C H A P T E R  E I G H T

MARK woke up feeling a tight set of arms wrapped around his waist. He slowly stirred, giving a small grunt as he moved to see Haechan sleeping beside him. He didn't know why, but he couldn't help but feel guilty from last night. He felt like he was being to pushy, and harsh.

His heart ached a little, the thought of hurting the others feelings and threatening their love. If Haechan was ever mad at him, it'd be his fault.

Mark carefully removed the arm around his waist, and slowly got out of bed. He then walked out of the room, not forgetting to shut the door behind him. Finally out of the room, he gave a small sigh as he walked to the living room.

He then noticed the ice cream he left before he left with Jeno was gone, and guessed Haechan cleaned it up. He walked over to the fridge, and opened it, taking strawberries out. His eye also caught whip cream, and he grabbed that too.

He opened the strawberries, and ate one as he opened the whip cream.

"I was hoping to wake up to an angelic face beside me." Mark jumped at the voice, and looked up to see Haechan leaning on the wall.

"I wanted to let you sleep." Mark admitted, and looked back down again to cover a strawberry with whip cream.

"Or you were hoping I'd make a decision." Haechan said, getting closer to the other.

Before Mark could put the strawberry all the way in his mouth, his wrist was grabbed from behind. Haechan was now beside him, but more behind him if you saw it. Mark looked up to make eye contact with the other, who was staring down at him.

"Did you?" Mark asks in a soft tone.

"Yes, I did. Last night." Haechan assures, and slowly grabs the strawberry out of Mark's hand.

Instead, he eats it, and Mark's eyes are pointing daggers in his head as he watches.

"We'll give our supply of weapons up. I told Seung last night." Haechan said.

Mark's eyes lit up immediately, and he threw his arms around Haechan's neck as he embraced him.

"Thank you." Mark whispers with a smile, and Haechan hugs him back.

Mark then pulls away, and feels jumpy at the moment, he then remembers something that makes him stop.

"I need to tell Jeno!" Mark quickly says, and runs to grab his jacket.

"Hey wait! You can't drive a motorcycle!" Haechan yells after him.

"I know! Which is why your coming!" Mark says, and runs out the door.

"Hey wait up!" Haechan yells and is quick to grab his jacket.

He then runs after Mark, closing the door to their apartment.

The strawberry and whip cream forgotten.

They finally arrive at Jeno and Jaemin's apartment. Mark jumps off the bike as he runs up to their room, and knocks on the door in a hurry.

The door slowly opens, revealing a tired looking Jaemin.

"Who— oh hey Mark." Jaemin says lazily, and leans on the door.

"Is Jeno here?" Mark quickly asks.

"Uh— Yea, but he's not available." Jaemin says in a teasing tone.

Mark then realizes what he's implying and scrunches his nose.

"Ew." He flatly says. "Well, tell him that the thing was accepted." Mark says.

"What thing?" Jaemin asks.

"You'll know soon! Bye!" Mark yells and runs off to meet Haechan back on his bike.

Once he's out there, he gets on and wraps his hands around Haechan's waist.

"We have to go to the bar. That's where the police will pick up the gun, and make sure nobody is there until your ready to announce it." Mark says.

"Noted!" Haechan yells as he drives them towards the bar.

It was still early, so the bar was empty. Nobody meets up until afternoon type time. As they drive up, they saw police already parked outside the bar. Mark felt the slightest bit of uneasiness as Haechan pulled into the parking lot.

Once he parked, they both got off, and Mark looked over to the police.

"We came here for the weapons, and we'll be leaving." A police man said walking up to then.

"They're inside, we'll lead you to them." Haechan yelled over his shoulder while unlocking the bar.

The door was then opened, and the police man walked in along with another. They had a look around, and Mark wanted to just kick them out already. He hasn't even done anything illegal, and yet he's nervous beyond belief for some reason.

"Haechan led them to the hide out of where the guns were located, which was behind a large banner. The police started taking them, and Haechan watched as they took the very last bit of their weaponry. Mark notices the change in mood, and walks over to Haechan. Laying a comforting hand on his shoulder, he gives it a squeeze.

"It's gonna be ok." Mark whispers.

Haechan only nods in response, and that makes Mark frown.

He knew Haechan was worried for their gang, and on edge of just getting rid of these cops. Their guns kept them in power, and now their powerless against anything. All they have is their bare fist.

"If that's it then we'll be going. Goodbye gentlemen, and have a nice day." The police man says, and walks out with the last of their guns.

