"I will try not to runaway."

• ♡ •

Heer looked at the house as the car came to a halt. The house reminded her of the neighborhood she had grown up in. The typical old independent homes kind. No fancy garden or anything like that, like they described on books. But rather a typical metallic gate, beyond which there was just enough space to park a single car. Three steps leading up to the main entrance which was a wooden door. A door hanging made of fake flowers decorated just above the door. Heer's hand went to the chain around her neck to be sure she was wearing the nuptial chain. She turned to look at Kabir who was lost in his own thoughts staring at the house. "You okay?" She asked gently placing her palm on his thigh.

"Yeah, let's get out." He spoke after taking a long determined breath. He had ultimately decided to pay his old home a visit, for his mother's sake. He noticed that the door opened and his mother walked out. Dressed in the typical cotton saree. On seeing her, he realized how much he missed her.

Once out of the cab, Kabir hurried towards his mother who had stepped out from the gate. He touched her feet and then engulfed her in a hug. 

"Oh, Kabir! It is so good to see you come back here." His mother uttered washed with joy on seeing her son return home.

Kabir felt like the teenage boy returning home from school. His mother always made it a point to greet him with a hug. Her soft cotton saree and scent of the kitchen that came with her made him feel home. Kabir pressed his teeth down on his lower lip as he felt his vision blur with overwhelming emotions. 

Kabir pulled away when he was sure that his eyes no longer had glistening moisture in them. "You haven't considered dying your hair yet?" He asked looking at her brown grey hair owing to the henna she applied.

His mother smiled, gently patting his cheek. The wide smile on her face didn't waver a bit. "Where is my Adu?" 

On cue, Advika ran up to her grandmother squealing, "Daadi!" 

"There is my littl girl grown all tall. My angel has grown up." Mrs. Jaisinghani spoke hugging her granddaughter. 

Heer smiled awkwardly standing beside Kabir. Her eyes nervously watching her mother-in-law pepper kisses all over Advika. She smiled remembering her own grandmother, the only person from her family who loved her unconditionally.

"Heer beta," the older lady called out to Heer. Heer managed to smile and took a step closer. She was engulfed in motherly warmth as the older lady pulled her into a hug. "I am so happy you all came. This time Diwali will be more lively."

Soon they noticed Krishna Jaisinghani, Kabir's father standing at the gate. Heer noticed how Kabir's smile had disappeared and his hand had gone to Advika's shoulder. "Hi Daadu!" Advika cheerfully greeted moving away from Kabir to give her grandfather a hug. The old man smiled looking at the girl, gently patting her back. His gaze raised up to meet his son's eyes.

Krishna Jaisinghani hadn't felt happier than he did when he saw his elder son stand at the gate. As years turned his hair grey, regrets had began filling up the back of his mind. He had been a very boastful man who took pride in being the head of his family. But with his elder son not agreeing to marry the girl he had chosen for him, things had started going downhill. His male ego was hurt when his elder son started taking interest in kitchen work which was the zone best left to women. Kabir choosing Varsha to be his wife over his wishes was a bruise to his self respect. 

Maddened by the crumpled self respect he opposed the birth of a girl child to him. But now in retrospect he wished he had not been so blinded by his ego. He didn't have any grandchildren who he could tell stories to  play with or take to the park. The sweet girl's saccharine smile further clawed at his bleeding heart. How could he be so evil to oppose the birth of a girl like that? 

However, Krishna had decided to step out from his past and start making mends. "Welcome home," he spoke looking at his son and then at his daughter and finally at his new wife. He eyed Heer warily.

Heer managed to pass a smile to her father in law and took a step closer with the intention to touch his feet when Kabir held her hand. Heer turned to look at him. He wouldn't loosen his hold. Heer turned to the elder man flashing an apologetic smile. 

"Come on in," his father spoke leading the way in. On his way asking the servant to shift their bags inside. With a sad smile Mrs. Jaisinghani held Kabir's hand leading him in. Heer stayed back to mark the cab ride complete on her phone giving the driver the one time pin. 

"Mom, why is Paa always cross with Daadu? He never speaks to him or hugs him." Advika asked with a frown on her face. 

"They fought about something that's why!" Heer answered while making sure they had left none of their belongings in the cab. 

"But why don't they end it? Paa says one must not go to bed being angry with someone. So why doesn't he start talking to Daadu again?"

"Sweetie, I don't know but when I find out I will tell you." Heer answered thinking about the matter. There was no way she was trying to change Kabir's mind anytime. She could understand how hurt he would have been to not have the support of his father when he needed it the most. She had been through those waters and it sucked to struggle in those waters. When you expected someone to give you a hand and pull you out but that person ended up just staring. 

* * *

"Where's Advi?" Kabir asked turning to the door when heard footsteps approach. 

"She's in the backyard your parents are delightfully showing off your old cycles to her." Heer answered shutting the door. She walked to the bed getting rid of the duppata. She dumped the piece of cloth on the bed and tied her hair up. 

