By that point, Abi and Storm had been searching for Zack for almost a month and we'd still heard nothing from them. While wanting to protect everyone, Theo constantly stressed out about them, thinking of all the worst possible scenarios. To say he was becoming paranoid would be an understatement.

Ever the all-knowing Alpha, Jason kept reassuring us that 'no news is good news', but I remained convinced that any news is better than no news.

Jade returned to normal surprisingly quickly, resuming school in the blink of an eye, as if the past few weeks never even happened.

Maia still hadn't transitioned yet, and Jason decided that whilst she remained in Montana under his watch and protection, she would join Hellgate High — which was great for me, because it meant that I was no longer the only Brit in the school, or alone in failing American History.

As part of American History, our class was to take a trip to the Western Heritage Center, a regional museum in downtown Billings, a city in Montana five hours away from Missoula.

For some reason, the bus driver didn't want to drive for five hours straight, so instead, we'd be driving just over halfway there, to a city called Bozeman, and staying overnight there in a motel. The weird thing was, he was happy to drive for five hours on the way back, just not on the way there.

Thankfully, Maia had been put in my American History class, so I wouldn't have to deal with Theo and Ryder squabbling the entire time.

After insisting that we needed more clothes, Maia dragged me to a mall in Missoula. Which, to be fair, was probably true — I might have been spending a little too much time in those ¾-length leggings.

She had a load of money on her debit card, which she somehow had with her whilst crawling through the wild landscape of Montana with a werewolf bite on her leg, and so she paid for everything.

By the time this trip rolled around, we both had multiple sets of new clothes, new makeup (which was strange to me, as it had been months since I'd worn any), and new shoes. We'd also decided to buy some mini suitcases for this trip, even though I was pretty sure I could've fit all my clothes into a backpack.

On this shopping trip, Jade came with us and gave surprisingly good fashion advice. She was also a dab hand at haggling prices down, meaning we got a ton of stuff on discount.

Whilst we were on our trip, Jason decided that he and Jade would just continue at school, laying low, and avoiding any issues.

"Be safe," he reminded me, Maia, Theo and Ryder right before we were about to climb into the yellow school bus, and advised, "Theo, and Ryder: don't bicker. Maia: try not to get too angry, or too emotional about anything. Ember: well... just try not to—"

"I get it, Jason." I butted in, providing the words he was too nice to say to my face. "Try not to get between Theo and Ryder too much — right?"

"Ri-i-ight. Something like that."

"C'mon, all on the bus now," the bus driver called out to us, "It's either that or we're leaving without you!"

"Jason, they'll be fine." Jade rolled her eyes, tugging at the Alpha's arm. "Let's just let them go."

"Well, be safe," Jason repeated before we clambered onto the bus, bags in hand.

"We'll be safe, Jason, don't worry," Ryder joked, quickly pecking my cheek.

Avoiding both Theo and Maia's stares, I blushed and mumbled, "Whatever."

I slumped down into a seat next to Maia, leaving Theo and Ryder to sit uncomfortably next to each other on the seats in front of us.

"Hey, hot stuff." Ryder turned around instantly before the bus engine had even started, grinning at me.

"Can we not?" Theo said irritatedly through gritted teeth.

"I think it's kinda cute, actually." Maia giggled, much to Theo's annoyance.

"Yeah, well as 'cute' as it might be," Theo retorted, "I am not listening to it for the next three hours of my life."

He took some earphones out and started listening to something on his phone, probably music; he didn't look like the podcast kind of guy.

I rolled my head back onto the seat, because, as much as Theo could annoy the hell out of me and even though I was getting closer to Ryder, I still wished that he would at least look at me — instead of acting like I just wasn't there.

"You okay?" Maia nudged her shoulder again mine.

"Fine." I sighed, looking out the window and the scenery flashing quickly by.

"Oh yeah right, like I'm gonna believe that," she huffed, before asking, "You hungry?"

"Maia, no; we had lunch less than an hour ago. I'm not hungry. Just like I'm not in the mood for a round of Twenty Questions." I crossed my arms.

