I was patrolling alone in the cemetery, while Buffy was patrolling elsewhere, and Mom and Dawn were at home. I knelt next to a fresh grave, watching as a hand popped up out of the soil. "Here we go."

••••••• 

I punched the vampire in the face twice. The vampire blocked the next punch, punching me twice, grabbing me to throw me through the air, making me hit the tree and fall. I rolled into a standing position. The vampire tried to kick me in the head. I ducked, making him spin around. The vampire tried to punch me. I blocked the move, punching him twice in the face, kicking him in the chest, then the face.

••••••• 

The vampire, though newborn, was awfully strong and could fight well like every other newborn vampire, headbutting me, trying to flip me to the ground. I landed on my feet, punching him in the face. The vampire threw me away to try to get me to fall, but I cartwheeled through the air and landed soundly, spinning to kick him in the face, backhand punching him in the chest.

The vampire pushed me against a headstone, stopping the fight when he seemed to recognize me. "Zoey? Zoey Francis?"

"Have we met?" I asked.

The vampire laughed. "Oh, uh, Webs. Holden Webster. We went to school together. European History. I let you crib off my Vaclav Havel essay that time. You--you really don't remember me?"

I remembered, chuckling in surprise. "Sure. Sure."

••••••• 

Holden was talking casually now. "Okay, I remember junior year, spring production of Pippin', uh, I did the lighting design, and you helped me move the lighting board, and I dropped it on your foot."

I chuckled. "Right, foot. Yes, of course. It's all coming back. Sorry."

"Well, you know, it's not like I was a big part of your life or anything," Holden told me.

"No, I just--I didn't recognize you, you know, your face, all demon, and I think you've filled out a lot," I told him.

Holden looked himself over. "Oh, yeah, well, I got into to Tae Twon Do in a big way at Dartmouth, so..."

I nodded sarcastically. "That's great."

Holden chuckled. "Yeah."

"So what have you been up to?" I asked.

"Well, apparently dying," Holden answered. We chuckled. "Uh, no, but other stuff." We started walking. "Uh, you know, majoring in Psych. Really liking that. Uh, took a year off to do an internship at the Sunnydale Mental Hospital."

"Wow," I told him. "That's gotta be a popular joint."

Holden nodded in agreement. "I--I keep telling them we ought to get a velvet rope and a bouncer." We stopped walking. "Hey, you remember Jason Wheeler, you know, 'Crazy J'?"

I leaned on a nearby headstone. "Oh, yeah."

"He always had that shtick of..." Holden trailed off, waving his hands around. "'Yeah, I'm crazy, I'm crazy'."

"How is he?" I asked.

"Crazy," Holden answered. "He's been in the chronic ward since graduation." He laughed, but stopped. "Not really that funny, I guess."

I shrugged. "Ironic, sorta."

"Yeah," Holden agreed. His face changed from vampire to normal. "Whoa. Did my face just change?"

"Yeah," I answered. "You look human now. You can do that, go back and forth."

"Oh, so I'm a vampire," Holden told me, laughing. "How weird is that?"

I sighed sympathetically. "Sorry."

"No, no, feels great," Holden told me. "Strong. Like I'm connected to a powerful all-consuming evil that's gonna suck the world into a fiery oblivion. How about you?"

I rolled my eyes, annoyed, starting to walk away,knowing that he would follow. "Not so much connected."

Holden followed. "No, no, I mean, with the stake and the crossbow. You do this kind of thing a lot?"

I turned to face him. "I'm a Slayer. It's sort of a thing."

"So, what, you like fight vampires professionally?" Holden asked. "Or--"

"Oh, I don't get paid," I answered. "It's more like a calling. Since even in school."

Holden nodded. "I heard a lot or rumors about you back then. You were this normal kid before you went all mysterious."

"I was?" I asked, a little amused.

Holden shrugged, smirking. "Well, growing up, you were always around. But then you were never around. A lot of kids thought you were dating some really old guy, or that you were just heavy religious. So all that time, you were a Slayer?"

"At first I was a Potential," I answered. "The next Chosen One for the Slayer. And then I became one, like Buffy."

