his weak resolve

i lay in my bed, staring into the blankness on the ceiling above and listening to the vacuumed silence ringing in my ears. i hate nights like these — lonely and hauntingly eerie. closing my eyes, i heard my own demons whispering into my ears. opening my eyes, i saw silhouettes of you in flashing memories before my eyes. 

yet, these were also the nights i dared to let the silence sit, allowing the ghost of you to walk into my consciousness. you entered my room like a quiet snowfall in the middle of a winter night, but not forgetting to close the door to leave the cold behind you. i push myself to sit, leaning my back against the cushioned headboard and watched you taking up the empty space on the other side of my bed. it was once an empty space, and suddenly there was you. 

we didn't share a word, you simply stayed and sat side-by-side with me through the silent hours of the night. i held your name on the edge of my lips but didn't exhale enough to say it out audibly. closing my eyes again, i heard you speaking softly, as though trying to put my demons to sleep. it worked and i slept, only to wake up by myself — alone in the vastness of my room.

quietly, you entered my space.

quietly, you left. 

(Aillard) 

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I stared right into his widened grey eyes, daring him to push me away. Three seconds was all I gave him before I closed the space between us and claimed his lips again. He didn't move at first but eventually reciprocated every emotion when he kissed me back. He moved his mouth along mine slowly, the tip of his tongue scorched a path along the edges of my lips and he took his time as if mapping out the curve of my lips.

I was losing my balance, almost falling to my side because I had been standing on my toes to reach his lips. I stumbled a step and Aillard caught me quickly, grabbing my legs and latching my thighs on his waist. He pinned me up against the wall behind me and pushed for the door to close beside us. Aillard faced me and I fell straight into the darkness in his grey eyes, where it stormed vehemently. He exhaled with slight breathlessness, "What are you trying to do, Wren?"

I failed to say anything because I couldn't form the correct sequence of words through the emotions that were clamouring like a raging tempest. Stretching and folding my arms over his shoulders, I hugged him close to me. Our bodies were pressed so close together that I could feel the beat of his heart pulsing in synchronicity to mine even through the layers of fabrics separating us. It all felt surreal — the faint scent of his soap, the warmth of his skin and the roughness of his voice — and I didn't want to let any bit of it go. I sniffled, "Aillard."

"What is it, angel?" Aillard asked. He walked us into the apartment and settled me on the couch, kneeling down to remove my sneakers for me. When he stood up and turned towards the door again, I quickly held him back and he chuckled, "I'm going to put your shoes at the entryway and I'll be back."

At that moment, his phone chimed and I saw Lorelei's name appeared on his screen with a text that read: Are you there? Call me.

I simply stared into that space, feeling a pang in my chest. I didn't even realise that Aillard had walked back until he reached to look at his phone and he patted on my shoulder, saying softly, "Give me a moment. I need to reply to this."

Then, he left. Aillard left me all by myself in the living room and walked right out to the balcony. I watched him tap on his phone and made a call. The pressure against my chest increased when I witnessed a slight smile on his face and I didn't know how to feel when it was only right for him to be happy with his arranged fiancée.

Perhaps what I planned to do would be morally questionable but he said he loved me three years ago and I simply needed to know if he had a change of heart. I went to the bath and took a robe from the hanger. Grabbing onto the hem of my sweatshirt, I pulled it off me and tugged the tights down my legs. I removed my clothes in a swift and wore the robe on me as I returned to the living area of his suite.

Aillard was already done with his call by the time and he saw me out of his room, eyeing me head to toe and said my name in a question, "Wren?"

I marched up to him and pulled him into the bedroom. Not a word was shared between us, but I knew I had Aillard's attention by the way his eyes were trained on me. For each step I took, he slunk close ensuring the distance between us weren't pulled further than necessary. I wasn't quite sure who's the predator and who's the prey because both of us seemed too hungry for each other but all that held us back was the uncertainty shadowed over our hearts.

When the back of my knees hit the edge of his bed. I stopped and his steps were also halted. His stare at me was so intense that my heart fluttered like a caged butterfly and my hand reached for the waist tie of the robe.

I unfastened the knot and allowed the soft fabric to slip off my shoulders, revealing myself in bare.

And I waited for his reaction.

If anything, self-control was my forte and I was known for being a patient predator. But when it concerned Wren, I found myself losing restraint easily. The moment she pulled me into the bedroom, I could already sense her plots and when she bared her skin to me, some part of my body reacted before I could even do anything.

I felt myself straining and a parched sensation apparent in my constricted throat. I forced my eyes away from her body and faced her, though it only made everything worse. Our eyes met and I quickly drowned within the pale blue depths of her unending gaze. Wren drew me in just like that, her eyes spoke every word that the silence held. Like an ethereal siren who sang sailors to their deaths, I was captivated by her presence and immediately fell into the grounds of defeat.

I had to plea for mercy before she decided to destroy me with those pink lips stained with aphrodisiac and poison. I said, "Wren, don't."

"I'm going to give you two options, Aillard," she murmured while standing completely still when she continued, "If you want me, you hold me close. If you don't want me, say it now. You have three seconds."

I didn't reply and she began counting, "One."

My heart suddenly felt heavier with each pound and my hands closed into fists, still trying to restrain myself. Wren purposely counted slower, because one heartbeat later, the second count didn't arrive. I glanced up again, finally seeing emotions in her eyes again. Fear and dread danced amongst anticipation before dejection overwhelmed them when she exhaled, "Two."

I didn't move and mentally counted to four because I assumed she would count the last number on the fifth. Her eyes were almost pleading for my words and she rolled her lower lip between the teeth. When she released her lips and parted them slightly, I scooped her in my arms and our mouths collided. I devoured her with my kiss, blaming it all on her for playing with my restraint. I pushed her into her bed with force and hovered above her. I warned huskily, "Don't rush into a tiger's lair and expect to leave alive, my little songbird."

"Aillard," she cautioned with a tone laden with tension. Wrapping her hand on the nape of my neck, she pulled me to face her and she smirked, "We shall see."

Not leaving me a moment for second-guessing, Wren lured me into her embrace. Even after three years, Wren still held reign over me and commanded my emotions in the way she wanted it to play in her favour. My hands travelled down her body, touching every inch of her pale skin and my fingers eased beneath the contrasting dark lingerie that hugged her skin. My lips trailed down the length of her neck and I nibbled the tender skin of her shoulder. Against my lips and tongue, she's an angel that tasted so much like sin.

Every moan became her song to drag me under the entirety of her and every touch she left against my skin only made me lose myself against her. Honestly, I already admitted defeat the moment she barged through my door unannounced. From the very start, she was the depth that I fell into but I never wanted to save myself from it.

All because I knew that this woman would never break me in the way my fate did. If anything, Wren was the only good thing that happened to me and she was the only one who was willing to cradle my darkness and kiss away every pain inflicted on me.

With her, I wasn't Aillard Illiades.

With her, I was just myself — just a vulnerable man with a fractured soul.

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a/n:

baby, everything could change
in the middle of the night, so
if we make it through today
say you'll stay with me tomorrow.
(tomorrow - fly by midnight)