That same night, due to Spike's wishes so that he didn't hurt anyone, in Buffy's house in the basement, I was tying Spike's wrists to the chair he was sitting in. "We're gonna get to the bottom of this. We just can't take any chances."

Spike sighed. "Don't. Make it tighter. The knots'll give. I get free, someone's gonna die."

We were both worried because we both knew he was right, with whatever this creature was being in his head so much, making him do things that he didn't want to do.

•••••••

The next morning, I sat on the bed, looking at Spike tied to his chair, worried and concerned, but knowing that we had to keep him tied up. "Can I do something?"

Spike was shivering, gasping from withdrawals. "I think you should probably go."

I stood, turning to get something. "Here."

When I turned back, Spike had shifted into his vampire visage, struggling against his restraints.

••••••• 

In the hallway, I was talking to Buffy and Willow. "He's been feasting on humans for weeks. He's having some pretty bad withdrawals. I think we need to get him some blood."

"Do you want me to kill Anya?" Willow asked, pretending to sound excited.

Buffy used her matter-of-factly voice. "No, we should probably try to wean him off humans. He'll have to make do with animal blood."

Willow nodded in understanding, agreement. "I'll go get some."

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"No, I have to get out of the house," Willow answered. "Xander's installing the new windows, and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance. Tool talk, not my thing."

"Thank you," I told her.

"How're you doing in there?" Buffy asked.

I sighed worriedly. "He's in pretty bad shape, past the point where he can tell me anything."

Buffy shook her head. "I wasn't asking about him."

I nodded. "I'll be okay. Buffy, you called Travers to try to find Giles. Anything?"

"No," Buffy answered. "Travers is trying to look for Giles, but so far nothing. He'll call me back when he finds Giles."

Willow and I nodded, worried about Giles.

••••••• 

Buffy, Dawn, Anya, Xander and I were in the living room, where Xander was finishing installing the new window.

Willow dragged Andrew into the house with the groceries from the butcher's shop. "Look who I found."

We all rolled our eyes.

"Oh, this can't be good," Xander told us.

"Guess who was buying mass amounts of blood at the butcher's shop," Willow told us, gesturing to Andrew with her eyes.

Andrew noticed something about Willow. "Hey, your hair's not even black anymore."

Willow shook him to shut him up.

Buffy walked closer. "What're you doing back in town?"

"You'll get nothing out of me," Andrew told us.

Xander tapped scrap wood in his hand threateningly. "We'll see about that."

  •••••••   

While they were busy dealing with Andrew and tying him to another chair in another room of the house, I took the blood to Spike, holding it above his head. Spike tilted his head back where he could suckle the blood from the bag.

••••••• 

I walked into the hallway where Xander and Anya were talking.

"What's the status with your guy?" Anya asked.

"He's not talking yet," I answered. "We'll get there." I sat on the hall window sill. "How's your guy?"

"The weasel wants to sing," Anya told me. "He just needs a tune."

"He's primed," Xander told us. "I'll be pumping him in no time." Anya and I stared at him. "He'll give us information soon."

••••••• 

I walked into the basement, closing the door behind me, downstairs toward Spike. "Better?" Spike nodded. "Good."

I sat on the edge of the cot.

"I don't remember anything," Spike told me.

"Well, you were having pretty bad withdrawal," I told him.

Spike shook his head. "No, not that. I don't remember... what I did."

"Nothing?" I asked.

"It's all flashes here and there," Spike answered. "It's like I'm watching someone else do it, kill people. I've been losing time for a while now, waking up in strange places."

"When did your chip stop working?" I asked.

"I wasn't aware that it had, you know," Spike admitted. "Not till now."

"And the losing time?" I asked. "How long has that been going on?"

"Oh, things have been wonky since I got back," Spike answered. "Ever since..."

"You got your soul," I finished.

Spike chuckled without humor. "Figured that's what it was like, it'd been so long since I had one."

"How did you do it?" I asked curiously. "How'd you get your soul back?"

"Saw a man about a girl," Spike answered, sighing. "I went to seek a legend out. Traveled to the other side of the world, made a deal with a demon."