"Wait, Buffy Summers is a Slayer too?" Holden asked. "That makes so much sense."

I chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. Technically, there's only supposed to be one, but then Buffy died and came back, the next Slayer died, the Slayer after that died and came back, and then I died and came back." Holden frowned in confusion. "It's a long story."

Holden nodded. "So, when you said not connected, that was kind of a telling statement, wasn't it?"

I shrugged, placing a hand on my hip. "Ah, Psych 101 alert."

"Well, I'm just saying," Holden said.

"Yeah, what I really need is emotional therapy from the evil dead," I told him sarcastically.

Holden chuckled. "Hey, it was your phrase."

"I'm connected," I told him. "I'm connected to a lot of people, okay?"

Holden held up his hands in a harmless gesture. "No, no, I hear you."

I looked around for my phone, knowing that I must have dropped it during the fight. "I really am."

••••••• 

I was laying down on a stone sarcophagus. There was a carved stone open book at one end that I was using as a pillow.

Holden was sitting on a nearby headstone. "So, you, meet someone, you form a bond..."

"But it never lasts," I told him.

"Do you mean in all relationships, or just yours?" Holden asked.

I shrugged. "My parents weren't exactly the paragon of stay-together-ness. Maybe that's part of it. I think there are people out there who'd make it. I just... target the impossible ones with deadly accuracy."

"You think you do that on purpose?" Holden asked. "Maybe you're trying to protect yourself?"

I frowned, skeptical. "Protecting myself? From heartbreak, misery, sexual violence and possible death? Not so much."

Holden smirked. "From committing."

I sat up. "I commit. I'm committed. I'm a committee."

"So it's them?" Holden asked. "You're reaching out, they're just not coming through?"

I turned a little. "It's different. I think you're confusing me because you're evil."

"I just think you're in some pain here," Holden told me. "Which I do kind of enjoy 'cause I'm evil now. But you should just ease up on yourself. It's not exactly like you have the patent on bad relationships."

I smirked. "Wouldn't it be cool if I did? I think the only person with less luck than me in the relationship department is Buffy."

"So it's a Slayer thing to have bad relationships?" Holden asked in amusement. "Got it. And what are you supposed to be settling down already? At 21? You know, my girlfriend at college, she's so sweet. We have this great thing, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go go vampify her just so that we can be together forever."

I rolled my eyes, correcting him. "Sire."

"What?" Holden asked.

"The word when you turn a human into a vampire, it's you 'sire' them," I answered.

Holden smirked, impressed. "Cool."

"It's a noun too," I told him.

Holden stood, leaning on a nearby headstone. "Oh, I have so much to learn. Come on, isn't this insane? I mean, I was afraid to talk to you in high school, and now we're like mortal enemies. Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we become nemeses?"

"Is that how you say the word?" I asked.

"We're gonna have to fight to the death, aren't we?" Holden asked.

I nodded. "It's the time honored custom."

"Wow, reality just shows up sometimes, doesn't it?" Holden asked. "But, you know, I've got the bloodlust pumping, and I kinda get it. I'm looking for a fight. And, oh, it's nothing personal."

I stood. "Oh, no, I mean, you've been great."

Holden nodded. "And fun catching up. I haven't really kept in contact with many of my friends from high school. Guess I'll be looking them up pretty soon."

I looked down. "Yeah."

"Hey, I don't mean to be Count Buttinsky here, but you just don't seem as thrilled," Holden pointed out. "Is it because we're gonna fight?"

"It's 'cause I'm gonna win," I answered.

Holden laughed. "Hello, two years of Tae Kwon Do and vampire strength. I think somebody's counting their chickens."

I shrugged. "You're not leaving this graveyard. Can't let you."

"Do the words 'superiority complex' mean anything to you?" Holden asked.

I gave him an incredulous look. "You think I'm gonna let you go kill a bunch of people? You know I'm sworn to--"

"No, no, I get the battle against evil," Holden told me. "That's not the issue--"

"There is no issue," I told him. "Don't issue me."

