https://youtu.be/C0eG3N2JB8o

*NOTE: Check out the audiobook version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12! Featuring music by Brand New, The Victors, Hidden in Plain View, The Afters, and Paramore.

Elias

Outgoing call to Dan Perry :

DP: Hey, Elias! I was just about to call you. Ready for the big day?

EK: No! I'm freaking out, Dan. I'm sweating through my clothes, I'm jittery as balls, and I've already maxed out my daily limit of anxiety pills. Does it sound like I'm ready to you?

DP: Elias, remember what we talked about. Your head is--

EK: --my worst enemy, I know, I know. But I've got a really bad feeling about today. I'm gonna fuck everything up, aren't I? What if she doesn't want to--

DP: She'll want to, Elias. You've had a great two weeks with her. You're smiling more, laughing, honestly, I haven't seen you this happy in a while. From the sound of things, the both of you have made a lot of healthy progress.

EK: Yeah, but you know how she is. One minute she's all flowers and roses and then the next she wants to chop my balls off, and everything's always my fault.

DP: Trust takes time.

EK: I know! I just--what if--? What if she doesn't trust me today? I need her to trust me today.

DP: I know you do. But you have to have a little faith in her if you want this to work. The problem is, the two of you don't trust each other.

EK: I trust her!

DP: Then why are you calling?

EK: Because I'm scared of her, alright! She's not like other girls, Dan. She shuts me down without batting an eyelash and once she's made up her mind, there's nothing I can do to change it.

DP: And, that's why she's good for you.

EK: That's why she's gonna be the end of me. I've got less than ten minutes before I have to try to pull off the impossible with an impossible woman, and I'm thinking about bailing.

DP: Then leave.

EK: Are you serious?

DP: Are you?

EK: No! I can't back out now, I just need you to give me some confidence boosting advice, D-man. I'm dying out here.

DP: Just be the guy she wants you to be. No ego, no over-the-top showmanship, no seduction tactics--

EK: Woah, woah, woah! Now, that's going too far.

DP: I'm serious, Eli. If you want your plans to work out, you have to be the guy I know. You've gotta show up, not bro up.

EK: Dan?

DP: Yes?

EK: I love you. That was so lame, but so you.

DP: Enough with the judgements. Do you want my help or not?

EK: I do! I'm sorry. You know how much I depend on you for--shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, she's coming! Her midterm let out early. Fuck. W-What do I do?

DP: What do you mean what do I do? We've been over this, Elias!

EK: I'm blanking! I don't remember what to say to her, I don't remember anything!

DP: Yes, you do, you're gonna be fine.

EK: No I'm not. I can't do this. I just can't. She's walking this way, and I think I'm gonna pass out. Holy shit. I'm gonna pass out.

DP: Elias, breathe.

EK: I can't. I told you this girl was gonna be the end of me.

DP: Or she might be the start of something great. Good luck today, Eli! We're rooting for you up here.

EK: We? What do you mean we?

DP: Uh--everyone here at the practice of course. Anyway, I've got somewhere to be, and so do you, so I wish you the best. Call me tomorrow to let know me how things turned out.

EK: Wait, please don't hang up. I'm think I'm having a panic attack.

DP: No, you're not. You're growing up. God's speed, Eli!

EK: Dan wait, wait I--

Call ended

There's always this moment in the movies right before the hero of the story dies where his whole life plays out in soft focus. It's like everything beautiful he's ever been through flickers across the screen in slow motion, and for a split second, he's happy.

Everything's perfect.

Everything's peaceful.

It doesn't matter that the walls are caving in, or that he's trapped behind enemy lines, or lying in a hospital bed sucking in his last breath. Because for a couple seconds, it seems like things might be okay.

Call me a lunatic, but I'm pretty sure this is one of those moments.

My whole body starts buzzing the second Jersey steps out into the hallway. She doesn't even know I'm watching, but I'm caught up in the way she moves.

Her long hair's flowing over her shoulders, her hips are swaying in her ripped up jeans, and her hands are clutched tightly around her books like she's holding on to the most precious things in the world. Her binder's caught on the bottom of the charcoal shirt I let her borrow, and it's pulling down her v-neck just low enough to give away the hint of a black lace bra.

My mind starts going places it shouldn't, while my body feels like it's ten feet off the ground.

Just floating and falling because of her.

