https://youtu.be/KAGCBLtcik8

Alex

So remember when I said that I was going to quickly breeze by my dorm, grab a couple things, and then make my merry way back to frolic around Sunset Rec with Elias?

I lied.

Not about the nighttime frolicking with Elias part, but about the quickly breezing by my dorm part. Ladies and Gentlemen of the universe, I am a girl. And the single most undeniable truth about girls is, we don't like rushing off to meet our boyfriends, crushes, or hook-ups looking and/or feeling totally gross.

Regardless of how physical Elias and I wanted to be, I hadn't showered in a good three days. So the fact that he did the things that he did to me in the back of Lisa's car is mildly mortifying. I mean, I get it, boys are boys, and when they're in the zone, most of them could care less about how long it's been since you interacted with a bar of soap. But I care. A lot. So the second I got into me and Indigo's room, I dragged her into the bathroom, sat her on the toilet so I could rattle off about my getting-back-together-with-your-ex-pre-sex anxieties, and threw myself into the shower.

"Do you think he'll know I cleaned up?"

"Does a goose know when it's time to fly south for the winter?" Indigo says.

Good point. I grab a bottle of my new favorite watermelon body wash and dump it all over myself. To hell with him knowing I tried for him. I want to try for him. He deserves a non-groady girlfriend.

Fact.

"Yeah. Sorry, that was a dumb question. I ask dumb questions when I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? It's not like this is our first time, but I just--"

"Feel like time and space has reset your souls back to the origin of when your spiritual and physical bodies were unexplored?"

Exactly. There are times, like these, where I think my roommate is the reincarnation of Gandhi. How she knows the things she knows remains a mystery. Come to think of it, Indigo's quite the mystery herself. We've spent an entire quarter together and as much as she knows about my life, I still feel like I know next to nothing about hers.

Indigo is a staunch vegan, her beliefs can't be classified into any identifiable religion, and she spends most of her time off campus. There are weeks when I see her and weeks when I don't. She comes and goes, but never talks about where she goes or what happens while she's there. She doesn't say much about her parents, but I'm pretty sure she has them or else she wouldn't exist.

Or would she?

If there's anyone who could spontaneously appear out of thin air or blossom out of a hippie lotus flower, it's Indigo.

More often than not, I find myself fighting back the urge to ask her about all of the parts of her life she keeps tucked away in envelopes and hidden in hushed phone calls. But I think if I asked anything too personal, it would throw her off kilter. Some people prefer to be undiscovered, and maybe Indigo's happiest existing as an enigma. Maybe not. I guess that's up to her to share.

"Indigo?"

"Yes, Spirit Friend."

"How are we the same age? I still feel and act like a psychotic sixteen year old, but you come off like a four-hundred-year-old guru. How did you get to be so wise about everything?"

"I wasn't always."

"What do you mean?"

She sighs loud enough for me hear her over the shower.

"The me you know now, is not the me I always was, Alex. Life changes people. People change people. We fall apart. We fall in love. And no matter how resistant we may be to the pull of the tide, everyone always ends up somewhere different than where they started."

I shut off the shower and pull a towel around myself while I try to wrap my head around the truth of what she's saying. There's so much of Elias and I in that statement it's hard not to point out the parallels, but at the same time, there's glimmers of someone else. Maybe someone who means something to her.

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to or anything but, have you ever been in love before?"

She stands up, starts towards the door, but turns back to look at me before she leaves.

"A thousand times, and only once."

She shuts her eyes for a moment, smiles to herself, and then she disappears.

Like she always does.

***

Once I finally manage to get dressed and finish stuffing my duffle bag full of blankets, pillows, and the free condoms UCLA graced us all with on orientation day, I head out to Sunset Rec.

Couple Life Realization #1: Hiking up the long slope of De Neve Dr. is a lot more challenging when doing so with eighty pounds of sleepover paraphernalia for both you and your boyfriend.

Yes, he texted me a list of things to bring. Yes, I have his room key. Yes, it took a significant amount of sneakage to grab his favorite Snoopy pillow and blanket without being spotted by anyone in the quad. And, yes, apparently the shower I took is completely pointless considering the amount of sweat I'm producing carrying the "king's" goods up this hill. But I did it. And what do I get in return?

A long string of incessant and incredibly impatient texts berating me for "abandoning him" somewhere in the middle of Sunset Rec. After the process of texting while struggling up a hill becomes old and irritating, I finally give into calling him right as I approach Sunset Rec's front gate.

Incoming Call from Elias :

EK: Where are you?!

