Zoya

I don't even know why did I picked up his call. The moment I saw Dhara coming into the room, I had this urge to tell her everything.

Sahir said that he was ready to keep things serious. He had said that if this is what I wanted then we should get together and plan for marriage. But that's where the problem is no, He's ready for marriage because I want marriage...not because he wants to marry me.

I don't want to be with him if he has to make a compromise....It feels pitiful.

I don't want to be with him.....this is something that makes my mind go back to....Uh! Aditya. I fell  back on the bed that I was sitting on and hugged the pillow.

Did I ever love Sahir? Or it was just the idea of a happy family that I fell for?

How many times have I wanted to share hot chocolate with Sahir?......... Aditya

How many times have I laughed so hard with him that I almost choked?............Aditya

How many times have I cared to look good... for him? To earn that gaze from him where he'd find me pretty?.........Again..... Aditya.

Everything I think manages to come back into a spiral that had Aditya in it's center.

When Sahir said that he didn't want to marry me and I.....got attracted to Aditya. It felt like I was cheating on the bond I had with Sahir.
Now that Sahir says that he wants to marry me, even the mere thought of going back to him feels like I'm cheating on Aditya.

How stupid is that? He's not my boyfriend. I rolled my closed eyes.

"Dhara...." I said looking at her, she was going out in her pyjamas.

"Hun?"

"You going somewhere?"

"Yeah, With Abeer....why?" She replied.

"Just asking. I'm gonna sleep."

"Okay."

"Can you give me a kiss?"

"Such a baby you are." Dhara came to my side with a soft chuckle, held me head and kissed my forehead.
Patted her head, a little aggressively...the friendly aggressive...the loving aggressive... with a laugh and went out after switching the lights off.

I plugged in my earphones, I don't want to think about Aditya tonight..as well.

'I think we could do it if we tried
If only to say you're mine
Sofia, know that you and I
Shouldn't feel like a crime'

More like.... Aditya, know that you and I
Shouldn't feel like a crime

Uuuuuuhhhh...
Zoya Sleep...sleep.....sleep.........sleep.

I played instrumentals and let that pat me to sleep.

We went to the market today, having the local foods and I hate everything about today.

"What the hell...." I cursed under my breath when I saw Tanya making Aditya taste her kulfi.

'aaou..' I just bit on my own kulfi as we all sat near the bridge.

That 'Oh my god mitti on my dress' Tanya is flirting with him. And look at him... laughing and giggling as if he's having the best time of his life.

Why the hell would I care? I rolled my eyes and turned my back to them. What if I look at them for a little longer and end up catching them kiss?

I don't wanna see him kiss, whatever. I told myself.

They... won't kiss..... right?
Right?
A weird hopelessness seeped under my skin, a hollow in my chest made my head ache with tension. I turned slightly to look at them again.

They aren't kissing.
I saw Shawn approaching them while they talked....and laughed....and whatever. I never thought I'd love Shawn this much one day. He's the best boy.

Universe! If you can listen to me....bless that boy. And keep his between Tanya and Aditya.
Look, how even their names rhyme. I tried my best so that my face won't turn into a sulky pout.

"You want to go back tommorow?" I here him. When did Aditya came here?
Is he a vampire?
If I offer him my blood, will he stop talking to that 'mitti on my dress'?
Is that why I feel so attracted to him, because that's how vampires are?

"Zoya?" He snapped.
Fuck!
"Yeah?" I replied with enthusiasm, pretending that I wasn't lost a whole knew romance trope with him right now.

"Dhara told me that you want to go back to Mumbai tommorow, Do you?"

"Uh-hn." I replied nodding.

"Why?"

"I can't take a longer leave. Office. I didn't have much time in the first place but...I cannot win against Dhara. This is the maximum I could manage."

"Oh..... Actually. I'm going back too. Same, work stuff. So, you and I will return with Tanya and Shawn tommorow. Is that okay with you?"

You and I....I repeated him inside my head twice before uttering a 'yeah, cool...fine with me.' as I continued to have my kulfi, trying to finish it before it melts.

"Cool.." he smiled and....stood there, looking at me as if he wanted to say something else but he didn't.
I feel so awkward right now....so small and timid.
After a few moments, he pulled his eyes away from me and looked at that 'Oh my god mitti on my dress'... looked at me... smiled and went away ...he walked in a rush.

Poor guy must be scared that I'm going to eat him alive.
Or,
Poor guy must be missing his beloved.
The latter's the truth, I assume.

~~
At night.

I know this may be invasive but I can't help it. There's just something inside me that has me worried that if I don't go to Aditya then that 'Oh my god mitti on my dress' would land in his bed.

With no mitti....and no dress.

This feels so stupid. I took the two bowls of cheese maggi that I had ordered and went to the balcony where I saw Aditya sitting alone a few minutes ago.

"Hey...hi!" I utilized all of my Oscar winning-worthy acting skills to pretend as if I had absolutely no idea that he was there.

By the grace of the God's of jealousy and possessiveness  for men who aren't your boyfriends (while you're single)....it was raining.

"Hi...." He smiled at me. A wide grin that reflected his surprise....and what my stupid head wants to assume as Joy. "You're still up."

"Yeah.....can I?" I gestured to his side for a place to sit to which he happily complied.

"Sure..." He said and I sat beside him.

"Actually, I was craving cheese and spices so badly....So...." I forwarded him a bowl. He narrowed his brows in a question. "I got this one for Dhara but I don't know where has she disappeared." I lied before any questions arise in his head.

Dhara is in our room, sleeping while her stupid friend is acting on the master plan of seducing a man with cheese Maggie.
Zoya
Is
Stupid
For
Aditya.