"Just like that?" I asked.

"No, not just like that," Spike answered. "There was a price. There were trials, torture, pain and suffering... of sorts."

"Of sorts?" I repeated.

"Well, it's all relative, isn't it?" Spike asked.

"Meaning?" I asked.

"Meaning I have come to redefine the words pain and suffering since I fell in love with you," Spike answered.

I sighed. "What do you mean?"

"Love's all about pain and suffering, love," Spike answered. "Whether it's euphoric or agonizing. Most of the time it's both. Just like soul's not all about moonbeams and pennywhistles. It's about self-loathing. I get it. Had to travel around the world, but I understand you now. I understand the violence inside."

"Violence?" I repeated in amusement. "William the Bloody now has insight into violence?"

Spike chuckled. "Not the same. As bad as I was, as evil and as wretched as I was, I never truly hated myself back then. Not like I do now. Not like you do still."

I looked down, knowing he was right, sighing heavily. "Is it better for you now? The pain, the self-hate?"

"It's easier to understand," Spike answered. "Is it for you, Zoey?" I looked at him in confusion. "Feeling again? You hated yourself for not being able to feel anything. Is it better now?"

"Yeah, it is," I answered. "And it's because of you, Spike. And I know that what's happening right now, it's not because of you. It's because of something doing this to you. And I don't blame you."

Spike was touched to hear that, impressed. We both managed small smiles.

••••••• 

In the other room, I heard Anya yelling and beating up Andrew for information and Andrew begging for Xander to pull her off of him, sighing, looking at Spike. "Excuse me."

I stood, leaving the room.

••••••• 

I walked into Buffy's room to find out what was going on. "Everything okay?"

Andrew was sitting on the floor. Anya was holding his shirt collar with her arm raised to a fist aimed at his head. Xander was sitting on the desk, holding his sore cheek. Buffy was trying to pull Anya off of Andrew. They all froze when they heard me, looking at me.

Anya smiled. "Fine."

I rolled my eyes, shrugging. "Fine."

I walked out of the room, toward the basement, stopping on the stairs when I heard Spike talking to someone. "What do I do, job half-done? Never send a boy to do a man's job." He chuckled, singing. "Oh, don't deceive me. Oh, never leave me."

I walked downstairs, looking around to see no one. "Who were you talking to?"

"What's that?" Spike asked.

"I heard you on the stairs," I answered. "Who were you talking to?"

Spike shook his head, seeming more at ease. "Nobody. I was just, uh, keeping myself company."

"Are you okay?" I asked in concern.

Spike nodded, acting completely off. "Fine. How are you?"

"Spike?" I asked.

"I'm fine, Zoey," Spike told me. "Really. I'm just... feeling a bit peckish. I suppose." He looked at bags of pigs blood on the table by the cot. "Do you mind?"

I walked toward the blood, keeping my eyes on Spike the whole time, turning to look at the table when picking up the bag. I heard Spike breaking free, knowing that the switch had flipped again, but before I could turn around, he threw me against the wall and made me fall, hurriedly leaving the basement.

••••••• 

I ran upstairs into the hallway to see Spike feeding on Andrew. Buffy grabbed Spike, throwing him into the wall, making him fall, kneeling next to Andrew to check on him. Xander and Anya ran toward us. I ran toward Spike, kneeling down to keep him pinned down, knocking him out so he couldn't break free.

••••••• 

In the living room, Buffy and I were sitting with Willow and Dawn.

"He didn't seem to want anything to do with me," I explained. "I mean, he just pushed me aside and charged out of the basement."

"Are you hurt?" Willow asked.

"No," I answered.

Xander and Anya walked downstairs toward us.

"How is what's his name?" Dawn asked.

"He's got a good chunk taken out of his neck, but he'll be all right," Xander answered. "Had to tie him up again, but mainly just to keep him from scratching at his bandages." He looked at me. "What the hell happened there?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "I--I don't know. Spike and I were having a conversation, and he was fine. I mean, you know, fine as Spike can be. And then I went to check on you guys, and when I got back, it was like he was a completely different person."

