"Who left you so hurt?" 

• ♡ •

"Mom, guess what I bought for you?" Advika chirped as Heer engulfed her in a hug. Heer kissed her cheek, she was amazed how with every passing day her affection for Advika only grew. 

"I am bad at guessing," Heer made an excuse.

"Offo, I will give you clues," Advika spoke sitting beside her mother with her sling bag on her lap. "Clue one, you like wearing it."

Heer racked her brain. "Scarf?" Thanks to pollution she had a very colorful collection of scarfs that she generally covered around her face while traveling.

"Wrong, you like them long."

Heer looked at Advika thoughtfully while Misha looked on smiling. Kabir folded his hands staring at the two of them. He wondered what Advika was talking of. Heer seemed to be clueless too. He wouldn't deny that it was heartwarming to see their bond.

"Umm, you got me a bracelet?" Heer asked confused, she loved the long wrap around bracelets, perhaps Advika was hinting at that. 

"Earrings?" Kabir guessed aloud as his eyes landed on Heer's dangling earrings. He cursed himself mentally as the female crowd around him turned to look at him. 

"Paa that's right! But mom was supposed to guess," Advika spoke taking out a box from her bag. "Misha bua said it would match with the saree we bought for you the other day." Heer smiled glancing up at Misha with gratitude. "Wear them, please?" She heard Advika request.

Heer nodded and opened the box. There was a pair of pretty long golden jhumkas. She was in awe when she saw the pair. "This is so pretty" 

"Yay, she liked it!" Misha clapped smiling at Advika who beamed proudly. 

"Anything for Paa?" Kabir asked hopefully.

"You don't wear earrings Paa!" Advika exclaimed pouting.

"So, you got nothing for me?" Kabir feigned hurt.

"Sorry." Advika apologized walking up to him. 

She held his hand and Kabir smiled, "I was joking. I have you, I need no other gift!" He kissed her forehead pulling her for a hug. He closed his eyes wrapping his arms around her. Heer smiled looking at the two of them. If there was the best father award, it would definitely go to Kabir Jaisinghani.

"Okay, so my turn," Misha grinned, "Heer, close your eyes." 

Heer looked at her surprised. "Come on, Heer, I didn't gift you anything at the wedding. Let me make up for it. Close your eyes."

Heer nodded closing her eyes. Kabir watched on as Misha rushed for the door and brought in a guitar case. She shut the door gently and paced around the sofa standing before Heer. "Okay, slowly open your eyes!" Misha spoke grinning.

Heer's jaw dropped as she saw Misha holding a guitar case. Her gaze darted up to meet her eyes. "You're kidding! You got me a freaking guitar!"

"Yes, it's my first gift to you. I did a little research and your mother told me about what you like. So tan-tana, here's your gift!"

Heer looked on appalled. "You really didn't have to Misha!"

"I wanted to Heer." Misha  smiled warmly. Heer's eyes moistened she couldn't remember the last time someone took the effort to gift her something she loved. 

He looked on as Misha opened it and brought the guitar out. It was an oak brown colored one. Just like her last guitar. Heer admired the guitar. "I don't play anymore..." she informed.

"But now you can," Misha said excitedly, "Can we get to hear something?" She requested placing the guitar on Heer's lap.

The sight of the guitar brought back many old buried memories. "Misha, I really can't..." Heer muttered softly.

"Please, even I want to hear," Advika added. Kabir was surprised that Heer knew how to play the guitar. He was even more surprised at his sister's thoughtfulness. However, he noticed that something was off. In the almost two months of knowing Heer, Kabir knew her reaction was off. Heer was the kind to get excited quickly. Just like she got for the mere earrings. But she didn't seem that excited about the guitar.

Heer looked at the guitar biting her lower lip. Her fingers gently moving along the string. "It's been a long time since I played. It would sound like a rat party," Heer said. Advika giggled in response while Misha smiled. 

Heer smiled looking at Advika. She played a few notes from her all-time favorite song. "We know you sing as well!" Misha grinned.

Heer smiled at Mishaz she had definitely done thorough research about her. "You want to hear a dying whale's song because that is how I am going to sound?"

"Don't be a spoilsport, Heer, your audience is waiting!" Misha spoke settling on the sofa pulling Advika to stand between her legs. Kabir stood behind Misha. 

Heer couldn't think of any song but the one she sang day and night a few years back. Her favorite one, that heartbreak song that soothed her heart yet set it aflame. The same song that brought back memories she didn't want to remember, but that were always there. 

There's a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain

When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same

Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name

'Cause I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah

She was surprised by how she remembered every single note. She closed her eyes remembering those memories. His touch, his feather-like kisses, his fingers tracing down her arms as she played the guitar. Damn, she still remembered those evenings they sat together in the balcony while she sang for him. 

Everybody hurts sometimes

Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy

But everything gon' be alright

Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

She couldn't even sing on. This was one song that she had sung every night after parting ways with him. He didn't deserve her. She deserved better. She felt her eyes prick with hot tears. She looked around and realized she wasn't alone. There was no way she was crying before all of them. She quickly placed the guitar aside and excused herself in the context of using the washroom.