"What's wrong with Twenty Questions?" Ryder turned around.

"Everything," Theo grunted and pushed his earphones deeper into his ears.

"Hell, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Ryder grunted back, turning to the front of the bus.

I sighed heavily. "I thought Jason told you two not to bicker?"

"Yeah..." Maia contributed, "And I thought Jason told you, Ember, not to get between the two of them too much?"

"What did I do?" My eyes widened as I raised my hands in mock defence. "Let's just talk about something else, or nothing at all, okay?"

"It feels weird to be leaving Missoula, and home all over again." Theo put in — taking one earphone out. "It feels like I've only just got back."

"We're only leaving it for a couple of days," Ryder reassured, placing a hand on Theo's shoulder, "We'll be back soon."

The pack solidarity was still present between the two of them; it was just my presence disrupting the harmony between them. After mulling this over, I kept my thoughts to myself. We fell into silence for the next half an hour, none of us really having anything to say. Until my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Frowning, I pulled it out and checked it.

1 New Message from Mum

My heart stopped.

My mum hadn't bothered texting me in so long, the last time we'd talked, I was still on Svalbard, and she'd told me that my dad had been seriously injured in a car accident.

With shaking fingers, I unlocked my phone and read the message.

MUM:

Hey honey, just texting to see how you are. So, how are you? How's Montana? How's Theo? What are his friends like?

Mum x

I swallowed and began to type back.

ME:

Hi Mum. I'm fine. Montana's beautiful. Theo's fine, and his friends are really nice. I joined their high school here in Missoula because I didn't really have anything else to do.

How's Dad doing? How's Uncle Rob?

MUM:

I'm impressed and glad that you joined a school there, at least you'll be able to enter some sort of uni when you decide to. Your uncle is fine, and so's your dad. Both of them miss you like crazy. I miss you like crazy. You should call more.

Infuriated by her blunt, uncaring words, I then typed back a string of short, angry responses.

ME:

As if you actually miss me.

MUM:

I do, Ember. I am your mother, after all.

ME:

Yeah, well you did a fantastic job of looking after me back in Lake Oldoy. Oh, wait no, you didn't. You sent me off to a small, barely-inhabited island in the Arctic Circle.

MUM:

I was trying to help you.

ME:

Yeah right. You just wanted me out of your life.

MUM:

It wasn't like that.

ME:

I have to go now.

Frustrated, I turned my phone off altogether and shoved it back into my bag.

"What was that about?" Maia asked.

"Just a reiteration of how little my mother actually cares about me." I huffed, drawing my knees up to my chest, feet on the seat, hugging my knees.

Surprisingly, I saw Theo offer Ryder one of his earphones, and the latter put it in his ear.

Maybe they are starting to get along, I dared to think. But I was doubtful of how long it would last.

The next three hours passed much quicker than I had expected they would — Maia and I passed them gossiping about everything and nothing at the same time, with endless beautiful scenery flashing by — and before I knew it, we were in Bozeman, pulling up at a seedy-looking motel.

"Great." Theo huffed as we stood up and stretched. "I thought I'd left crappy motels behind me."

"I've never stayed in a motel before," I said optimistically as the four of us disembarked the bus, bags in hand.

"Trust me." Theo finally made eye contact with me. "They're not something to look forward to."

"Alright!" A teacher called out to the group, "You will be sharing rooms — so same-sex rooms only!"

"What if they're gay?" Someone called out.

The teacher looked unimpressed. "This is a school trip, not some romantic getaway. Keep your hands to yourself, regardless of which team you're playing for."

"Yeah right. Like we're going to be able to resist each other." Ryder nudged Theo's arm with his elbow and winked jokingly.

"Dude, stop." Theo shoved him away.

I linked my arm through Maia's, rolling my eyes at the two guys, "Well, this should be interesting."

Maia took the room keys off the teacher, and we found our way to our room.

We were in Room 42, which consisted of two twin beds, an alarm clock, a tattered sofa, and a filthy bathroom and shower. Both equally unimpressed, we dumped our bags onto the worn sofa.