Before she walked out that door, panic was pulling me under. My fifteen minute walk over here to find Jersey turned into a half hour of pure harassment. All it took was a loud mouth sorority girl pointing me out on Bruin Walk for the people to start losing their shit. A small crowd closed in around me until I didn't have a choice in whether or not I wanted to dive into an impromptu meet and greet.

I stood there trying to be friendly, trying to act like giving into strangers' demands for selfies was okay.

But it wasn't.

I felt like I was drowning, sinking too far into myself, losing control.

Jersey warned me about this happening. She knew me going missing for three weeks was trouble and not just because it made me fall behind in school. When everybody's looking for your face and you drop out of the picture, the second you come back, they're desperate to find you. They vie to take whatever piece of you they can get.

Every single girl I ran into on Bruin Walk tried to steal my attention. Whether it was pushing up on me during the photos, trying to flirt their way into a meaningful conversation, or stealing cheek kisses just in time for the flash, they all tried to drag me away from the only place I wanted to get to. The only girl I wanted to get to.

So I ran.

I sprinted until I stumbled into Dodd Hall right in time for reality to hit me in the face and knock me off my feet. The second all the chaos from the outside faded, I remembered the reason why I came here.

For her.

For tonight.

Tonight's one of those moments in life that can either make or break a person. One of those times where you figure out whether or not somebody's willing to stand by you when you need them or bail all together.

If Jersey doesn't stick around after I talk to her, I'll get it. Indigo knows that the both of us aren't sick anymore, so it's probably only a matter of time until Jersey runs back to her and goes on with her life.

With or without me.

I just hope to God she doesn't.

I ball my fingers into fists and dig my nails into my palms, so I can focus on the pain instead of the panic rising in my throat. Jersey's only a couple steps away, but it feels like miles. She's still got her head buried in her religion class book even though she probably just aced her midterm.

The girl never stops reading. If I read that much my eyes would start bleeding, but she loves it.

I don't know how she pulls it off, but she somehow manages to navigate her way through the crowd without looking up once. I shift around and position myself so that she'll run straight into me no matter what she does.

I swallow the dry ache in my throat, shoot off a quick prayer to God, and wait for impact.

Jersey crashes into me book first and the binding goes straight into the soft spot just below my sternum.

I stumble backwards a couple steps but catch myself before I catch my breath. This chick literally knocked the wind out of me, and now a situation that was already stressful enough just got a hundred times worse.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was--Elias?"

She stares up at me looking about as lost and confused as I expected her to be. I never leave the dorm. Like, ever, and at this point, she knows how much of a couch potato I really am. The only time she managed to get me out of my room over the last two weeks was to eat, and half the time I'd order in.

Spending all that time away from people and being holed up with her made me realize that that's all I really need. Fuck the fame and popularity, I just need my girl and my bed. Real talk.

"Hey, beautiful," I say.

She doesn't even acknowledge the compliment even though I mean it. She looks gorgeous. Tired-gorgeous, but gorgeous all the same. She's not trying for anyone. Certainly not for me. And that's why I spend most of the day wanting her in ways that I'll never talk about.

Natural Jersey is the sexiest version of her that there is. Quote me.

"Hey, yourself. What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Did Caleigh and Tanner show up again? Did your dad call?"

She rattles off about a list of problems that proves how well she knows me. It's kinda sad that her first reaction to me showing up is fear, but I can't exactly call her out on that. Right now, I'm scared shitless to talk to her about tonight, I just hope she hasn't picked up on it yet.

"No, everything's fine I just, I um--"

I choke mid-sentence, and I'm not talking about a harmless stutter or slip of the tongue. My whole fucking throat collapses on itself the second she looks at me. This shouldn't be happening. I've fantasized about, woken up next to, and checked out this girl more times over the past two weeks than I can count. I haven't gotten weird around her once.

Shit, I even had a wet dream (or six) about the things we did in the shower, while she was sleeping right next to me. Talk about fucking awkward.

I spent the last couple weeks ruining my dignity right in front of her. I had to make up stories (stupid, pointless, untrue stories) to explain her about the reasons why I kept having to wash my sheets all the time. Now, she thinks I've got some bullshit allergy that doesn't exist just because I couldn't bring myself to tell her what happened.

The sad part is, I acted more normal lying about the jizz all over my sheets than I'm acting right now.

