https://youtu.be/-PhTpicwRVk

*NOTE: Check out the Audiobook version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen M.) by clicking the link above! Featuring music by Paramore, Arctic Monkeys, Kodaline, and The 1975.

Alex

This.

This is not the boy I lost last summer.

This is not the boy who held me in his arms on a Jersey beach while time and empty promises slipped through our lips and fingers.

This is a man. One who's touch makes me feel whole and wholly beautiful.

A man who's hands hold me in all the ways Kai's can't, a man who erases my loneliness with a brush of his fingertips.

This is the poet who's words built up and broke me in the quiet of my dorm room this morning.

And I've missed him.

God, I've missed him.

I've been missing him since the day he left.

Even though I tried not to.

Even though I denied ever feeling anything for him at all.

His warmth brings out my truth.

His arms surround me to the point where I can't escape my body's response to him.

Even after half a year spent trying to date someone else, trying to love someone else, and trying to dissolve into someone else--

--he still feels like home.

And it terrifies me.

It rattles me because being this comfortable means losing control.

Giving into him means giving up the paper thin armor I made out of my sadness to protect myself from falling into him again.

I don't know where I stand.

Or what this means for me and Kai.

Or how to start over with Elias.

But I want to try. I need to try.

Because I'm tired of pretending.

I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not.

I'm tired of fighting how I feel.

So, I let him hold me.

I give up the battle in the middle of that tiny hallway and let my heart leap back into the hands of the first boy who broke it.

And, in less than seconds, I break every promise I made to myself to play it safe and finally surrender.

Because somewhere underneath my worries is a part of me that believes in those words he wrote.

And somewhere in the middle of my darkness is a heart that wants to find hope again.

"Elias, I don't know what to do about--"

"Kai?"

"Yeah. We fought this morning--about you and me. And, I don't know where he is at this point, but eventually I'm gonna have to talk to him about this. About us."

"I know. Jersey, I'm not asking you to leave him if you're not ready to. I just want you to be honest with me when it comes to what you want."

I swallow the gum ball rising in my throat and push back the impulse to dance around an answer.

"I--I want a real life reset button," I say.

Elias cocks an eyebrow in confusion.

"A what?"

"You know, a do-over switch like they have on video game consoles? It's a total life saver if you've screwed up, and you need a second chance."

"Nerd."

"Call me what you want, but honestly, Elias, I just wanna go back and redo our first hello. I wanna get to know you, and I want you to get to know me the way we never got a chance to the first time around. Then maybe we--"

I tilt my head down and kiss the back of his hand.

"--maybe we can get back to this."

Elias nuzzles his nose in my hair and breathes into the quiet.

"So, where does that leave Kai?"

My heart wells in my chest at the thought of everything I said and did to him this morning. We still haven't settled things. I don't know if we're going to settle things. But if he won't talk to me, I can't tell him where I stand. I can't do anything, but wait.

"I don't know. I don't think he wants anything to do with me anymore. But, I don't need his permission to be your friend. We're starting over, remember?"

I take a step away from Elias and whip around to face him a little too quickly. He blinks the surprise out of his eyes and stares at me wide-eyed. I extend a hand in his direction and wait for him to take it.

"Hi. I'm Alex Summers, nice to meet you."

He takes my fingers in his and traces his thumb along the ridge of my knuckles.

"Elias King. You're kinda hot, wanna make out first and get to know each other later?"

A smile plays at the corner of my mouth, but I bite my bottom lip to hide it.

"That is not how you start a platonic friendship, Elias. Reset."

"Lame."

I stick my hand out again, and he takes it begrudgingly.

"Hi, I'm Alex Summers."

"Elias King. Do we know each other?"

"I don't think so, but I'm new at UCLA, so I was thinking maybe we could be friends."

He winces at the suggestion, but I need this. We both do. Last summer, we didn't give ourselves time. We rushed into a broken relationship before getting to know one another. That's why we fell apart. But, maybe this is how we fix things. Erase a year's worth of history and hurt and start clean.

No titles.

No expectations.

No complicated feelings.