Kabir couldn't help himself but indulge in noticing the small things about her. The hair locks that she tried to gather. The black colored beads of the nuptial chain that stood out against her skin. With lazy steps he made his way to stand close to her. Without giving any cue he engulfed her in a hug.

Heer was surprised to have his arms around her. She arched he head back and looked at him. "You okay?"

"I need to not be okay to hug you?" He asked with a smooth smile sketching on his face.

"No, but... actually, I am not used to it. But, I think I can definitely get used to hugs without context." She smiled giving him a squeeze hug. He chuckled in response placing a careless kiss on her hair. 

"I could stay like this forever," he murmured.

Heer giggled pulling away. "I am going to have a shower." She declared making her way to the suitcase.

"Is that an invitation in disguise?"

Heer grinned looking over her shoulder at him. He reflected her expression mischievously raising his brow, waiting for an answer. "I would love your company in there, but I don't think it will be a good idea." She winked smirking and then gathered the necessary items to head for a shower.

"Heer," Kabir called before she could shut the door of the washroom. 

"Hmm,"

"I like you, really!" He complimented.

"I know!" She winked yet again before shutting the door with a soft chuckle. 

* * *

The dinner that night was a homely affair with Heer helping her mother-in-law in the kitchen. Heer, for a change, enjoyed being in the traditional kitchen without her husband loitering around with a watchful eye. Heer shared a good rapport with her mother in law. With every passing minute she spent with Kajal Jaisinghani, she wished her mother was like that. 

Her mother-in-law didn't show disappointment when she asked questions that could be considered stupid. She addressed her as "beta" with so much love that Heer's heart suddenly craved for more of the motherly affection. 

Kabir's father barely spoke to her or Kabir. He only communicated with Advika who was basking in the attention of her paternal grandparents. She also happily accepted the offer to sleep with her grandmother. 

After dinner, Heer had retured to the room on the first floor. Her mother-in-law had vividly spoken about how the house had reduced to a silent library from a kids' park. She had fondly shared a few stories from the times when Kabir along with his siblings stayed at home. Heer could strangely relate to Kajal's motherly instincts. She dreaded being away from Advika. The thought that one day Advika would eventually leave for college or to live independently or would be married off, made Heer feel sad. However, she had managed to easily push the thought away. Advika was only eleven now!

Heer sat on the window seat looking down at the silent street. Nostalgia had found a way to seep ino her being. She was in the city that she had grew up in. Kajal's motherly warmth reminded Heer of her own mother. There was a time when she was close to her mother, when she was a young teenager. She remembered how her mother did champi for her, how her mother treated her like a baby, feeding her and giving her massages during the days of her early periods. She didn't know how she lost all that she shared with her mother. Where did it all go? 

Heer was pulled out of her journey down the memory lane when arms wrapped around her. "What's the matter?" He asked softly.

It was seconds after that, that Heer realized she was silently crying. She managed to smile. His arms made her feel so loved that she could give up almost anything to be there, in the cocoon his arms formed for her. "Nothing, I was just staring so..." Heer pulled an excuse rubbing the tears that moistened her cheek.

"Heer, let your guard down. You don't have to be so guarded all the time. It's just going to hurt to keep it all to yourself. Let me in..." he spoke, his gaze looking diagonally down at her, his hand on her shoulder.

Heer hated how she became vulnerable before him. She hated how she became a sobbing sorry story before him. "You're very nice..." she managed to say before a wave of emotion wavered her words. She wallowed the lump of heavy emotions down her throat, holding his hand.

"Come," he spoke stepping away holding her hand. She looked at him curiously but without asking got to her feet. He led he rout of the room AMD up the stairs. 

"It's locked," Heer pointed out as they approached what seemed the entrance to the terrace.

"I know, but mom always keeps the key here," he spoke bending down.  Heer looked on impressed seeing a small box carved out in the wall. "Maa specially had this made to keep the key. Because it was a task going all the way down to get the keys if one found it locked and forgot the key."

"I now know where you get all your smart home maintenance from!" Heer remarked entering the terrace.

He held her hand and led her around the water tank. Heer was not expecting to find a small low bench made of a stone slab.

"This used to be our camping place! I would generally prepare something during the day and keep it well hidden in a lunch box. Maanav would bring the pillows, bedsheets and in winters blankets. We'd just sit here talk about college, our dreams, and tease each other. This used to be our happy place."

"Misha didn't bring anything?" Heer asked sitting on the bench.

"Oh she did, she brought up herself and that she deemed as a huge task."

Heer giggled as he sat beside her. "This place is cool. Don't you miss those days?"

"I do. But it is what it is." He shrugged his shoulders looking at the sky.

Silence fell as they both sat weaving their respective web of thoughts. "You can tell me, Heer. We all need someone who can hear out what we feel."

"Who hears you out?" Heer asked softly, turning her head to meet his eyes.

"Misha does. At times, Maanav."

"I wish I had brothers like Misha does." Heer sighed.

"You're not close to your brother..." Kabir stated, trying to push her to reveal her feelings.

Heer smiled sadly. "I am not close to anyone." Heer tightened her jaw. Her family probably didn't even care where she was or how she was, or I'd she was even alive. She glanced at Kabir, "you can be an exception," she smiled leaning her hand on his shoulder while her hand held his.

