There isn't an age limit to this game, is there?" Wren complained a little and handed me three rubber bullets.

I used the first one to test the strength of the gun, used the second one to practice and I managed to shoot the target down accurately with the third bullet. Wren was amazed and the old lady tending the stall was pleasantly surprised as she waved at me, gesturing for me to collect the prize. I said, "Just wait for me here, I'll collect it."

The old lady moved slowly to get the plush bear for me and when she returned to hand it to me, I thanked her politely, "Doumo arigato."
(Translate: Thanks a lot.)

She gave a peal of feeble, kind laughter and asked, "Sono kireina josei wa anata no tsuma-desu ka?"
(Translate: Is that beautiful woman your wife?)

I stared at her for a moment before adjusting my gaze towards Wren. She was looking far ahead, seemingly amazed by everything that was happening at the shrine. I said in a low voice, "Soda to i."
(Translate: I hope so.)

The old lady smiled brighter now as she said in her slightly croaky voice, "Ganbatte ne."
(Translate: Give in your best.)

With a polite nod, I returned her a slight smile and said, "Hai."
(Translate: Yes.)

I turned around, wondering what took Aillard so long to collect the teddy toy from the elderly lady tending the game station. He seemed to be having a nice chat with her and when he returned, he handed me the white bear. I hugged it and asked out of curiosity, "What did you talk to her about?"

"Nothing much," he ruffled my hair again and returned with another question, "What have you been looking at?"

"The shrine." I pointed ahead, towards where the locals were heading. "Shall we make an offering since we're already here?"

"After you," he gestured.

I slid my hand into his palm and tangled my fingers in between his. Without hesitation, he held onto me tightly and we walked together to the shrine. Stopping by the temizuya, I held onto the handle of the bamboo ladle and scooped some water from the fountain to wash my hands before heading towards the front of the main building.

Aillard and I stood side by side at the entrance of the honden and threw some coins into the wide, wooden box. The coins clinked when they were dropped, and we took turns to ring the bell above us. Our movements were almost synchronised when we bowed and clapped twice. Closing my eyes, I whispered in my heart.

I wish for him to be happy and free.

Bending slightly at my waist, I bowed one last time. Aillard was at my side waiting for me and I thanked him, "I'm really happy today, thank you."

"Me too," he responded quietly. 

Aillard held onto my waist, placing all his attention on me while facing me with a pleasant expression. Even when happiness tipped up from the corner of his lips, I could see the sad longing in those storm grey eyes. Strikes of silver within those piercing eyes were telling me things that his heart refused to let him speak. Between us, words weren't always necessary when understanding could be obtained from just a look into the eyes. He said, "Let me drive you back to your place."

"Sure," I agreed, pulling on his arm. I dropped my head low, rolled my lower lip between my teeth, and clamped down hard on it. My hands were gripping hard on him, memorizing the temperature of his skin against mine. I want to carve every feeling of him deep in my memory before we part ways again. The first parting was shattering enough and the second turned out to be never any easier. Yet, the third time had to be our charm. The next time we meet again, I was determined to never part with him again.

"Wren—" he called my name.

I faced him once again and pushed myself to stand on my toes, sealing my lips to his. I exhaled against the soft warmth of his lips, "I love you, Aillard."

There wasn't a reply from his side, but his eyes said it all. Somehow, somewhere, between our silence, I heard him saying the three words back to me and my heart felt full. I was ready to take another step forward and brave the future with him because of love, because of him. 

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