Fingers crossed.

"Just friends? Or friends that get a little more friendly later on?"

He asks with the same troublemaker shine he had in his eyes back at the airport.

"Just friends. I've heard rumours that you're a heartbreaker."

Elias flashes a wince of a smile and runs a hand through his messy hair.

"I'm pretty sure I heard the same thing about you, though. Maybe the 'just friends' thing is a good idea--for now."

He shakes my hand and sneaks in a wink before he lets go. My heart bottoms into my stomach, but I ignore the feeling. I ignore the nagging questions about Kai, and what's left of our relationship, and just accept the moment for what it is.

"Agreed. But there's rules to this friendship, Mr. King. No talking about the past, we only focus on the present. No more-than-friends behavior allowed which means absolutely no illegal touching, groping, or kissing. No suggestive conversations. No flirting--"

"This sounds familiar. What kind of friendship is this?"

"A platonic one."

"Is that Latin for boring?" He asks, mid-eye roll.

"No, it's the best kind to have. But if you can't handle it, we can always cancel the agreement and go back to fighting and avoiding each other."

Elias puffs out his chest like a pro-wrestler.

"Trust me, Jersey--"

"Technically, you should call me Alex."

"--Whatever. Bottom line is, I can handle anything. I'm gonna be the best platonic friend you ever had--"

Elias steps in so close that I feel the heat rolling off his lips melt against my skin.

"--I'm gonna platonic you so hard, you're gonna wish we were more than friends again."

I cock an eyebrow, cross my arms, and pop out my hip like the tough girl I used to be.

"Wanna bet?"

"Always."

Elias's eyes catch fire the same way they did back on Hollywood Blvd., and, for a second, I forget where we are. And when we are. I close my eyes, let nostalgia live and breathe through the moment before jumping back to reality again. I look up at Elias and stare my past and my present straight in the eye without being afraid of it because maybe this time we won't hurt each other the way we did before.

Maybe we can move past all of our secrets and our scars and pretend they never existed.

Even though they still do.

Even though one day they'll come back to haunt us.

Today doesn't have to be that day.

Today can be our little ray of sunshine before the storm.

"Wanna get outta here?" I ask.

Elias scoffs which mildly irritates me.

"Are you hitting on me?"

My face heats up like a hot plate.

"No."

"Sure sounded like it. It's cool, Jersey, I don't blame you. Having a hot guy friend like me around 24/7 is gonna be super--"

"Annoying?"

"--Hard. Hard was the word I was looking for. Anyway, where did you wanna take me, friend?"

If Elias could make love to a word with his mouth, he just did. God, help me.

"Santa Monica. You know, I haven't been there since--"

"I rocked your world in the back of my brother's car?"

"Okay, cut the creepy statements, Elias!"

He ruffles my hair which is only going to result in rat nest tangles now that it's gotten so long. Great.

"It's not creepy, it's true. Friends tell friends the truth. I'm just keeping it honest," he says.

"Well, that kind of honesty is probably better left unsaid. Do you wanna go out with me or what?"

"Yes, I wanna go out with you, but I thought we were just friends."

"Wow, that's not what I meant at all, but you're the king of misunderstandings, so why am I surprised? Look, I'm leaving for lunch in ten minutes, are you coming or not?"

Elias grins like an eight-year-old.

"Totally. Just give me a minute. I'm gonna tell Indigo we're heading out."

"Don't you want her to come? I thought you guys were--"

"We're not anything. We're never gonna be anything."

Elias throws an arm over my shoulder and starts walking the two of us back towards his patient room. I'm pretty sure my body is already breaking about a hundred "platonic" rules given the way it's responding to him.

You can do this, Alex. Friends before feelings.

"Then why were you talking like you guys were hooking up when we were on the phone earlier?" I ask.

His cheeks flush dark red.

"I was--I was just being an asshole, and I'm sorry. The whole Kai thing was still pissing me off, so I kinda took things a little too far. But that was back when I was your jealous ex-boyfriend and not your pentatonic friend, so now we're good, right?"