AS: I have told you 482 times where I am. What part of "almost there" do you not understand?

EK: You've been on your way for like an hour. I want you here, naked, and on top of me, pronto. What does a man have to do?

AS: Stop talking unless he wants his woman to go back to her dorm and go to bed solo.

EK: You wouldn't dare.

AS: Oh, I would.

EK: Okay! I'm sorry. I just want you here. I found the perfect spot, it's totally gorgeous. You're gonna love it.

AS: Sounds nice. It must be nice to have the luxury of lounging around in the middle of a recreation center while your girlfriend struggles to jump the fence with all your belongings.

EK: You brought my stuff?

AS: Yes.

EK: Snoopy pillow?

AS: Yes.

EK: And the blanket my mom made me?

AS: Naturally.

EK: I love you. Why aren't you here yet?

AS: Turn around in three, two,--

Call ended

I tackle Elias from behind and try my hardest to take him down like a seasoned MMA fighter. Unfortunately, life did not have MMA take downs in the cards for me. Elias effortlessly maneuvers out of my grip, flips me around, and manages to have me on my back within seconds.

He pins me to the ground, straddles me, and smiles like the obnoxious human being that he is. He knows I can't escape him. Not from that smile. Not from those eyes. Not from anything. And the longer I stay underneath him, the harder it is to keep up our little game of keep away.

"Took you long enough," he says, and then lightly trails his tongue along the edge of my ear. My mind suddenly turns into tapioca pudding, but I manage to snag my sanity by the tail and convince it to stick around at the last second.

I ease Elias off of me in time to keep his mouth from making its way down the slope of my neck. He knows exactly where to touch and nibble to make me throw caution to the wind, so I force myself to stop him before Dumb Alex lets him have her way with her.

"Woah there, caballero!"

Something flickers to life in his eyes, and he stares at me even more determined than he was seconds before.

"Babe, you're starting to sound like a pro. If you keep talking like that this caballero's gonna ride the hell out of you."

Heat spreads from my face, to my hands, and to all the places that my dirty little subconscious hopes he'll touch.

"There are blankets for that kind of thing, tu sabre?"

His eyebrows bunch together and leave a cute little crease in the center of his forehead.

"What?"

"I don't know--I'm-I meant to say the word for 'you know' in Spanish. Sab-sabbatical,--"

"Saber," he says, perfectly.

"Whatever. You know what I meant."

He leans down and kisses the tip of my nose.

"You're cute. How'd I get so lucky? Oh wait, 'cause I'm Elias King, and kings get everything."

I dry heave at his statement. Loudly.

"Okay, while you lay here and stroke your ego, I'm going to get the blankets. If your royal highness would like to join, I'll be over there."

I point to our bag, wriggle out from underneath him, and make my way over to the oblong duffle sitting a few feet away from us. Elias lets out a huff of frustration and begrudgingly helps me lay out my blanket along with the handful of pillows I brought. For a couple minutes, he's genuinely helpful, until he finds "Snoopy pillow".

Secret Elias Chronicle Entry #1: Snoopy pillow turns Elias into a giggling, cuddly, six-year old. Fact.

I discovered this happy little secret when I accidentally stumbled across it stuffed inside his closet during our two weeks living together. He totally denied it was his at first. But once I miraculously managed to interrogate the truth out of him and promised not to tease him about it, he showed his true colors, just like he is now.

"Elias, help me finish, and put Snoopy down."

"No. I'm comfortable, come cuddle with me and Snoop-Snoop."

He rolls onto his back, wraps one arm around the pillow, and offers the other to me.

I leave the rest of our stuff in the bag, and crawl over into the space next to him. We lie there for a few minutes in total silence just listening to the rush of the cars on Sunset Blvd. Elias tangles his fingers in mine and points up at the blanket of stars hovering over our lonely little field.

"Beautiful, right? Our whole story's written out up there."

I flick my eyes his direction and shoot him a judgmental smile.

"What are you? Mufasa?"

"I was being serious, Señorita Buzzkill. Damn. Way to ruin a moment," He says through a breathy laugh.

"Sorry, I was just teasing you. You're right. The last time we were together like this the stars looked the same way--out of this world beautiful."

He props himself up on his elbows, runs his hand along the side of my face, and traces tiny circles around my cheek.

"Like somebody else I know."

He leans in and steals a soft, slow kiss that leaves me dizzy when he pulls away.

"Why thank you, sir. You're not so bad looking yourself, but I think you'd look better without this."

