I sat at my desk typing up legal documents. It was just passed four in the afternoon and I'd been working since an hour after Monica and Nick left. I'd acquired one hell of a migraine early in the morning and decided to take advantage of not having anything on my schedule today and work from home.

Monica decided today was the day she would finally take some time to herself and splurged at the mall. Nick had hung around for another hour after Monica left. We'd eaten the entire box of doughnuts and talked about our favorite things to do in the summer, excited that warm weather was coming soon. I learned that Nick's family owned a vacation home near the beach in North Carolina. He said he loved to go sailing and had a couple boats. I told him I'd never been on a boat but I'd love to learn how to sail one day.

With two bullet points left until my paperwork was finished, I breathed a sigh of relief, watching the hands slowly circle around the clock on the wall above my bookcase. I still hadn't heard from Derek and I was starting to wonder if something had happened to him.

I could feel us growing apart and I'd begun to think it was only a matter of time until one of us officially broke off the engagement. I hadn't put my ring back on since laying it on the coffee table the day before.

I'd stopped worrying so much about which guy was better for me and started realizing just how little Derek actually cared and how much more connected I felt to Nick. I wasn't sure if that meant I was supposed to be with Nick or if I should wait awhile and see if my feelings changed or what, but I definitely didn't feel near as strong of a bond with Derek as before I met Nick.

Just as I was emailing the files I'd been working on to my boss, my phone rang. I was hesitant to answer, seeing Derek's name on the caller ID.

"Hey," I answered hesitantly, hoping Derek couldn't hear the nervous tone in my voice.

"Hey." He sounded exhausted. "I'm getting off work in a few minutes. I was thinking maybe we could go grab a late lunch or early dinner."

I briefly considered making up some excuse why I couldn't see him but I decided I'd rather not make things worse by avoiding him.

"Okay. Sure," I agreed. "What time?"

"I'll come over when I'm finished up here," Derek answered, hanging up.

I set the phone on the desk, leaning back with a groan. I wasn't in the mood to go out to dinner with him. Something about it made me feel dirty, like it was the wrong thing to do.

I wondered what Derek would say when he saw I wasn't wearing my engagement ring. I thought back to the day Derek proposed and how happy we'd both been. At the time, I'd been certain he was the one. I thought my life couldn't be more perfect and everything was falling into place. Now everything was falling apart. I missed the comfort of knowing what to expect and planning on getting married and living happily ever after. My emotions were a mess. The whole damn thing was one big mess and I was sure one or both of these men was going to walk away any day now.

I went to the bathroom, taking a quick shower. About fifteen minutes later I heard the doorbell. Derek didn't usually ring the doorbell or knock. He normally walked right in like it was his house too. I assumed he felt as awkward as I did about being around each other.

Derek was wearing his black slacks and red button up from work. His hair was tousled from the wind. It had rained off and on throughout the day, despite what the weatherman had said about a bright sunny week, and the wind seemed to continue picking up more and more.

"Ready?" Derek asked, motioning toward his car.

"One sec," I hopped around on one foot as I put my shoes on.

I still didn't want to go out. Part of me wanted to pretend Derek was Nick so I could maybe enjoy it a bit more, but I tried to put on a happy face. I hoped Derek couldn't tell how uncomfortable I was. It really felt like we weren't even in a relationship anymore. It felt like I was in a relationship with Nick and Derek was some stranger I barely knew.

The drive to the restaurant was short and awkward. Derek barely said a thing besides asking if I was cold due to his air conditioner running full blast.

We pulled into a narrow parking space in front of the local diner. Derek knew I loved that place because of their amazing comfort food but he'd never taken me there before. I'd always gone to lunch or breakfast with Monica at the diner. Derek was more of the five-star uber expensive restaurant type and rarely compromised to go to a place like this. He acted like it was beneath him if the food bill wasn't a minimum two hundred dollars. I had always found that annoying about him. Of course I enjoyed getting dressed up and going to fancy dinners here and there but sometimes I just wanted to go to a cute little affordable place with home cooking. I silently wondered if Nick was into that or if he preferred expensive restaurants as well.

I didn't have much of an appetite, but I ordered a waffle with eggs and bacon. I knew the waitress, Michelle, and caught up with her for a few minutes while Derek sat across from me staring blankly out the window, obviously not interested in making conversation.

"Was there something you wanted to talk about?" I finally asked, cutting my waffle into several bite-sized chunks. "Or are we eating in silence?"

Derek poked his steak with his fork as if he was judging the way the chef had cooked it in comparison to the steaks he normally got at classier places.

"I thought we could talk about what happened the other day," he said, referring to our argument in the kitchen.

"What about it?" I asked, spreading a combination of butter, whipped cream and strawberry sauce on my waffle pieces.

"Does this feel weird to you?" Derek asked, cutting into his steak.

"What do you mean?"

"Does our relationship feel weird to you?" he clarified.

Yes. It feels extremely weird. It feels so uncomfortable that I don't even want to be here with you.

"I don't know," I lied.

"I guess you're supposed to try to forgive and forget when the person you love cheats on you," Derek said, making me feel shittier. "That's what I'm trying to do. That's what I want us to do."