"Different like 'William the Bloody' type different?" Buffy asked.

I shrugged. "He was talking to someone. I heard from the stairs, he was having this conversation, and then he started singing."

"Maybe it's another musical," Anya told us. We all gave her a look. "A much crappier musical."

"He--he mentioned something about a song in the cellar," I explained. "Uh, a--and he changed there, too. I mean instantly became another person."

Xander realized. "Trigger."

"The horse?" Anya asked.

"No, in his head," Xander answered. "It's a trigger. It's a brainwashing term. It's how the military makes sleeper agents. They--they brainwash operatives and condition them with a specific trigger, like a song, that makes them drastically change at a moment's notice."

"Is this left over from your days in the army?" Willow asked.

"No, this is left over from every army movie I've ever seen," Xander answered. "But it makes sense. We've had ghosts or something haunting us, right? Well, what if Spike's ghosts have figured out a way to not only haunt him, what if they figured out how to--how to control him?"

I nodded. "Spike said he's been seeing things since I found him in the basement."

"So, he gets his soul back, he starts seeing spooky things, and he goes extra extra crazy," Dawn told us.

Buffy looked at Xander. "This trigger. How do we holster, safety or, I don't know guns. How do we make it stop?"

"Well, usually the operative completes his task and either blows his head off or steals a submarine," Xander answered.

We all sighed.

"All right, we need information," Buffy told us. "If Spike's a bomb, then we need to know how to diffuse him." She looked at Dawn and Willow. "You two, I wanna know what did this to him. Spirits, ghosts, demons, check the lot of them. Look for anything that could haunt or--or possibly control like this. We need to know exactly what we're dealing with. Zoey and I'll keep an eye on Spike in case he changes again. Xander and Anya, keep an eye on Andrew."

••••••• 

I walked into the basement toward where Spike was now chained to the wall by both hands and feet, with a bowl of water, walking over, dipping a towel in the water to wipe the blood off of his face.

Spike woke up. "Did I hurt anybody?"

"You took a good bite out of Andrew," I answered.

"Who?" Spike asked.

"Tucker's brother," I answered.

Spike nodded. "Oh."

"He'll be okay," I told him.

"I don't remember," Spike told me.

"It's okay," I told him, standing, walking toward the sink.

"Zoey, I don't know why," Spike told me.

I sighed. "We think we do. Something's playing you. Some ghost or demon has figured out how to control you. Got the gang researching it right now." Spike used the chains to pull himself into a sitting position. "Xander has this theory that you're being triggered."

"Kill me," Spike told me.

I turned to face him, confused. "What?"

"Zoey, you have to kill me," Spike told me.

I shook my head, knowing why he would want to die, but concerned.  "You don't understand. When I left here earlier, I heard you talking to someone--"

"Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?" Spike asked.

"I was in the cellar with you," I told him. "I saw what you did."

"I'm not talking about the cellar," Spike told me. "The people in the cellar got off easy. I'm talking about me. Zoey, you have never met the real me."

I crossed my arms, sighing. "Believe me, I'm well aware of what you're capable of."

"No, you got off easy, too," Spike told me, standing. "Do you know how much blood you can drink from a girl before she'll die? I do. You see, the trick is to drink just enough to know how to damage them just enough so that they'll still cry when you..." He got choked up. "'Cause it's not worth it if they don't cry."

"It's not your fault," I told him. "You're not the one doing this."

"I already did it," Spike told me. "It's already done." He paced, stepping purposefully toard me. "You wanna know what I've done to girls Dawn's age? This is me, Zoey. You've got to kill me before I get out."

"We can keep you locked up," I told him. "Keep you here and we'll figure out--"

"Have you ever really asked yourself why you can't do it?" Spike asked. "Off me? After everything I've done to you, to people around you?"

I hesitated, sighing worriedly, not knowing how to save him but willing to try everything to do it. "You fought by my side. You've saved lives. You've helped--"

Spike sighed. "Don't do that. Don't rationalize this into some noble act. We both know the truth of it. Is it love, or is it that you like men who hurt you?"