I slip my fingers under the edge of his sweater and lift it up over his head only to be mildly disappointed with what I find.

"What's wrong with your face? Don't like what you see?" He asks.

"Elias King, layers on a night like tonight are unacceptable. Fact. Off with the t-shirt."

I start tugging at his v-neck, but he takes my hand mid-temper tantrum, lifts it to his mouth, and kisses the impatience out of my fingers.

"Not until you lose this--"

He slides his hand under my back, lifts me up a little, latches on to my dress, and pulls the entire thing off. I let out something between a gasp and a scream while he stares down at my Thor-themed bra and panties.

"--and this--"

The click and snap of my bra unhinging in his hands renders me speechless.

"--and this."

And, suddenly, I'm naked...and he's not. He still has his t-shirt, jeans, and boxers to go, but of course, as life would have it, I end up being the indecent one first. Flush burns up the side of my cheeks as I move to cover myself, but he stops me.

"Don't ever hide from me, babe. You're fucking beautiful. Comprende?"

"Compri--Comper--"

He kisses the confusion off my lips.

"Comprende," I say.

"That's the best Spanish I've heard out of you yet. We should do this more often. Like three times a day--often. You down?"

I slip him out of his t-shirt and gradually make my way down to unbuttoning his jeans. He kicks them off and hovers over me, smiling, just waiting for an answer.

"I'm down with whatever's within reason, Elias. We still have class. We can't hole ourselves up in your dorm and have sex all day."

"Then we can do it after class--"

He lowers himself down on top of me just enough for me to feel how turned on he is. He's not the only one. My whole body's pulsing as he kisses his way across my chest and teases me with his tongue.

He runs his fingers down the length of my stomach until his hand disappears between my legs. He catches my shallow breaths in his mouth as he touches me. I dig my fingers into the muscles of his back, subtly begging him to be closer, but common sense winds up and slaps me out of my daze before we make a mistake.

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Safety first!" I say, and everything about how I say it is exactly as frantic and uncool as I feared it would be.

Elias lets out a ghost of a laugh and lifts himself off me.

"Sure thing, Smokey Bear. Did you bring the stuff to prevent me from starting a fire in your forest? Lisa took the only one I had."

"Can we not talk about Lisa right now? It's weird."

"You're weird."

He giggles at me. Genuinely giggles. I'd be giggling too if I wasn't the person on the end of his jokes.

"Two things. Number one, stop making fun of me. Number two, I did bring them, so sit tight, I'll be right back."

He rolls onto his side, pulls off his boxers, and waits for me while I scramble back over to my duffle. I crawl back to Elias seconds later, but stop just inches away from him. His arms are propped lazily behind his head as he stares skyward. But as mesmerizing as the stars are, the sight of him roots me to the ground.

I let my eyes roam over his tawny skin, the chiseled muscles of his chest, and the faded scar along along his thigh. He's completely beautiful to me. There are stories painted on his skin, labors lived out on his hands, love laced on his lips. And I never stopped to notice. Not until now.

"Elias?"

A thought races across my mind but I stop speaking before it can leave my mouth. Elias sits up on his elbows and stares at me bewildered.

"What is it, babe?"

"Nothing."

I glance down at my unsteady hands while the burn in my cheeks gives my anxiety away. He kisses me and his lips ease my hesitation.

"You're nervous, aren't you?"

"No. Yes. Kind of. But I'll get over it."

"Sure you will, Ms. Neurotic."

"Oh yeah? Watch, I'll-I'll prove it. I can be smooth too."

He flashes me a lazy smile and runs his thumb along the inside of my palm.

"You don't have to prove anything tonight, babe. I'm just happy you're here. That we're here."

"Me too."

I smile through my embarrassment, swallow my anxiety, and push myself to make the first move.

I place my hand on the center of Elias's chest and lay him back down against the blanket while he watches me--silently curious. It takes me a couple seconds for the shyness to fade to the point where I stop shaking, but once it does, I trace my fingers down the length of his body, and take him in my hands gently.

I watch the rapid rise and fall of his chest as I touch him, slowly. He doesn't guide me the way he did when we were together in the shower. Instead he leans back and completely surrenders to me as I watch his hands curl into the fabric of his blanket.

"Are you okay?" I ask, a little too anxiously.

He doesn't look at me--his eyes are closed about as tightly as his fists.

"More than okay. Just--"

He sucks in a sharp breath.

"--go easy on me, okay? It's been a while since--"

I stiffen up.

"Since what? Since you've been with another girl, Mr. Popular?" I tease.