"This is just great." Maia folded her arms. "Couldn't the school at least afford to put us in a better motel?"

I shrugged. "It's better than nothing."

"C'mon, let's step outside; it smells in here." Maia wrinkled up her nose.

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to sleeping in here." I pulled a face and followed her out of the door, where we were instantly hit with the smells and sounds of the motorway — no, interstate; they're called interstates here.

It turned out that Theo and Ryder were in the room next to ours: Room 43, and they'd also stepped outside due to the rancid smell of the rooms.

"Hey, hot stuff." Ryder wrapped his arm around my waist.

But I pulled away from him, surprising even myself. I pulled away because I'd caught a glimpse of Theo's face — a glimpse of how desolate he looked.

"Maia," I found my voice as I turned to her, "Why don't you and Ryder go and see if you can find a vending machine?"

"But, I—" Maia began, prior to me cutting her off.

"Just go, Maia. I'll talk to you later." I threw her a look, which she thankfully understood.

When they were gone, I turned to Theo. "Are you okay?"

"As if you care," he replied, avoiding looking at me. His words could've been a scoff, aside from the fact he uttered them so half-heartedly.

"Do you wanna talk about it, or...?" I trailed off intentionally, throwing a sideways glance at him.

He let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, okay... But not out here."

He showed me into his and Ryder's room — which was exactly the same as mine and Maia's — and I hovered uncomfortably.

"So, what's up?" I chewed my lip, silently deliberating if he was actually going to talk to me or not.

"What happened between us?" He questioned and locked his steely gaze on me.

I swallowed; under his steady gaze, I went a bit weak at the knees. Theo's even more handsome than the day I left him at the airport.

Responding, I struggled to keep looking at him, "I... I don't know what you mean."

Theo ran a hand over his face and asked, "I thought you used to like being with me, messing around, having fun together, playing with fire?"

"Yeah, but that was before." I had to swallow again.

"Before what?" He challenged with his brow furrowing stubbornly.

"Before everything at the airport."

"You didn't say it back," Theo stated, crossing his arms tightly across his chest.

"You wanna know why I didn't say it back, Theo, huh?" I glared at him. "Apart from the fact that I was going to Svalbard, and you were going to America?"

Theo just stared at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Love is the most powerful emotion," I explained, calming down a little, "And that's why it's also the most dangerous emotion."

"I think I can handle a little danger." He eyed me and repeated, "You used to like playing with fire."

"Yeah, I did." I admitted, "But that was before I realised, I can't keep playing with fire... Before I learned I needed to start fighting with fire."

Theo spat through gritted teeth, "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that things aren't as easy as they used to be, back in Lake Oldoy." My eyes dropped away from his, suddenly finding the worn pattern on the carpet very intriguing.

"Nothing was ever that easy." He sank onto the edge of one of the twin beds, and for a moment I thought his tone started to soften, that he was letting down his guard.

"Nothing ever is. But it's harder now, too much has changed for us just to go back to how we were — you were right about that," I confessed the words that had been ricocheting around my head ever since I got to Montana and Theo turned cold on me.

"Are you saying that you never cared about me at all?" The softness disappeared in the blink of an eye; the defences flew back up.

"No, I'm saying that I can't go back to how I was with you," I replied with an equal hardness of tone.

"Well then." Theo's gaze became cold as steel. "I guess there's nothing between us anymore then."

"I guess not." I stood up.

"Okay then." He stood up.

"I'll go now." I stepped towards the door.

"You do that," he told me, then shrugged.

He just shrugged.

I was walking away from him, from something that neither of us could save, and he just shrugged. He just shrugged like he couldn't give a damn about me. Like I never even meant anything to him.

As I stepped back into Room 42, I found myself blinking away threatening tears, wrapping my arms around myself for some sort of comfort.

I was cold again.

I hated being so cold all the time.

Sometimes, I'd wish that I had the fire back, keeping me warm, keeping me safe — but then I'd remember how the fire hurt people and how dangerous I became with it.

Yet without it, I was nothing, no one.

I guess now I understand how my mum feels.

A knock came at the door.