Right now, I can't move. I can't even convince my stupid mouth to do its job and speak. Instead, I keep staring at her, dazed and helpless while the look on her face changes from curiosity to concern. Dan was wrong. Nothing about this situation is fine, it's just a royal fuck-up in the making.

"Are you feeling okay? You look kinda peeky," she asks.

I glance down at my hands. She's right. My skin looks like vanilla ice cream, there's sweat all over my palms, and I'm shaking. Get it together, Elias.

"I'm fine, I just ran here, so I could pick you up from your last midterm on time. Five-thirty remember?"

She looks over to the clock on the wall and then back at me.

"Is there something special happening at five-thirty aside from me walking back to your room and passing out from exhaustion?"

Once my vision stops blurring, I let my eyes wander over the tired lines in her face. Yesterday, she pulled an all-nighter just to make sure I understood everything for my biology midterm. She's been working so hard on trying to keep me on track that she's barely had time for herself--or us.

When I say us, I mean it in a her-and-me potentially getting back together kind of way, not in a lame please-take-me-back kind of way. She hasn't exactly agreed to the idea of "us" yet but a guy can dream. And hope. And plan behind her back.

I've actually been hoping that Indigo put some magic Chinese sexy-time shrooms in her little care package, so Jersey and I could explore all those "natural urges" she was talking about. Sadly, all her drugs did was kick my case of the flu in the ass and keep Jersey mostly disease-free despite sharing a room with yours truly.

Spending time with her has been great, but we've been studying biology so much that I haven't had any time to pay attention to hers. Not to say that I don't think about her naked every ten seconds, 'cause I definitely do. I just haven't be able to help her "de-stress" if you know what I mean.

The only problem is, Jersey turns into the a-sexual study nerd whenever we break out the books. She barely showers. Not a single thing she wears is revealing which actually makes me even more horny for her because I start fantasizing about everything she's hiding under those baggy clothes. Basically, I've spent fourteen days living with a girl who's turning me into a Buddhist monk.

And I'm dying. Patient. But slowly dying.

I keep hoping she'll go all naughty librarian, throw aside her study guide, and have her way with me on the floor, but it hasn't happened yet. And it might not happen ever if I don't get my shit together and pull off my plan for tonight.

"You don't remember?" I ask, after a long and horribly awkward silence.

A tiny vein pops up over her left eye, and I reach out to smooth it down. She blushes a little, then reality sets in, and she shies away from me.

"Elias, you can't do that here. People can see--"

"I know, sorry, you just looked stressed."

"I wasn't, I was just thinking--"

Which means she's basically stressed out all the time. Good thing I keep my brain turned off most of the day. That's why I'll never look old. Thinking gives you wrinkles. Quote me.

"--and no, I don't remember this so-called special event that you're referring to."

Man, even after two weeks of her trying to teach me to be book smart, I still don't know what she's saying half the time.

"Uh, what?"

She rolls her eyes, but the slight smile on her lips tells me that she's slowly getting used to me barely understanding her.

"What I said was, I don't know what plan you're talking about."

Shit.

She forgot. I can't exactly blame her for forgetting. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I was too chicken shit to ask her out like a man and decided to mumble some half-assed invitation in her general direction instead. She may or may not have heard me.

Asking a girl important questions when she's falling asleep with her head in a book tends to have that effect. It's cool. I figured I was gonna have to re-ask her anyway. I just need to grow the balls to do it. Here goes.

"Actually, I asked you this a couple nights ago, but I think you passed out before you gave me an answer, so--"

"Elias! What do you want?!"

I pull my hoodie further down over my face, throw an arm around Jersey, and walk her outside past Bunche Hall, and into the sculpture garden where we can talk without people eavesdropping. Jersey wriggles out of my grip, and eyes me like I'm a crazy person.

"What is with you today? You're acting insane!"

"I promise I'm not, I just want--to take you somewhere! " I say, but saying it turns into shouting it once the words leave my mouth.

She juts her head back and winces at the sound of my voice.

Nice, Elias.

Super smooth.

"Badly enough to scream at me about it?" She says.

I rub her ears before she has a chance to. Her cheeks light up again. Maybe this won't be as hard as I thought.

"I'm sorry, I just--"

Don't choke.

"You just what?"

"I--"

I stop talking because the world starts spinning. I feel my legs doing that thing where they turn into noodles right before I pass out. I shut my eyes and stumble to the side, but Jersey catches me before I lose my balance.

"Elias? What's wrong?! Are you sick again?"

