Zoya

This man right in front of me is like the sweetest male specimen. I look at him as we eat, I've thanked my stars thrice since we've entered here. I have been craving Japanese cuisine like a moody pregnant woman and he literally, already, had the appointment here.

With Aditya, initially I felt weird after ranting my entire workday. I thought I was doing the bothersome blabber but he seems to be genuinely interested. He listens, understands...I guess...maybe I'mjust assuming that he does but I didn't feel uncomfortable for even once.

"I'm sorry for that day." I said breaking the silence.
I want to talk to him so much that it's making me desperate.

"Which day?" He looked at me, pausing for a second and then took his bite.

Woah! I'm 'nearly' distracted... Aditya looks like a ripped body owner, I mean...His forearms are so.....what should I say?...vien-y that it's almost illegal and annoying but his...his eyes.... His eyes sparkle like a baby's.... Innocent and full of curiosity and astonishment.

"Th-that day."

Control your mind Zoya baby, you're in middle of a conversation that you started...your mind has got shit to handle....Aah!

"Wh-which day?"

Okay, he's clearly mocking me. This guy... seriously. Ugh!

I took in a deep breath and smiled.

"You know what I am talking about, don't try and act innocent, okay?"

"Ah!..." He let out a realisation-sigh... whatever the fuck that is...but he's very evidently being dramatic. "You mean the day we kissed..."

"Shhh..." I waved my hands in the air in an attempt to reach him and close his mouth. "Don't say it..." I murmured.

"We're on a date." He murmured coming closer to the table.."People around us think of us as a couple... Kissing is a normal couple thing...chill.."

"That's not what I meant..."

"Then what?"

"Just... don't say it ..."

"But why?"

"Because I said so." I pointed my chopsticks at him.

"Fair enough." He hid a small smile but since I'm not blind...I saw it.

"Yeah...so....Yeah...sorry about running away that day."

"It's okay...I.. understand.." he said.

A part of me thought that he'd say sorry for kissing me but he didn't. And honestly, I'm glad that he didn't.

"I just want you to know that...I was very confused that day. I have never...ever done something like that...never. And...I had just broken up with Sahir.... All of it was just.... confusing me alot...and now that I sit here with you after running away like an idiot... It's just that ..." I looked at him for an assurance that he's understanding what I am trying to say. "I have no idea what was in my head..It feels like I don't have any idea what my emotions are, what am I supposed to do?..."

"You need to calm down first." He said softly. So soft that my heart melts. My heart melts a lot when he's around so who's surprised?

Not me!

"But I need you to know that I don't want you to get involved in all that's wrong with my head." Steadily, all my guards are down. "I fear this to be a rebound...You are such a nice guy...you deserve better." I literally breathed the last words out. I doubt if he even heard me but the way he's looking at me, I think he did.

I feel so vulnerable right now. I just now admitted all my fears to a guy I have had, maybe, five conversations with.

His lips tightened as if he was about to say something but chose not to. I'm curious but I won't push it. The situation I have put myself into right now demands otherwise. If he chose not to say it, he better doesn't say it right now or I'll have to fig a hole here and burry myself.

Cuz, Who the fuck talks like that on the first date.

Date? I asked myself

He said that he likes me... I think it's fair to call it a date.

His hand found mine and he held it in a grip that was strong and tender at the same time. My hand clenched his as if I would fall if I didn't hold him.

"I get it Zoya.." he said "I understand that you need time and trust me, if it's on me then I'm ready to give you all the time you need to get through it. I would love to spend time with you but only when you feel the same. I know, I kind of rushed into this but trust me...You have absolutely no pressure from my side."

I don't feel any pressure from you baba. I don't.

I'm just, annoyed at myself for having someone like you on standby just because I can't make my fucking mind.

The flutter intensified. Which did not make any sense. I should have been … what? What should I have been feeling?

I look at our entwined hands and remember my vulnerablilty...and the sincerity in his eyes and only one thing comes to my mind.

"You're making a big fuss for yourself on your own Zoya, He likes you and you clearly like him... don't even try to lie to me. Give this a chance.".....Dhara's words were making so much sense to me right now. I thought she was supporting this because she wasn't really fond of Sahir but now.... She's making so much sense.

"I like being with you." I smiled.

"I guess you do, shortcake."

"Stop calling me that." I frowned but he said something to himself.

I think he said 'you'.

"What?" I asked.

"Cute...I swear to god, you've the cutest frown I've ever seen."

My cheeks feel hot, damn it.

"Say whatever.... You won't call me shortcake, end of discussion." I pointed my chopsticks at him.

"We'll see."

"Ahan... you'll see." I corrected making him fight a grin.

"Sure.."

"Should we grab some ice cream?" He said as he drove me to my house.

"No, thanks." I shudder. "I'm really very tired...save that ice cream for the next time." I said.
I've already crammed enough trans fats and food additives into my body.

Maybe I should go to some hard-core boot camp. Everyone says running changes their life and gives them a new outlook. I should go to some retreat where all you do is run and drink isotonic drinks. In the mountains. Or the desert. Something really tough and challenging.

"And when is the next time?" He smiled at me and then turned his focus on the road. I thought he'd feel bad when I denied but he appears to be completely fine.

Why do I keep assuming what his reactions would be? And why are they always the negatives in my imagination?

"I have a meeting tomorrow.." I said.

"I have a flight the day after."

And there, you guys, I felt a stone in my stomach.

"You're lying, aren't you?" I looked at him in despair.

"Don't give me those puppy eyes... I'm not."

"When will you return?"

" Thursday."

Three days!????

"We can have dinner together tomorrow then..."  I suggested.

"Sounds good." He smiled, probably sensing the wierd excitement that I am experiencing.

"Do you need a lifter?" He said opening the door for me under my apartment.

"Lifter??" I blinked.

"Someone to pick you up and drop you at your door?" I gave me that mischievous smile that makes him a hundred times more attractive.

"I don't think so." I smiled back as I got off. "Thanks for today."

He watched me go to my floor as if we're in a movie scene, somewhere where everything is nice and right...even the nights feel warm.

This sure is a fantasy.

~~~

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