FLASHBACK TO BREE'S PAST

"Daddy, please," A seven-year-old Breeana Newton pleaded. She could feel the fresh bruises forming on her forearms and thighs. She shied away from the man in the doorway, whose body was shaking with rage.

"I said don't move. Why make this harder on yourself? Just listen!" His yell was overpowering, making Bree cringe with utter fear. She was used to his physical abuse towards her. It was like a daily routine for her, so being beaten and sexually harassed by him was something she knew regularly. Her mother was an alcoholic, but at the moment she was in rehab....for the fourth time.

Her daddy grabbed her arms, forcefully throwing her whole body on the mattress of her bed. She doesn't have a full bed, only the mattress and sheets that didn't even keep the cold air at bay. Child Services have questioned her stay with her parents, but Bree lied to not anger her daddy. He was polite to the social workers, seeming a different man. He blamed it on her mother, saying the bruises were from her. She always wondered how the people who worked for the services could never see through his charming exterior.

"Please, daddy!" Her screams echoed through the room. "I'll do anything!"

"Shut up, then! If you don't want me to break your little neck, shut up." The growl that came from his mouth made her shut her mouth. He had a small drinking problem, not as wild as her mother's but still enough to give him faded memories of his actions in the mornings. Sometimes when he did remember, he would cry, asking her for forgiveness, which she gave.

She felt gross after he had done his business. The freezing cold shower did nothing for her. She was bleeding, mixing with the water and turning it a light pink.

*

BREE'S POV

The pain had faded. Darkness was still draping my vision, taking me under it's shaded wings. My head pounded like a drum beat, but harsher.

Voices. I heard them. Faint as they were, I knew those voices. Michael and Lindsay. They were whispering or that was just my ears making them fuzzy.

I knew where I was and what happened. Blood, so much blood. And confusion.

"I can't believe.....what about...Jane and Gavin should...," Lindsay's voice said, muffled at some parts. My eyes wanted to open, but it wasn't an option for me at the moment.

The memory that had visioned itself in my mind had left me cold to the bone. I haven't seen my daddy in a while. I had finally been taken by Child Services at the age of 14 when I got pregnant--the child being my own father's. They took a DNA test to make sure their accusations were correct. Of course, being the dim-witted little idiot I was, I said it wasn't his. I protected that filthy wretch and lied for him all my life. Two months later, I finally took pills to rid myself of my father's spawn inside me. I've sometimes regretted the decision. The fact that I had killed off an innocent being was something that ate at me constantly.

I have no idea of his whereabouts.

My mother on the other hand divorced him when I was 10 and left me in his clutches, not once looking back to me. She was sober now, but sometimes relapsed and had to be brought back to her rehabilitation center. Eventually, she got remarried to a movie producer and had a child with him-- my half sister, Kaylyn. I never forgave her for that. I wasn't part of her life anymore and she wasn't a part of mine.

My hearing soon became much clearer as I could finally make out full sentences.

"She'll be alright, maybe traumatized by what has happened. I'll send for a prescription at the nearest pharmacy for some pain killers and sedation capsules. If need be, you can keep her asleep with them," the doctor said.

"Thank you," Ray's voice croaked.

"Of course and I'm terribly sorry for your loss." I heard footsteps retreat out into the hallway. Loss? What the fuck was he talking about?

"She'll be alright," Lindsay said. "I'm so sorry, Ray."

"Yeah." Was all Ray could muster.

"I think we should call up Jane and Gavin. Earlier today Gavin let me know they were coming home tomorrow, but I don't think we should wait that long to tell them." Michael said.

"Sure." Ray's voice was so hoarse, my heart began to ache. I wanted to say something, but the heavy drugs the hospital put me under restricted me of that. I knew I was at the hospital. Where else would I be after all this shit happened?

A moan escaped my lips, alarming everyone I was listening. I heard scrapping of feet moving towards me.

"Bree?" Ray's voice sounded in my ear. My eyelids weren't heavy with the knock-out drugs anymore and I made them slowly open to reveal the white hospital room. Lindsay and Michael stood off to the side, waiting patiently as Ray was by me, eyes filled with an immense amount of worry. "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," I groaned. "What exactly happened? I remember the blood, but that's it." I sat up, amazed my body allowed me to. Lindsay's face was full of sadness, Michael's just the same.

Everyone became silent. Ray's facial expression was strained and in pain. "I'll tell you later."

"Just tell me." I sighed out and moved a piece of hair from my face. The blankets on the bed were scratchy and very uncomfortable. I've always hated hospitals. Never knowing what's going to happen next, terrible dry food, the fake calmness from the doctors and nurses and hearing the groans of pain from immovable patients. Worse thing ever: hospitals.

"We'll give you guys a moment." Lindsay said and her and Michael left. I looked to Ray, wanting answers.

"So, what happened?" I asked. Ray shifted in his seat, looking more uncomfortable than me in my hospital bed.

"The doctor...he said..." Ray's voice was hoarse once more. I waited for him to answer. "...said that you...had a, um, a miscarriage."

The answer was what I was hoping not to hear. Hearing it come from him was something else I didn't want to hear. His voice was so heart broken, so crushed, that I couldn't take it. My knees instinctively pulled up to my chest and I turned so I was laying on my side, facing away from Ray.

