God can bring peace to your past, purpose to your present and hope to your future.

-John 14:27

'I just want it stop you know.' She said at last. David was already beginning to think she hadn't noticed him sitting right next to her. Or that he was squeezing her hand, trying to infuse her with some of his strength. Strength to keep on pushing.

'Want what to stop?' He asked.

'The pain. It's too much. It's suffocating me. It's killing me.' She admitted softly, a light sheen of tears coated her eyes.

'Then let it go. Let God take away your pain.' He said. He could tell she was dangerously close to breaking down but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He knew God would pick her up and then she'd remember that He always cares for His children and He will always be there for them in their time of need.

'It's not that easy.' She shook her head slightly without taking her eyes off the cross.

'In fact its very hard.' Her voice broke and a strangled moan escaped her lips.

'Why?'

'Because!' Her brittle voice rose a few octaves. 'I blame Him. Okay? I blame God and we both know I have every right to. This was Tom. The one person that mattered more to me than myself. I loved my brother more than I loved my life. He's the only person I ever truly and unselfishly loved. I mean how could I not? He taught me how to ride a bike. He bought me my first ice cream. He protected me from high school bullies. He was the the one who got me so involved in church activities. Tom was the embodiment of all things good. He couldn't even say damn because he was just that good and committed to his faith. And look what happened.' Her voice grew thinner with each word.

'Why couldn't He just take me?' She whispered so lowly he almost didn't hear her.

'Tom wasn't some sort of All American golden boy. Not even in the slightest. He had to work for everything he ever got. When we were in middle school, I badly wanted to go to the really expensive exclusive high school. It was a boarding school but our parents couldn't afford it. I was crushed. Tom saw how much it meant to me and that summer, he taught himself how to play football because the school had this really good football team and they were one of the best in the state. Anyway they caught wind of him. And offered him a football scholarship because of how good he was. No one could believe he'd only started playing football that summer. Anyway he told them that if they wanted him, they would have to take me too. That we were a package deal. Tom has always been like my very own guardian angel.'

'Angel's have to go back home. To heaven where they belong.' He whispered, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. The story really touched him. Stacey and Tom must have very close since they were kids for him to have done something like that for her. It was really sad.

'It wasn't Tom's time. Not yet any way. It was too soon. Way too soon.'

'Hey,' He began but she shook her head silencing him.

'I know I need to let go of my hate and my anger and resentment. That's what you were going to say, isn't it? Well, I already know that. I just don't know how. It is killing me. I can barely breath. I.... I.... I....' She sighed deeply. He knew not to interrupt her this time. Especially since she was obviously struggling to get something out.

'I tried to kill myself.' She whispered so quietly he didn't catch the words. He had to rely on his lipreading skills but he was sure what he lipread wasn't correct. His breath caught in his throat and he stiffened visibly. She couldn't have said she tried to kill herself. Could she?

'I did.' Her voice returned to its normal thin and low but not too low volume. 'I wanted the pain to go away. I was ready to do it. Just jump and never look back. I don't even know what stopped me. I just couldn't. Tom would be disappointed. Truly disappointed. And killing myself won't take the pain away. It'll just transfer it to someone else. If there's anything I've learned from Tom's death, it's that.' Her eyes held a ray of light. A tiny little one. One that hadn't been there yesterday. Or two days ago. One that he was going to help grow into the brightest light the world had ever seen. But he didn't know that yet.

'I'm tired. Of everything. I want it to stop. I want to move on. Hopefully it will happen.' She said.

'By the grace of God.' He added. She didn't agree with him or say Amen. But he also noted that she didn't disagree or refute it either. A small victory. One that he sent up a quick prayer of thanks to God for. He also prayed for guidance and wisdom on how to help her.

They both lapsed into a thoughtful silence where their minds and hearts were anything but silent.

While Stacey was pouring out her heart to God, betrayed feelings and all, he was thinking and praying. The broken girl who didn't know how to grief had somehow gotten under his skin. He thinks of her in the morning when he wakes up and at night before he sleeps and sometimes those haunted eyes would disturb his dreams. He was already blowing off most of his afternoon commitments to be able to be here for her. He couldn't carry on like this. This wasn't supposed to happen the first day he had walked up to her and asked her what the matter was. God guide me, he silently prayed.

Author's Note:

I'm really sorry the chapters aren't longer for those who want longer chapters. The chapters are short and to the point so that way it doesn't take away from the main purpose of the story which is what I feel longer chapters would do. The story also only has one setting which is the church. The last pew as usual.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

On a sad note, the story will be ending soon.

Also a big thank you to HiddenInChrist who sent me some amazing Bible verses. Thank you so much.