Reviewer - Watts_Writes
Book - The Colour of My Fate
Author - GarryDnovelist

Title: 3/5

I like the title. It flows well, and it's interesting and unique. However, it doesn't speak to the story's fantastical elements.

Cover: 3.5/5

Your cover is pleasant, with bright colours and a strong light source, but it tells me nothing about the story or genre. The writing that is not the title is hard to read and feels out of place. Including a short tagline is one thing, but this takes up a good portion of the cover. Additionally, you don't have your name on it. 

Summary: 2.5/5

Your summary reads more like a book synopsis than a summary. The writing is matter-of-fact and point-specific. Because of this, it's hard to discern the genre from the start. Additionally, the summary is quite long and overly detailed. I provide this suggestion a lot, but think of your story summary as the back of a book jacket. It should aim to provide just enough information to entice a reader to want to read. You want it to be less mechanical and more enthusiastic.

Grammar and Punctuation: 3.5/5

Grammar and punctuation are handled well throughout the story. There are issues here and there, but nothing so egregious that they take away from the flow of the story. Another round of edits should help you clear that up, particularly regarding issues around changing tenses, which happens throughout.

Character Building: 3.5/5

Your characters and their motivations aren't always clear. There's a great feeling of yearning amongst them, but the why sometimes feels like it's missing. Additionally, it's clear the characters are dealing with internal and external conflicts, but it doesn't always feel like enough time is dedicated to these issues to drive home the reason behind their choice to take their lives.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

I think you show a strong command of your narrative, making it easy to get hooked on the story. I appreciate how you weave in and out of multiple character POVs using an omniscient narrator–you do it skillfully and confidently. 

For me, the biggest issue is the change in POV within chapters. I appreciate that you're taking a risk in doing this because you're writing in 3rd person; I think you can make this switch smoother without telling the reader the switch is happening with a bolded heading. Rather, smoothing out transitions and ending one POV more tightly will help make the switch in POV easier to follow and feel less jarring.

Additionally, you want to make sure you're doing more showing and less telling as you write. There are a lot of statements of fact, so, for example, you write, "Walking down the stairs, she can be seen wearing..." Rather than tell us, you can show it by writing, "Mrs. Collins entered the room, her high-waisted silk dress looked luxurious, with its tight bodice..." You want to weave description into the storytelling rather than state it.

Plot Originality: 4/5

The plot is original. There's room to play up the fantastical elements while grounding your readers in the mystical nature of the story. The plot structure is also different, with the changing POVs in the third person within a chapter. As I said earlier, smoothing out the transitions between POVs can create more seamless transitioning.

Reader Engagement: 3.5/5

While your story has an interesting hook, its pacing and tension feel a bit one-note. By adding moments of tension, action and reflection, you can play with pacing to create hills and valleys that build and release, making the story more engaging.

You work hard to create empathetic characters, but because the writing can often feel the same from chapter to chapter and character to character, it's hard to connect with each character as an individual. Adding more nuance and specificity to each character can help set them apart and make them more relatable.

Final Thoughts:

The Colour of My Fate is an interesting fantasy that aims to weave a story around loss, sadness, failure and more. Your engaging premise helps elevate the story. You can strengthen your storytelling by creating more descriptions, fleshing out your characters to separate them from each other, and enabling your readers to connect with them individually. Playing with pacing through tension, action, and reflection will create a give-and-pull that draws readers in and keeps them reading.

Total: 27/40