Misha turned to look at Kabir. He stared back at her as clueless as her. "Go check on her," she whispered while Advika stared at the guitar. Inching closer she tried mimicking what Heer had been doing. But it didn't sound melodious at all.

Kabir was conflicted. Something had definitely been triggered by the old pastime. His bet was on painful memories. He simply walked towards his room. He entered his room taking a deep breath. She walked out of the washroom about a minute later. He looked at her carefully analyzing her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed. But her eyes no longer had tears. It seemed like she had cried them out. "Are you okay?" He eventually asked.

She looked up at him, pulling the corners of her lips to form a smile. "Yes," she answered trying to keep that smile looking around nervously. 

He took a few steps towards her. "Sure?"

"Yeah, I think so!" She mumbled incoherently.

"Heer, you shouldn't have... I mean if singing brings back... you know what forget it. You're okay, right?"

Heer looked up at him, tears appearing again. What was wrong with her! She didn't want to cry, certainly not because of that jerk from her past.

Kabir instinctively moved closer. "Hey," he muttered stretching his arms to hold her but his hands paused midair.

Tears rolled down Heer's cheeks and she turned away from him. Shit! She hated how her mind started to remember everything from the past and cry over it. One couldn't erase the memories. She felt his hand rubbing her back gently. "Just cry it out, holding back is harder."

Heer broke into sobs, she had no clue why she was behaving like a lady with pregnancy hormones all over the place. She turned around and hugged him. She terribly craved for human comfort. She missed her Daadi, who was always there to hold when she needed her. 

Kabir was taken aback. He didn't expect her to seek comfort from him. He just had this gut feeling that whatever made her cry had hurt her real bad. He gently put his arm on her back to comfort her. Her arms got tighter around him and her cheek pressed against his chest. There had been only one woman who had got so close to him, who had laughed, cried and expressed love in his arms. Varsha. But right now it just felt right. It felt right to comfort her. 

Heer opened her eyes once her eyes slowed down the production of hot tears. She stared at the tee's material. She stepped back realizing she was very close to Kabir. "I am sorry, I just.," she mumbled embarrassed pulling away suddenly.

"That's okay," Kabir muttered awkwardly, "umm, do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she uttered almost immediately, "I am okay, just old memories..." she spoke looking away. 

"Sure, I will heat the dinner," he spoke excusing himself put of the room. He was surprised at his own protectiveness for Heer. He somehow wanted to comfort her, he couldn't see her cry like that. Just like he felt for Advika and Varsha. He was baffled by his own emotions. Heer wasn't Varsha. He shouldn't mistake her for Varsha, did he? No, he knew it was Heer. The same jaunty girl. He saw another side of her. A broken side, with her eyes giving away how much she was hurting. There were a lot of thoughts running around in his mind. 

"Is she okay?" Misha asked following him into the kitchen.

"Yeah, just got overwhelmed I suppose." He answered trying to focus on setting up the dinner. "Where's Advi?"

"She's coming..." Misha answered looking at Kabir. "Do you know why she became so emotional?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Kabir muttered irked. First of all his own head was messed up and Misha's inquiry didn't help.

Misha frowned, "you're her husband." She mumbled. Kabir stared at her looking away. That was the truth. Maybe that was the fact that had been bothering him. The stupid title of being her husband. He shut his eyes. He was a man who always respected the institution of marriage. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that his relationship with Heer was just namesake and that it was for Advika. There was this constant thought that bothered him at the back of his mind. Heer didn't deserve a namesake husband. He felt guilty at times for not giving Heer anything in return for what she gave Advika, his daughter. 

"Mom, how do you play so well? I tried and it sounded so bad," Advika asked her mother, entering the kitchen. Kabir quickly composed himself as nothing happened. Misha also put on a warm smile.

"Because I have practiced for years. You know the golden rule to be good at anything, right?" Heer asked as she settled on the stool.

"Practice makes a man perfect!" Advika answered grinning.

"That's true, no wonder your Paa cooks such yummy stuff. He has been practicing for years." Misha added smiling.

Advika tossed a smile her father's way. "He's the best!" 

Kabir smiled and then finally looked at Heer. She didn't meet his eyes but seemed to appear okay like nothing ever happened.

Later that night when Kabir walked out of the washroom he didn't find Heer in the room. He assumed she was with Misha and Advika. After half an hour passed and she didn't come he decided to check what the three were up to. There was no sound at all. He peeked inside the room to find Misha and Advika sleeping covered with the pink blanket. Did Heer go for a stroll or something? He looked at the watch it was half-past eleven. He tilted his head looking towards the balcony. The door was open. He was sure he had shut it. 

He walked into the balcony to find Heer seated on the stool with the guitar in her hand. She wasn't playing but her fingers were on the strings. She was staring at it lost in her thoughts. She hadn't even noticed his presence. He looked at her and then back inside the dimly lit living hall. He could either interrupt her me-time or just ho back and sleep. He wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. He pulled another small stool and sat beside her. She shifted and looked at him.

"You alright?" He asked looking at the night sky.

"Yeah, I was just..."

