her valiant advances

the digital clock on my nightstand was a blaring 04:00, as though reprimanding me for not turning in the night like how any human should and i already lost count on the number of sleepless nights i had spent sitting next to the window thinking about you. 

it's raining tonight and droplets of rain pelted from the sky in an unrelenting manner. i wasn't quite sure what it was about the rain that made me longed for everything that once was, bringing me back all the nostalgia that i felt within reach but foreign to hold onto — perhaps it was the cold glass that separated my skin from the merciless crashes of heavy reminders. 

you chose not to bind me to your heart, freeing me from the clutches of fate. you spread your love for me across the endless horizon, watching over me every step of my way. i remembered one thing you'd always tell me: wren, the world beyond is bigger than the cage you chose to live in. 

that goodbye that i refused to say from years ago still felt heavy in my mouth. you liberated me but i find myself still searching for you in the depths of my heart, wherever i may land. 

(Wren)

───────────────

Izanagi nearly exploded when he heard about the happenings in the meeting hall after I was left by myself but I assured him that I was fine before excusing myself and heading back to my hotel suite. 

I stopped at the entryway and kicked my heels off, quickly throwing my purse somewhere on the couch and marched towards the fridge to grab a bottle of wine. Not bothering to take a wine glass, I unscrewed the seal and lifted the bottle to down the bittersweet-tasting liquid. 

Then, my phone rang and I groaned with a small complaint before walking back to the couch to find my phone within the purse. Naya's name flashed across the screen, in a request of a video call and I swiped to accept. I adjust the phone and her face appeared on the screen, facing mine. At first glance, she narrowed her gaze at me and asked, "Wren, what happened to you?" 

A pang twisted in my chest, but I couldn't push myself past the hurt to speak. I didn't really care if Naya was looking at me, I leaned back into the couch and repeated to drink from the bottle. Concerned, Naya repeated, "Come on, dearest, talk to me."

I settled the wine bottle with a loud clank against the glass surface of the tabletop ahead of me and curled myself up in the softness of the couch. Naya gave me a moment, like how she always would whenever I refused to talk. The thoughts swirled in my head and no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn't settle. 

"I saw Aillard today," I broke the silence, feeling an uncomfortable burn in my stomach. I was never a good drinker, but I only wanted to feel something out of the hollowing emptiness that I felt from my failed encounter with him. Unsure if it was the liquid courage or the pent up frustration that I had bottled in for too long, I raged, "How can he look at me like I was a stranger? How are we strangers after all that we've been through? I've spent fifteen darned years with him before we separated for that mere three years!" 

"Dear gods above," Naya exhaled in a low voice, almost sounding helpless. "I knew that idiot was going to screw it up." 

I whipped my head around and faced her again, asking, "Naya, you knew that he's coming to Japan and you didn't tell me beforehand?" 

"Ismael told me to keep silent about this," Naya sounded apologetic. "It was meant to be a surprise." 

"I can't promise I won't murder your brother when I see him again," I fumed, though the anger wasn't directed at Ismael at all. As I had said, even if I knew Aillard was going to attend the meeting at Takahashi's residence, I would be as surprised.

"The Fayed needs him, so please spare him, dearest," Naya burst out a laugh and I scowled in return. 

I placed the phone away and slumped back on the couch languorously, heaving out a heavy sigh. Naya still had a concerned expression, while she also got comfortable in the recliner that she was sitting as she said, "Wren, you know Aillard well and I'm sure you also know about his fear for things he doesn't understand. It might've been a mere three years but look at yourself, you're a completely different person now. Anyone who witnessed you for the first time after these three years would've been really stunned."

"Underneath the front that I put for the world to see, I'm still Wren," I said, my voice cracked a little from a surfacing cry. "I'm still the kid who entered the huge mansion hiding behind Clarence. I'm still the girl who desperately hides her identity while sticking real close to him, wherever he wants to go. I'm right beside him all the time, Naya. My heart has always been right there with him." 

Naya replied with a near sigh, "We grew up together, seeing how Eldrick treated Aillard. Unlike Ismael and I, Aillard grew up in an extraordinarily harsh environment. I guess it's an almost natural instinct for him to shut himself out whenever in doubt. But Wren, Aillard never stopped caring about you. The past three years, he only stood at the sidelines because he respects you and he loved you." 

I failed to fight the tears that rose into my eyes and before I could conceal my emotions, I was already crying with choking sobs. It wasn't the anger that drove me into tears nor was it the knowledge that he continued to care for me even when I left. It was the ache in my chest when I wanted to scream it in his face, telling him how much I loved him and missed him. There was no part of me that didn't yearn for him, and I continued to watch over him in my absence as much when in my presence.

