A/N- New update!
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"Finally! See who decided to finally wake up." I teased Mason as he slightly opened his eyes. I was seeing 'Teen wolf' on my laptop. Don't judge me about seeing an old series. I still can't get over Derek Hale's handsome face, no scratch that, hot face. Make that motherfucking hot! It's a shame he's married though.

Mason rubbed his eyes groogily and yawned, "What time is it anyway?" He asked his voice a bit scratched.
"It's two p.m you bed hogger. You used my bed for almost six hours to satisfy your sleeping fantasies." I playfully glared at him.

"What? I did? Why didn't you wake me up?" He said as he slowly rose from his sleeping position into sitting upright as he rested his back on the bedpost.
"Have you ever tried waking a person in coma?" I asked as I dropped my laptop on my night stand as I stood up to stretch my limbs.
My top rid up a bit showing more like a flash of my abdomen. I didn't have to feel akward or blush like a hormonal teenager 'cause it was just Mason.

"That's scientifically impossible..." He was saying when I interrupted him.
"Exactly... Impossible. Waking you up when you're on your sleeping drops is mission impossible." I finished nodding my head like I just solved the most difficult puzzle.

"If you let me finish, then I would have let you know that while waking a person in coma is scientifically impossible, it's not technically impossible. So many things need to be at play."
"Things like?" I raised my brows in confusion.
"Supernatural things..." He was saying but I quickly interrupted him with a groan.

"You know how I feel right now about supernatural stuff. Can we just stop right here?" I said turning my back on him so he didn't see the tears brimming in my eyes.

You see I used to believe in God, I'm not even sure I can use the words  'used to'  because somehow and I know a part of me still does. The thing is when I was diagnosed with cancer when I was eleven, what I felt was hurt more than anger towards God. I felt why me? Why does it have to be me? Then my hurt turned to anger and resentment when I looked out my window and saw kids my age have fun, going out with friends, and all that. I felt jealous of them. In my young mind I felt, why do they get to live their lives to the fullest and I don't get to? Why do they get to make mistakes and have the assurance that they have tomorrow to correct that mistake but I have to feel like I only have a shot at things 'cause I can die anytime? Then when I was going through a really bitter phase, I wished that all the kids would get cancer like me so we'll all be equal and there would be no one to ask why I was bald, or why I looked like a white washboard. Trust me, it wasn't a moment I was proud.

Then I came to terms with it and I stopped being mad at God, but I had been mad at him for so long that I didn't know how to seek him again. Do I apologise for being human and not understanding at first or do I just assume that he understands and I continue praying like nothing happened?

Ever since my diagnosis, my family stopped praying at the table or even going to church, except my Dad and Carson that go to church like once in six months. I don't know if they lost faith for sometime like me or they just don't want to offend me by praying at the table because everyone knew I was going through a 'I hate God phase' but I don't think anyone knew I was over it. I have been summoning bravery for the past six years to be the first to pray at the table during family dinner or something, but that'll be a bit tricky now 'cause my mom can't make a sentence without the word 'surgery' so I avoid her. My dad is all about me doing what I want, but I can still see the hopeful glint in his eyes anytime my mom asks me concerning it and I can see the way his face falls whenever I say no.

It may seem like I'm being stubborn and all but I want my family to live for themselves and learn to exist without a Hailey in their lives. Honestly, it'll make their lives easier when I'm finally gone.

"I'm sorry I brought up the supernatural stuff up." He apologized as he rose up from the bed. Mason believes in God and all that, he's a Christian and he isn't ashamed of it. I used to be like that before the whole cancer stuff but now I just don't know how to go about it.

"It's fine. Let's just stop talking about it so it doesn't get awkward. You can decide to use the spare toothbrush in the bathroom, I made pancakes and the weird chocolate stuff you like while you were sleeping." I shrugged nonchalantly like it wasn't a big deal even though I almost cut my finger in the process.
Mason eyes shone like a five year old who just got candy, "You did?" He asked.

"Yeah, I did. I thought I already..." He hugged me really tightly, like the squeezy kind of hug like you are about to be squashed but in a mushy way.

I tapped his back awkwardly while I smiled like a moron behind his back. Honestly, I'm just grateful that Mason has been with my bipolar self this long and hasn't taken off for the hills.
"Don't get weird and sappy right now on me Mason." I think he noticed my feeling levels have dropped considerably so he pulled away.