"Bree?" Ray's hand touched my shoulder. I didn't move nor spoke a word. I knew that if I said anything, I would break down until I couldn't stop breaking. It's just something that I needed to let sink into the very core of my heart and really understand this. How long was I pregnant? How could I not have known? I guess I wasn't that far long, then. "Bree, please say something. Look, I understand. That was my child, too. I can't imagine how you're feeling after all this. You were the one to truly experience this--I was a bystander. I could only watch and wait as you groaned in pain and bled so much, I thought you would of died, right there in my arms. Thank god for Michael and Lindsay, otherwise you would have bled out. I've never seen anything like it. I knew blood was part of a miscarriage, but...it was too much."

Everything he said was making me realise what he went through. He had to witness me bleeding out, not knowing it was actually his child dying.

I finally decided to turn to him, but I kept my knees up close to me. His eyes were a light red from crying, his hair slightly disheveled. I felt bad for ignoring him because he was right: that was his child as much as mine and giving him silence wasn't the right choice.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Ray sat back in the chair, moving his glasses to rub his sweet, brown eyes that always made me melt. "It's just...it was very unexpected and I had no idea-" Tears began flowing down my face. Losing this child brought back the time I had taken the abortion pills to remove my father's child from my womb. But I had known it was there--I knew it's bloody existence.

Ray grabbed my hand, not able to collect me to him because of the bars on the side of the bed, keeping me in. His thumb rubbed my palm soothingly. He was so comforting that I began to cry. I felt so drained even though I was out like a light for a while. None of my past boyfriends had ever been comforting or adored me like Ray did. He was definitely different.

"Can you bring me a tissue?" I gasped out in between sobs. Ray nodded and jetted out of his chair to grab the box of tissues that sat upon the sink counter near the door. He handed it to me along with a sad smile. I made sure to wipe away the bits of mascara that watered down from my eyes.

"I've never been in a situation like this," Ray said, sitting back down. He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't even know anyone that's been through this." Ray looked up at me as I scrunched the tissue in my hand.

It felt like he was trying to get something out of me, like he knew about my past. I nodded, not ready to admit to what happened before I met him, Janie, or anyone that cared for me.

"Well, now you do...us." I said sarcastically, sniffling as I joked. Ray didn't smile. I know it's not something to joke about, but his face made me want to cheer him up, to let him smile a true genuine, happy smile that would make my insides melt.

The door to my room opened, revealing a middle-aged man with salt and pepper spotted hair, a dark-russet coloured mustache and large, grey eyes. He held a clipboard, his long white coat brushing his brown trousers.

"Oh, Ms. Newton. I didn't know when you'd wake up," His smile was sincere. "How are you? I'm Doctor Wilson," He jotted down a note on his paper.

"Not good, I guess. I...I just found out." I bit my lip, keeping it still since it wanted to tremble.

"I'm very sorry," He nodded, sighing. "These things happen and at unexpected times. From my guess, I believe you were...," His voice trailed off. "Almost a month long." Almost a month long...shorter than the first time.

"Oh..." Was all I could say.

"I ordered up a prescription for you: some pain pills is all," He glanced over at Ray, exchanging a private eye communication, but still, I caught it. "I would say the next time you will be able to try again, would be in a month or two. Your body needs to recoup after this traumatic event. Just take it easy and even if you feel rejuvenated enough to do activities, don't push your body," He headed for the door while he finished his speech. "You may leave when you feel you're able to move. Just sign out with Judith at the front desk. Have a good day and again...I'm truly sorry." With that the doctor left.

Ray and I sat in silence. Try again? I'm too bloody scared to ever try. After this, I don't think I'll ever be ready to conceive a child and I hope Ray doesn't push it on me.

Lindsay and Michael came in, faces still filled with worried. "How are you feeling?" Lindsay asked.

"I feel like I'll be hearing that a couple more times," I chuckled bitterly, scooting to the edge and swinging my feet down. Ray sat in front of me. He placed his hands on my knees, stopping me from moving any further.

"You okay to move? You're still under some heavy drugs." Ray bit his lip.

"Yeah, yeah," I then looked towards Lindsay and Michael. "Did you guys say anything to Janie?"

"No not yet. Do you want me to?" Michael crossed his arms. It's weird seeing him serious or even worried. I've only known him a little while, but I knew him enough to know that when he's serious it's rare.

A nod was my answer. Ray helped me up off the bed, placing a supportive arm around my waist. Lindsay held the door open for us as we made our way out into the long hallway that was swirling with the cold hospital air.

*

"I need a drink," I groaned as Ray and I made it into the living room of his apartment. Michael and Lindsay had to leave for a wedding party for a friend of theirs. They wanted to stay to make sure I would be alright, but we insisted that they go and have a good time. "A strong one at that."

"Well, you quit drinking, remember?" Ray sighed. This whole scenario has left him depressed and nothing humouress was going to change his mood. I wanted to do anything and everything to make it up to him, but if getting pregnant was the recipe to his sadness, I don't think I could help. I'm still too scared. I mean it's just the day after the event!

"Doesn't mean I can't have one." I flopped down on the couch and lifted my bare feet onto the sofa. Ray still stood, looking towards the short hallway. I followed his gaze and felt a knot twist inside my stomach.

My blood from last night stained the beige carpet, the white tile of the bathroom floor, and even my fingerprints that dipped the blood was printed on the walls. It looked like a murder scene. I didn't want Ray to see it...I didn't want to see it!

"Please...just don't look." I said. Ray did turn away, but towards the kitchen. He went and soaked a kitchen towel before making his way to the hall and began to scrub the dark stain. I wanted to cry seeing this scene. It was so dismal and heart breaking that I couldn't bear to watch anymore. I slowly made my way to his bedroom to lie down on his bed. I was so happy and excited just a couple of hours ago, but now I felt sadness, childless, and hopeless.

Once my body hit the mattress, I let the tears pour down my face in streams.