Liam Hemsworth as Demetrios Kanzaki-Cavanaugh

~

Fighting Temptation: Capítulo Ventuno

"I wish that I could rewind time..." I whispered to myself as I caressed the gold necklace, trying to give myself the will to take it off but no matter how many times I tried, I just could never get around to it. In addition to that, I kept my phone in my pocket, unlocked, hoping that there would just be that chance for a text or even call.

Call me desperate but I wanted to hope.

I wanted to walk away because I had reason to just like my dad did, but I also didn't want to give up just yet. "Meet you at home..." I mumbled, my voice falling silent in the darkness of the room, nothing but the echo of the rain filling the emptiness. It was quite funny how I could fall hard for someone I barely knew. I knew his birthday, May 29th, I knew his favorite color, a golden brown, his favorite food, beef stroganoff, that he was from Puerto Rico, his adoptive parents names, how he was so nice and respectful to people around him, which totally diminished the badass and ruthless persona I had of him.

I wanted to say that I didn't know a damn thing about him, the deeper things, but I found that I knew too much. There were still some things about his past that I didn't know, obviously. I didn't know much about his teenage life or if he had any best friends, why he decided to become a doctor but all of those things seemed trivial. All I needed to know was that I wasn't in this alone.

The way that he called me, 'Valentin' sent chills down my spine and the way that he looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes, it was almost too surreal.

And I missed it.

"I really do." I knew my friends wondered what was going on with me and why Mr. Esposito seemed to be in the same boat but I had no idea how to tell them that I fell in love and got my heart broken. Sounds pitiful, right? I couldn't even go to work and do the job that I loved because I walked past our secret hideout every day and I sat in the places that we sat together and I couldn't even focus on my patients because they were too fixated on one part.

"Oh?" My patient, Rocamora Sanders, a 34-year-old woman tilted her head towards me as I listened to her heartbeat with my stethoscope. "I'm surprised." She mumbled and I raised a brow, not sure of what she was talking about. "What's wrong?" I questioned, peering into her peripheral vision, wondering if there was something else going on with her. "Nothing," She replied with a wave of her hand. "It's just that," She sighed. "You never come without your partner," She said and my eyes widened as my heart thudded. "You know, the tall and handsome guy with the Russian accent?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, knowing damn well that I wanted to cry. "Yea, well," I gritted my teeth as I forced myself to smile.

"It's just me today." And forever more.

Then another time.

"It's quite odd to see you without your hunk," I silently prepared myself for the incoming wave of sadness as my one of my favorite patients, Immanuel Granger, sat up on the bed, a look of curiosity decorating his 27-year-old face. "Normally, he would be trailing in behind you so it was often assumed that you don't see Dr. Vega without his shadow." He grinned brightly and I tried so hard to mirror that smile but knowing that my presence was nothing without my mere shadow, made me want to bawl and tear my heart out.

"I know." I really did.

Did everyone else seem to see us like that? The doctor and the shadow? It was often true that I didn't go anywhere without him, mainly because he wanted to be around me all the time. The only times we separated was when we had urgent duties to tend to. Other than that, he was a like a fucking tick that sunk its teeth into my skin and refused to leave.

"God damn it," I cursed, feeling my eyes blurring with the familiar wet warmth of tears as my lips curled up into a frown, one that I thought would be permanent. Damiana tried her hardest to get me to smile but all I could think about was that day.

Those cold eyes.

Those eyes that shook and unraveled my entire core. It was funny how that was all it took to shut me down. I guess I really didn't know how much I had invested into him. I wanted to hate him for not having more trust in me, punch him for assuming that I was in on what my father did to his mother because how could I do that to him?

I could never hurt someone that I loved.

"Be careful who you fall in love with, Miro. They can make or break you." I could still hear my dad warning me about my future and who I would come to date. I just didn't think his words would ever ring true in my life but he and his relationship with my father were the epitomai of this statement.

It had seemed impossible.

Reasonably impossible.

Completely impossible.

Nevertheless, it had deemed itself possible because look at me now. Look at where I am now. I could have been in his arms tonight, relishing in his touch, in his soft kisses, being close to him but I'm not.

For me, it wasn't over.

I could have told my friends about the situation, true, but I highly doubted that they would understand. They would probably tell me to move on but how could I, when I had no idea nor the will to fight my love for him? How could I when I couldn't stay away? How could I, even after he took my heart and ran over it with his Camaro, not want him?

Time really did fly.

"Was it my mistake for loving him?" I questioned. "Was it really my fault?" I chuckled, shaking my head as I unlocked my phone, immediately going to my camera roll. Normally, it would just be pictures of funny things and on occasion, pictures of myself but I found that there was nothing but pictures of him and I.

I guess something in me back then, to document all of the moments we had together.

There were a couple of pictures of us smiling when we went out together to eat for the first time. He was staring blankly at the screen as he slung his arm over my shoulder, me beaming up at the camera. I guess at that moment, we had no idea how much we would come to matter to each other.