I wiped my cheeks quickly. "Come in!"

It was Ryder, holding a couple of bags of crisps and some cans of Pepsi.

"Where's Maia?" I asked as he set the bags and cans down on a small table.

"She's talking to this girl called Clarissa. She, erm, told me to tell you not to wait up for her," he explained.

"How come you're in here then?" I questioned.

"Because Theo threw the alarm clock at my head when I tried to go into our room." He screwed his nose up. "I don't know what's wrong with that guy."

I nodded slowly. "We fell out. Again."

"How come?" Ryder frowned.

"Because I said that he and I couldn't go back to how we were in Lake Oldoy..." I trailed off, slumping down onto the edge of my bed.

"You wanna talk about it?" Ryder came and sat down next to me, our thighs brushing.

"Not really." I picked at my nails, staring into the empty space ahead of me.

"What do you wanna do then?"

"I want to feel the fire. My fire." I turned to him, feeling a renewed, burning passion for the Phoenix within me. "I'm so cold, and I hate it; I want to feel hot again. I want to feel the fire burning through my veins."

"And how do you do that?" He questioned, drawing closer to me, our lips mere centimetres apart.

"Like this," I whispered and pressed my lips desperately to his.

"I like this," he murmured back, before his tongue slipped inside my mouth, sending hot shivers throughout my body.

Before long, we were no longer sitting beside each other, as Ryder was hovering over me, our lips still together. I don't know at what point we'd both taken our trainers off, but our legs were sliding together, interlinking and interlocking. A couple of times my knee accidentally brushed against his crotch, causing him to let out a little moan.

What the fuck am I even doing? Messing around with Ryder?

Filling a void. I'm only trying to fill the void of being without my Phoenix... being without Theo — Ryder is just filling a void of emptiness that has found a home in my heart and my soul.

"Are you feeling the fire yet, hot stuff?" He muttered in my ear, sucking on my earlobe.

I could hardly find the words to reply as I breathed out, "Yes..."

Ryder's hands found the zip of my hoodie and unzipped it, slipping it off my shoulders.

"Sit up," I told him and dragged his t-shirt off his body, unveiling muscles and abs.

He dragged my t-shirt off as well, leaving me in my grey bra.

As well as ditching makeup before starting training on Svalbard, I also ditched materialistic things like patterned, push-up bras and other unnecessary clothes.

But by the look on Ryder's face, it didn't matter one bit to him.

"What's this?" I asked, spotting a tattoo on the inside of his elbow.

I ran my fingers over it, and to my surprise, it was stuck out from his skin, like 3D. The design was two arrows crossing over each other, with the letters N, E, S, and W surrounding the arrows, like the points of a compass.

"It reminds me not to lose myself," he explained, taking my hand in his.

"It's pretty cool," I appreciated and flicked my eyes back up to him. My arms snaked back around his neck and his hands went to rest on my waist, pulling me closer to him. "I like you, Ryder Altair," I told him.

I like him for bringing back my fire; I like him for making me feel wanted and appreciated.

"I like you as well, Ember Milburn." He drew my lips to his and kissed me softly.

We didn't kiss softly for long; aimless passion and desire took over, and the kisses became hard and quick. Ryder laid me back against the bed, slipping my bra straps off my shoulders, kissing me all the while. Then, his lips worked down my throat and neck, before sucking there intently — undoubtedly giving me another hickey.

"Ryder..." I gasped, wrapping my legs around his waist, "What is it with you and giving me hickeys?"

"Do you have a problem with it?" He stopped, raising his eye line to mine. "I don't have to if you don't want me t—"

"Shush." I pushed my index finger against his lips, "I like it... I just wondered why you do it."

"I guess it's a possession thing." He nuzzled against my neck. "My wolf likes it."

"Does your wolf like me?" I asked.

"Obviously. My wolf likes you a lot." He let out a little growl against my skin. Then he kissed my cheek and moved away from me. "Ember, I want to show you something."

"Where are you going?" I sat up instantly, frowning — I need to feel his body on me, even if I'm just using him to my advantage.