As the door closes, Haechan stares at the empty covert that used to hold the weapons. He then walks over to it and releases the banner to hide it again.

Mark watches him, and feels somewhat guilty. He knew it was for the best, that he did something good, but he cant get the awful feeling off his chest. The feeling of regret, and it was heavy.

"Let's go home." Haechan says, and doesn't even make eye contact with Mark as he starts walking out the door.

Mark watches him, almost a pang in heart. He watches the door close, and quickly follows after not to be obvious.

Driving home seem to take forever, and once they were Haechan got off first. He walked in, and Mark was quick to follow. He could feel the uneasy tension around them at this moment, and wanted nothing to just jump into bed and forget this day ever happened.

Walking into the apartment, Mark watches Haechan walk into the bedroom without another word. Mark knew Haechan would be like this, so why was he reacting as if he didn't? Mark didn't know what to do, he knew the other wasn't pleasant at this moment and he didn't want to push it.

Mark looked over, and that's when he gave a low sigh at seeing the sight of left out strawberries and whip cream. He walks over, and puts them away.

He hears a shower being turned on, and thinks about if he should go in their or not. He then shook his head, clearing his thoughts. It all felt nostalgic for some reason. Him being guilty, and the other person angered. It was somehow always him who was the victim.

He finally made up his mind and grabbed a note from the counter, getting a pen out from the drawer. He wrote on the letter, and left it on the counter as he walked out of the room.

I'm heading out.
I'll be back before midnight.
                               -Mark

Mark knew it was risky, being out here all alone. He didn't care though, he needed to get things off his mind. As he walked, he thought about visiting his father. He quickly shrugged the thought off, realizing it was a bad idea.

He's decided to cut his father from his life, but it was scary to. It was the very last of his family that he had, and yet it was so toxic. He couldn't handle the frustration that runs through his veins thinking about his mother.

'Why did you have to leave me?' He thought, and felt his eyes get teary. 'Why did you leave me with him? Now I have nobody.'

He hated himself. He couldn't do anything to save her and yet he feels it was his fault she died. Mark didn't know why, he had so many burdens on his chest and shoulders, but for what? He could just leave here, and forget about everything.

He shook his head slowly. He's foolish for even thinking that. How could he just get up and leave everything behind like he did before? How could he do it so easily?

All he wanted right now was a hug, a tight embrace that proved he'd never be alone again. He felt so broken, so alone in this cruel world. Maybe he should become a alcoholic, maybe he should do anything to just shorten his life span. Maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have to suffer for so long.

He finally looked up where he was, and couldn't seem to figure that out. He didn't care though as he kept walking, finally seeing a old bridge across a small body of water. He slowly walked up on the bridge, and stood in the middle, leaning on the fence. He looked at the water, thinking what it would be like to just touch it. He closed his eyes, trying to get the burdens off his chest.

"Your a useless son! All you do is lay around my house and cause me more trouble! No wonder your mother left you!"

"Son, take care of yourself. Find someone who loves you, and will take care of you. Move on, do not hold me as a burden, I bed you. Move on. I love you, Mark."

Haechan's face then flashed through his head, and he gave out a shaky sigh, wiping his wet eyes with his hands. He sniffles a little, and takes a deep breath to calm himself. His nerves rose to his skin, making him shake a little. It was now cold out, and he shivered as the cool wind blew.

He then looked up to the sky, it was over mid day now and the clouds were covering the sun. It looked as though it would rain. He then looked back down at the water, feeling the burdens weigh on him. Every single one of them hurting his heart.

It seems everywhere he goes he hurts someone, and whatever he does is wrong. It always just gets others in trouble or hurt. All he wanted was to do something right, to he loved, and to just forget everything. He cant though, and he accepts that now.

Burdens follow your forever, there's no turning back time to undo them. There's no going back, so now he has to live with them. He stands there for a little longer, just enjoying the silence around him.

The sky then begins to turn different color, and that's when it starts to get dark. Thunder then cracks in the sky, and that's when Mark knew he should get home. He was the slightest scared though, and didn't know what Haechan will say when he comes back.

Walking home took almost forever, it was already sprinkling by the time he found out where he was going. It then started to rain, and that's when Mark ran to his apartment building. Good thing it was right in front of him, or else he'd be soaked by now. Walking in and going to his room, he took off his now humid jacket.

Opening the door to the apartment, he saw Haechan eating.