"Okay..." I took another bite.

"It feels like you're avoiding me," he continued. "Like you don't want to be around me now."

I am avoiding you. I don't want to be out with you at the moment.

"I'm trying to work through this just like you are," I said. "We both fucked up, and yes, things are uncomfortable right now, but it takes time to work through that shit."

"It's awkward, right?" he asked, looking out the window at the traffic.

"It is."

Derek frowned. "What do you want me to do?"

"What do you mean?"

I figured he was going to ask me if I wanted to break off the engagement. I was pretty sure at this point that I did. Part of me wanted to go ahead and get it over with so I wouldn't have to worry about when it was going to happen. It didn't seem like things were going to go back the way they were and I couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort when Derek crossed my mind.

"Do you want me to act like this never happened?" he asked. It didn't seem like there was a right answer to that question.

"I don't know what I want, Derek," I shook my head, hating how twisted my emotions had become lately.

For a long time after I answered we ate in silence, not even looking at each other. It wasn't a calm silence either. I was ready for him to get the check and take me home. I didn't want to be out anymore. I wanted to crawl in bed and sleep my emotions away.

"Carrie," Derek finally spoke up. "I think I'm going to start spending most nights at my place."

I wasn't surprised. I could sense him wanting to avoid me just like I wanted to avoid him but I didn't want to say anything. "Oh," was all I could manage.

"At least for the time being," he said, clearing his throat. "I think we both need some space."

I felt horrible that this was happening to us and our once seemingly-perfect relationship but I also couldn't suppress the relief that washed over me at the thought of us taking time to ourselves. Maybe it would help. Maybe it wouldn't. But I sure could use a breather.

"I want things to work out between us," Derek said.

He pushed his plate to the side, having barely touched his food. I stared blankly at the table, debating whether or not I should bring up his conga line of one-night stands. He had yet to give me a proper explanation for his actions and it was eating at me that I didn't know why he'd been cheating on me or how long it had been going on. I wanted – needed – to know what I had done wrong to make him want to cheat. Sure, I still felt terrible for my own infidelity, but I hadn't been renting hotel rooms on a regular basis with a parade of men. I wasn't about to say what I'd done was justified, but I did feel like Derek had hurt me a lot more than I'd hurt him.

A couple days ago I'd wanted things to work out between us. Now I wasn't so sure. What I wanted was something significant to happen so I'd know who the hell I was supposed to be with, or not have to choose between Derek and Nick. I didn't want to make the decision. I wanted them to make it for me. It seemed like the cowardly thing to wish for, but I wanted the easy way out.

"I know," I breathed.

Derek looked like he was going to say something but shook his head instead. He placed a twenty-dollar bill on the table and took me home, barely saying a word the entire drive. Once we arrived back at my house, he didn't come inside with me or even walk me to the door. I realized how far apart we'd already drifted. I watched Derek's car disappear around the corner as he left my neighborhood. The sun was going down and I paused for a few seconds to admire the red and purple streaks across the sky. Deciding I needed a relaxer, I jogged upstairs and threw on a tank top and sweatpants and flopped down on the couch to watch TV. Halfway through a rerun of a Spanish soap, my phone started vibrating off the cushion.

"You rang?" I answered Monica's call.

"I did." She sounded anxious.

I attempted to pull my hair into a loose ponytail with one hand while I held the phone in the other. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you. It's important."

That's just what I needed. Something else to worry about. I automatically assumed it had something to do with Derek. Had they spoken about our situation?

"I don't think I can handle much more bad news," I groaned. "I just got back from dinner with Derek and that didn't go too well."

"What?" Monica sounded surprised that Derek and I had gone out. "You have to tell me all about it when I get there. I'm heading your way right now but I'm kind of stuck in traffic."

I could hear horns honking in the background and figured she was on the interstate. All the highways around Chicago would be congested about this time.

"Just please tell me you have good news," I begged, crossing my fingers she'd say yes.

"Um," she hesitated like she was trying to decide if it was good or bad. "I think it depends on how you take it."

"Great," I sighed. I was expecting the worst. "I'll see you in a little while then?"

"About twenty minutes."

We hung up and I laid back down on the couch, waiting for Monica to show up and dreading her news. I hoped I was worried about nothing and that it would end up being something positive. For all I knew, it might have nothing to do with Nick or Derek. Maybe it was about a case we'd been working on at the firm.

My mind drifted to the files I'd emailed my boss a couple hours ago and I hoped she hadn't taken issue with something I'd written. Claire was an easily angered woman, and I'd already pissed her off with my absence on Wednesday. Maybe this was strike two.

At twenty minutes, almost down to the second, Monica burst through my front door, heels clicking loudly against the floor as she ran into the living room.

I looked at her, worried that she might collapse. "What happened?"

"Nick," she gasped, trying to catch her breath. She'd made a beeline for my couch, running from her car to the living room.

"What about him?" I prayed it wasn't something bad.

"You're not going to believe what I saw!" she said, waving her hands in the air dramatically.

I drew my brows together in curiosity. "What did you see?"

"Nick's not who you think he is!"