I try to avoid writing in a negative dark vein. I prefer to fill my work with a positive twist. However, the twists and turns of the pandemic have made it difficult to stay on a positive path. I feel void of positive feelings which has been reflected in my work and I hate it.

I find myself internally whining over how challenging life has become. I usually embrace challenges, but the pandemic is not a challenge I can set aside and get back to later. I have to deal with it every day if I want to survive.

So, I turn to old standbys to try and lift my spirit: books, movies and nature. I sit on my deck in spurts throughout the day. On good days I can sit and write for hours while I watch nature's little dramas play out. But most days I just sit and watch trying to let go of the inner turmoil. Meditation has become difficult, sometimes impossible.

The last couple of months have felt like I was climbing a rocky slope where the stones threatened to slip with each step I take. I have learned to accept that as I climb the stones will slip and I will slide backwards. I pause, take a big breath and start up the slope again. Sometimes, I need to stop and rest. I know I will eventually climb the slope and reach its positive peak. I just cannot predict when I will reach the top and that is frustrating. Along the way I will write and purge the negativity. My darkest work will be exiled to the book Dark Park; a reservoir of dark feelings that need to be purged from my heart and mind.

Dear Reader, please be patient as I work through this negative time. I fully intend to return to writing that will lift the heart. However, I do believe that sometimes you just need to briefly wallow in a dark place so you can purge the pain before you can move on to a lighter place. I'm making progress in spurts; it's just going to take time to get to a place where the positivity flows on a frequent basis.

When I do reach the top of that slippery slope and look down on the negativity I have left behind, I know I will feel a sense of gratitude for a difficult journey. Difficult journeys are learning experiences that provide knowledge. Knowledge generates reflections which a writer uses to create new work Experiences are shared that inspire others to perform positive actions that brightens the world for many. I am determined to get to the top.

I captured these feelings in the following poem.

What happens when my world seems bleak?

Positive words are hard to speak

How do I change my paradigm?

How do I clean my world of grime?

Don't watch the news is a first step

Choke down harsh words that overstep

Walk through garden to see what's new

Butterflies float into my view

Hummingbird zips through garden bed

My heart starts to leak gloom and dread

Hear high squeal of a neighbor's child

Pure joy strikes heart with beat that's wild

Sit down on deck, let nature heal

Watch squirrels and birds pursue life's zeal

Close my eyes, let dark feelings drain

Into earth which converts my pain

Into light that will show the way

Paths I can take to brighten day

© Copyright 2019, 2020 by Cleomez (all rights reserved)