He finally opens his eyes and looks at me dead on.

"--since you. I haven't been with anyone since you."

Sometimes it only takes a sentence to completely undo a person--and Elias undoes me with a string of simple words. A simple truth surrounding how faithful he's been. I can't believe he waited for me while my impatience and insecurity drove me to making mistakes with Kai. Mistakes I regret more now than I ever thought I would.

So I lean forward and let all my regrets die on his lips. I skim my tongue along the edge of his mouth and tease my way down the strong slope of his neck. A few soft and barely audible sounds leave his lips as I make my way down his chest a gentle kiss at a time.

Something about seeing him this way--breathless, vulnerable, and completely exposed ignites a quiet confidence that pushes me to want to be with him in a way that I haven't before. So I drown out my self-doubt and act on a feeling. An impulse. I want to make him feel even a fraction of what he does to me.

I move my mouth down the smooth stretch of his stomach, teasing his warm skin with my tongue, and then push things further than either of us have gone . I take Elias between my lips and the feeling takes him completely by surprise.

For a couple seconds, everything stops.

He stills to the point where I barely hear him breathing while my pulse silently races in my chest.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to make him feel good like this, but I want to.

So I try.

And Elias's whole body responds to me.

My lips.

My tongue.

Everything.

Minutes pass and I feel all the ways he's falling apart.

His muscles tense.

His breathing shallows.

But then he suddenly breaks the silence.

"Jersey, wait. Please. I--don't want to do this alone."

The words escape his lips no louder than a whisper, but I hear him loud and clear.

I lift myself up, position my legs on either side of his, and hover on top of him while he slips a condom on.

Once we're safe, he sits up and devours my lips while I lower myself on top of him, slowly. Carefully. And suddenly, I feel him everywhere. His warmth. His strength. His sincerity.

And it nearly overwhelms me. We connect an inch at a time and I gradually lose myself to the intensity of this.

Of us.

We're a mix of gentle pressure, fading reservations, and shy glances at first.

And then we begin to move together for the first time in so long.

Just long enough for us to be awkward, and fumbling, and almost unfamiliar with each other.

But then, after the shyness burns out of our blood, we find each other somewhere in the rhythm of things.

In the music and magic of all the moments we've been missing.

Elias moves his hands to the sides of my face and pulls me closer until there's barely any space left between us. He stares up at me, eyes dancing between a new kind of innocence and wonder, and watches me intently.

I turn away from him, suddenly way too self-conscious, but he turns my head back towards him before I run too far.

"Please, let me look at you. Let me--"

He runs his hands up the length of my thighs and settles them on my hips.

"--make up for lost time."

He slows his pace to a near stop and leaves me hanging on the edge of my self-restraint. But right when I think about taking control, he pushes into me slowly, not taking his eyes off me once.

Not once.

I stop breathing, stop hesitating, and finally let myself feel all of this.

All of him.

And as he moves inside of me 365 days of distance disappears.

We're different people tonight. Nowhere close to being the ghosts we were last summer. We were too dysfunctional back then to fully connect the way we can now.

'Cause right now, I am as much his as he is mine.

I feel the patience in his every movement. His every touch. I see how carefully he reads me, how he lets me lead and leads me, how he looks at me like I am enough.

And for the first time, I finally believe that I am enough for someone.

And he is my someone.

Tears burn in the corners of my eyes as he leans up and kisses me. I taste poetry on his lips--every line of our struggle and every sentence of our separation exists in him. We get lost in each other a careful movement at a time, until we finally push ourselves past our limits.

I collapse into his arms and we hold each other without words for a while. We take in . We bury our scars and our secrets in the silence.

We shift from the shattered people we were a year before, to being parts of a greater whole.

We are in this moment, a simple line of poetry.

A single sentence, instead of broken stanzas.

One soul, instead of two shadows.

And love has made all the difference.

***

(Thank you guys so much for reading & listening as always! We certainly hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's been a long time coming for these two so we hope this lived up to your expectations! Christmas break is coming up at the end of this week so we're headed off to vacation for the next 2.5/3ish weeks. So unfortunately this means we won't have time to update, however, this does me we will be beginning the process shipping out the Letters from Elias to contest winners! Kristen and I will be doing our best to try to write like crazy so that by the time Christmas vacation is over we will have tons of new updates for you so we all can make up for vacation time. If we happen to find time to record & write over vacation we will let you know! Happy Holidays everyone!)

PS: BONUS QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Which love scene do you prefer Alex and Elias's first time or their reunion (this one)?