Naya stayed with me until my tears dried, and my face felt hot and sticky from the ugly crying. Eventually, I ended the call and took a scalding shower to wash away the weariness and the splitting headache from the overwhelming emotions. When I stepped out of the shower, I clasped on a matching pair of black lace lingerie before pushing my legs through a pair of black tights and pulled over an oversized grey sweater. I walked to the entryway to push my feet into a comfortable pair of sneakers and hit my face under a white cap while heading out of my hotel suite. 

In the lift, I checked on my phone and got the information I needed. All the crying just now was just a vent of emotions, but I shall never be mistaken for being weak. A smirk lifted from a corner of my lips at the confidence that I was heading into my next battlefield, darned prepared. 

I looked towards the floor numbers lowering until I reached the lobby of my hotel. The staff on the night shift greeted me, and I smiled politely in return. The car I requested was already parked outside the hotel, waiting for me. Entering the car, the chauffeur sped off to the destination I mentioned. 

Aillard Illiades,  you better brace yourself. 

I returned to my hotel suite after leaving Wren at the Takahashi residence, though I didn't forget to leave Izanagi a warning message. Even when I knew how capable she had become, I needed to make sure that she was well looked after and no harm would be in her way. All because she meant too much to me and I wouldn't allow any accidental slips that would endanger her wellbeing. 

When I reached back into the suite, I went straight to my laptop and looked at the various files that Lorelei left in my mail. It was concerning the trilateral negotiation between the Illiades, the Hepburn and the Fayed on an upcoming business plan. 

My engagement with Lorelei ended right after I sent Wren off, but we remained friendly as business partners because she insisted and I admired her ambitions as the heir of her family legacy. However, we remained ambiguous about our status and Lorelei still held onto the title of my arranged fiancée. It was for mutual benefit because I needed a facade to draw Eldrick's attention away from my business ventures and Lorelei needed my help to fend off any further marriage arrangements by her family. 

Initially, I thought it would be a pain to convince Lorelei to break the engagement. But compared to Macy, Lorelei was even more prideful and she wouldn't commit herself into a relationship if she couldn't the whole of her partner. Lorelei admitted that her obsession with me was only because I was an ambitious man and our marriage would ease her wish to claim her family's business as the head with our bond. Using that desire of hers as leverage, I established a working relationship with her to help her stabilise her position as the head of her family while she also helped me. I never trusted her enough to tell her about Wren but she was clear that my heart would never belong to her. Therefore, other than all that we had established professionally, we kept ourselves away from each other's personal lives.

After going through the documents, I left Lorelei a text to acknowledge and went ahead to take a shower. I lowered my head into the running shower and water streamed from the back of my head and flowed down my body. Images of Wren and everything concerning her rushed back into my head, vexing me. I remembered the softness when I touched her and the desire to hold her against me burned under my skin, almost tearing through my restraint. I craved to hold her, I craved to have her close and I craved for her so badly that an ache formed in my chest. I pushed my arms out and planted my hands on the wet, cold tiles ahead of me, as I breathed roughly through my mouth. I tried to wash away traces of her from my being but all that reminded me of her ended up crashing over me like a torrential storm. 

Wrapping a towel around my hips I stepped out of the shower and grabbed another from the shelves to dry my hair. I dressed comfortably in a pair of dark joggers and pulled a cotton sweatshirt over me. I headed out of my room and grabbed my laptop, settling myself in the patio chair as I looked through several documents away from the suffocating indoor air. Just then, the doorbell rang and I stood from my seat. I haven't called for room service and I made sure no one knew about my location in Japan. 

Alarmed, I went back to my room to grab my pistol, hiding it behind me as I went towards the door. The digital monitor showed no one outside my suite and my instinct was to not open it. I was about to step away before the doorbell rang again and I was convinced that my visitor was persistent about seeing me in person. Carefully, I opened the door before I was caught by surprise when someone pushed hard against the door and grabbed the wrist with which I held my pistol, pointing it away in a manner as though my moves were already expected. Before I could think about wrestling my attacker to the ground, a softness crashed against my lips and I was stunned. 

The white cap that was hiding my attacker's features fell and a wave of brown hair flowed and brushed against my skin in a tantalizing manner. I didn't have to look closely to know that it's her. Everything about her was engraved in my mind and my existence remembered every single detail about her without needing to process. One of her hands remained firm on my wrist while the other wrapped tightly onto the nape of my neck. She pulled me deeper into the kiss and she kissed me hard, with almost desperation. 

When she finally pulled back, her pale eyes bore into mine when she exhaled, "Can't run now, can you?" 

───────────────

a/n:

i'm trying to be something that you miss,
not something you're trying to forget.
(something that you miss - matt hall)