I stared at the paper in my hands for such a long time that my vision started to blur. There it was in black and white. My name. Carrie Donovan. I was listed as a suspect in connection with Derek's embezzlement. I was shocked. No. That doesn't even begin to describe my emotions. I felt like my heart had plummeted to my stomach, and my stomach felt like it was going to fall through my ass. How the hell did the FBI think I was involved in this?

I sat down at Nick's desk feeling my blood pressure reach a new high. I started to wonder if Nick had only courted me because I'm a suspect. Maybe he thought if he got close to me I'd tell him incriminating information. Maybe he was just using me to solve his case.

I was glad I'd driven myself to Nick's house. I needed to get out. I couldn't stand to spend the night.

I started questioning whether or not I could trust him. I was pissed that he hadn't told me I was being investigated. Why did I have to find out this way? Didn't he know that you can't hide anything from a woman because she'll always find out? I wanted to march into the living room, wake him up, and demand some answers. But I knew if I did that, it would only make things worse. I decided instead to leave.

I quickly placed the folder back in the drawer, sneaking back into the hallway and locking the door like I'd found it. Luckily, I remembered which key was the right one this time. I retrieved my clothes from the kitchen floor, yanking my pants on in a rush and wadding the rest of my clothing into a ball. I didn't want to waste time changing out of the sweatshirt I was wearing. I sneaked back up the stairs, placing Nick's keys back in the nightstand drawer, and tiptoed through the house to leave. I cringed when the front door squeaked, freezing in place until I was sure the noise hadn't disturbed him. I slipped out the door and ran to my Honda as fast as I could.

Even though it was the middle of the night and Monica was going to kill me for interrupting her beauty sleep, I dialed her number as I peeled out of the driveway. My heart was pounding like I'd just run from a bank robbery.

"I hope you have a real good reason for interrupting the dream I was having," Monica said sleepily. "I was in a cabin in a heart shaped bed with Leonardo DiCaprio and there were roses and-"

"Monica, I need to talk to you. Now. It's really important."

"What happened?" her voice transformed from groggy to wide awake almost instantly. "What's wrong?"

"I just left Nick's house," I said, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill.

"Did he do something? Did he hurt you? I swear I'll-"

"I'll explain everything when I get there. I'm heading to your house right now. I can't go back to mine because I know that'll be the first place Nick looks for me when he realizes I left."

"Jesus Christ," Monica gasped. "I'll unlock the door. Just come right in when you get here. I'll make some coffee."

I almost didn't want to hang up. I felt compelled to look in my backseat and make sure no one was there. I kept glancing in my rear view mirror expecting Nick's Audi to be tailgating me. A few heart palpitations later, I turned onto Monica's street. It had become really cloudy. The sky was going to break with raindrops any minute. I pulled into the driveway, gathering my things and jogging to the door.

"Monica," I said, stepping inside.

"In the kitchen!"

I locked the door behind me, walking to the kitchen where I found her sitting at the bay window that was my favorite part of her house.

"Hey," she said sympathetically. She eyed me like I was going to fall apart any second.

I grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured some coffee. My hands were shaking. I couldn't believe the FBI was investigating me. I'd never done anything wrong. I hadn't known what Derek was doing and if I had, I wouldn't have wanted to be a part of it. It sickened me to think Nick was only spending time with me because of this stupid investigation. Did I mean anything to him at all?

I sat down across from Monica, staring out the window at the trees. The wind had begun to pick up. It would start raining soon and that reminded me of the morning Nick had kissed me in the rain. I wondered if that had been an act.

"What's going on?" Monica asked, pulling her knees up to her chest.

I hated that she couldn't read my mind. I didn't want to relay everything. "I found the file," I said, watching her eyes widen.

"Oh my god." Her mouth hung open. "What did it say?"

I pictured the papers. Derek's name. My name. So many words that ran together in a giant blur. I thought about the incident report and the list of money transfers.

"Derek's embezzling money," I blurted out, releasing a deep breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding in.

Monica's eyebrows shot up, almost disappearing into her hairline. "W-What? He's what?"

"He's been sending money to offshore accounts since last year," I started explaining, staring a hole through one square of tile flooring. "Nick's undercover as an attorney to get whatever evidence he still needs against Derek."

"Holy shit."

"I also found out that Derek has a lot of priors." I shook my head, hating that I'd let him fool me into thinking he was Prince Charming.

"Double holy shit."

"Oh yeah," I agreed sarcastically. "He's got misdemeanors and assault charges. Fuck. I can't believe I trusted him and he hid all this shit from me!"

I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They came like a waterfall down my cheeks. I grimaced at the salty taste as tears ran over my lips when I opened my mouth to take a ragged breath.

"I can't believe this is happening to me," I sobbed into Nick's sweatshirt.

Monica wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders while I cried. I was surprised I hadn't spilled my coffee with all the shaking I was doing.

She squeezed my arm reassuringly. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know what to do," I breathed. I tried to wipe all the tears from my face with the sleeve of the sweatshirt.

"We're going to get through this," Monica tried to encourage me. "Fuck Derek. You don't need him. I knew he was never good for you."