Holden smirked. "Just answer me this. Whose fault was your parents divorce?"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, you know, this is beyond evil. This is insane troll logic. What do my parents have to do with this?"

Holden sat on the sarcophagus. "I'm just curious. Your opinion."

I sighed, sitting down. "They both have a lot of--"

Holden shook his head. "Off the top of your head."

I hung my head. "My dad."

"Uh-huh," Holden said.

"He's in an old band and he travels a lot," I explained. "Got a lot of groupies that he cheated on my mom with. The first person he cheated on my mom with was a witch actually. I caught them at my friend's house, because the witch was my friend's mom, and I told my mom and the witch's husband about it, which ended both marriages, and the witch later tried to kill me for it. This was all way before I became a Potential."

Holden laughed. "So your life was screwed up even before you were Chosen. So, of all of these relationships of yours, that you knew subconsciously were totally doomed, whose fault is that? Probably your dad's because of his adultery literally marked you for near death by the witch he cheated on your mother with, nearly getting you killed years later."

"What's this got to do with anything?" I asked.

Holden shrugged. "I was just wondering." He stood. "Is it possible, even a little bit, that the reason you have trouble connecting to guys is because you compare it to your parents, or is it because the doomed lives of Slayers? Maybe the universe doesn't want you to be happy because it thinks you're better than them. Or... because you just don't have it in you to be different from Slayers or your family."

I glared at him in annoyance. "Say, there's that bloodlust I was looking for."

Holden smirked. "Struck a nerve."

I stood. "I'm gonna strike a nerve cluster in a minute, if you don't get off this. I don't remember you being this annoying."

"Well, who could blame you?" Holden asked. "Off in your own little world. All chosen. All destiny. Who could live with that for years and not supposed to feel superior?"

"I'm not," I told him. "If you think I'm superior, you should talk to Buffy, who is a lot more superior and self-righteous than anyone I know, but she's still one of my best friends. My God, if anything, I--"

I sighed, hanging my head.

"What?" Holden asked.

I sighed. "I just... coming back from the dead left this feeling of hollow inside. And there's only certain people that can actually get the feeling of life inside me again. Family. A guy that used to be a monster. I shouldn't be telling you this."

Holden chuckled. "Zoey, I'm here to kill you, not to judge you."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean to get all true confessions here," I told him. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Holden inspected a figure of Mary that adorned a nearby tombstone, picking it up. "There's nothing wrong with you." He hit me in the head with the Mary statue, sending me across the sarcophagus in a flip, jumping over the tomb, landing in front of me, grabbing my jacket, talking right over me with his vampire visage. "Everyone's got issues."

Holden growled, leaning toward my neck, fangs bared.

••••••• 

I kicked Holden off of me before he could even get close to biting me, making him flip backward over the ground, standing. Holden stood, trying to punch me.

I ducked, punching him in the face, spinning to kick him in the face, making him fall. "You son of a bitch."

Holden stood, smiling. "What?"

"I think I'm gonna kill you just a little bit more than usual," I told him, punching him once, trying to punch him again.

Holden blocked the punch, but couldn't block the third punch to his face.

Holden kicked me back. "Aw, come on. I mean, we had a moment. You opened up. It was really sweet. It made me want to bite you. I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds. I'm just new to this mortal enemy stuff." I rolled my eyes. "Pretty fast learner, though, right?"

I ran toward Holden to kick him in the face, tackling him through a stained glass window into a crypt nearby, making us both fall.

••••••• 

Both of us standing now, Holden and I were trading kicks and blows, blocking each other's moves.

I punched him in the face, kicking him in the chest, making him fall, kneeling down with the stake. "See? You're dead. That enough of a moment for you?"

Holden caught the stake before I killed him, letting his vampire visage change to human face. "Okay. But are you killing me 'cause I'm evil or because you opened up?"

I sighed, standing. "Ugh." Holden tried to stand, but I kicked him in the face to knock him down again. Holden laughed. "What is wrong with you?"

Holden stood. "Nothing. I got no worries. I'm dead. The biggest thing on my mind is whether or not Tricia Waldman came to my funeral or not. Do you remember her? Oh, biteable."