He took the bowl from me and said "Our bestfriends disappear when we bring them delicious food and we...end up finding each other instead......how filmy is that..." He smiled as his eyes glinted with the smell of hot noodles and melting cheese.

"I agree...." I smiled and played with my fork before taking a bite.

"Do...your cramps hurt....like now as well?"

"Not much...why?"

"No...just asking. I was a little....." He took a bite before he completed. He's so bad at acting, I can make out thatt he did that intentionally so that he doesn't have to speak any further.

"A little...?" I know I am stubborn, Don't need to tell me that. Thank you very much.

"Eh... Worried. Just.... You know....you were.... Not ....well....and ...I...."

My God, you is so "adorable".
"Sorry?" He asked making me realise that I said that out loud. Fuck!

"Nothing..." I waved my hand and stuffed my mouth with the noodles.

For a moment my eyes were unapologetically staring at his chest, his thin grey vest was wavering due to the wind...just like my determination to stay away from him. I started talking about things to divert my attention.

"As a kid, I never was able to distinguish between a crow and a cuckoo unless they starting to sing." I said looking at a crow sitting on a tree near us.

What a smooth diversion Ms. Siddique!!

He followed my gaze at looked at the crow.

"Sing?" He said.

"Yeah."

"As in...crows and singing don't go well together?"

"Just because we don't like crow's voice, that doesn't mean it cannot sing. The verb remains the same, opinions differ." I said.

When I got no response from him, I looked up. He was looking at me as if I was an alien.

"What?"

"Nothing... just..... Never looked at it that way."

"I bring new things to the table." I smiled making him smile too.

"Can't deny...." He was still looking at me as I ate. "Are you fine?"...he asked, I could feel sweat travel down my nape towards my neck.

It's so cool outside, for fucks sake!! I said to my body. His gaze was heating up my skin.

I tangled my fiingers in the fabric, scrabbled for the last scraps of my dignity, and said firmly, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.” His gaze moved from my neck to my face, studying me with a stomach-clenching intensity that made my blood shudder its way through my veins.

The way he watched me made me feel so … Present.
Noticed.
Touched, and not in the emotional way.

My skin tingled in anticipation of a contact that would never be made.

This odd attraction that ai felt toward him was getting out of hand. I kept hearing a feral edge to his voice that couldn’t possibly be there, felt a heat in his gaze that must be 100 percent mh imagination. I tried to control her breathing and look innocent, as opposed to looking like the depraved mess I was. It didn’t work.

“Zoya?” Aditya nudged, his little frown returning. I wanted to smooth it out with her fingers.

“What?” I asked faintly.

A demon Zoya appeared helpfully on my shoulder and said, “Don’t mumble, darling. Nice big voice. Repeat after me: ‘Take me in your arms you walking ripped chocolate man with the hint of sea salt carefully sprinkled to amplify the temptation.'"

An angel Zoya appeared on myother shoulder and drawled, “Don’t forget to say, ‘Please.’”
Wait! Isn't she supposed to tell me what's good to do? The ideal circumstances?.....this man is combining my demons and angels into one.

God!

“You’re too hot,” he said, looking at my neck. I was sweating.... disgusting
Disgusting
Dis...gusting.

“I’m not.”

He pressed the back of his hand to my cheek. The contact sent a jagged shock of arousal through me. I didn’t mean to react, but my next inhale came rather sharply—so sharply, I made a soft, hungry sound. And he noticed.

Oops.

After a pause, he caught my chin and turned md to face him, which was unfair, because staring straight ahead had been my only coping strategy.
His gaze unraveled me expertly in approximately 2.3 seconds. I saw the precise moment that he realized I was a breathless, little demon+angel with a ridiculous crush on him.

His eyes widened slightly, as if I'd shocked him witless. Then those chocolate brown irises heated, were slowly swallowed up by dark pupils. He sighed, almost shakily. He leaned closer and bent his head until his brow rested against my temple, skin on skin, technically chaste. And yet, it felt so reckless, so charged, so shockingly intimate. His hair was a curtain cutting the both of  us off from reality, silk swinging softly against my cheek.

The scent of him, warm and earthy and comforting, imprinted itself in my mind, forever associated with this moment. This trembling, achingly close moment when they breathed, deep and desperate, in sync.

I felt as if I was drinking down his presence before he could take it away.

He found the fingers I’d tangled up in fleecy fabric and eased them gently apart, which was a relief, because I’d been in danger of clenching my fists hard enough to hurt myself. It took me a second to realize that he was holding my hand.

I could feel his cool, dry palm against my clammy one. He was holding my hand. He was lacing their fingers together carefully, as if to connect them.
Why? I didn’t know how to ask, and since i liked it, asking seemed silly anyway. He might come to his senses and let go. I might come to her senses and pull away.
Far better to keep quiet.

He kissed my jaw. Softly, so softly, but I still whimpered.
He’d been so slow and languid, but at the sound of that whimper, I could feel everything about him getting tensed.

He made a low, raw noise of satisfaction and held my hand tighter, as if he were sinking, too, and he needed something to cling to.

I was dissolving like sugar in hot tea.

He slid a hand over the back of my neck, warm and solid and deliciously firm. The next thing I knew was...his soft lips on mine.

I was melting for him, My hands clung to his shoulders as he kissed me softly.....we were kissing.
No invading of my mouth, just continuous closed mouth kisses.

One...two....I don't wanna count...I can't count. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
His touch...so intimate....my cheeks ...so hot....
My stomach had butterflies somersaulting in there.

"I've been meaning to do this since I saw you having that kulfi...." He said pulling away. "You're so .... beautiful..." And we kissed again.

~~~

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