"What's the holdup?"

"We'll be taking off shortly, sir."

"What do you mean by 'shortly'? An hour? A half-hour?"

"It won't be long, sir."

"How long?"

"Not very long. I suggest you relax."

"RELAX? How can I relax when you can't even tell me when we're taking off."

"Excuse me, sir. I have other passengers to attend."

Fred continued as the flight attendant proceeded to the far end of the plane, "Oh, sure – other passengers! Well, I'm a paying customer, too. What about me? HUH? HUH? huh?"

"Relax, Fred. She can't hear you anyway."

"Relax? So what the heck IS going on? Tell me, Martha?"

"I don't know, but I overheard someone say something about a fight."

"A FIGHT!?"

"Shhhh! Not so loud!"

"Not so loud? Someone's having a fight on the plane, and you're telling me I'm too loud?"

"Please, Dear, don't make a scene."

"Me? A scene? You've got to be kidding! What about the people fighting? You don't call that a scene?"

"Well, Dear, I don't see or hear anyone fighting. Maybe there's something going on in the terminal."

"If that were the case, why should it hold up our flight? The people in the terminal aren't on the plane yet. They had plenty of time to board. We're here. We've been on board for over half an hour. We're ready to go."

"Yes, Dear."

"And why do people have to act unruly and break into fisticuffs on planes, anyway?"

"I don't know, Dear. Maybe they're impatient. Or maybe they don't like sitting next to strangers."

"Yeah, well, if you ask me, it's getting out of hand. People today are crazy."

"People have always been crazy, Fred. Throughout history, there have always been crazy people."

"Yeah, but why here? And why now - on OUR flight? And look at the slobs onboard."

"What slobs? What are you talking about?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about, Martha. I remember when people dressed appropriately before boarding a plane. The men wore suits, and women wore dresses."

"Surely, you can't expect people to get dressed up just to get on a plane. Sometimes you don't make any sense, Fred."

"No, maybe they don't have to wear their finest clothes, but cutoff jeans and sandals? And cutoffs have been out of style since the 70s, no matter where you wear them, even at the beach."

"Why, Fred! I think you may be a potential fashion consultant!"

"Oh, come on, Martha! And did you see that young woman in the black skin-tight body suit?"

"No, but I guess you didn't miss out on getting an eye-full!"

"Ha, ha. Oh, here comes the stewardess now."

"They're called flight attendants, Fred."

"Whatever."

"Well, folks, we should be departing momentarily. Thank you for your patience."

"So what happened?" asked Martha.

"There was a fight on the taxiway between a mongoose and a cobra."

"Wow! ...What's a mongoose, Fred?"

"It's like a big rat with nasty teeth. The pilot should have run them over."

Story Copyright © 2024 by Michael DeFrancesco

Cover Photo - Sidey, Crawshaw, McDonald/Mirrorpix/Getty Images

Inspired by: Epic Mongoose and Cobra Fight on Airplane Tarmac Delays Flight - New York Post, Published Aug. 28, 2024

https://nypost.com/2024/08/28/lifestyle/flight-delayed-by-cobra-vs-mongoose-battle/