"Right. It's platonic, by the way."

"That's what I said. Anyway, don't worry about Indigo, okay?"

"Then don't give me a reason to," I say my voice almost a whisper.

Elias turns towards me, backs me into the nearest wall, and leans in to the point where I can practically taste the mint gum on his breath.

"You still worried, friend?"

"You're breaking the rules, Elias."

"I'm not good with rules. You should know that by now, Jersey."

I plant my hand in the center of his bare, muscular chest and hold him at a distance. Life Lesson of the day: Hot ex-boyfriends in towels = trouble. Fact.

"Well, then I'll help you learn how to follow them. Platonic friendships are all about self-improvement. This is a good first s-step," I say.

"You're stuttering. Do I make you nervous?"

Abso-freaking-lutely.

"No."

"You've gotta real lying problem you know that, Jersey?"

"No, I don't."

Yes, I do.

"There it is again. Don't worry, Jersey. I'll make an honest woman out of you one of these days. Just give me time."

Elias smiles at me like a lunatic, throws his arm back over my shoulder, and goes right back to strutting down the hallway like he didn't just violate every rule of our friendship agreement.

He leads me back into the acupuncture room where Indigo is on the floor trying to clean-up the mess he's made. She gathers the last handful of needles off of the ground and places them in a small plastic tray before glaring over at the both of us.

"For the record, I'm never allowing you in for another session, Elias. You could've seriously hurt yourself when you pulled out all those--what in the world happened to you two?"

Her eyes dart back and forth from Elias to me and then down to where his hand is resting on my shoulder. I step away from him, mildly mortified at the confusion scrawled all over her face at the sight of us. Up until we walked back into this room, I genuinely thought the idea of Elias and I starting over as friends could work. That it would make as much sense to other people as it did to us. But, Indigo's reaction says otherwise. She cocks a skeptical eyebrow once her eyes gradually find their way over to mine.

"We've decided to put the past behind us and try out being platonic friends. We never really got to know each other last year, so we're resetting," I say, semi-confidently.

Indigo's eyes flat-line.

"Platonic friends, huh? Was that a mutual decision?" She asks.

Elias stiffens up like a board.

"Yeah, of course it was. I even let Jersey come up with the rules to keep me--I mean, the two of us, in check."

Indigo reaches up and rolls one of her peace sign earrings between her thumb and forefinger.

"Wow. We'll see how long this lasts," she says, her eyes focused on Elias.

"Thanks, Mrs. Positive. We're gonna be fine. Right, Jersey?"

Elias nudges me, and I nod in agreement despite the fact that a million doubts are kicking around in the pit of my stomach.

"Right. Besides, we talked, and I think Elias and I worked out most of our misunderstandings."

"Did you now?" Indigo asks.

Elias looks down at me nervously and then back across the room.

"Yeah. I talked to her about everything, so we're good."

His words come rushing out of his lips a little too quickly. Indigo shifts her gaze to Elias, and her eyes darken.

"Everything, everything?" She asks.

Elias's Adam's Apple bobs in his throat, and he swallows a mouthful of tension before he answers.

"Enough. For now, at least. Anyway, I'm sorry I ran out like that. I didn't mean to scare you or throw off your zen or whatever."

"Thanks, but you could've gotten hurt, so don't do it again. Not only that, but while you were outside, you missed seventeen phone calls from someone named Tanner?"

Indigo reaches over and tosses Elias his phone. All the color in his face drains away when he looks down at the screen. I inch over to his side and stare at the text message sitting his in inbox, and my heart just about stops.

Text Message from Tanner King at 4:04 PM

TK: Call me as soon as you get this. We need to talk.

Tanner King Sent a Picture:

"Daily Bruin Top Gossip: "Letters to Jersey A Lie? Campus Heartthrob Elias King Caught in Lip-lock with Mystery Girl!"

***

(Thank you guys so much for being so patient for this update! I was sick all weekend so @kaelking12 had to wait until I was feeling well enough to record the audiobook! We hope you enjoyed listening to/reading the new chapter! Keep an eye out for the next update!)