I laughed softly. "On the contrary, you thought he was perfect for me."

She shook her head. "I was young and foolish. I didn't know what I was talking about. I probably hadn't had coffee yet."

Even when I was completely miserable, Monica always managed to make me feel better. I couldn't imagine having a better best friend. She knew how to make me laugh and that was exactly what I needed.

"There's something else." I dreaded saying it out loud because it would make it more real.

Monica raised an eyebrow. "What?" she asked cautiously.

"When I was looking through that file I saw my name," I told her. I wished it was all a bad dream I'd be waking up from really fucking soon.

"Your name?" she frowned. "Why? What did it say?"

I felt the reality sinking in. The words stung when I said them aloud. "I'm a suspect."

Monica gasped, covering her mouth. "Oh my god. What?"

"The FBI thinks I might be an accomplice," I said, trying to remember exactly what was on the paper I'd read. "They think I'm helping Derek embezzle money."

"Oh my god. Oh my god. This is so fucked up! What did Nick say?"

I imagined Nick waking up to see that I wasn't there and wondering where I'd gone. I hoped he hadn't gotten up yet.

"He didn't. He doesn't know I know. I snuck out while he was asleep."

The clock on the microwave said it was just after five and I knew Nick would probably be getting up soon. He seemed to be an early riser.

"Are you going say anything to him?" Monica asked.

I didn't have the slightest clue how I was going to handle the situation. I didn't know if I should talk to Nick about it or if I should act like I had no idea I was being investigated.

I shook my head. "I don't know what to do. I just want it to all go away."

"Why do they think you're working with Derek?"

I had no idea. I was sure there were pages missing out of the file because it seemed like there would be more information in it. Nick had probably taken a few pages out.

"Probably because I'm his fiancé," I groaned, glaring at my ring finger.

I hated that I'd said yes. I hated being engaged to a man I couldn't trust. I hated that Derek had lied to me and hid things from me and cheated on me over and over. I was already pissed enough, but then to discover that he hid a criminal record from me added to my suspicion that Derek had never truly loved me in the first place. I felt dirty for ever having sex with him or kissing him or even just touching him. I felt horrible. Though I hadn't told Derek yet, I officially considered myself no longer engaged. A big part of me felt free, like Derek wasn't holding me back or dragging me down anymore.

I stayed at Monica's for the rest of the night. We got a ladder out of the garage, propped it up against the side of the house and climbed up on the roof. It was so relaxing to sit up there in the cool morning breeze listening to the birds chirping and waving at dog walkers and joggers who probably thought we were insane for being up there. Doing this reminded me of our last year of law school. We'd made a decision that year to watch the sunrise or sunset on the roof of our dorm building at least once a week every week. We got some of our friends to join in and it became our regular get together until one of our professors caught Monica, me and four other girls sitting on the roof at seven in the morning and threatened to call campus security if we didn't get down. It wasn't my most graceful moment when I fell off the ladder into a rose bush and ripped the back of my pants. The rest of the week my friends had joked about me mooning the professor.

"When are you going say something to Derek?" Monica asked.

I wanted to avoid Derek at all costs but I knew I had to tell him at some point or he'd be thinking we were still together.

"I guess I have to talk to him sometime in the next couple days," I sighed.

I knew he was going to flip out when I told him I didn't want to marry him anymore. He was going to yell. Now that I knew about his assault charges, I worried he might hit me if he got mad enough.

"Do you think I should go to his office and tell him?" I asked, thinking it would be safer if I broke the news in a crowded area.

Monica nodded profusely. "Yes. Yes. Double, triple yes."

I giggled softly, not really in the laughing mood. "I guess it's a yes then."

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked, brushing her long brown hair off her shoulder.

"Let me think on it awhile."

After sitting on the roof until one of Monica's neighbors yelled at us because she didn't like that we could see into her backyard, we went back inside and I decided to take a much needed shower. I felt like I'd crawled out of a dumpster behind a restaurant that had received and F from the health department. How could I have been so blind to everything going on behind my back. I was mad at myself for not being more skeptical when Derek had weaseled his way around telling me about his past. I was pissed for wasting so much time in a relationship with a man who obviously didn't love me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to have one huge breakdown and get it all out of my system. I wanted to beat Derek's balls flat with a baseball bat, to be quite honest.

Then there was Nick. I didn't want to believe that he'd intentionally done anything to hurt me. I hated the possibility that Nick was only getting close with me to help the FBI nail Derek. I didn't want to believe that could be reality. I wanted it to be a big misunderstanding and some kind of laughable coincidence that my name was on the suspect list. I hoped Nick had spent all this time with me because he really liked me, but the more I thought about it, the less that seemed true.

"Carrie," I heard Monica's voice as she opened the bathroom door.

I was wiping the water droplets from my legs with one of her pink fuzzy bath towels. "Hey," I smiled.

Monica looked worried.

"What's wrong?" I could feel my stomach knotting up again while I wrapped the towel around my body.

She handed me my phone. I'd left it in the kitchen. I had three missed calls and five texts. They were all from Nick.