"What is this?" Hannah asked and looked over the 'birthday' present Olli's mom had just given them.

"It's for her baptism," Minna explained with a smile. She had not stopped smiling since she'd seen her granddaughter, three days ago.

"Baptism?" Hannah looked at Olli and raised her eyebrows. If she wasn't so tired she probably would have been a little more polite. "I'm not really religious, I wasn't planning on having her baptized, unless that's something you wanted...?"

"It's pretty normal in Finland. We kind of have a party, and that's when we name her." Olli looked down and avoided Hannah's stare. Naming her daughter was something she didn't want to talk about. Hannah had been sure it was a boy, and didn't even think about girl names. She felt like Beth had, sitting in that dark hospital room trying to name Finn. Hannah was determined to pick a better name than Beth had.

She took the ornate bowl from Minna and thanked her before going back to their room. It was probably time to feed the baby, or something. It was always something. They need so much attention! But Hannah didn't mind it at all. Olli helped a lot, much more than Hannah thought most dads would, especially young dads. He spent his 22nd birthday with his wife and newborn daughter, and he wouldn't have had it any other way.

"She's so tiny," he said looking down at the tiny bundle in his arms. The baby's blue eyes peaked up at him and it made his heart melt, again. He wasn't sure he'd ever get over that. He handed her off to Hannah so she could feed her and watched as the baby curled around her and fit perfectly in Hannah's arms. It looked so natural, despite everything Hannah said.

"Emilia," Hannah said quietly and looked down at the tiny baby on her chest. It fit perfectly, and they could call her Emmy for short, or Em.

Olli slowly smiled; Hannah had finally come round to a name, and one he'd suggested too. "I knew you'd like that name."

"Emilia Kaisa Eldridge-Mӓӓttӓ," Hannah smiled. "That will be your name."

Olli sat down next to Hannah on the bed and wrapped his arm around her, resting his other hand on Emilia's back. He was so happy he thought he might cry, so they three just sat in silence.

*

Back in Pittsburgh Hannah was starting to go stir crazy. Stuck at home with the baby while Olli was at practice, and soon, away at games- she wanted to get out again and do things without dragging a baby and a diaper bag half her size everywhere she went. A couple of the wags offered to watch Emilia for a while if Hannah wanted to go shopping, or needed some time off, but Hannah didn't want to bother them, or feel indebted to her teammate's wives.

Finally, Rachel Sutter suggested Hannah and Olli look into getting a nanny. She'd been interviewing candidates, and could send some their way if they wanted. At first, Hannah shook her head.

"No, we don't need any help. Olli and I can do it ourselves." She replied firmly, yet kindly. Hannah didn't want to be the type of mom who left her kids with the help so she could go grocery shopping in peace. Actually, she didn't want to be the type to have any kind of hired help. But after one particular incident in the bank that involved a hungry baby who maybe needed a nap too, and some currency that needed to be exchanged, Hannah changed her mind. After ten minutes, Hannah left with Emilia crying, almost in tears herself, and no Canadian currency (which she needed for her trip to Toronto the next week.)

When Olli returned from practice he found Hannah quietly crying in the nursery in the rocking chair next to Emilia, sleeping soundly. He picked her up and carried her to their room, so her crying wouldn't wake the baby.

"What's wrong?" He asked and stroked her hair.

"I can't do it," she sobbed. "I can't be a mom. As soon as she starts crying I panic and just want to make her quiet again!" She leaned on his shoulder and let his secure embrace calm her. "I can't be one of those super-moms you see juggling two, three kids, all while looking flawless and happy, and stress free in their high heels, perfect nails, and fashionable clothes. I just can't do it Olli!"

He stroked her hair and kissed her temple before trying to calm her down. "You don't need to be a 'super-mom' or whatever. You just need to be you: Hannah, a film director, who also happens to be a mom. And you've got me to help you. And your mom, and Rachel, and-"

"No! I don't need help! Help is for the weak. I won't abandon my child like Beth did."

"Help is not for the weak, it's for the busy. For the employed and successful, like you and me. Sometimes, to show your child you love them enough, you have to hire someone to take care of them while you are fulfilling other obligations. Why should you give up everything you've worked for just to take care of your child, when there are people who've studied at school and practiced for years to be the best at looking after your kid for you?"

Hannah considered Olli's rhetorical question. It was true: a nanny was more than just a glorified babysitter; they had gone to school, had raised other people's children (and perhaps their own). They knew what they were doing. "I can't ask for help." She replied, like the good hard working-American her father had raised her to be. Hannah remembered being babysat as a kid by various local high school girls, and hating every second of it. They were either bored and looking for some extra money, or over-achieving honors students who Bill Eldridge probably hoped would be a good role model on his daughter(s). Maybe Hannah hadn't picked up on their 4.0, perfectionist goals, but Beth had gleaned a sense of importance for looking perfect and being the best (or most important.) Whichever was most convenient.

Hannah didn't want that. She didn't want her little girl growing up to be like Beth, or even like her. She didn't want some overly sensitive hormonal teenager putting ideas in her vulnerable little girl's head long before she had an idea of what it meant or understood why any of it mattered. Hannah didn't want to leave any of that up to chance, so doing it all herself was the right way, right?

"No," she answered her unasked question aloud. "I can't do it. I can't ask for help. It's a sign of weakness."

Olli pondered this for a moment. He could insist she find a nanny for their daughter, or.... "I need help. And I don't care what anyone thinks. I need help taking care of my child, because my amazing wife is about to leave for Toronto to direct an episode of a hit TV series, and I don't have time to watch my daughter all the time. I would give up playing hockey any day for this little girl, but I don't have to because there are professionals who are more than capable of watching our child a couple hours a day while we work. There's nothing wrong with that."

Hannah took in Olli's explanation and realized she wouldn't be giving up if she had a little extra help. "We just have to make sure we hire the right one."

Olli smiled and hugged Hannah tightly. "Don't worry, we'll find the right person."

By the time Hannah had to leave for Toronto, they had, in fact, found the right nanny. She was recommended by Dupuis' wife who said she was great with infants. From what Hannah had seen, Sarah was excellent with kids, and Emilia seemed to like her! It made Hannah feel much better about leaving her for almost two weeks. She would be home on the weekend, when Olli was away for a game, but that was still a long time to be away from her baby.

As she boarded the plane, Hannah reminded herself that being sad about leaving home meant you had something to miss. And Hannah certainly had something to miss. She was going to be so busy the next two weeks as she directed an episode of a rather popular show, something she was proud of, that she hoped she would be busy enough to distract from the ache tugging at her heart. 'The first time away is the hardest,' she reminded herself. 'It will get easier, right?'

Hannah hoped she would never lose that ache, the one that reminded her that she was a mother and her child (and husband) were far away. But she hoped that with time it would get easier to manage. 'The first time is always the hardest,' she repeated in her head as the plane took off and the miles between her and her daughter increased. With a shaky deep breath Hannah pulled out her notes for this week's filming and dove into them.

"I'll be back on Saturday," she whispered to the tiny picture of Emilia she kept paper clipped to the top of her notes.

A/N: Yikes only one chapter left! But, if you want to keep reading: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00Z7DW6JS?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

And check out my new book: https://www.amazon.com/Meet-Saxons-Oxterionn-Lila-Smith/dp/1520497636/ref=bseries_lb_1520497636

: ) Thanks!