Chapter 16
Katniss P.O.V.
"What are you doing up?" Peeta asks me quietly as he sits up in bed.
"I can't sleep," I say softly as I bounce Wyatt in my arms. "He woke up crying, so I thought I'd walk around to try to calm him down."
"Well, he's asleep now," Peeta tells me as he props himself up on his elbows. "Come back to bed." I shake my head.
"I'm alright," I tell him. Before I know it, Peeta is standing beside of me and taking Wyatt out of my arms.
"Go back to bed."
I swallow hard. "It's not going to do me any good. I can't sleep, Peeta."
"Just try," Peeta tells me. "Please. You and the baby…"
"Please quit bringing up the baby like you're trying to guilt me into doing what you think is best for me, Peeta," I tell him. "I love you, and I love our baby. But if I can't sleep, I can't sleep."
"Katniss…"
"Everytime I close my eyes, I see you coming home to me in a casket. I see you missing the birth of our baby, and him or her growing up without ever meeting you."
"Stop. You're making yourself upset," Peeta tells me softly.
I sniffle and wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands.
"You've got to stop doing this to yourself, Katniss," Peeta says with tears sparkling in his eyes. "I know you're mad, but I can't stand to see you hurting like this."
"This isn't the Hunger Games," I tell Peeta. "Nobody has to come out of this alive. There doesn't have to be a winner this time."
"I know," Peeta says. "But at the same time, there can be more than one person walk away from this."
"But you also don't know how many people or obstacles you'll be up against."
"Please, Katniss. We're just going back and forth for no reason. Us making these statements doesn't make them any truer. I'm telling you, Katniss. You've got to stop this."
"I can't."
"You're only making it worse!" Peeta yells, startling both me and the baby sleeping in his arms. I take a step back, and Wyatt starts screaming to the top of his lungs.
Peeta shakes his head and takes a deep breath.
"Sorry," Peeta says softly. "I'm sorry. We're both tired and upset and a little overwhelmed right now."
"Mama," Wyatt cries as he reaches out for me. I sigh and take him from Peeta and into my arms.
"It's okay," I tell Peeta. "I get it. You're just as upset as I am about all of this. And you're right. I am making it worse."
"No, Katniss. I'm sorry. I did not mean that," Peeta tells me sincerely. "Let's just get Wyatt calmed down for now, then go back to sleep. We can talk about this more in the morning."
I nod my head and begin to walk around with Wyatt some more.
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"Are you alright?" Peeta asks me as I toss and turn in bed.
"Yeah," I mumble. "My back is bothering me."
"Come here," Peeta says as he sits up and pats his lap. I slowly sit up and move over to Peeta's side. I sit between Peeta's legs, and he begins to rub his hands up and down my back.
"Does that feel better?"
"Mhm," I moan as I nod my head a little bit. Peeta leans forward and gently presses his lips to my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Katniss."
"Peeta, I already told you…"
"I'm not just talking about my outburst while ago," Peeta tells me. "I'm talking about everything you've been through here recently."
"Peeta," I say softly as I turn to face him. "None of this is your fault so please don't blame yourself."
"You're my wife, Katniss. I'm supposed to make sure you are safe. And so far, I haven't been able to protect you from anything."
I lay my head over onto Peeta's shoulder and look up at him.
"You couldn't have stopped any of this from happening," I tell him. "If you had fought back when you were taken to the Capitol, you and I both know what would have happened. And I don't think anyone is going to change Coin's mind about this. Trust me. It's not your fault."
Peeta rests his head against mine as he lays both of his hands on my stomach.
"I know I've not been the same since the Capitol," Peeta says quietly. "But I promise you that my feelings for you and the baby have not changed. I know that my memories have been a little… murky, but I can assure you that you two are the most important people in my life. I love the both of you so much."
"We love you too, Peeta."
"Look at me," Peeta tells me softly as he gently pushes my chin so he can see my face. "You're all I have left," Peeta whispers with a sad expression falling over his normally happy face. "You're all that I have left now, Katniss. I will do anything to make sure that both you and the baby are okay. And if that means letting Coin send me to the Capitol to fight for our future, then so be it."
"Are you saying that you want to let her have her way?" I ask Peeta in disbelief.
He shrugs his shoulders. "If it means a better life for our child than we had," Peeta says sincerely as he nods his head at me. "It's like you said. Coin is not going to change her mind about this."
"She might if…"
"No, Katniss. There's no use."
I take a deep breath and look over at Wyatt sleeping in his little cot beside the bed.
"I just don't want our baby to have to go through what he's going through."
"I know," Peeta says.
"What's going to happen to him if his parents aren't found?"
"I guess they'll find someone to take him in as their own."
I look at Peeta again and ask him a serious question.
"What if we did?"
Peeta gives me a look. "What?"
"What if we took Wyatt in if they can't find his parents?"
Peeta acts like he's shocked for a moment before responding.
"I… I mean… Do you want to? Actually, forget that question. Obviously you want to or you wouldn't have asked me."
"I'm serious," I tell Peeta. "I know we'll have a newborn to take care of in a few months, but I think we could do it because Wyatt will be almost a year old by then. So what do you think about all of this?"
"Yeah," Peeta agrees. "I think we could manage. I mean the little guy has to have someone to take care of him. He's already used to us."
"He thinks I'm his Momma."
Peeta chuckles and places a light kiss to my forehead.
"Is your back feeling better?"
"Yeah," I say as I slowly nod my head. "Thank you."
"No problem," Peeta tells me. "Do you want to try to go back to sleep, or do you want to go ahead and get up?"
"We might as well go ahead and get up," I tell him.
"Alright." Peeta gets up off the bed and pulls me up to my feet. "You good?"
"Yep," I reply as I lay a hand on my stomach.
"Are you okay with what we were talking about while ago?"
"You mean about you going to the Capitol willingly?" Peeta nods his head. "I'm not okay with you going because Coin thinks it's a good idea. But if you don't want me to argue with her about it anymore, then I guess I can respect your decision and just leave it be."
"Good," Peeta tells me. "I just don't want you wasting your breath arguing with Coin when we both know she won't change her mind no matter what."
I take a deep breath and swallow hard.
"Don't worry about me," Peeta tells me as he rubs his thumbs across my cheeks. "I'll be fine as long as I keep in mind what I'm fighting for."
"Well, I guess the rebellion is a good reason."
"Actually," Peeta says slowly as he lays his hand over mine that's resting on my stomach. "I have two reasons to fight that are even more important than that."
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I promise I'm going somewhere with this, but if you all have ANY ideas at all please message me because I'm sure they'll help in some way.
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