Elias

To: [email protected] 

From: [email protected]

Date: September 18th, 2015 9:33 AM

Subject: Big Day

Hey Elias,

Are you settled into your new place yet? Hopefully things aren't too hectic for you today. Remember, sunglasses and subtlety go a long way.

Call me if you need anything.

-Dan

__________________________________________

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected] 

Date: September 18th, 2015 9:45 AM

Subject: Re: Big Day

Hey Dan,

I'm good. Freaking out a little bit, but I haven't cracked open the anxiety pills yet so that's progress, right?

Dude, I wish. I'm supposed to be on the road right now, but my brother and Caleigh are too busy having make-up sex to keep a schedule.

Whatever.

That Adele album's gotta end sometime.

I'll call you when I get in and let you know how things go.

-Elias

___________________________________________

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Date: September 18th, 2015 9:55 AM      

Subject: Re: Re: Big Day

Sounds like a great way to start the day :P. Put on some headphones and write in your journal while you're waiting. A little Foo Fighters will block out the noise in no time!

Speak soon,

-Dan

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September 18th, 2015

Dear Dan,

I'm pretty sure Tanner's been going down on Caleigh for the last twenty-minutes 'cause she's been screaming like there's no tomorrow, and I seriously can't take it anymore.

So yeah, I'm definitely taking you up on the whole journal entry + Foo-Fighters suggestion...'cause if I don't, I might kill my brother.

Real talk.

Anyway, here goes....

Headphones. Check.

"Everlong". Check.

Maxed out volume. Triple Check.

You, my friend, are a miracle worker.

I can't hear a damn thing.

Thank God.

Anyway, it's like, almost in the morning, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna miss my assigned move-in time.

Great.

Caleigh and Tanner have been going at it non-stop for the last four hours, and I'm pretty sure that's some kind of record.

Tanner's gonna die if he doesn't rehydrate in between rounds or something.

Honestly, I don't know how he does it, Dr. D.

Not the sex, but the whole break-up, make-up thing.

If there's one thing my brother's really good at, it's getting people to forgive him.

I mean, hey, even I did, and I was dead set on hating the guy for the rest of my life when we beat the crap out of each other back in June.

But clearly a lot can change in a couple months, and I'd be lying if I said he hasn't.

I know we talked a lot about fixing "broken bonds" between me and Tanner at our last therapy session, and even though I really didn't think that was possible for us at this point, I finally feel like it's happening.

Took a lot of talking and a couple good fist fights, but, hey, at least we're cool enough to live in the same space without wanting to kill each other.

Not to steal your thunder D-man, but my mom has a lot to do with that. Tanner and I got hit with a wooden spoon enough times this summer to learn how to stop arguing in front of her and fighting with each other in general.

But you did a pretty good job outside of my Mom's old school methods.

Honestly, man, I can't tell you how much we needed those family sessions with you.

If I can manage to not go back to hating Tanner after all this, I think I'll be in pretty good shape.

Granted, things aren't perfect yet.

He still doesn't get where I'm coming from half the time and there's a lot I'm still not ready to tell him.

But, I'm getting there.

Remember when you asked me to try to write something positive about him everyday?

I used to hate that shit. Real talk.

But like I said, people change, and for some strange reason, I've actually got something nice to say about him today (even though his sexcapades are pissing me off right now).

Despite all the horizontal mambo, I'm grateful he figured out a place for me to stay. If he hadn't helped me out, I'd probably still be stuck in San Francisco which definitely would've driven me crazy. So I guess I'm grateful to him, even though shacking up at Caleigh's bungalow again wasn't exactly my first choice...for obvious reasons.

But now that I'm moving on to bigger, better things, I think I'm genuinely gonna miss living here.

The thing is, the second we moved back to LA together, I thought we'd be crashing with the guys on his swim team.

I wasn't exactly ready to jump back into the space me and Alex used to share, so I thought a little hang out time with his friends would've been good for the both of us.

But Tanner's fucking hopeless.

The second we pulled off the freeway, he drove straight to Caleigh's and begged her to take him back.

I'm not even that lame, Dan.

She wouldn't even let him in the house for the first few weeks.

Watching him plead with her was hilarious.

Tanner never begs for anything--ever.

So I may or may not have filmed a couple of the "let's get back together" speeches he gave on her doorstep.

He's definitely crying in more than one of them.

Talk about future blackmail material.

Anyway, when groveling didn't work, the guy spent like two-hundred bucks on flowers, stalked all her friends, and got all the chicks on her surf team plus the dudes on his swim team to help him serenade her into forgiving him.

She's been "forgiving" him ever since.

It's not that I'm jealous that he's having awesome sex twenty-four seven while all I can pop these days are pity boners.

Do you have any idea what it's like to jack off to the sound of sex you wish you were having?

It's sad, Dan.

Not only that, I'm beating it to the sound of my own brother getting it on.

Is that weird?

I feel like that's weird.

You know what?

Don't answer that.

Look, if there's a bright side to all this weirdness, at least I'm not sleeping around like I used to.

I'm not sleeping around at all which is probably normal for you, but it's major for someone like me.

I still think about it all the time though.

Like, all the time.

And it makes things hard sometimes.

Literally.

I think life would be a hell of a lot easier if Tanner and Caleigh weren't boning each other against every wall, countertop, and shower in this house.

Especially today.

Today's a big deal for me, Dan.

I'd tell you why, but a man's entitled to his secrets ;)

Let's just say I'm a big believer in second chances, and if I play my cards right, today'll be mine.

-Elias