I launched the EP on Spotify that night before we got on the bus. The band knew I didn't want any fanfare or noise around it, which is why I did it in the dark of my apartment before leaving.

I must have looked at the track list over and over again until I started going cross-eyed, feeling my hand flinch every time I added and deleted that final 6th track. But I couldn't do it. Part of me knew recording it was just wishful thinking to begin with, but even the thought of putting it out beyond the walls of the studio made me feel exposed and oozing like a wound.

They were all happy and satisfied with it, so I didn't know why I couldn't be. I felt like ripping my heart out and shaking it like a magic 8 ball, asking is it just me? Before it undoubtedly spit back something like ask again later.

So I pressed UPLOAD on TuneCore and slammed my laptop shut before I had time to second-guess it all. I sucked it up because Raf said it was time and I had to, whether I was ready or not, and he was one of the last few people on the planet that I actually felt compelled to listen to.

Unfortunately for me he was also well aware of this, which was why he'd read me the riot act when I arrived at our bus bay at Port Authority, going on about how you're all stuck on the bus with each other for a whole flippin' month, so there was no point in stirring up nonsense and making the entire trip miserable for everyone. I hated when he actually made sense.

So maybe I was somewhat making a concerted effort to not be a complete asshole to Sienna as she bopped around the bus, talking to Evie about fucking shoes or something. At the very least, the eye-rolling was kept to a minimum.

I knew I could no longer avoid the inevitable outright (multiple inevitables, really), so I did what I could to distract myself instead. I brought my old Gameboy Advance and played Pokemon Ruby while I huddled into a corner of the couch and listened to an old 90s grunge playlist that mostly consisted of Stone Temple Pilots and Third Eye Blind. When I glanced over the top of my Gameboy, I saw them all playing cards at the table, and I decided to pretend I was way too preoccupied with my game to play with them.

By the time we made it out of New York (city rush hour traffic be damned) it was dark, and we still had almost four more hours on the road up to Providence. I splurged on a hotel for us for the night, even though we'd be getting there around 10. I refused to sleep in the coffin that passed for our bunks the night before our first show, and the prospect of being in an actual bed tonight was worth the bruises my pride endured after having to text my mother to transfer me extra money.

At some point, I'd slipped back into reality enough to glance over past the top of my Gameboy again, catching sight of Sienna rummaging around in the shelves above the sink. I saw her mouth moving, but all I heard was Scott Weiland's gritty vocals on Interstate Love Song.

Waiting on a Sunday afternoon,
For what I read between the lines

She'd changed into what looked like her variation of lounge clothes - a very Polly Pocket-esque pink zip-up hoodie and matching sweats that had no business looking that good on someone's ass. Everytime I wore sweats, I looked like I was wearing a diaper. Her mouth was still moving, and I wondered what her and Evie were talking about now.

She turned around again as she walked across the carpet to the other side of the bus, and I quickly ducked my head back down behind my Gameboy and slunk deeper into the couch before she realized I'd been watching her like a creep.

I was about to get into a gym leader battle with the guy that was supposed to be my character's father when suddenly a shadow fell over me, and I looked up to see Sienna standing directly over me, waving her hand in my face.

I ripped my headphones off my ears and sat up ramrod straight on the couch. "What, what, what?"

"I've been talking to you for five minutes, you haven't heard me this whole time?" she asked, still hovering over me and forcing me to breathe her flowery perfume.

"You know, I don't wear these just for decoration." I gestured to the headphones around my neck, music still faintly spilling from the speakers since I'd been so taken aback I forgot to pause it.

Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watched the time go by
All of these things you've said to me

She arched an eyebrow at me. "You listen to your music that loudly?"

"Yes," I answered flatly, finally willing myself to find the pause button on my phone screen. "And they're noise-canceling too. For a reason."

Sienna pressed her lips together, and I waited for some kind of stinger. After a moment, she sighed. "Well, Evie said you guys had tea. Do you know where she put it?"

"Why don't you ask Evie then?" I grumbled.

"She's sleeping."

I blinked and looked around, clearly having disassociated just enough to not realize I was the only one left in the lounge area. Sienna took a step back and let out another sigh, and I realized she must have had the same epiphany Raf did. I knew she didn't like me. I'd certainly not given her a reason to. But it was obvious she was trying to be civil.