I rolled my eyes. "See, this is what I hate about you vampires. Sex and death and love and pain, it's all the same damn thing to you."

Holden walked around. "Well, you know it's--it's kind of a guy thing. We talk about nailing a girl, there's all this--"

I shook my head. "No, it is not the same. With vampires, it is completely--believe me, I know."

Holden stopped in realization. "Oh, my God."

"Oh, your God what?" I asked.

"Oh, well, you know, not my God, because I defy him and all of his works, but..." Holden trailed off. "Does he exist? Is there word on that, by the way?"

I shrugged. "Nothing solid."

"Oh, I keep getting off topic because my mind is racing here," Holden told me, taking off his jacket. "All right, I'll make a deal with you. We fight, to the death, great. That last fight was just exhilarating. And I actually had a move coming up to block that stake again." He walked toward me. "But you have to answer one question, and if I'm right, I get to ask anything, no secrets, no defensiveness, anything I want to know."

"What's your question?" I asked.

"Your last relationship," Holden answered. "Was it with a vampire?"

I sighed, looking away.

••••••• 

Since Holden had been right and it was a deal, I was being honest, sitting on the steps of the crypt. "And the truth is, he loved me. I mean, in his own sick, soulless way, he really did care for me."

"Did you love him?" Holden asked.

"I was starting to feel again because of him," I answered. "And feeling is still something weird to me after being brought back. But I think I could. I have all this power. I didn't ask for it. I don't deserve it. It's like, I wanted to be punished. I wanted to hurt like I thought I deserved. I sorta think... You know, this is, um, complicated. If you'd rather just fight--"

Holden shook his head, leaning back. "Tell me."

"I feel like I'm worse than anyone," I answered. "Honestly, I'm beneath them. My friends, my boyfriends. I feel like I'm not worthy of their love. Because I couldn't feel anything until I started to feel for a monster that everyone hated. And before that, I was with a werewolf that cheated on a me with another werewolf that tried to kill me who I then killed." Holden laughed. "Shut up."

"This whole 'want to be punished thing' started before you died, right?" Holden asked. I nodded. "When did it start?"

"When Buffy convinced me to kill Faith, the Slayer before me, so that we could save her boyfriend," I answered. "Faith was a psychopath, but she was our friend, and even if Faith came back and is still alive, I couldn't forgive myself for that."

Holden nodded in understanding. "So, your dad's affair with a witch that nearly led to your death before you were a Potential, paired with your werewolf boyfriend's affair that nearly led to your death after you became a Slayer, paired with killing a friend that came back and then dying and coming back yourself without feeling anything except for when you were with a monster, it's no wonder why you're so screwed up. You think you deserve to be punished. I was wrong about you. You don't have a superiority complex. You've got an inferiority complex. Kudos."

I rolled my eyes. "It doesn't make any sense."

Holden sat forward. "Oh, it makes every kind of sense. And it all adds up to you feeling alone. But, Zoey, everybody feels alone. Everybody is, until you die. Speaking of." He stood. "You ready for our little death match?"

I sighed, standing. "I suppose. Thanks, for listening."

"Oh, you know, there's some things you can only tell a stranger," Holden told me.

"You're not a stranger," I told him. "That stuff with Spike is pretty--"

"Hold it," Holden told me.

"What?" I asked.

Holden turned to face me. "Did you say Spike?"

••••••• 

I looked at Holden in confusion. "What do you mean? How do you know Spike?"

"What do you mean, how?" Holden asked. "He was the guy that, um... ooh, what's the word?"

"Sired?" I asked.

"Yeah," Holden answered. "He was the guy that sired me."

••••••• 

I stood with the stake in my hand after I had staked Holden in the heart, watching him turn to dust in front of me, watching the pieces float to the floor, in shock, not knowing whether or not to believe him about Spike being the one to sire him or not.

Spike had a soul and a chip in his head, but he had been acting insane ever since he came back to Sunnydale. Like he had more than one or even two personalities.

I didn't know what to think, but I knew that a part of me didn't want to believe this, but another part of me that knew that it was a possibility of being the truth.