https://youtu.be/hbModfEXn00

*Note: Click the Youtube link above to listen to the Audiobook Version of this chapter voiced by Kristen (kaelking12) featuring music by Hidden in Plain View, FOB, Peace.

Elias

Traffic.

Bumper to bumper all the way up Westwood Blvd.

And, if that shit wasn't bad enough, the fact that I haven't said anything to Jersey in the last fifteen minutes is the icing on the fucking cake.

I don't even know what happened.

We were fine when we left Indigo's place. I was talking, she was talking. She was even joking around with me a little bit to keep me from focusing on the tabloid notifications blowing up my phone.

But the second we got in the car, things got awkward.

And I'm not talking, slow conversation awkward, I'm talking we can't even look at or speak to each other awkward.

And I'm not too sure why that's still happening.

Okay, no that's bullshit, I totally do, but I guess I just wanna believe that I've gotten to the point where last year's memories won't get the best of me.

But I'm drowning in them.

The last time we were in a car together, I was still struggling to figure out how to deal with the fact that I was falling for her.

Back then I was struggling with everything.

I screwed things up so badly at the start of that night, I thought Jersey was gonna leave me stranded in a police station parking lot.

But she didn't.

We drove, and talked, and I told her some less-than-cool story about how liking her was a lot like being in love a Hot Wheels car, and she laughed. God, did she laugh. And I fell in love with that laugh right then and there.

She didn't know how pretty she looked just sitting in the driver's seat hand draped over the wheel, smiling up at the stars.

She had one foot up on the dashboard and was wearing these tight-ripped jeans that left just enough of her legs to the imagination, and this little white tank-top that she eventually let me pull her out of.

I remember trying so hard not to stare at her mouth too much but never being able to stop.

And her climbing over to the passenger's seat, pressing her body against mine, begging her to stop--even though neither of us wanted to.

So we didn't.

She let me kiss her out of her clothes until we--

"Elias?"

I shoot up in my seat when Jersey's hand grazes against my arm and pulls me out of my day dreams.

"Yeah? What's up? What's wrong?"

I sound like a spaz, I look like a spaz, and I'm acting like a spaz, but Jersey keeps smiling at me regardless.

She probably wouldn't be smiling if she knew what I was thinking about.

"Nothing, I was just asking if you were okay, but you didn't answer me the first three times so--"

Three times? Fuck.

"Sorry, I'm fine I was just thinking about--"

You.

"--stuff."

Nice, Elias.

"What kind of stuff? The picture?" She says.

The light in her eyes fades a little, and the sight of it stings.

"Yeah. I'm sorry all of this happened. Had I known people were watching, I would've kissed you somewhere a lot more private."

Jersey wrings her hands together in her lap and stares down at her shoes in silence.

"Oh, Shit. Sorry, that sounded--weird. What I meant was, I wouldn't have handled things the way I did if I'd known people were watching. Not that I didn't wanna kiss you because I did, I just--fuck, I'm not making any sense. Basically, I'm sorry."

She reaches across the backseat and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay. You can't even really tell its me in the picture. It's you I'm worried about. Did you see that idiotic headline? 'Letters to Jersey a lie?' Seriously, who do those assholes think they are questioning the integrity of your book? Obviously, none of them read it because if they had they'd know that everything you wrote was-"

"You read it?"

My voice cracks worse than a fourteen year old's, but I'm too busy focusing on the fact that Jersey might've read my book to care.

"Just the first three chapters. Professor Yakboots emailed me earlier saying I forgot turn in my response, so then I panicked and read the whole assignment, so I could post about it in our class forum. My post was supposed to be private, but my stupid iPad saved it as public, so I've literally spent the whole day wishing I hadn't put it out there because now you're gonna--wait, Elias, what're you...no!"

I'm on my phone and about two seconds from logging into the UCLA forum when Jersey lunges at me.

She's all hands and arms, but no coordination, so keeping the phone out of her reach is an easy task.

Until I realize how close she is.

And how good she smells.

And how low the v-cut of her shirt is.

Do friends check each other out?

I'm pretty sure that's normal.

Her boobs are like right there, so if I were to lightly graze her with my hand would that be against the rules or an accident?

Time to find out.