So I swallowed down whatever sarcastic comment I had ready to fire on the tip of my tongue. "Top shelf above the microwave."

"Oh, thanks." She seemed just as surprised as I was by my response as she backed away, eying me like she was trying to figure out what kind of creature had stepped out of the void.

She spun around on her heel and made her way over to where the microwave was, and I went back to my game. I put my headphones back on but didn't press play on my music just yet.

It didn't take long before I found my gaze wandering up in her direction again. A soft groan escaped her lips as she leaned up on her toes, straining her arms up towards the shelf, and I could tell she was trying really hard not to ask for any more help. Maybe that was what got me up and walking over to her in the first place.

When I tapped her on the shoulder to get her to step aside, she jumped like I'd just shocked her, clapping her hands to her sternum. "Holy shit, you scared me."

I shrugged and reached up for the box of tea bags. "Yeah that happens a lot. For some reason I'm pretty light on my feet, so people don't hear me coming, and so when they turn around I'm just kind of there, their fear fuels me."

She laughed, an actual genuine laugh that I didn't expect from her. I wasn't used to people finding my "aggravatingly unserious sarcasm" (as Evie put it on more than one occasion) laughable in the way that she laughed, and I derived a weird sense of validation from it. I wasn't sure if it was me holding her gaze, or her holding mine, but we didn't break it as I handed her the box. The way she looked at me had me stuck where I stood, her blue eyes glinting with something that might have been curiosity. I couldn't remember the last time someone just looked at me like that.

"Thanks," she said, her voice soft and her lips lifting just slightly into a smirk.

"Don't mention it," I replied, matching her tone. The scent of her perfume washed over me again, and this time something slightly sweet lingered that hadn't before.

She must have realized whatever was going on as she took a step back from me, tucking her hair behind her ears before going over to the sink to fill a mug up for her tea. I scowled and slunk back over to my spot on the couch.

I sat there and turned my music back on, trying to turn all my focus back to disassociating, but I felt her gaze on me. She tapped the tea box with her palm, turning it over in her hands a few times. I sighed and paused my music again.

"You bored or something?" I asked without looking up from my game.

She gave me a half shrug, leaning back against the little counter after she retrieved her mug from the microwave. "A little. I had an iced coffee before we left, and I guess the caffeine hasn't worn off yet."

I scoffed. "Well, you know that tea has just as much caffeine per ounce as coffee does, so...that's not exactly gonna help you calm down."

"So you're a know-it-all now too?" She smirked as she rested her hand on her hip, and I couldn't help but respect the bite of her comment. She seemed almost amused.

"My sister told me that once," I grumbled, trying to refocus on the fact that I was getting my Pokemon ass beat at this gym. "Even though I don't generally listen to her, she is a doctor, so...maybe that fact has some merit."

She smirked again, almost as if she was holding back a laugh, and I finally put my Gameboy down as I zeroed in on her. "What?"

"Just interesting hearing you talk." She shrugged.

"Interesting?"

That spiked my blood pressure. The word interesting was way too broad-spectrum in its meaning. Interesting as in that's cool or interesting as in that's weird? Her delivery was too soft and too subtle for me to decipher which direction her interesting leaned in.

"Yeah, interesting," she laughed again, this time more subdued, back to that faintly curious look in her eyes as she brought the mug up to her lips to take a sip.

I rubbed the side of my face, starting to feel my stomach turn. It's not like I was trying to be funny, and yet here she was, laughing and acting all fucking curious and finding me interesting. She didn't need to be interested. "You done analyzing the way I speak?"

Her expression flattened, and she gave me a curt nod. "Yeah, guess so. Goodnight Devon."

The sound of my name in her voice prickled up the skin on the back of my arms, like a bad chord on an untuned guitar. I slid my headphones back on and listened to Interstate Love Song on repeat, wondering why the hell they titled the song that since it wasn't at all about love - it was about hurting the people in our lives. The feeling of wanting to rip my heart out and shake it like a magic 8 ball resurfaced, and I wanted to ask it again is it me? The answer this time would be always.

⋆ ★

in my mind i know there will be more of sienna's pov chapters than devon's, but i do love writing in his voice. i love sneaking in little details about him through his pov that you wouldn't get from sienna's, and despite what he thinks, he is VERY interesting, wouldn't you agree?

we just needed a lil baby sprinkle of tension this chapter <3