Life sucks.

"Hermano," I heard my twin calling me from the doorway of my room and I sat up, looking confused. "Yes?" I replied as she walked in, sitting down next to me. "How are you feeling?" She stared at me before blushing. "That was a dumb question, lo siento." She sputtered and I sighed (I'm sorry). "Nah, it's not actually," I mumbled. "I guess, I feel okay." I wasn't lying by no means but I felt that there was another word to describe the way that I was feeling. "I could be better but you know..." I trailed off.

"I want you to feel better," She blurted out and my eyes widened. "Eh, Josefina?" I tilted my head and she huffed. "I don't know what it feels like to be in pain while being in love but I do know that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved. It hurts more because you loved more, but would you rather it hurt less?" She ducked her head and I furrowed my brows. "That would mean that you would've loved him less and I don't think that it is in you to feel that way." She wasn't trying to comfort me but give me a taste of reality. That's how the Vegas comforted.

But to answer her question, I'd rather it hurt a hell of a lot and then some because that would mean that I loved him a lot more and there's nothing greater than that.

"Eh, who knows?" I shrugged, feeling completely and totally exhausted. "I can't really say for sure now, but check with me in 5 years." I clicked my teeth, a small smile on my face and I was kind of amazed that I even had the energy or the will to crack my lips upward. "I'll be sure to have your answer then." It was alright that things turned out this way. As Josefina said, it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved a day in life. In a way, it was also very, very sad.

"Can't I have one?" I questioned out of the blue, her cerulean eyes darting over to mine, trying to understand the meaning of what I was asking. "Can't I just be in love and not lose anything?" I pondered seriously and she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "No," She murmured as she let her head fall, her gaze returning to her twiddling hands. "Because at some point, something has to give. You can't have it all and lose nothing. That's not how life works. Though it should..." She trailed off and I clenched my jaw, wondering why such a thing was prevalent.

If it was that easy, then it would matter less.

"Big whoop," I chuckled, rolling my eyes. I felt so drained, so tired, just done with it all. If someone had warned me years ago, that love was so stressful and had so many endings, I wouldn't have fallen for the idea. I would have stayed so far away from but it probably wouldn't have lasted, my resolve. Because like a moth is drawn to light, I found myself drawn to the Adonis, sin and sexiness, and that was when I knew my life would never be the same.

Nothing was or will ever be the same.

"It's alright though, Ramiro." Damiana muttered as she reached a hand out, caressing my cheek. 'He doesn't deserve you or your love, for that fact." I wanted to say I agreed and I wanted to smile despite the crushing weight on my chest, but I knew I didn't feel the same. I knew I never would feel the same.

"God damn it!" I could hear my dad screeching from down the hall and it shook my nerves in alarm, prompting me to get up to go see what it was. He was in the office of my grandmother, the room, having been vacant for a while. I opened and cracked open the door just a bit, to see what was going on. Once I peeked in, I saw Derek standing over the desk, his hair flat as his face turned red over and over. His jaw was clenched as he held his iPhone up to his ear, cursing in his mother tongue.

Just who was he talking to?

Then I got my answer. "Micah, what the hell did you do?" I could hear my dad yelling on the phone, probably to my uncle as I walked through the house. "I'm tired of seeing you cry so I took matters into my hands, Der-bear." My uncle Micah McKenna-Vega said with a tone of ignorance like he wasn't sorry for the things that he did. "There's always two sides to every story and I only knew one so I decided to go and listen to him to see what really happened." Micah concurred and my dad grumbled as he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He looked really stressed and you could see the bags under his eyes.

Probably from crying every night.

"Impulsive as always, Derek Giordano," Micah clicked his teeth and the sound echoed from the phone throughout the room. "But this time, you were too quick." I heard my uncle chuckling before he fell silent. "...go listen to him, okay?" He was whispering now and I could hear my dad crying. "I know it's hard but he really misses you. He's probably worse off than you are." I could hear him cracking a laugh despite the tears. "I would hope so." Derek mumbled, his mouth stifled to keep in his sobs. "Promise me that you'll go see him soon. He's like a dog who's been kept in the house for so long by himself." I had the slightest feeling that my dad was rolling his eyes. "You need to go hear him out. Promise?" Uncle asked once again and my dad sighed.

"I promise."

After he clicked to hang up, slamming his phone on the table as he let out a loud groan, unsure of what to do, I made my presence known. "Hey." I said and he snapped his neck towards me, a blush on his face once he realized that I heard the whole phone call. "Miro." He murmured and I stepped in the room, walking closer to him. He had been rubbing at his ring finger, the whole during that phone call and it made me wonder if he subconsciously missed my father.

"So I take it that we're going to see Dad, huh?" I grimaced slightly, not sure of what he had to tell us. My dad nodded in reply as he wiped his eyes, a mere glimmer of hope shining in those orbs. He knew it was too early to tell, but he had some inkling that this would be the turning point.

"Yeah, I guess so."