I washed my hair, taking all the world's time. My bad habit was, using hotel showers as long as possible, hence I don't need to pay money for showering. But after finding out about climate change and people who don't have the same opportunity, I shortened my water usage in general.

The bathroom hid behind the horizontal wall behind the bed. Being an interior architect means analyzing the room while trying to forget about the pain between my legs.

Black Stones as walls in contrast to the white furniture and green fake plants, which looked a little bit too real.

The glass door slid open and Matteo walked inside, observing me. No clothes covering his body, however, did this not make me horny. What am I feeling? - I don't know by myself.

"Are you just standing there and staring for the whole time?" I quizzed, crossing my arms, until realizing that I was naked as well.

"Your body is a work of art. I'd worship it every day if you'd let me. But no, that's not the reason why I'm here."
He strolled over to me, standing in front of the shower.
"May I join? I can't lay in peace knowing that you limped towards the bathroom and there's this need to give you an aftercare."

"Do you always give women you sleep with aftercare?"
He chuckled, shaking his head, and received a snort from my side, since there was an actual curiosity about this question.
"Honestly, not really. Maybe because I never really had a girlfriend. More like people you were loyal to, but never received the same loyalty back from."

He stepped closer and I scanned him from head to toe. My body gave me a sign, that there was no way, I could stand a second round before fainting.

"I'm sorry, Matteo, I'm not able to do a second round."
"Turn around."
A whimper elicited in protest, yet turned around out of inquisitiveness. I'll dump him into the next trash can if he indecently touches me.

Instead, he pulled my hair back into a sort of ponytail and massaged the remaining shampoo in.

"We don't need to do a second round, I'd rather use this time for taking care of you and ease the pain."

"Thank you, Matteo...But I can shower on my own."
I leaned back, feeling embarrassed about needing his warmth and affection. My action contradicted my disingenuous sentence. This moment of weakness lowered my self-esteem, thinking about not being able to take care of my own. Just like the times, I let my brother care for me and handle all of my problems, not learning how to be strong without him.

"Are you vulnerable?" He asked, carefully washing the shampoo out. "I'm not, I just feel useless."

"You're not useless when you let someone take care of you. I know that you have known me for a short period, but if you want to talk about something, don't be afraid to sit next to me and chat about what bothers you. I genuinely am willing to listen and get to know you better. We just had sex and are working together, that's why I want to learn about you even more. Learn about every flaw and scar you have."

I barely heard his voice over the water streaming and noticed tears welling in my eyes.

"I appreciate that you're willing to hear me out, really. If you want to talk about something as well, just tell me."

Matteo grabbed after cherry-flavored bathing foam. I spun around, as he rubbed his hands together turning the glibber substance into foam.

"I will. But my life was just fine when you came, seriously."

He started soaping my shoulders with eyes full of an emotion I had never seen for six years. Deep affection and care. And that from a person, I never thought would give. Life holds the most surprising and turning twists.

But we will never be a thing. A busy CEO who works with too many people and a simple interior architect with commitment issues but desperately wants a lover.

"Where are you going after we're finished with the office?" I tried to reconstruct the question: 'Will we ever meet again?' in the best inconspicuous way possible.
We have approximately one more month and I don't want it to end. Luxury and traveling excited me the most back then, however, did I realize how his presence was more valuable than materialistic things.

I could buy new dresses any day of the week but not time with Matteo.

"I don't know yet because I didn't get any groundbreaking news of my other offices, but probably back in California since my main house is there."

I let out a relieved sigh at his answer and the feeling of his hands on my waist, rubbing the foam gently in. His fingers traveled up my belly, continuing with my breasts. Although, there wasn't heat pooling between my legs or electricity rushing through my veins. A warmth, that was gifted to my whole body, noticing how his touch can make me feel both ways.

"Did I hurt you?" He questioned, kissing my forehead.
"I still don't know how it fits, but it was perfect, don't worry, okay?"
He grabbed after the shower head, washing everything off.

"I'll always worry about hurting you in any way."
Sadly meant those words were nothing to me and passed them as empty promises.

"I'll never hurt you, pequeña mariposa. You're safe with me and I'd never lay a hand on you."
- My brother before he nearly choked me to death the same evening.

Not for the first time and yet I still hoped he would change and leave the drugs behind. He forgot everything afterward and my mother warned me to not tell him about anything he had done to keep everything peaceful.

"You can't hurt me worse than my brother did, there's nothing to worry about."
A line appeared between his eyebrows, turning the water off only for me to turn it back on.

"It's my turn to wash you," I demanded, grabbing after his shower gel. Suddenly, he got nervous trying to turn away. "I can do it by myself."

"Me too, yet I still let you clean me up."
He bit his bottom lip in frustration, seeming anxious. I already saw his body, why does he think I'll judge?

"I don't know why you're anxious but your body is beautiful."
"It's not that I'm insecure about my body it's just that..."