I gave him a look. "No."

"You need the pain we cause you," Spike told me. "You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be a Slayer."

"No," I repeated honestly. "I don't hate like that. Not you, or myself. Not anymore. You think you have insight now because your soul's drenched in blood? You don't know you. Was that you who killed those people in the cellar? Was that you who waited for those girls?"

"There's no one else," Spike told me.

"That's not true," I told him. "Listen to me. You're not alive because of hate or pain. You're alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance."

Spike lunged forward, but the chains held him back. "Window dressing."

"Be easier, wouldn't it, if it were an act?" I asked. "But it's not." I walked toward him. "You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man."

"Zoey..." Spike trailed off painfully.

"And you can be," I told him. "You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike."

Even though Spike was filled with self-hatred, afraid of what he could do and wanting to die before he could do it again, he was touched and amazed that I still believed in him, looking a bit more hopeful. I managed a small smile, reassuringly, nodding.

Just then, the lights flickered and went out. Someone burst into the basement through the window, pushing me into the wall. I stood, looking at the man, covered head to toe in long, black hooded robe, having a staff and no eyes.

They were the guys that we found out about back in high school when the First Evil had been messing with Angel, trying to get him to kill himself. The Bringers.

••••••• 

I ran upstairs to help the others with the fight against the Bringers. Buffy and I were fighting well, while Willow and Dawn were even fighting back.

Dawn pushed a Bringer off of her, elbowing him in the face, making him fall.

Buffy rolled off of the floor before she could be hit by a staff, standing, grabbing the Bringer's staff, using it to push him into the wall, punching him in the face. The Bringer used the staff to hit her in the face, making her back away, trying to hit her. Buffy ducked, catching the staff when he tried to hit her again, using it to hit him in the face, making him fall.

I twisted the staff away from a Bringer, spinning it around to hit him in the back of the head, making him fall. The Bringer stood. I kicked him in the stomach, hitting him in the head with the staff, making him fall.

I saw more Bringers running upstairs where Andrew, Xander and Anya were. "Buffy, upstairs!"

Buffy ran upstairs after the Bringers. A Bringer grabbed Dawn from behind, trying to strangle her.

Dawn struggled. "Zoey!"

I tossed the staff I was holding to Dawn. Dawn used it to hit the Bringer restraining her, elbowing him, making him let go, tossing the staff to me. The Bringer tackled Dawn to the floor, but Dawn kicked him over her head to make him roll into the wall behind her. The Bringer tried to grab Dawn. I used the staff to push him against the wall, turning to throw him to the floor, bashing his head in with the staff, helping Dawn stand.

"You okay?" I asked worriedly.

Dawn nodded. "Yeah. Great. Thanks for teaching me how to fight."

Dawn and I managed small smiles, winded. Two Bringers ran toward us, but we used the staffs we had taken to hit them in the heads, making them fall. I saw two knives fall to the floor, picking them up. The two Bringers ran toward us. I stabbed them both in the stomachs to kill them, taking out the knives, letting them fall. Buffy and Xander ran downstairs toward us.

"Zoey?" Xander asked. "Willow? Dawn?"

I helped Willow stand. "We're okay."

Xander looked around. "Is this it? I thought there was more of them."

I looked at them worriedly in realization. "Spike."

We ran toward the basement, downstairs to see that the empty shackles where Spike was supposed to be, knowing that the Bringers had taken him.

••••••• 

In the living room, Willow was carrying a first aid kit. Anya and Dawn were sitting on the couch. Willow sat in a nearby chair. Buffy, Xander and I were standing.

"They were so fast and organized," Xander told us.

"They were after Spike all along," I told them.

"And we were just in the way," Xander told us.

Buffy knelt to inspect one of the robed people who was lying face up on the floor. "We know these guys. I fought them before. We aren't being haunted. This isn't some demon. It's all the same thing. Spike's ghosts, the people we saw, from beneath us, it's all the same thing."

I nodded in agreement. "We dealt with it before but never like this. The First."

And now I was worried about why the First would take Spike, and why it had wanted to control him in the first place.