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❝It is a fearful thing to love,
what death can touch.❞

•••

C H A P T E R
XX

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LIKE SILVER SNAKES lurking in the dark of a quiet night, I could feel the chills trickling against my skin. My breath shuddering, the world around me was spinning I could feel it swallowing, it was chaos looking into my eyes the maddening burning sensation, a prickle of heat rasps through me— tears stained my pale face as I stared blankly at the wall clock ticking it's way, going round and round.

I could feel Taehyung move beside me, getting up checking up, giving answers to the doctor's questions, yet all along I stayed still unable to move or even utter a word. The guilt building inside me, slowly consuming me. It should be me, attending to the doctors it needed to be me, I just don't understand why can't I say anything.

It's been six hours since we reached the city hospital. I could see the elderly nurse giving me a glance of warm sympathy, urging myself to look up I pressed my lips thinly.

                       “I can't—” words couldn't come out, my voice sounded hoarse, my throat ached, and my lungs twisted, I felt nauseous, everything around me kept getting hazy. Unable to hold still I leaned my back against the cold plastic chair, as if sensing my movement Taehyung’s gaze snapped towards me.

Pressing a water bottle to my lips, he stroked my hair gently, trying to calm the panic rolling within me. Silence lingers in the air, a sense of awareness dawns upon me as with widening gaze I stare back at him.

                       “She is alright, it will probably take her some time to gain consciousness,” saying that he continued to run his fingers through my hair, wiping my dried tears with his sleeves,“Drink more water, you look pale," he added urging me to drink more water after a few more gulps I turned away, coughing.

         Turning to face him, I held him by his neck pulling him down, for a few moments he seemed surprised then slowly it was as I felt his arms around me. I have closed my eyes, for every fibre in my body yearned for nothing but to be engulfed in warmth, and Taehyung’s arms were the home like warmth I seek, breathing in I pressed my face against his shoulder he muscles hastily relaxed before I felt his thumb drawing circles at the back of my neck, easing the rapid beat of my racing heart.

                  “I am alright, Taehyung,” I whispered, my lips curved faintly smiling I pulled away.

He sighed glancing at me with a worried gaze he brought his hand to my face, pushing the hair away from my eyes.

           “Are you? You don't look fine to me why are you so pale,” With his mouth still curved into a small smile, he brings his hand to my face and leans over to wipe my face again.

Looking away I leaned my sore back against the cold wall, heavily sighing,“I was planing to leave her tonight, leave the town. I thought of the worst, Taehyung.” I murmured not wanting to meet his gaze, I shivered as I sense him moving.

                  “Listen to me, Aria what happened tonight isn't your fault, I know Helen she was going through a lot but, it's not your fault,” His deep voice reached my ears making my gaze flicker upwards. At lost for words I did nothing but stare at the man.

“What if she blames me for everything? What if I am the reason she is here,” I spoke breathlessly drawing in some air,“I could not even look her in the eye, I know it is I who have harmed her,” running fingers through my hair, my body trembled as he pulls me by my shoulders making me face him.

           “We all have suffered a lot, you are not the only one to be blamed,”He spoke softly, his eyes bored into mine a look of utter pain radiated through them, before he looked up sensing the doctor approaching us.

She turned to face me, and that's when I recognized she was one of my mother's friend. A ghost of a smile appeared near her lips as she stepped forward directly facing me.

                   “Helen asks for you,” clutching my hands gently she pressed them, her smile comforting as after hearing her words, my muscles stiffened before she let goes of my hands and turns to leave.

        “I can't see her—she will hate,” I stammered restlessly, looking back and forth between Taehyung and the half opened door.

My feet trembled, I felt dizzy as Taehyung shook his head, sensing his gaze upon myself as he hastily approaches me, I dared to look him in the eye his face was stiff, his eyes were dark the wasn't any expression on his face, turning to face me he halts his steps.

   “Talk with her, Aria your mother needs you,” he rasped longingly, there was a flash of something that went through his irises, but I couldn't tell what it was, my thoughts halted all the awareness within me washed away to the ground the minute he urged me towards the open door forcing me into the room.

With my eyes wide open, my head was throbbing, I almost lost my balance if it wasn't for the nurse standing in front of me, smiling ghostly at her I turned my attention back to my mother, she was lying on the bed her face was straight but it was her eyes, there were for some strange reason fixed upon me, I shivered under her scrutiny my steps wobbled, and when I looked upwards only then it crossed my mind that she was ashamed, she never thought I would be the one to safe her, a concern look of exhaustion spread over her profound features before she extended her hand out for me to hold.