"Elias, I will literally give you my life's savings if you don't read that--"

Jersey's whole body freezes as soon as I make contact. The thing is, when I was going in for the graze, I had it in my head that I could keep it light and subtle.

Grazing isn't the same thing as grabbing, but somehow her whole boob ended up in my hand.

And I should probably let it go.

"I'm sorry. Seriously, I--"

She reaches down, pulls my left hand off her chest, and then yanks my phone out of my right.

"That, my friend, was a total step over the friendship line. So I'm confiscating your phone until the end of the day as punishment," she says.

She pulls away, pockets my phone, and crawls back to the other side of the cab right as we're pulling up on the back side of our dorm on De Neve Drive. She's out the door, and sprinting back to Canyon Point while I scramble to fish a twenty out of my pocket to pay the driver.

He shoves me a handful of change, and I stumble out of the back seat and limp after Jersey. She's close to the third floor by the time I get inside. She stares down the stairwell at me, laughing, smiling, and waving my phone in her hand.

I jet up to the third floor and throw my arms around her before she can run back to her room.

But when I catch her, she's quiet.

Her laugh's gone.

Her smile's gone.

And her eyes are focused on the two people standing in the middle of the Quad staring at us.

Tanner takes a step towards me, but Caleigh puts out an arm to stop him. She looks back and forth from me to Jersey, and then her eyes travel down to where my hands are on her cousin's waist.

I pull them back and step away from Jersey like it'll fix things, but it's way too late.

Caleigh's got nothing but quiet hurt and confusion scrawled all over her face, while Tanner's eyes darken.

Me and Jersey are a good foot away from each other, but Tanner's glaring at the both of us like we're reennacting that photo right in front of him.

He can glare all he wants.

I'm standing my ground this time.

"You've got thirty seconds to explain this situation, Elias, otherwise I--"

Caleigh lifts up a finger to shush him and takes the lead.

"Alex, what are you doing here?" She asks.

Jersey walks into the space separating the four of us and steps up to Tanner and Caleigh standing taller than I've ever seen.

"I live here."

Caleigh's jaw drops a little, but she does her best to hide the shock.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

Jersey's shoulders tense up along with the rest of her body.

"Because the last time I tried to talk to you, you shut me out. Remember?"

Jersey lifts up her phone and waves it in the air like a weapon.

Caleigh stares at her hands for a couple seconds before shifting her focus to the floor. Tears pool in the corners of her eyes, but she wipes them away before everyone notices.

I've hardly ever seen Caleigh cry. Aside from when she came to see me in the hospital after Lacey died and the couple times she visited after my overdose, she's always smiling. But right now, she looks broken, small, and out of place in front of the one person she used to be closest to.

I look over to Jersey trying to understand what the hell happened that turned her and Caleigh into strangers, but none of it makes sense.

Caleigh's been like a big sister to me for as long as she's been with Tanner.

When the hell did she walk away from Jersey? And why the hell did she stay so close to me?

"I had reasons for doing what I did, Alex. I've been wanting to talk to you about everything, but I just--"

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm fine now, so you can go back to your relationship while I go back to mine."

I'm still trying to process Alex's words when she whips around and bolts towards me. My whole body breaks out into a cold sweat as I watch her move in slow motion, hair flowing over her shoulders, eyes laser focused on mine.

And then I blink,--

--and her lips are on mine.

Her body's against mine.

She's almost mine.

But then she isn't.

She pulls back, tears streaming down her face and apologizes under her breath before she storms off into her room.

I stand there, heart racing, still reeling from the intensity behind that kiss, wondering what the hell just happened.

And who the hell just kissed me.

Because that girl, wasn't the one who begged me to be her friend this morning.

That girl...was the one I left in Belmar.

And I want her back.

***

(Thank you guys so much for reading! Me and kaelking12 hope you enjoyed the audiobook! What do you think will happen next ;)? We want to hear your theories! Next update is on Saturday! PS: Thank you to everyone who responds to the big group of readers I at mentioned! I want to be able to talk to you guys as often as I can and I always pay attention to who is reading and who has stuck with the book so it's always awesome to hear from you all! Kristen and I are lucky to have such a wonderful group of readers! You guys make it so exciting and fun for us to update each week even when things are stressful so thank you all!)