I felt like shit when I woke up. Sunstreaker was laying next to me. His arm secured around me. The memories returned. Ratchet stitched me back up. Sunstreaker stirred and tightened his grip on me. For my own sake, I wanted to let him sleep. I'm not the mood to deal with his crankiness right now. I stared at the ceiling for quite some time until Ratchet strode in. He clapped his hands. Sunstreaker jolted and fell of the bed. That wouldn't do much good either. 'You're okay?' All I got was a tired and irritated groan. 'You can go back to your own room.' I nodded and looked at Sunny as he got up. Ratchet doesn't want to have him hanging around the medbay for too long. I'm different circumstances, he would've let me stayed for sure until he was positive my leg was heading in the right direction.

'Sweet. Then I'll take it from here.' Sunstreaker pushed the sheets aside and gestured for me to get up. He didn't help me. I sighed and slowly got up. We didn't speak as we made our way towards my room. He pushed the door open and let me in. 'Why do you hate therapists?' He didn't reply and shut the door. I turned to face him. 'Please, talk to me. We made a deal, didn't we?' I grasped his hands. He was angry again, and I spoke in a mild and soft tone to avoid this. 'You're not going. It's overrated and it doesn't help!' He pushed me aside. 'Then help me.' He walked up to the window. 'Help you with what? We all have demons and I learned to handle them so you try harder.'

I sat down on our bed. Sunstreaker approached me. His hand brushed my long hair behind my shoulders before he lifted my chin. 'You only need me. Those therapists call themselves professionals while they get into your head. They will tell you what to do. Like what they say is the best for you and I am warning you... see one and I make sure you won't see anything anymore. Clear?' I nodded. He pulled me in a gentle kiss. 'Fight your damn demons, just like I fought mine.'

His hand moved to my back and untied the medical gown. 'I forgot how beautiful you are...' his hand moved over my chest. He pushed me down and straddled me. I felt my heart pulsing for him. 'What's wrong?' He taunted. His lips ghosted over the skin in my neck. I wasn't in the mood at all. I couldn't tell if it was because last time turned out to be disastrous or because I just felt like a complete train wreck. 'I'm not in the mood.' He tilted his head a little bit to meet my gaze. 'Not in the mood?' He repeated, almost disgusted with my answer. 'Yeah.' I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him aside.

'You're in the mood?' He repeated again, this time his voice showed traces of anger. 'Yeah, our plane crashed remember? I'm tired and I just want to nap.' I got up and walked over to the closet. He had to expect it. Rather he likes it or not. 'We will we doing it this week. I need some relief and you're gonna give it to me.' It didn't sound like a question. He will know if I'm not enjoying it, and I guess that for a mech that will be very offensive. Especially for him. Last time he put a lot of effort into making me moan and scream. I didn't scream. He wanted it, but I refused and I guess that sex wasn't that good. He rough.

I eyed him from a little distance. Now I started to feel bad for having all these negative thoughts about him. We are bonded and he's in someway my husband. I  Cybertronian terms I guess. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder would've happened if I never found him killing that soldier the first day here. Would he have killed me too? Would've hated me as much as he hates other humans? My life probably would've been ten times better. Without all the abusing and torture I got put through last few years. All the traumatic experiences. He doesn't understand. I doubt he will ever understand my pain.

I walked up to the bathroom and undressed. Almost shocked with how I looked, I stared at myself in the mirror. I lost a part of myself and I wanted it back. I slowly started undressing and tossed the gown aside before stepping in the shower. It was refreshing to feel the cold water run down my body and head. I closed my eyes. Showering has always been refreshing for me in many ways. It makes me forget. Some even believe that showering will wash away all the negative energy and although I'm not much of a spiritual girl, I did believe it. Showering always makes me feel better.

As soon as I finished I crawled in bed. Sunny was drawing. He had his back towards me. He wasn't born like this. He was shaped to turn out this cold and heartless person. For so long, I was trying to reach his core. The only true way to get to his core, is to break him. To see him cry. He would never show me that side of his. It's something he stuffed away a long time ago. It's sad really. If he grew up in a loving home, I bet he would've been more like Sideswipe. The guilt overwhelmed me. Again for having all these negative thoughts. I've been complaining about how much I've been through, but the same counts for him. He's been through so much worse. The abuse, the rape, the forced fighting, all the tortured and mental abuse... he carried so much pain. Even for a tough mech like Sunny, he can't carry all of that. Perhaps it's time to have a little chat with Sideswipe tomorrow.