"I want to show you something," he repeated, sitting on the end of the bed, facing away from me, body curled forward.

I gasped at the sight of his back. "What the hell happened?"

There were scars of claw marks all down his back, from the top of his shoulders, all the way down into his pants. The deep lacerations were blunt and forceful, and the thoughts of them as open wounds turned my stomach upside down.

"If the claws go deep enough, they can turn you," he explained, still facing away, "I got these from the Alpha that turned me. He, or she, left me for dead at the side of an interstate... The same with Hayden."

"Does it still hurt?" I asked, moving closer to him, my hand hesitantly reaching out to touch his scars.

"No, but it's a constant reminder. They didn't fully heal because of how deep they went, and how dead I nearly was."

I was right behind him now, and I plucked up the courage to run my hands down the scars, feeling the hard ridges beneath my fingers.

Ryder's body tensed up as I touched him, his voice breaking as he spoke, "Hayden used to touch me like that."

"I can stop." I pulled my hands away from him.

"Ember..." He turned his head to face me.

Upon seeing the sorrow etched into his face, I asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure," he replied slowly, his eyes unable to linger on me for long. "I haven't been with anyone other than Hayden before."

Clearly, this was conflicting with him as much as it was with me.

I nodded. "That's okay. I understand."

"I don't want to hurt her memory." He glanced down, index finger tracing along his pack's symbol with the cross through it.

"You still love her." It was more of a statement than a question; I knew that Ryder still loved Hayden, in the same way, that I knew Theo still loved me. In the same way that I knew that deep down I still loved Theo — despite never admitting it to myself.

Brushing my own thoughts aside, I continued speaking to Ryder, "It's okay that you still love her. She'll always have a special place in your heart, there's no avoiding that. And... I think that she'd want you to be happy."

When Ryder finally looked back up at me, his eyes were full of unshed tears. "Thank you."

"Thank you." I eyed him seriously. "You're helping me find myself again. By not pushing me to talk straight away, by helping me find control, by accepting me for who I am, and what I look like — even though I've changed."

"You're still beautiful," Ryder muttered as he leaned forwards and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. Then he glanced at the alarm clock, "It's getting late. I should probably go back to my room."

Knowing it wouldn't be long before the loneliness returned, I sighed. "Okay..."

"Look, Ember," Ryder explained to me, even though I already knew what his explanation was going to be. "This is gonna be hard enough to explain to Theo without having to explain that I stayed the night with you."

"I don't care."

But my kisses and pleading were useless. He pulled his t-shirt back on, picked up his shoes, left a short, sweet kiss on my lips and walked out.

I sunk onto my bed, pulling my hoodie back on.

Numbly, a few of my mother's words came rushing back to me — after I almost killed Jack Murphy when I tried to use him to get over Theo.

"You will come to learn this as you get older, but the Phoenix struggles with staying faithful to one lover. You just have to be careful with whom you demonstrate your passion."

"Shit," I muttered to myself; if my mum was right (and I assumed she was), then I'd fallen straight into the Phoenix's pitfall of infidelity. While I wasn't technically with Theo at that point, my heart and soul were still bound to him; our paths were forever linked.

And I wasn't being careful with whom I demonstrated my passion.

The crappy quality of the motel meant that the walls were paper thin, resulting in Theo's yell crashing through my thoughts, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I was just hanging out with Ember, okay?" Ryder responded.

"Just hanging out?" Theo shouted at him, "What the hell were you doing with her?"

"You really wanna know, Theo?" Ryder shouted back. "I was in her bed with her, kissing her and touching her and showing her the love and attention she deserves." The last few words were quieter, "The love and attention you couldn't show her."

Theo swore violently at Ryder, before yelling, "You don't know what happened in the UK, and you don't get to touch her like that."

"She wants me, Theo," Ryder retorted, "Why can't your jealous ass deal with that already? Ember wants me, not you."

Shutting my eyes and sticking earphones in, I blocked them out.

Maybe life would be better for the pack if I hadn't even come here in the first place — if I hadn't betrayed Theo and corrupted Ryder with my infidelity.