                 “Sit here, honey let me look at you,” her voice lingered in the air a little longer before, the nurse excused herself completely leaving the two of us alone.

Watching my steps with a look of motherly love, she earnestly grabbed both my hand when took my seat beside her bed.

Her hazel eyes gleamed, as several unwanted tears flowed through them, exhaling heavily she sniffed, straightening up she her hardest to gain her composure, several minutes passed she didn't say a word neither did I before she gently pressed her hand against my face, blinking unsure what to do I stared back at her feeling the muscles of my back to stiffen as she gently continued to rub her thumb against my face.

                   “Those eyes, so pretty, so very innocent,” the hair on my arms rose as I with a panicking gaze I look over at her,“You are a mirror image of your father, Aria.”

My heart ached as I let her hand, wander over my face, swallowing hardly I bored a look of an oddly forgiving self,“I am sorry, Mother.”

My voice sounded terrified, my skin seems to be trembling at her touch, her gaze lingering questions at me before she completely withdrew her hand.

“Are you saying this because I said you look like him?”

Suddenly it was too hard to breathe, bitting my lips I stood up, ready to turn to the door,“I have to go—you should not be talking too much,” I spoke, my voice loud, panicked as I rush forward,“We will talk tomorrow.

                   “No, stay I need to tell you something,” her hand grabbed my wrist urging me to face her, as with a difficulty to stand still I sighed turning around.

“Mother—”

At this point I don't even know what I was doing, pulling the stool back I sat on it her indicated for me to stay quiet, and so I did I waited till the silence between us laced towards a point where it was hard to tolerate, everything felt to be falling, my feet kept trembling I kept wanting to get out of here but I just couldn't, my legs won't move, her hands seems to be holding mine for quite sometime now but I just didn't feel anything about it, I knew she was fighting her own demons just as I did with mine.

“I met your father when I was sixteen, took me a month to say I was in love, but I just couldn't tell him I was afriad he would reject me and when one night we were at this bonfire I heard him arguing on the phone with his girlfriend,” she paused, turning away to look at the empty couch rather at me, few minutes passed before she sighed,“I don't know what took over me that night but I took that as my chance I kissed him and he didn't seem to pull back; for me I was just a sixteen years old girl crazy about this twenty years old guy but he knew what he was doing, he should have chased me off, this thing between us went on for months. I was really happy I believed he loved me too until I found that I was a side chick and he never broke up with that girlfriend of his, he thought he could have his way with both of us. I don't blame him completely I was young naive and dumb I knew nothing about how cruel can men be, I was just a girl who thought every guy was as loving as my father,” she spoke thoughtfully, there were tears in her eyes as she pressed her thumb against the back of my hand.

“I left him, I was heartbroken went back to my hometown lived with my parents got graduated I thought I was over him until he came back, five months after I left him. I thought I was imagining but he really was there with a ring in his hand and flowers, he promised me that he would never cheat on me or lie to me,”she spoke, finally now meeting my gaze, the pain within her irises could be felt even through the sound of her voice as with a trembling hold I clutched both her hands, urging her to speak further.

                  “He said he loved me, we got married four days after that, lived in an ancient apartment everything for once seemed beautiful to me I felt our world was complete, until two weeks after our marriage I found out I was pregnant.”

“He wasn't happy about it, he said we were both young and parenting wasn't for us, he told me to go for an abortion but I refused, I was only eighteen but I knew better than to kill my own child,” she paused, drawing in some air and smiled facing me,“Alex was born, he was a very quiet boy never caused me any trouble. But they say the quiet ones are always the most dangerous ones, and now see what he turned into”

My eyes light up at the mention of my brother, but the dullness in the air made it almost too impossible for me to smile as with nothing but a pained look and urged back, and straighten up.

“I was expecting you when my father who supported us throughout the years died and my step mother refused to help us with anything, I started working your father he stayed did what he could gamble,” she spoke restfully, wistfully staring down at her hand.

“I thought I could get him to stop, I begged him Aria, to not do this to us. So I did what I had to—I told him either he chooses that life or us.”

Pushing my hair back I stood up letting my stare to linger upon her a little longer before I breathlessly turned.