"Where were you?" Haechan asks in a low voice, not looking up from his food.

"I just went on a walk." Mark whispers as he sets his jacket down on the couch.

"Oh yea? To what? Get away from me?" Haechan's voice is laced with disbelief, and Mark looks at him only to be met with a back.

"No, I just needed to clear my mind." Mark tries to explain, picking up on Haechan's mood.

"Clear your mind of what?" Haechan finally turns around, and looks at the other.

Mark feels his blood run cold at the stare, it was a mix of hurt, betrayal, worry, and anger. It was nothing he's seen before.

"Things.." Mark trails off, looking down as he fiddles with his fingers.

He hears a chair being pushed, and loud footsteps walking quickly over to him. He looks up to see Haechan right in front of him.

"Mark I'm tired of you keeping secrets!" Haechan raises his voice.

"Haechan it's not like that—" Mark tries, and raises his hand to touch Haechan as comfort.

It's quickly stopped as Haechan's hand wraps around his wrist, and the tightness is not what Mark expected.

"It is! All you do is run off when you want! Mark I'm here, I'm right here I always have been! Why can't you see that!" Haechan's voice rises, and his grip tightens around the other males wrist.

Mark winces in pain, and grabs the hand holding his wrist.

"Haechan—" Mark tries, but his voice is overlooked and overthrown by the others.

"No! Don't try to hide it from me anymore Mark! Tell me! What are you so scared of!" Haechan is so angered, and Mark could feel the anger in his voice.

The pain in his wrist is almost unbearable, and he tries to pry it off. He can feel the circulation being cut off from his hand.

"Haechan please let go—" Mark tries again, but his is ignored.

"Why can't you just talk to me—"

"Haechan your hurting me!" Mark yells, cutting Haechan off.

Haechan is taken back by the statement, and looks over to where Mark's fingertips are turning purplish. He lets go in a flash of speed, and Mark staggers back in pain. He grasp his wrist in his other hand, massaging it to get it alive again. Haechan looks at it, only to feel a pang of guilt in his stomach. He could see the bruising already starting around the wrist.

"Mark I'm—"

"Your just like everyone else! Your just like my father! You wanna know why I never said anything? It's because I am scared! I carry burdens everyday and I hate it! Ever since my mother died and left, my father abused me! Those are the burden I have to carry with me! Everyday!" Mark yells, and tears are now streaming down his cheeks.

Haechan's heart is hurt, stabbed, and he can feel it throughout his body. Anger and frustration run through his veins. How was he so selfish, so foolish and so blind to not see that he love was hurting? How could he have been so careless?

Haechan looks to Mark, and Mark then begins to cry as he covers his face with his hands. Haechan is quick to rush over and develop the other in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Haechan whispers, and lets Mark cry in the crook of his shoulder.

The sobs are deafening to his ears, and hurts him to the bone. He feels his own eyes fill with tears, but is quick to blink them away as the frustration is building. Holding Mark close, he caresses his hair in comfort.

"It's okay Mark, it's gonna be okay." Haechan whispers in his ear.

Mark could sniffle, and hiccup in response. He then hugs back, holding the other close. Haechan can feel the need and desperation through the boys hug, and holds him close.

"It's gonna be okay." Haechan whispers softly.

'It has to be.' He thought.

Mark was sleeping, exhausted as the day was over. Haechan was looking at him with loving eyes, taking in and remembering every single curve and feature. It was all beautiful in Haechan's eyes. The boy beside him was gripping the sheets loosely with a balled fist, looking like a baby as he was laid on his stomach. Haechan stares at the bruises on his wrist, and wishes he never laid a hand on the untouched skin. It was all his fault.

The moon then suddenly shined into their room, and Haechan caught his breath for a moment. The moon seemed to make Mark glow, his hair shiny, his cheeks flawless, and his lips shaded in the light. It was a breathtaking sight to see. Haechan then feels the pang of frustration rush through him.

How could someone so beautiful, so flawless, so innocent, have such a dark mind. How could he be so hurt, so broken, and so tired. Yet look so beautifully at peace. It was so scary to even think about it.

Haechan watched as the moonlight slowly faded away, and the pitch black of night entered the room once again. Haechan slowly leaned up, and gently placed a kiss on the boy's forehead. Then lying back down, he shuffled closer to the boy. Wrapping arms around him to hold him close. He then closes his eyes, and heads to drift off, but not before he says his nightly sentence.

"I love you."