"You really don't have to explain, it's your home as well,"

Heer managed to smile. He wasn't being his usual self - the grumpy man who didn't give a damn. Heer sat in silence awkwardly.

"I don't know what left you so bothered. I apologize on behalf of my sister if ..."

"No, don't. It's not Misha's fault."

"Okay, I, if you need anyone to talk to... " Kabir had no clue why he had even said that. "I mean, just let me know if you need something." He said covering up and decided to get up.

Heer stared at him, "Can you stay? I'd like some company." Kabir stared at her and sat back. Heer stared at him as he sat back. "Thank you, for earlier," she said looking down at the guitar. She wondered if she should share her past with him. 

"Who left you so hurt?" Kabir asked looking at her. She was a wonderful woman. She had the heart of a child. He had a strong feeling that it was a messed up romantic relationship.

Heer heard his words and smiled sadly. Who didn't leave her hurt? She glanced at him. 

"It's okay if you wouldn't want to share," Kabir said quickly thinking that he had stepped over the line he had drawn between them.

"My past won't hurt us, right?"

Kabir stared at her. Was there an us? He had no clue what she meant by that. 

"I mean, you, Advika, and me?"

"I think not." He answered honestly. Weirdly, a fear sprang up in Kabir's mind. What if Heer wasn't over whatever past she was talking of? What if she still longed to go back to it? He was more than ever curious to know.

"I had a boyfriend, I lived in with him in the final year college," Heer confessed.

Kabir sank her words in. He didn't know how he must react to that. He had always assumed that Heer would have had relationships in the past. She was pretty, smart, and nice, the kind guys fall for. So it was hard to believe she had reached thirty years of existence without any involvement in a romantic relationship. "What went wrong?" Kabir asked softly.

"I still wonder about that. Maybe the timing, I really can't say for sure."

"Do you still love him?" Kabir almost made a conclusion she did.

"No, I don't think it was love. Strong liking maybe. I wouldn't regret it if it was love. Just my bad, at thinking it was love. I almost had planned our entire future together. He was a nice guy, charming, funny. Just that he loved himself too much. I was stupid to shift my world for his sake. Lied at home, bunked classes for him did all the stupid things for him. Mad infatuation maybe."

"Why would he leave you then?"

Heer looked at him surprised. She didn't even say he left her. "How could you say that?"

"A girl who flipped her life for him wouldn't leave him, right unless he cheated or something?"

Heer smiled, "thankfully he didn't cheat, nothing that I am aware of. That would be so messed up." She giggled.

Kabir smiled, it appalled him how people could smile and laugh in pain. 

"He suddenly wanted to go abroad to pursue his Masters."

Kabir frowned, "you could have tried long-distance,"

"I would have if it wasn't for his promises. I guess he was sick and tired of me. It's not hard to tell when someone loses interest in you. I was super mad at him. I was going against everything my family, my career, my dreams for him and he couldn't tell his parents about me. He was hell-bent ongoing for his Masters. He didn't even suggest that we'd continue our relationship. College over and so was our relationship."

"Hmm, there's more to it isn't there? Anyway, I respect your privacy..."

"Why do you think that way?" Heer asked placing the guitar by the wall looking at him. 

Kabir smiled, "from what I have known, you're pretty persistent and stubborn. You wouldn't have given up easily in my opinion. I could be wrong. Anyway, I think we should call it a night." Kabir suggested.  He regretted speaking his mind out. 

"I got pregnant..." he heard her soft voice ad soon as he got off the short stool. He glanced down at her. She looked embarrassed about it. He wasn't expecting that. It just felt strange to hear that. 

"What did you do then?" He asked out of curiosity standing fixed on the spot. 

"Told him. He said it was a mistake and I should get an abortion."

"You didn't want that?"

"I was two months due. I went crazy when he said it was a mistake. He wouldn't even take back his words. He meant what he said. I went back home. I thought he'd apologize, he'd realize that it was his mistake. He just called to say that he was sorry that things ended badly and that he hoped I'd got an abortion." Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Kabir's heartfelt heavy listening to that. Why was she even dating a jerk like him in the first place? He pitied her. He remembered the day Varsha had come to him panicked. Advika wasn't planned. They had been barely married a few months when the unexpected pregnancy happened. Varsha had literally cried in his arms overwhelmed. But they both knew they wouldn't go for an abortion. It wasn't even an option. Besides, it wasn't a mistake it was their love. 

"I told mom about it and she was disgusted. I did expect that but I thought eventually she'd see me as her daughter and... the entire family was disgraced to call me a part of them. They wouldn't let me be a single mother out of a wedlock. I did get the abortion... he never called or contacted me after that. My father hates me since then. He was never really fond of me anyway. But mom and Bhai they became distant. My one mistake of loving someone flipped my life around. That one ....mistake.." Heer's heavy voice broke into sobs. 

Kabir walked up to her and pulled her arms around his waist and hugged her. She held on tightly to him still seated on the stool, pressing her face against his abdomen crying her heart out. He caressed her hair trying to comfort her, feeling sad for her.

Okay, so finally!

I wasn't really sure about this chapter. I hope it turned out just fine. Would love to know your views.