"No. I just need to--"

I point over to a patch of grass that looks like it'll be a whole lot more comfortable to collapse on than where I'm currently standing. Jersey throws an unsteady arm around my waist and walks me over to the place where the sidewalk ends and the green begins.

She sits down and then signals me to lie on my back next to her. I do as she asks while she bends my knees so my legs don't lock up underneath me. My heart's still racing, but at least I can breathe better lying like this.

I stare up at Jersey who's now on her knees tearing through my backpack to find my pills. I don't even get two words into trying to stop her when she pulls a white summer dress out of my bag. She stares at it long and hard, and then back at me while confusion warms her entire face.

"Is this mine?" She asks.

I prop myself up on my elbows and try my hardest to look at her straight even though the shock on her face is killing me.

"It is. I texted Indigo to ask if she wouldn't mind raiding your closet and picking you out something nice for tonight. Her and I met up before my midterm, and she showed up with this so...I hope you like it."

She gingerly runs her fingers over the dress and smiles like she's touching a good memory.

"I love this dress. My mom picked it out for me a couple summers ago, but I never had anything to wear it to."

"Now you do."

"What are you talking about?"

I force myself to sit up straight and take a hold of her hand as soon as I'm steady. I lean in towards her, while she sits back on her heels watching me. My eyes drop down to her mouth long enough to take my mind off panicking for a couple seconds. She's pulling her lower lip back and forth between her teeth, but the sight of her nervous habit weirdly calms me down.

God, I wanna kiss her.

I haven't kissed her since San Diego and I'm getting to the point where just thinking about it sends me over the edge, but I can't screw things up now. I need her to give tonight a chance, and making out with her mid-panic attack is probably just gonna freak her right out of the picture.

"My first book signing's tonight, and I was wondering if maybe you would--wanna, like, um--"

What. The. Fuck.

"If I wanna what?" She asks.

I clear my throat and try not to sound like a suffocating walrus the second time around.

"Go? Maybe? I mean, obviously, you can say no. You've been working crazy hard studying and everything, and I know the whole idea of my book kinda freaks you out, so I'm not forcing you. It's just my publicist called me a couple days ago asking if I wanted to bring someone with me, and I wanted you to be there. I mean having my mom there would've been great too, but she's not you. Not to say that I think of you like I think of my mom because that's fucking horrifying, but like, you're both special to me."

Special? Special? Are you serious, Eli? You're done. She's not gonna go out with a guy who compares her to his mom. Game over.

"Special?"

She cocks an eyebrow, while an amused smile plays at her lips.

"Forget I ever said special, okay? I'm not good at this. But the bottom line is, I want you to be there tonight. I can't really think of anyone else I'd want there aside from you. I wrote this book because of you--all of it started with you , so if you don't mind sprinting across campus with me to catch a town car in the next ten minutes, changing in the back seat, and standing in the wings while I probably make a complete ass out of myself in front of a bunch of fans and press people, then speak now or forever hold your peas."

Jersey lets out something between a giggle and a laugh, pulls a pen out from behind her ear, and starts scribbling in the palm of my hand. She closes my fingers into a fist, hops up to her feet, and throws her dress over her shoulder.

She takes off running without a word, but I hang back for a couple seconds just watching her move through the air in slow motion. The sun sneaks through the trees and lights up her skin as she darts in and out of the shadows and into the distance. I only take my eyes off her when curiosity pulls my attention back towards the message she scribbled onto my skin.

I open my palm and read her thoughts a single word at a time.

"This hand is specially reserved for Alex Summers. Services include: high fives, anti-anxiety massages, and hand holding (especially at tonight's signing)! Offer expires-----(well, you fill in the blank)."

I smile at how cheesy she is, take a pen out of my back pocket, and write in an answer.

"Never."

***

(Thank you guys so much for reading as always! Kristen and I had a blast as always writing and recording this chapter and we definitely hoped you enjoyed a little feelsy time between Jersey and Elias! We can't wait to share the next part with you which should be next Sunday, but could be earlier depending on if we get enough time to record! See you guys at the next update!

PS: I'M GIVING AWAY ANOTHER FREE COPY OF THE CFTM AUDIOBOOK AND THE CONTEST CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT SO...JUST HEAD ON OVER TO MY PROFILE TO FIND OUT MORE DETAILS ON HOW YOU CAN ENTER TO WIN!)