My gaze traveled down and I shook for a second. A deep scar displayed on his thigh, promising an event full of agony and possible trauma.

"What happened?" I wanted to hit myself for being so insensitive. How could I think he was just embarrassed when he already showed his abs and most of his body except that scar?

"I don't want to talk about it...Another time, yeah?" I kissed his chin and started rubbing his arms with gel. "You can always come to me and tell me about it. I won't judge, you know."

"Just don't touch me there." The warmth from earlier left after his harsh words, however, did I respect his needs and let him wash himself there.
He grimaced as his fingers grazed over the healed scar. From the outside, it seemed to be healed and under the skin, everything was messed up and broken.

I know, how much he suffers. Scars don't always necessarily mean to look intermediating to destroy a person's life. They can be even invisible but hurt as much as a real one. Mental scars destroy you as much as physical ones.

And from what I can define, is that Matteo is deeply traumatized by even thinking of it or looking.

As soon as he was done I hopped off the shower, blow-drying my hair and adding skincare after. He did the same routine, staring lost at his reflection in the mirror, maybe to check if he was even real.

"You're strong, Matteo. You handle it so well and I'm proud of you." I cupped his cheek with my hand and he gave into it, yawning slightly.

"Someone's tired?"
"Hmh."

After I changed into comfortable pjs, he picked me up, carrying me to the bed. "Will we sleep together in one bed? I thought we had another one behind the wall."

"No. Behind the wall is a changing room. If you want, I can sleep on the ground."
"Are you insane, Matteo?"

He shrugged, climbing onto the other side of the bed. "You told me, that you hate sleeping with other people in one bed."

"Maybe I can make an exception if you don't snore or kick in your sleep."

Matteo laughed, laying on his back with his hands intertwined on his belly.
"I hope so."
Unintentionally, I copied his movement, looking at the ceiling. It reminds me of my childhood when I stared for hours at the ceiling, covered in a blanket, thinking it would be heaven. My father painted mine in Brasil as a sky with a pastel blue and cotton as clouds.

When we moved to San Jose our house was different. Lifeless and empty, yet still full of decoration.

Gabriel was the only reason why I felt nothing, staring with my bruised body at the ceiling.

'He was very dear to me'.
Fuck this lie, he was more than dear. He meant the world to me. He healed me and still extinguished me at the same time and all that's left of him now, are meaningless memories.

Hostility can blind you and see only the negative aspects of a person. However, I could name some positive ones. Regardless, I can't and won't catch myself doing so.

God is the only one who helped me through everything. I wasn't religious, because my brother was and I always questioned God's loyalty if he respects Gabriel's behavior and considers him Christian. Today, the situation is different, and a prove to me how forgiving the Lord is.

I thanked him in my head for everything I've received and good in this day and how the negative thoughts are getting less and less in Matteo's presence.

Matteo turned on his side, slipping his hands under the pillow.
"Are you praying silently?"
"Yes."

He grinned. "I thought I was the only one who does so."
"Back then in my home, the walls were so thin, that everybody could hear you even whispering. Nobody should listen to my prayers. Especially those who hurt me."

He nodded, stroking my cheek and tucking a loose strain behind my ear.
"He is omnipresent," I added and Matteo laughed.
"I hope he didn't see what I've done some minutes before."

I rolled my eyes, moving closer to him with a rapid heartbeat and his pupils widened.
"Usually, I pray for other people and not myself. For example, my sister, because...Well...That isn't something I'm supposed to tell you, since it's pretty private. If you're interested you should ask her by yourself. Luckily, she's recovering right now and Leon is helping her through it."

"I'm happy that she's feeling better again and that Leon is such a supportive fiancé. I didn't expect that to be honest."

"Leon is full of surprises...Literally..."

I snickered and without thinking properly about my next movement, my face was pressed into his chest, and arms around him.

"I love learning about you, Lara." He admitted, wrapping the blanket around me.

"You're quite interesting by yourself." This 'quite' is an understatement.

"And oh, by the way, the windows are indeed tinted."
"Thank God."
"There's no way, I'll let anyone see you like that."

I hesitated, trailing my fingertips over his smooth skin, covered by goosebumps.
"So you are serious about this possessiveness?"

He shook his head. "I was a bit too desperate, I'm sorry. You can do whatever you want, of course, I'm not a control freak."

"You better be, since we aren't even dating."
"Right..."
The simple word sounded forced and unconvinced.

"You remind me of him," Matteo whispered, chafing my shoulder blades.
"Leon?"
"No, my aforementioned best fri..."
His sentence stopped, probably thinking about something.

"Did you get to know him in Puerto Rico?"
"No. It doesn't matter. We used to be business partners before I found out, that he was a jerk and he acted exactly like you. He was sometimes grumpy and impulsive, however still the best person I've ever known. Smart and in general a good friend and listener."

Now I want to get to know this bizarre guy even more. Why is his company like that and what happened between him and Matteo?

"You also remind me of the good side of a certain person."
"Then we have something in common."