"I know you said I shouldn't but I couldn't help myself. You've been there for me so many times."
"What are you talking about? You've been there for me more than I've been there for you, so much that I think you really outweigh me when it comes to this weird friendship we have. Plus I'm just doing what any of your friends would do for you if you told them you have insomnia."
Mason shook his head in disagreement, "I strongly disagree with you. You're doing more than a friend or family member would do. You really go out of your way. I know everytime I open my eyes, you'll be right beside me or with your laptop sitting on a chair waiting for me to wake up. It makes my whole insomnia seem easier. I know that you'll be there watching me, even though I have told you not to." He smiled.

"Okay apart from my weird stalkish thing I do for you, that's all there is. No need to get mushy about it." I said trying to belittle what I do for Mason.

Apart from my family, another person I need to let me go easily is Mason. I don't want him to be hurt when I finally leave earth. Regardless of how I and Mason argue, we pratically do everything together. I mean when I got my period for the first time and I was ashamed to enter the mall to get tampons. Call it pre-teen stupidity, but I was shy I'll run into any of the boys in my class.

So I stayed rooted to the door of the mall, I don't know how Mason knew I needed to get tampons 'cause when he saw me going out, he decided to tag along for security 'cause you are really pretty and bad boys like to prey on pretty girls, his words not mine. I tried discouraging him that it was stupid of him to tag along 'cause I was only getting potato chips but he wouldn't budge. I think it's already an established fact that Mason is pretty stubborn.  Mason dragged me inside and ordered me to stand in the corner of the mall. He took the tampons off the rack and queued on the line to pay. Honestly I was so tensed that I forgot to give Mason money for the tampons. When it got to his turn, the woman raised a brow at him probably wondering what a twelve year old is doing with tampons.

"And they're for what young sire?"
"Ohhh... My friend," he said pointing at me subtly at me that only the woman noticed. I blushed really embarrassed, "She's really shy so I decided to brave it out and get it for her." The mall wasn't really that large so I'm sure even the two women queued behind Mason could hear him.
"Awww... You get it free for being a good friend." She smiled and handed it in a bag to him.
"Thanks ma'am 'cause I kinda forgot to get money for it." He smiled sheepishly.
"You're really cute." She smiled and waved him bye.

I remember we didn't say anything as we walked back home but I broke the silence.
"Thanks so much for doing that, although you didn't have to." I smiled shyly.
"Yes I did, you are my friend and friends help each other when they're scared. Remember how you held my hand the first time I had to use my sleep drops and how you told me that there's nothing to be scared of, I want to be here for you too whenever you're scared. It's me and you against the world chica." He smiled toothily.
"Stop being sappy moron." I tapped his head lightly. After some time we both burst into laughter. I remember how I felt that day. I felt like I could slay a thousand dragons as long as I had Mason by my side.

"Not just that Hailey. Do you remember what you said the day I told you I had insomnia and had to use sleep drops to induce sleep?" He asked.
He didn't even let me reply before he said what I said.
"No matter how long you sleep, whenever your eyes flutter open, I'll always be there by your side. Do you know what makes you an amazing friend?" He asked.

I shook my head 'cause honestly I didn't.
"You've kept that promise without fail."
"Because I'm stalkish?" I joked.

He smiled, "No, because you are just amazing. I don't know what'll do without you. You're like my safety blanket and I know you don't like sappy things but I have to say this one. Knowing that you'll be watching me while I sleep makes me not hate my disease that much."

I shook my head sadly, "Don't say I'm like a safety blanket. A safety blanket can be taken from one anytime so one shouldn't be really attached to it. You can't believe that'll always be there by you, I can leave anytime Mason, you have to get used to it."

"Leave to where?" He scrunched his brows in confusion.
"College moron." I said, totally not meaning college one bit. I just needed him to know I can be gone anytime.

"Ohhh... That. I have a plan for that. I'll make sure I snoop in secret and apply to the same school you apply to." He wriggled his brows.
"It's not really a secret if you tell me you know." I laughed.
"Oops! That's totally true. Alas! What a fool I am. Thine must be bummed to be stuck with an unlucky chap like me." He sighed dramatically.

"Brush your teeth drama king and come eat downstairs. Save your drama for the theatre." I patted his shoulder and walked out.

As soon as I closed the door, I slid down the wall of my doorpost. My heart really ached.

Why does dying seem so hard as the time draws closer? No body told me it gets harder rather than easier as the time drew closer.

I'm so busy preparing my family and friends for my death by acting nonchalant to one group and hiding the secret from the other group. But I never stopped to ask myself the question.

Am I truly ready?

A/N- Is there anything you're scared of?
Of Death? Of Failure? Losing a loved one?

Don't feel like you are weak 'cause everyone has something they're scared of.