“I get it—I do we wronged you, Alex wronged you—but just....just stop. Why would you like and say that he left you for another woman?”

I rushed, my emotions on the verge of bursting as I sighed walking towards the door.

“Listen to me men only know how to take they don't give they just take—We give them love, we give them children, we give them family yet they just take,” her voice sounded like whimper, it was like she was struggling with herself, a tear runs down my cheek as the cellphone in my hand buzzes and unknowingly a smile form over my lips when I read the text.

“I called grans she's willing to let you spend the summer with her. Don't make it hard for me I'm trying to get Alex home,” was the last thing I said before I stepped out of the room, shutting the door I leaned my back against it, eyes closed everything she said, every word that she spoke runs through my mind, the past memories of me and father flashes inside my head for a few minutes before I look up to find.

A muscular figure standing in front of me, his pale face raged with deep, dark circles, one glance and you could tell that the man was pretty much exhausted as he steps forward, hand in his jeans while the other held a food takeaway.

“Yoongi?”

“I figured you would want to eat something,” he stated raising the takeaway in his hand as he nervously glances at me.

Chuckling with a mock irritation I stepped forth, eyes staring down as he steps close to me, the nervousness from long before washed away to the ground as grinning he sets his arm around pulling me towards the elevator.

Pressing the button we step in together, it was past midnight so the hospital was awfully quiet and it kinda comforted me in some way for many reasons I wouldn't wanna admit   outloud.

Reaching the parking lot we step out, the cold chilly air kissing my tears stained cheeks, I sighed when I saw the moon spreading it's illuminated rays all around us, walking behind him at distance I followed Yoongi with the quiet chaos of the night as he unlocked his car.

Settling in he turned around, staring right me before dropping the takeaway to my lap as bitting my lips from embarrassment when my stomach made a grumble I rip open the paper bag.

Inside it was small burgers almost four as grabbing two in hands I munched a bite from each, filling my mouth with sauce dripping near my mouth and on my fingers, Yoongi stares at me almost hysterically his mouth fully open like he was having a hard to believe anything.

I know what that look meant so I swallowed the food in mouth, clearing my throat I fix my stare upon his exhausted, dark face.

“Do not judge me comic—con lover my mother just got out of ICU and you don't know how hard—”

He didn't let me finish as he brings his hand to my face, and wipes the sauce off near my lips with pad of his thumb, my breath hitch and I stare numbly at him.

         “I am not saying anything,” shaking his head, he rasped out making a knot to form in my stomach as chuckling with a harsh stare down my laps I straighten up pushing his hand away from my face.

“Did Taehyung ask you to come?” I asked anxiously, averting my gaze.

               “He did not,” he simply says before taking out a burger from the package he takes a big bite, knowing all along I was staring at him say waiting for him to say further.

“Yoongi—”

He didn't say anything for minutes before he takes another bite, turning slowly to face me as I lean my face against the car’s seat staring ahead at the man eagerly waiting for him to break this silence that have lapsed around us.

      “Aria don't get mad at Taehyung—it was Jungkook he called me the rest you can figure out,” he echoed tilting his head to stare back at me our faces inches away from eachother, as I stare at him.

My nostrils flare, as he continues to stare at me waiting for my reaction but I look away breathing harshly, I watched him with a puzzle expression before I push open the door stepping briskly out of the car.

“Thanks for the food—but I think I just lost my appetite,” my face didn't even twitch when I said as my hand grips the car door staring at him a minute before I angrily slams the door at his face.

I couldn't believe why would Taehyung of all people call Jungkook last time I check he begged me to stay away from Jeon—Somthing snaps in me as shaking my head I made my way back to the elevator.

Pressing the button I waited for few minutes before, the door slid open and I stepped into the empty elevator only to wonder what did Jeon thought when I heard from Taehyung did he wanted to come meet me? Why didn't he did my words matter to him more than knowing I madly wanted him to be here? And suddenly it was as I recalled everything that happened today and nothing but regret filled with rage consumed my thoughts when the elevator door slide open.

I don't know how will I deal with not being near Jeon or rather him making me feel bad about asking him to be not near me.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author’s note:

I guess I update so less and so slow now lol—but I'll live and once again apologize.

Sorry guys, but the upcoming chapters will be steamy and definitely more thriller...

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Love,
shafaq-Shapel♥