Kabir felt the strings of his heart snap at that smile she gave. To smile through all the pain, hurt and anger was a feat only a brave person could achieve. His Heer was brave and that made him proud. He turned and placed a kiss on her temple and then leane shis head over hers. "Your mom calls me once in a while. Her classic reason is that the network doesn't allow her to connect to your phone. I think she doesn't realize that you've probably blocked her, haven't you?"

Heer felt her heart burning and melting. "She ..." she cleared he throat straightening up. "When did she call you?"

"A day or so after you left for the tour. A day after your birthday too." He answered.

"What did you say?"

"That you were happy and I would ask you to call back when you get time."

Heer stared at him, growing slightly confused. "But you never..."

"I didn't want to pry into what you have with your mother. And I knew... bringing her up would hurt you. "

Heer pulled her hand away from his. "Then why are you bringing this up now?" Her voice sounded heavy.

"Because Heer, you are so close to your home. You should visit your home."

Heer looked away as tears blurred her vision. "It's not my home."

"Heer," Kabir tried getting her attention back on him by gently reaching out to hold her hand.

"I told her that Heer Dhillon is dead for them." Heer choked on her own words. "I ... I am not... what they wanted me to be. I have let them down. They have let me down. I..." her lips formed a thin line as tears streamed down her cheek. "I don't know... what why how... I can't forget whatever happened. I can't forget the taunts, the complaints, everything."

Kabir held her hand feeling helpless seeing her break down. She struggled to keep herself from crying. She struggled to appear strong. She struggled to get out words, because the pain was to deep to explain.

"Heer, I," Kabir began and then wondered what he could say. "I can't even say I understand what you went through, Heer. I know it hurts when people  don't live up to your expectations...especially if that is your family. But, Heer what I see is...your mom cares. I don't know what you feel or how you..."

"Terrible," Heer muttered. He looked at her waiting for her to explain. "I fee utterly awful. I know she loves me but I refuse to accept that because she didn't stand up for me when she should have. She was silent when she should have spoke up for me. I am mad at her. When you love someone, you inevitably start having expectations from them. And my every hope was killed. I can't just forget all of it."

Kabir silently hear her out, gently rubbing her palm on hers. "Maybe she had expectations from you too Heer. That you didn't live up to. But she still wants to make things right."

Heer grew furious but it wasn't because he was taking her mother's side but because he was pointing out what she had silenced. She pushed away his hand. "You will never understand, Kabir."

Kabir inhaled deeply. "You're right Heer, I won't. But just once try seeing the things the way I am trying to make you see them."

Heer got up from the seat. "I don't want to talk about this!" She muttered and started making her way out. Thoughts flew all ove rjer mindspace. Kabir didn't deserve this. He had been hurt by life's curveballs too. She turned around and marched back to the spot. He sat at the same spot, exactly how she had left him. He didn't bulge or look up.

"I am sorry." She said softly a fear of a new shade creeping up, hugging her heart. What if one day, he was never there, when she walked away and came back?

"It's okay," he muttered looking down at his hands.

"No, it is not. I shouldn't have ... " her voice trailed off and she sat beside him. She was tired of it all. Somehow she had this record of not keeping up to people's expectations. What if Kabir gave up on her too?

"I am tired, Kabir. Tired of it all. I have regrets too but then I have justifications for everything I did in the past. I hated it when I was told to not do something. Don't do this, don't wear that, don't talk to boys, don't play with boys, you aren't good at studies, what's the point of studying further. It's like I never had freedom to do as I pleased. Growing up, I became a rebel. I wanted to go to a different city away from everybody. O started finding joy in doing exactly those things that I wasn't expected to do and show people that I enjoyed it."

Heer exhaled sharply, "I went too far, Kabir. Sometimes, I think whatever happened to me was because I was blind to not see that I was doing wrong. Never in my wildest dreams or nightmares did I see myself pregnant before the end of college, out of a wedlock. Sometimes, in retrospect I feel, I had been unnecessarily stubborn about everything... I was all set to be a single mom just to prove that I was independent and could handle the consequences of my decisions and choices. I don't know, Kabir. I don't know. At times, I see myself as how any random person would see me and I don't like the person I see."

Kabir slipped her hand towards her not looking at her. 

"I am at a point where I don't know what I feel. At one moment, I am tired of it all, at another I am angry at myself, at another I see it all as my fault, at yet another I hold everybody responsible for everything. The only way I can deal with it all, is by running away from it all."

"And that is not healthy Heer. Because you will never know when to stop. You'll get exhausted. You need to stop running, face whatever it is and make peace with it."

Heer silently processed his input. "You can make a good life coach."

Kabir chuckled lightly. 

"I will try not to runaway..." Heer promised meeting his gaze. "Especially from you."

Kabir's lips curved up like a crescent moon. "I am not letting you runaway from me."

Heer smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers slipping into the grooves between his fingers.

This was supposed to be the last chapter but seems like a chapter for more may come up.

 Would love to know your thoughts.